A Look Back, A Step Forward

Sometimes, it’s worth taking a moment to pause and look back. The following blog post was written in December 2021, during a period of personal reflection and growth. It was the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice, and I found myself at a turning point internally as well. Back then, I spent a lot of time thinking about fear, courage, and the process of personal development—topics that still resonate deeply with me today.

As I re-read this post, I realize how relevant those thoughts remain even now. While much has changed since then—both in my life and within myself—the sense of continuous learning and growth has stayed with me. The path I described in 2021 is far from complete, but I have continued on it and learned a lot along the way.

That’s why I’m sharing this post with you now. As a starting point, as a reminder that the journey of growth takes time—and that courage and strength come to us in many forms. I hope this post inspires you to continue on your own path with confidence.

Here I am, sitting in my bed. A glass of red wine on my nightstand next to me.
It’s Tuesday, December 21st, 9:32 PM, to be exact.
It’s the day with the fewest hours of sunlight. The "shortest day" of the year. Winter has just begun in the Northern Hemisphere.

I had set myself the goal of writing a blog post. The deadline is midnight tonight. Feel free to guess when I started typing the first word.
Yep, you guessed right – just a few minutes ago. Last minute.

And then my carousel of thoughts kicks in, filled with self-critical words: “Wow, you had five days to write this blog post, and here you are, once again doing everything last minute.” “Why do I always do this?”, “What keeps me from starting earlier?”, or “Is it fear?”, “Fear of failure?”, “Fear of being seen?”, “Fear of success?”, “Fear of WHAT exactly?”, my mind screams. And then, just as quickly, it quiets down.

A calming voice chimes in: “Okay, I think I just need to start. Feel the fear, whatever it may be, and do it anyway.” Like the title of Susan Jeffers' book, a phrase that I feel deeply connected to right now. A book that keeps falling into my hands from time to time. Perhaps it’s time to revisit it.

"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. How to turn your fear and indecision into confidence and action."
Alright, back to the blog post. I wanted my first post to be about the subject of my own inner "bullshit."

What is my own bullshit?

I began the journey of freeing myself from my bullshit some time ago. I’ve been working on it ever since. Day in, day out. 24/7. Bullshit never sleeps. Well, that’s not entirely true. I use sleep as a small escape from my bullshit. It works sometimes more, sometimes less.

My bullshit manifests as a variety of voices in my head. It’s like there’s a giant conference happening with a million main-stage speakers, each fighting to be heard. Some of them try to tell me my truth, others want to protect me by repeating familiar, seemingly safe, old stories. Then there are the voices selling me the biggest lies imaginable. But one thing all the voices have in common is this: They just want to be heard—and more importantly, felt.

Do I believe we can ever completely let go of our bullshit? No.
Do I believe it’s still worth putting in the work to free ourselves from it? Absolutely.

When I reflect on the past year, I can see how much I’ve changed. I see how far I’ve come on my journey. I can truly say I’m proud of who I’ve become this year. I’ve shed so many piles of bullshit along the way.
And yet, those destructive thoughts and voices still linger in my head. There’s that impatient voice, for example, that pops up whenever I want to celebrate something I’ve achieved. Another voice tells me I could’ve taken all these steps much sooner. There are voices judging how fast—or rather, how slow—I’m progressing on my personal journey.

So, how do I deal with those moments?

My current strategy is to notice those voices and really listen to them. I try to invite those parts of myself in, giving them recognition and attention. I try to see them, to hear them. I reflect on what I’ve heard and try to be gentle with myself. But I also work on setting boundaries with those voices. That’s only half the battle, though. I also try, for a moment, to let those voices quiet down and focus entirely on my body. Where am I feeling something? What am I feeling? How intense is that sensation, and can I let it be for just a moment?

In those moments when I manage to be fully present, when I’m truly here with my awareness and attention, I find it easier to navigate life. I can choose whether to believe what I’m hearing and act on it, or if I want to try something new, maybe something unfamiliar. For example, I consciously choose to listen to the inner voices that encourage and support me, giving them just as much attention as the others.

I know that I’m a strong person. I’ve always managed to pull myself out of the darkest holes on my own.
Still, I believe it takes something more than strength to live a fulfilling life. It takes courage.

But what’s the difference between strength and courage? Years ago, when I was looking for a poem to share with my group at the end of my yoga teacher training, I came across a piece titled “The Difference Between Strength and Courage” by David L. Griffith. Much of it resonated with me back then, and it still does today. I’d love to share it with you here:

The Difference Between Strength and Courage
by David L. Griffith

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains,
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

Being courageous means facing your fears and trusting your heart more than your head. It’s a place where we confront our vulnerability and overcome fear with compassion and love.
I’m on my way. And I encourage you to step into your light by being more courageous too. It’s a journey with ups and downs. It’s a process. Let’s trust the process.

Thinking about the seasons again: Although today is the winter solstice (December 21st) and winter officially begins, it also means that from now on, we’ll start getting more sunlight, little by little. From today, it gets brighter!
So, the best time to be a little braver is right now.

Have a beautiful day, and enjoy being a little braver today than you were yesterday.

Sending you all lots of love,
Sarah

As a trauma-informed coach, I gently address past wounds, bring hope to the present, and guide you toward inner transformation. By raising awareness of trauma and its impact, we can approach life with more compassion and ease, embracing it fully.
Check out my Website to see how I can support you. Get in touch.