The Gentle Art of Being Wrong

I made a BIG mistake yesterday. The worst kind. It involved someone else’s wellbeing.

It caused them harm.

Of course, when you experience RSD triggers ALL mistakes are ‘Big’ mistakes (yes, capital ‘B’ big).

But you know what? It wasn’t intentional. It came from an effort to help, to make better, to get them to see the possibilities available.

And still, it caused anguish.

I’m not going to go into detail here because, like every single trigger that arises from RSD, it doesn’t actually matter what it IS, it matters what we DO in response to that trigger.

Let me describe the merry-go-round that ensued once ‘I realised’:

Each scene played back, large, separately, flashing before my eyes; separated from the context. This ensures that I make sure I’m DEFINITELY wrong. That each interaction is de-humanised and I have to watch each misstep writ large on the screen of my mind.

The pain ensues. As the vagal nerve tightens its grip on every corner of your body, you feel encircled by a prison of pain. The urge to escape your very own body ensues.

In order to escape, we begin the cycle of ‘proving’ and ‘disproving’. The judge and jury have arrived in town and they’re out for blood…mine or someone else’s. It goes like this: “Who do you think you are? You shouldn’t be here”; “Why couldn’t they JUST LISTEN”. “I know what I’m talking about, how could they BE so irritating?”

Now comes the important bit. THE POLARITY. We zip from one side of the line to other: Why I’m not wrong and why they MUST be wrong.

Why must THEY be wrong? Because our very survival depends on it. Inside of us we have a very deeply embedded belief. One we never look at. One we often don’t know is there. What is it?

Nothing less than that WHO WE ARE; our very deepest self…

Is. Wrong.

There, I’ve said it.

And this RSD battle of ‘proving and disproving’ is a tooth-and-nail battle to hide the truth from ourselves. This truth that would destroy our very existence.

But you see it’s a lie. It can’t be true. That self that believes they are wrong is the very same self that came into this world a tiny baby; that is inescapably lovable.

Somewhere along the line, we confused what we DO with WHO WE ARE.

And there is a simple way to undo this. And, as with the everything ‘RSD’, addiction is in play. Addiction to what? To proving and disproving. To ‘believing’ that our deepest self CAN be wrong and hiding it from ourselves.

So it’s simple, but not easy.

When we find that we are putting ourselves and the world on trial in an effort to prove our right to exist we can do one thing:

We can accept accountability.

This does not involve telling anyone at all that we are wrong; it doesn’t involve ‘telling’ ourselves that we are wrong.

It means stepping into a new space of being. One that we have rarely (and probably not ever if you experience RSD triggers) inhabited. The space of being wrong.

This is what I did yesterday. I physically stopped fighting the sense that I had made a mistake. I said to myself:

‘Yes. I open my body to the experience of being wrong.

I could have done better; but I didn’t.

There may be consequences for me, for others, and I claim that.

I commit to repairing what can be repaired. I own my choices.

I acknowledge that mistakes are an integral part of life: unavoidable

Paradoxically, that doesn’t mean they’re ok; it means I have to acknowledge them to myself and then mend where possible and/or appropriate”

But more important than these words (the words are just a door) was the full acceptance with my body that:

• Life is messy sometimes

• Sometimes we don’t know how things will turn out

• Through no fault of our own we can cause harm

• That I can still exist, own the ground under my feet, when that happens

And with this a deep appreciation and love for my own limited, human capacity occurred. And those RSD triggers STOPPED.

I became what my whole system was wired never to experience: The gentle art of being wrong

And with that I came to fully realise that who I am, who you are, never can be wrong

If this article has resonated with you, please consider sharing it where it might do the most good. Accurate understanding of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria isn’t just important — it can be life-changing. Too often, misinterpretation leads to misunderstanding, stigma, or worse, people feeling stuck and alone.

By sharing this, you help bring clarity to a hidden struggle and support others on their path to healing and hope.

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