Welcome to Sex and Style, where we pick up where sex-ed left off. Written by Certified Sexologist Sarah Ward, this newsletter delivers weekly tips on embodied erotic reclamation, nervous system attunement, and the healing power of pleasure — straight to your inbox.
In case you were wondering what the summer sex trend is for 2026, renown Sex Columnist Dan Savage has spoken. This is the summer of hand stuff > mouth stuff.
Listen, you might be writing off handjobs because it reminds you too much of fumbling under the bleachers in the 10th grade (or grade 10, for my Canadian friends).
Your hands are the ultimate sex toy. Most people have two and when you learn to use them properly, you won’t need to order a fancy, expensive vibrator that needs to be charged — often at the most inconvenient times when you need it most.
Guess what? National Handjob Day is Tuesday, July 21st so it’s only fair that we all commit to giving a handjob — even if that’s to yourself.
In case you’re wondering whether fingering counts as a handjob, I was, too.
Fingering — the act of pleasuring a vulva, which includes putting finger/s inside the vagina — is its own category, although it exists underneath the pleasurable umbrella of manual stimulation.
If you’re wanting more creativity in the bedroom, using your hands will get you the most bang for your buck. There’s so much more that we can do with manual stimulation than with a tongue or a penis.
Manual stimulation is where women and vulva owners get the most pleasure. A 2018 study shows that only 18.4% of women orgasm reliably from penetration alone. But every woman and vulva being is capable of orgasming from the clitoral stimulation that happens during fingering.
But back to handjobs. Here’s three things that can amplify your HJ experience — whether you’re the giver or the receiver.
01.
Don’t start with the genitals. Warm up those hands and start to run your hands over the whole body to help awaken sensation. Then, give some special attention to the lower abdomen, pubic bone and inner thighs before going downtown.
This helps with attunement, establishing safety and readying the body to receive.
02.
Have a bottle of lube at the ready. There’s three types of lube, so pick your poison: water-based, silicone, or oil. Water-based feels the most like natural lubrication, but needs to be reapplied often and can feel sticky. Silicone and oil last longer, so one of these may be your best bet for a handy.
If you’re new to lube (and listen, spit is sexy… but it isn’t gonna cut it where we’re going) coconut oil is a cheap and easy option that tastes and feels good. During the hot months of summer, it may even melt on its own.
If you go for oil based, lay down a towel or a Splash blanket on the sheets so they don’t stain.
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03.
Use both hands. Try the waterfall: Starting with one hand at a time, stroke in a downward motion from the tip to the base, then alternate hands and repeat in a waterfall motion.
Or, have one hand at the base while you stroke the shaft or head with the other.
Or, explore the taint or perineum — that nerve-packed area between the balls and the anus — while the other hand massages the cock or balls.
The possibilities are endless.
PS: Just in case you were curious — I will not be the one personally dispensing handjobs on Tuesday!
If this has you inspired to brush up on your handjob skills, don’t miss my upcoming class, How to Give Unforgettable Handjobs on Thursday, August 13th at 5pm PT / 8pm ET. Even if you can’t join live, you can submit questions in advance and tune into the replay.
Join for $27, or become a Portal member for $47/mo, which gets you access to three live events per month, plus all the replays. Bonus: A Portal membership includes both you and your significant other.
How to Give Unforgettable Handjobs
Sex and Style is a love letter to the body, written by Sarah Ward, Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex Coach & Wardrobe Stylist. She helps people reclaim pleasure, presence, and style — fully clothed and beyond. Based in Albuquerque, NM, she works with clients worldwide.
Let’s get you dressed. And undressed.
If you’ve been looking for ways to experience more pleasure or feel more connection with your partner, reach out! I’d love to support you in your expansion.
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