Humans are meaning-making machines. We all have ups and downs, but what makes most things truly feel bad is the meaning we attribute to an event. Viktor Frankl argued that between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies our freedom. It’s in that gap, between what happens and what we decide it means, where everything changes.
If we have an argument and think it means the person will leave us, it's a lot more stressful than viewing it as a disagreement that can deepen understanding and strengthen the relationship. If we experience a rejection at work, instead of deciding it means we hold no value and can't live out our dream, what if we recognized that this particular door is currently closed? It changes our next steps but it doesn’t stop us from moving forward. When we drop our groceries and our eggs crack and we jump to a narrative about how nothing in our life goes right, ever…that's the meaning talking. Not the eggs.
Perspective is a powerful tool to stop you from spiraling. Remember that most things aren’t permanent. That there is an after, even if it looks different from what you initially wanted or expected. Your life is bigger than a single moment or event. You decide what happens next.
The meaning you assign to a moment is not the truth of it. It’s just the first draft. And you’re always allowed to revise. When you start to spiral, ask yourself: what meaning am I attributing to this conversation, this setback, this delay? Is it actually true? Or is it just the story your mind reached for first?
Think of a moment that felt disproportionately painful. What meaning did you attach to it?
What story have you been telling yourself about a setback or failure that needs a revision?
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