Who do you think you’re talking to?

Do you talk to yourself? Come on, go ahead and admit it. It’s okay because everybody does it. Some people talk to themselves more than others, of course. And, there’s always going to be a few stubborn holdouts that claim they never do it. But we know better.

Self-talking includes lots of different realms, including helping to learn a language and forming memories. It involves personality development, problem solving, brain chemistry and mental health, and the usual passel of myths and misunderstandings.

It’s not true that talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness — but there are cases where it could be. Lots of super intelligent people have done the most talking to themselves, or so biographical studies have revealed. That’s not to say less-gifted individuals like you and me can’t excel at the art of self-preponderance. Lord knows.

All young children, usually between the ages of 3 to 7, do a lot of self-talking. They do it to practice their words and also to declare their new independence from taking instructions only from others.

The key variables about talking to yourself is not how much you do it; it’s the tone and content that matters. Self-scolding or self-putdowns are never very motivating. “Are you listening, you dumb ass?” is something you should never say to yourself. Self-reflections are great but getting into an argument with yourself is as counterproductive as it sounds. (After all, isn’t that what marriage is for?)

Negative self-talk can make someone more depressed or feeling more insecure than they started out to be. On the other hand, pep talks can make a real difference. Lots of pro athletes and other high achievers do it all the time.

Once upon a time, a sports writer was watching the Oakland A’s Hall of Fame ballplayer Rickey Henderson during a game where Rickey seemed to be carrying on a very animated conversation while he was all alone in left field. After the game, the sports writer asked Rickey what he was saying to himself. Henderson protested and told the sports writer that he never talks to himself. He corrected the sports writer and said, “That’s because I never answer back.”

Psychologists have found that actually talking out loud to yourself is more impactful than just silently thinking the same thoughts. An example is when you are looking for your misplaced car keys. Studies prove that when you keep repeating, “Where are my keys?” you will find them sooner than doing a silent search. Counselors and others say talking out loud to yourself helps you form more indelible memories or sets of instructions for future reference.

Also covered within the realm of self-talking is all those inner voices we all sometimes hear, plus those streams of “mental chatter” that can occupy our more private moments. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Why does my brain keep talking to me?” Have you tried to turn it off, only to find that it’s impossible to do?

Maybe you haven’t studied all this self-talking very much. But you should. For instance, when you’re talking to yourself, do you address yourself in the third person, by your name or anonymously? Studies show addressing yourself by your given name makes everything more relaxed and helpful. Psychologists say it’s like having a second person giving you independent advice or encouragement. That sounds like magical thinking, doesn’t it? If you’re being too timid, maybe you should think about speaking up a little louder the next time you go looking for advice or some absolution.

Share Moral Dilemmas: First Drafts & Commentaries

Maybe we all should remember that where and when we choose to talk to ourselves is very important. You probably don’t want to get caught on a crowded elevator talking to yourself. Maybe while you’re in a room by yourself it’s okay to expound on a long narrative or self-conversation. But you don’t want to get caught mid-soliloquy with someone walking into the room and hearing you say, “I told you not to keep picking your buggers and flicking them on the floor.” Or, “Why do you think Prince Charming is still coming to rescue you?”

These days when we’re walking down a crowded sidewalk or similar public setting we seem to see a lot more people talking to themselves. Some get very animated and dramatic about it. But then we notice they are wearing earbuds and are talking into their smartphones. We’ve also discovered that not all of these people are talking to another person. More and more, some of these talkers are actually talking to a chatbot or a Google assistant or someone named Claude or Gemini and not with a fellow human being. Makes us wonder how all that’s going to eventually turn out. Any good guesses?

Not all self-talk is purely logical or reality-based. Some of us routinely engage in self-talk that involves wishful thinking, hypothetical scenarios, and imaginative play. These behaviors aren’t unhealthy, up to a point. After all, talking and using language, including writing or taking notes in a journal, is how we explore our thinking and organize our thoughts. Silently or out loud, language is how we share and catalogue our experiences. It’s kind of like writing code for our brains.

But when someone starts hearing voices or talks out loud to no one in particular and begins to lose control over the words and the instructions, then external warning lights need to start flashing. Studies show that people under extra stress, fatigue or having attention disorders will tend to talk more and try to externalize their thinking. All of that is OK until the inner voices start to take over.

Schizophrenic and some autistic patients not only hear alien internal voices, they also become overpowered by out loud voices they can’t control. These episodes can be associated with “auditory hallucinations” and OCD (obsessive compulsory disorders.) And there are also more severe cases of psychosis and drug-induced stupors and pathological episodes.

Cognitive Behavior Therapists (CBT) often encourage patients to employ self-talking where the aim is to use positive or reinforcing messages to re-interpret a stressful or negative event and change the narrative that, in turn, shapes a more healthy emotional response to a previous trauma or negative pattern of self-talking.

Anybody feeling troubled by the content or control of their own self-talking might consider keeping a written journal as a way of being more reflective about their thoughts. Also, many therapists recommend that people with self-talk concerns try to become more social, less isolated and engage in more person-to-person or small group conversations.

Just to get in the last word on this subject, the best takeaway might be to always pick up the phone when you’re calling yourself. And be polite; that caller happens to be your very best friend.

— Rollie Atkinson

8-16-2026