When it’s out of your hands...

My first rule for any good party is that you’ve gotta have a theme.

So naturally, when I told my friend Brie that I wanted to host a party to celebrate her birthday, the first thing I did was give her a few themes to choose from.

She chose Amalfi at Sunset.

And since I’m basically incapable of doing things halfway, especially when it comes to parties, I may have gone a little overboard.

There were lemons everywhere. Blue and white dishes. Cafe lights and lots of candles. Fresh flowers. Aperitivo and homemade sourdough focaccia. A spritz menu for cocktail hour, followed by a four-course Italian dinner with wine pairings for each course.

I spent weeks planning every little detail. The decor. The drinks. The food. The live music. I researched the best Italian wines and had menus printed and spent two days cooking.

And I loved every minute of it. Truly.

Because honestly there’s nothing I love more than creating beautiful and memorable experiences for the people I love.

And my vision for this party was a relaxing evening of simply savoring really good food while in the company of great friends, one of those magical nights where everyone is relaxed and comfortable and happy to just be together.

To make it happen, I decided to enlist the help of my teenage daughters (and one of their friends) as our servers for the evening. I told them I would prep everything ahead of time, and then leave them detailed instructions (and post-it notes) for how to prepare and serve each course.

That way I would be able to sit and enjoy the meal with all my guests.

I thought it would be easy. I think they did too.

Which is probably why they rolled their eyes when I handed them my 17 pages of notes. (Though in hindsight, it may have been a little excessive.)

Suffice to say, there were a few hiccups.

They ran out of salad during the first course and had to scramble to make more. The timing between courses got a little off. The wine pairings weren’t always quite right.

But overall, they actually did a really great job.

Even if they were flustered behind the scenes, they didn’t let it show.

And no one cared that it wasn’t perfect.

Because it was exactly what it needed to be. Lots of laughs. Flowing conversations. Good food. Good wine. A night to just savor.

And I think in the end, that’s a little bit how life works too, isn’t it?

We do our homework.

We make the plans.

We agonize over the details.

We try to account for every contingency.

But at some point, we have to let go and just let it happen.

At some point we have to decide to actually enjoy the fruits of our effort.

Or to trust that someone else can handle it.

Marcus Aurelius wrote, “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Along those same lines, Epictetus taught that “some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us.”

In other words? We can’t control everything.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of my life believing that if I just work a little harder, prepare a little better, or think through one more scenario, I’ll somehow be able to control what happens next.

Sometimes that’s true.

Preparation matters.

But eventually, every single one of us arrives at a place where preparation has done its job. Where gripping tighter won’t make the dinner any smoother. Where worrying harder won’t give us answers any faster. Where all we can do is trust that we’ve done what we can—and that somehow, that will be enough.

And I guess that’s my challenge for you this week, for whatever it is you’re carrying. To ask yourself whether you’ve reached the point where you need to stop trying to control the outcome and trust that you’ve done enough.

Maybe there’s at least one thing on your plate right now that you’re trying to control down to the last detail, whether it’s a project, a plan, or a moment. But do the part that’s actually yours to do. Then let go of the rest, even if it’s a little messy.

You did the hard part already. So go enjoy the party.

Live with purpose, friend, and have an amazing week!

xoxo, Ruth

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