Update 2026: Over the last few months, as trump and Iran started “negotiating,” I would notice CNI’s 10/4/25 analysis, Negotiating With Narcissists, and wonder how well it matched trump’s expected narcissistic behavior and Iran’s negotiating tactics, since Iran has a 5000-year history of cleverness and djt “can be baited with a tweet.”
Today, for the first time in many months, I reread the piece a few times and was amazed at how precisely the analysis predicted trump’s “negotiation” behavior and how it seems as if Iran has been using CNI as a negotiation playbook for months.
Frankly, I’m mostly sure it is more a matter of Iran using their own psychological experts to tell them how to negotiate with such a transparent narcissist, but…
Regardless, judge CNI’s narcissist prediction abilities for yourself. Only minor changes were made for readability and flow. It’s still a bit long and repetitive, but it’s all so on the mark, reads fast, and the repetitions are things that should be committed to memory for psychological self-defense, so they were left as is for now.
🔮🎯 Here we go!
Negotiating With Narcissists
Just like CNI’s analysis, Malignant Narcissist + Dementia = ?, for absolutely no reason in particular, it seemed like a good time to gain greater clarity on what to expect when negotiating with malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, and what, if any, tactics and strategies are most or least effective in such situations.
Point of caution, clarification, and opportunity: While many lessons can be applied across most of these types of negotiations, to paraphrase Narcissist Collapse Questions, the best tactics and strategies “depend on the narcissist and situation.”
If you find yourself trapped in such negotiations, in order to support the mission and grow the think tank, please consider CNI as a resource for providing psychological insights and intelligence reports when given enough data, time, and $upport.
Who are we really talking about?
Let us be clear on who we are referring to. Malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are people with clinical-level personality disorders.
This means they have “a mental health condition characterized by enduring patterns of thinking, behavior, and emotional responses that significantly impair an individual’s ability to function in daily life. These disorders often lead to distress in personal relationships, work, and social activities and typically require professional diagnosis and treatment.”
As CNI often notes, while there are treatments that can mildly moderate narcissistic personality disorders, there are no effective long-term treatments or cures beyond the margins, and therapy usually does not work for people who must compulsively believe they are infallible superior beings entitled to special treatment.
Sadly, it is often noted that the only thing therapy does for narcissists is it “teaches them how to manipulate the system better.”
Subtle differences among the top of the spectrum
Malignant Narcissists: They are generally known to be extremely grandiose, have superficial charm, be in need of constant admiration due to their insecurities, and have sadistic tendencies.
Disgustingly, hurting others makes them temporarily feel powerful instead of their psychological defaults of weakness, unworthiness, humiliation, anger about it all, and the constant fear of having their dark, tragic, and sad nature be exposed for the world to see.
This is why they are so skilled at manipulating, humiliating, and tricking others with lies. They have likely been doing it most of their lives to avoid dealing with their own issues they can’t handle and to fill a bottomless hole inside themselves where love and human decency should be.
Note: I used to think every clinical-level narcissist below psychopath was almost always the result of trauma, but then I realized a few years ago that at least one person I know was born a malignant narcissist. Thus, I became much more open to the reality that nature plays a much larger role up and down the narcissism spectrum. Thankfully, the science seems to be following the same evolution.
Sociopaths: Personally, I do not see a lot of daylight between malignant narcissists and sociopaths. They both display extreme antisocial behaviors, lack remorse, often act impulsively, use charm to manipulate others, and can easily turn ruthless when challenged or for any reason whatsoever. It is often said they still have consciences, but I have never observed one get in such a toxic predator’s way.
They do seem on average a bit more intense, antisocial, and less grandiose than the malignant narcissists, but the differences are so subtle for our purposes that they barely matter at all.
From a CNI perspective, once someone crosses certain lines into a definition of “evil,” the exact disorder makes little difference, unless you are targeting them specifically. Of course, “the ‘devil’ is in the details.”
Psychopaths: They are similar to sociopaths but are normally more calculated and certainly less prone to emotional outbursts because they generally don’t have the capacity to feel feelings emotionally. They can often understand emotions intellectually and learn to mimic them to fit into society, but that is one of several false charms they develop to appear “normal.”
If we go by the generally accepted 1% of the population being psychopaths, America has roughly 3.4 million domestic psychopaths, and they are known to naturally gravitate to jobs that give them money and power, such as CEOs, religious leadership, and politicians. Is that mind-blowing enough for you?
Perhaps the most important factor for psychopaths is whether they grew up in loving and structured households or in abusive situations. Love and structure help psychopaths become prosocial and live relatively productive lives, while those who are abused can go very dark, because they have no conscience to help them process or moderate their trauma.
Organized and disorganized are two other key distinctive features of psychopathy. There appears to be a significant difference in the family stability component between organized and disorganized serial killers, which makes perfect sense.
Logic would dictate that there is truth to these dynamics among the vast majority of psychopaths who are not serial killers as well, because as conventional wisdom suggests, organized psychopaths usually come from stable backgrounds and exhibit more prosocial skills, while disorganized psychopaths usually experience neglect or abuse, often leading them to more disordered thinking, poor social skills, and sexual incompetence.
For some reason this makes me think of all the self-declared faux Alpha males who think women should just submit to them. This attitude certainly does fit the pattern of disordered psychopathic thinking, poor social skills, and sexual incompetence. 🤔
In very basic terms, the vast majority of psychopaths are born without a fully wired, connected, and/or developed brain, while sociopaths are considered to be born with a normal brain that appears to rewire due to massive psychological trauma. A trauma that normally, but not always, occurs in early childhood, making them, in a way, virtual psychopaths. However, as noted, it is now accepted that some brains are born narcissistic or sociopathic, or at least are born more vulnerable to traumatic rewiring.
Regardless, none of these brain issues are the individual’s fault, and they deserve some understanding, but we who aspire to civil societies must also protect ourselves from the dark impulses of a dangerous few with these types of narcissistic disorders, because they will be our mad, cruel, and sadistic kings if we allow them to be.
Bottom line: The vast majority of malignant types with the above disorders lack empathy and consistently engage in manipulative, dishonest, cruel, and completely self-serving behaviors.
Therefore, if you must negotiate with a narcissist to ever produce any positive results or for anything to go as promised, it is essential you have a solid understanding of their traits (or someone on your side who does) and lawyers who do as well. That way, you can be more sure you have them both contractually and psychologically locked down to their “commitments.”
The fact is, one must always remember that the narcissist you are forced to deal with is usually only negotiating as a delaying tactic to gain a stronger position and will jump ship on fulfilling their end of any bargain as soon as they can get everything they want from you at your expense.
Frankly, the norm is that they have a predatory and/or insecure compulsion to relentlessly do more self-serving, nefarious things behind curtains of lies, because being pathological means they cannot stop going after what they want, crave, or think they need until stopped.
In the understatement of the year, several of the commentaries I read on the subject said something to the effect of, “The shared traits of malignant types of narcissists make negotiations challenging.” Challenging, you say? That’s a 3 out of 4 Pinocchio lie of omission.
Negotiating with narcissists
As most with a basic understanding of malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths will know, having to negotiate with them can be challenging at the best of times, due to their disorders making them naturally manipulative, dishonest, and ruthless in almost every word and deed.
The primary reason negotiating with someone who is so pathologically (maladaptively and compulsively) selfish, greedy, insecure, fearful, and/or operates with little to no guilt, regret, remorse, or conscience is so fraught with frustration and peril is because it is a certainty that only the firmest of barriers and consequences will come close to ensuring they ever honor what they negotiated.
In fact, a fundamental rule of understanding malignant types of narcissists is to know that they will always serve themselves first, last, and always at every opportunity. That is why, since 2016, it has been easy to say with total confidence that nearly 100% of the time about certain political figures, “If it’s dirty and evil, they are doing it.”
Ergo, if you are negotiating with one of these toxic predators, you must understand you are negotiating with someone who will almost always try to play dirty and evil and will take every opportunity, loophole, and slimy path to do so, unless you can totally box them in so they must comply. Remember, these are people who have no pesky conscience or morals to get in their way.
Overview of basic tactics and strategies
There are fundamental requirements to help you succeed in pulling off a positive negotiation with one of these psychic vampires.
First and foremost, it is important to remain calm, cool, and collected because these types of emotional abusers are heat-seeking missiles for any perceived weakness they can exploit to their advantage or just for predatory fun.
Secondly, you must set clear, firm, and enforceable boundaries so you can focus on your goals and avoid getting triggered by their endless mind games.
Prepare: Once again, understanding the specific psychology of who you are dealing with and what they crave or what motivates them is a key to having a chance at a successful negotiation with a narcissist. Usually to accomplish such a feat, it takes extensive research, a powerful army, or a big group of skilled lawyers standing behind you, or all of the above.
Of course Counter-Narcissism research is more preliminary work and cost, but it will pay huge dividends in time and frustration saved because ideally you should be able to see their behavior patterns and anticipate their moves, saving you mountains of time, energy, and any false hopes put into clearly doomed psychological non-starters.
For example, you should know no matter what they say, they will never uphold their end of the bargain if they are not forced or highly incentivized to do so. Why should they when they have no morals or conscience telling them to do the right thing?
Have firm, clear goals: As the psychology begins to confirm, narcissists are extremely slippery and elusive in negotiations, so to achieve what you want or need, you must have clear goals and be resolute in standing firm on these main issues.
Otherwise, when the narcissist sees that they can talk you out of one main goal, they become certain they can keep grinding you down until you get nothing and they get everything. Remember, for these insecure egomaniacs, everything is seen in win-or-lose terms, which is another reason they are almost impossible to negotiate with.
Keep your emotions in check: As noted above, and worth repeating, during negotiations it is normally key to keeping them on track by staying like a calm gray rock the entire time. Otherwise, they will think they have discovered an emotional weakness to prey on, which are wounds these psychic vampires excel at opening.
It is in fact jarring how easily they attack any true weakness, “lie like breathing” over any half-truth, or even when their “facts” are completely made up in their head. Therefore, you must be sure not to let them distract you from the main purposes of your negotiations.
Establishing boundaries: Another fundamental rule worth repeating is establishing boundaries. As with an out-of-control child, you need to be clear about what behaviors are unacceptable, and once again, as during the entire negotiations and forever after, you must stand firm.
To do otherwise is to send a message to the narcissist that it is time to try to manipulate and/or intimidate again, which can often take you right back to square one. Generally, if you do not provide narcissists the trauma supply they crave, they will look elsewhere.
However, it is so important to remember that narcissists have zero respect for unenforced boundaries or minor consequences, so if boundaries and consequences do not stop them and their abuse is affecting your mental health, ideally you can walk away with little to nothing lost.
Of course, in a perfect world, you never let them see you sweat and tell them to get back to you when they have a serious (and enforceable) offer. It will drive them crazy if you do that, because then they will at least subconsciously know their antics failed them, and it may actually work in getting them to give you a serious offer, because most cannot psychologically admit they ever failed at any negotiation.
Essentially, sometimes agreeing to your terms and getting a lot less than what they wanted is far better for their psyche than everyone knowing they are a loser who talks a big game but never accomplishes anything positive for anyone but themselves.
Logic and common sense: It is crucial to stick to logic, facts, and common sense arguments, but at the same time know you are dealing with someone who rarely maintains such standards, so you should always dismiss any criticism for an occasional mistake or error from a 24/7 liar.
Another form of flawed emotional thinking is when someone ignorant of a malignant type’s predatory nature makes an emotional appeal, because it will never work. All it does is reveal an emotional weakness or a vulnerability for them to use against you.
Closing the deal: When they are ready to close the deal, you need to be very cautious because they will generally never agree to anything that they don’t believe is to their complete advantage.
Therefore, you must make sure all the i’s are dotted and the t’s are crossed and there are zero loopholes that allow them to weasel out of whatever they agreed to, because you can take it to the bank that they will weasel virtually every single time if allowed.
One must also greatly consider the micro- and macro-repercussions of the agreement, because they are likely only agreeing to terms due to ulterior motives. In fact, you can almost always count on that regardless.
Document everything: As noted in CNI’s Counter-Narcissist Intelligence in Action - Where to Start with Red Flags, you need to keep good records of all agreements and communications, because the narcissist’s ability to deny things that are provable is bottomless, so you can imagine how they will treat any claims you later make but cannot prove.
Indeed, documentation will often be one of your most powerful weapons in future disputes, just as it was for me in dealing with the above “Red Flags” incident at an Airbnb. In that case, documenting and reporting potential warning signs to the manager the first time made it easier for them to believe me and have the narcissist removed after a second incident.
Conclusions
Understanding the psychology of malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths and the traits they share is crucial for effective negotiation. However, one needs to go in with eyes wide open and be clear that even reasonable exchanges and agreements will usually end up being an evil gaslighting clown show.
Non-normal negotiations are inevitable because people with these disorders lack empathy, are 100% selfish, and compulsively engage in manipulative, impulsive, and cruel behavior and get off on doing shocking things to exhaust and wear you down.
No doubt the tactic of getting people to give up and essentially giving them everything they want just to make them stop has worked for them before, because it is pretty much a go-to move of all narcissists.
Therefore, before anyone wastes their valuable time, energy, or personal capital on trying to negotiate with malignant narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths, at a minimum they must understand that effective strategies for traditional negotiations, such as trying to find a mutually beneficial compromise, do not apply, because people with these personality disorders have a win-at-all-costs compulsion.
More specifically, one must give up the idea of negotiating with a fair resolution in mind because the narcissist will never give you that unless you trick them or have the power to force them to accept and meet your terms.
Other definite keys include limiting your exposure and interactions, keeping your emotions flat, and keeping meticulous records, and definitely protect your private information, because they will use it against you if they can.
God forbid narcissists in government or companies run by them acquire everyone’s private government information to use against us, huh, maga?
Essentially, negotiating with malignant narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths requires careful preparation, emotional control, and a well-developed strategy to succeed, and within that strategy, one needs to focus on managing expectations and interactions to protect oneself and achieve one’s goals.
Again, perhaps the most important thing is deciding at what point you will know you are wasting your time so it is time to walk away.
Otherwise you are almost certainly just setting yourself up for extra days, weeks, and months of an emotional roller coaster of hurt, trauma, and abuse that accomplishes nothing and likely leaves you worse off than before.
Hopefully you are able to follow one of CNI’s highest recommendations, which is to only take on narcissists at a time and place of your choosing, because they are always trying to drag others onto their psychologically disordered battlefield.
As the old George Bernard Shaw saying goes, “I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”
Ultimately, to achieve your goal, you must minimize the harm that can be done to yourself and others, have a mechanism that holds the narcissist’s feet to the fire if they do not comply, and then have the ability to disengage completely, or as much as possible given the circumstances.
Otherwise, you will be endlessly forced to deal with the fact that narcissists relentlessly keep trying to renegotiate everything to get more for them and less for you until their last breath. It is essentially an addiction to selfishness, greed, and wanting more of everything.
This is why negotiating with these damaged people is such a high-risk activity, where the goal is often more damage control than searching for a beneficial outcome.
To semi-paraphrase what Ronald Reagan said about his negotiations with the Soviet Union over nuclear weapons reductions, when you are negotiating with narcissists, “Don’t trust and verify,” because if it’s dirty and evil, they are doing it or trying to do it.
Malignant types behave completely self-servingly in all aspects of life, so negotiations are no exception. Just know we can often best them with the effective utilization of Counter-Narcissism-type tactics and strategies, but we humans as a species are far behind in knowing how to identify our societies’ most toxic abusers and how to use their narcissism against them to stop their abuse and destruction of our world.
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