Shade-bathing
When my daughter was growing up, and we lived with a lot of animals, we had a vet called Nelson. One day, according to the person with whom he lived, he disappeared unexpectedly. They found him hours later in one of their horse fields, fully clad and wrapped in a blanket, lying on the grass. When asked what he was doing, he said ‘Sunbathing, obviously.’
I recalled this the other day as I was trying to pull a reclining chair (is that middle-aged??) into the shade of that parasol; something I’ve done at every opportunity lately. The main thing that’s really unusual in that for me is not the seeking shade, in this crazy heatwave #5 or is it #6, but the fact that I’ve given myself time out – resting time to do this. I simply don’t do that – far too much to do, always, in the life we have committed to here where we are close to self-sufficient in the plant crops that make up the bulk of our diet; and far too much about which I’m enthusiastic.
Thing is, I’ve had to. I had eye surgery the other day, and it gave rise to some complications; with that and underlying glaucoma, getting out of bright light has been essential, especially since at the moment I have almost no sight in one eye (if I don’t post here much this is partly why. And yes it’s scary.) I need to rest, and it’s also hard to do much else. I did however manage to make a carrot cake, and even more importantly find my way to the tin afterwards (recipe in new book).
Shade-bathing in a different way
The thing about resting is that it gives one the opportunity to have the kinds of conversations with the Self (in the Jungian sense: the transcendental overseeing aspect that is nothing to with the personal ego and everything to do with what we might call our spiritual connection to the cosmos and all that is) that it’s easy to overlook in our very busy lives in which we are driven by our personal commitments, daily responsibilities and immediate environment, but is arguably the one conversation which is utterly essential to the life of the soul. After all, how can we have a truly authentic relationship to another if we neglect the one to ourselves? – No, it’s not selfish; it’s crucial for self-awareness.
I have a daily meditation practice but no longer have these kinds of frequent even if brief conversations with myself: the kind in which I look at how I live, the choices I make, the path I’ve taken, what works and what doesn’t, and what I offer to the world.
Jungian James Hollis says: ‘In the end I’m accountable for what enters the world through me,' so to me it’s worth being clear about what that is; about what I’m in service to and of what that service consists; whether I’m happy with it; whether I need to challenge or change it, or bring more personal authority to it; whether it is auto-pilot ‘me’ taking the route of least resistance, and so on.
I have the perfect opportunity now, and it’s not easy. But if I wish to live a deep and authentic life that truly reflects my values there’s not much choice.
I am in the habit of reading symptom as symbol. This can sound, and be, simplistic; but it doesn’t have to be. Eyes? How am I seeing the world? That stumped me for a bit; as a writer and some time painter and someone who loves the natural world and its phenomena I couldn’t imagine that I wasn’t seeing enough or well enough. But – ah! – yes, maybe seeing too much: too much that keeps me awake at night; too much about which I can do nothing. The world is after all full of suffering, and I find it hard not to go there in the middle of the night, visually.
I have had a series of deep wounds the last 16 months, both physical and emotional traumas, and little time to look inwards, to grieve and help heal them. I have lost a lot of strength. My task here might be a) to heal; b) to look at what I want my future to look like, and what might be impeding that on an inner as well as outer level.
Never time wasted, I think; and far too easy to sidestep the hard work that needs to go into it.
I’d appreciate your own thoughts and experiences here, my friends. Do you make time for these inner conversations? How have you turned aspects of your life around if and when you felt it was no longer serving you?
Thanks for reading In the Beautiful Middles of Nowhere: Roselle’s Substack 1! This post is public so feel free to share it.
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