Natalie Harp, Superstar.

Friday August 21, 2026

The usual avalanche of bullshit was coming so fast and furious today it was almost enough to make us forget about Natalie Harp. HAHAHAHAHA I said almost!!

As a bunch of online wags have noted about this freak, it’s probably only a matter of time until we find a bunny boiling in a pot in the White House mess. The MAGAverse sure seems to have miscalculated trying to gin up faux outrage over Georgia Senator John Ossoff’s mention of Trump “traveling with Natalie,” since now we’ve got wall-to-wall all Natalie, all the time and it is glorious.

The Daily Mirror published a hilarious photo from 2023 of Harp – who was quickly dubbed “Insane Bolt” HAHAHAHA - literally sprinting after Trump’s golf cart on a course in Scotland. CNN interviewed Harp’s estranged brother who attributes Natalie’s politics to their wingnut mother, and says his sister’s “infatuation” with Trump is “unhealthy.” Uh-huh. Trump whisperer Maggie Haberman also popped on to CNN to describe Harp as his “human binkie.” And the Daily Beast, God bless it, has posted in full some of Harp’s letters to Trump, which are absolutely bananas. The letters, excerpts of which had previously been published by the New York Times, were originally given to the author Michael Wolff by a Trump staffer who found them amidst a pile of printouts Harp gave to Trump.

“I never want to bring you anything but joy,” Harp wrote to Trump in one of the missives, “I don’t want to ever let you down.” (I think I just threw up in my mouth.) “Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life.” Not only is this gal batshit, she’s Also DOING the Weird Capitalization TOO. Hey, that was fun!

She tells him she is jealous of women “whose only job seems to be to talk with you and look pretty,” adding “I want that job!”(eeeewwwwww!!!) and beseeches, “When I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more.” Damn, if this doesn’t scream textbook abusive relationship, I don’t know what does.

The loon signed one letter “Always” and the other one “With all my heart,” as one does. I mean who among us hasn’t written such a letter to their boss, right? LOLOL This is some twisted shit.

In non-Harp news, Trump, who is truly less a “president” than a shit-posting troll and an authentically evil bastard, filed an absurd $5 billion lawsuit against the liberal think tank Center for American Progress. Trump, the New York Times reports, is claiming defamation for the Center’s (accurate) report that his maniacal deployment of the National Guard has had a negligible effect on lowering the violent crime rate. Trump’s action is pure harassment, plain and simple, and pretending the First Amendment has somehow been repealed, all because the report contradicted some of his lies. The Center’s president, Neera Tanden, called it what it is: “baseless” and “a transparent attempt to silence us.” For the slow ones in the back, this is called authoritarianism.

Speaking of not being able to handle the truth, the head babyman in the Pentagon today fired the publisher and the editor in chief of the military publication Stars and Stripes, which has had editorial independence from the government forever but which the snowflakes in the regime now consider – wait for it – “woke,” which is their go-to for the truth. The shitcanning, the Washington Post reports, was prompted by the editor in chief, Erik Slavin, having the temerity to tell CBS News in an interview that the publication should be independent for service members and that censorship would be a “red line” for him. That’s it!! To sum up, in response to something to which you and I and any normal person would respond, uh, “duh,” Pull-up Pete screamed “insubordination!!!” I for one sleep better knowing we have a strong secure man like him overseeing our nation’s defense. (Insert head into egg salad sitting out in the sun for a week.)

Meanwhile, to help get a replacement puppet a new Senate term, Trump somehow manages to peel himself away from his “policy meetings” (HAHAHAHA) and decamps to South Carolina tonight to campaign for his former mascot Lindsey Graham’s sister Darline in her runoff against fanatical Trump fanboy Congressman Ralph Norman. Sucks to be you Ralph – that slavish loyalty really paid off huh?

Darline, you’ll recall, has been taking some for admitting - out loud like a moron - in a debate with Norman, that she doesn’t know jack shit about foreign policy. For Trump, of course, this is more reason to support her, since the last thing MAGA wants is a senator who thinks for themselves! Come to think of it, dipshit Darline is actually perfect!!

In fact, on the tarmac at Andrews on his way down south, asked about Darline infamously punting on her debate question about Taiwan by saying, essentially, “I’m an ignorant dope,” Trump says it’s all good: “She is going to do what the military wants, and really what the president wants. She understands that national security is my thing.” Yeah, because he’s doing such a bang-up job.

In an absolutely batshit crazy rally for Darline – about which, as usual, pretty much the only mention of the actual candidate is about him when he says that “Lindsey respected Darline more than anyone, including me, which does not make me happy” yar-yar - Trump says that we have “total control of the Strait of Hormuz” and, in fact, “views it as an American territory now,” (Wheeee!!!!), that we have “the greatest economy in our country’s history,” and that his “poll numbers are great, except for the fake polls.” To be clear, this is certifiably nuts.

I’m old enough to remember – and I know I bring it up incessantly but I can’t stop thinking about it – how, in the days after the 2020 election, Trump’s inner circle convinced the whole GD sick twisted party to “just humor him” for a couple of days in his insane delusion that he actually won so he could get over it slowly. That shit really worked out. Now the whole country is enveloped in his narcissistic psychotic madness. This is some really dark, really horrible stuff.

And, inevitably, it got worse. In the midst of the rally’s nonstop sweaty deranged lunacy, while, insanely, the Kool-Aid drinkers in the venue are cheering for everything that comes out of his anus-shaped piehole, Trump got to his favorite subject, bleating that “The Dumocrat Darlene is running to defeat is a far-left political hack who supports transgender for everybody (here we go!!!! drink!!!!) and believes in telling confused children they’re trapped in the wrong body. By the way, did you notice how that’s changing now? In fact, hospitals now are doing reverse surgery at my order. (Holy shit, make it a double!!! Actually, WTF, a triple FFS!!!) They're doing reverse surgery. Nobody ever heard about it.” Oh. My. God. Jesus take the wheel!!! Nobody ever heard of it because it’s absolutely insane!!! What the hell, maybe he senses a marketing opportunity? If they’re sewing pee-pees back on, perhaps they can call them Trump Dicks, what do you think?

Extra Credit:

While the Orange God King ventured to South Carolina, his reliably repellent deputy
JD Vance showed up in Middletown, Ohio today, ostensibly to deliver a speech on the regime’s failing economic agenda. Yet somehow in 5 seconds he got to their favorite boogeyman Michigan Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed, saying: “I would love to go back in time and tell my papaw that there is a man who claims to stand for working people, who says not only should we have Sharia law, but if you criticize it, you are a white supremacist.” Well, needless to say, E-Sayed said no such thing. Regardless, I would love to go back in time and tell his papaw that JD is an insufferable piece of shit. Does that make us even?

Finally, plumbing new depths of weaseldom, pathetic Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts did his mob boss a solid today, allowing construction to continue “temporarily” on the monstrosity Trump is erecting after illegally demolishing the East Wing of the People’s House. Roberts’ one-sentence unilateral ruling puts the kibosh on today’s deadline, imposed by a lower court, to stop construction until the courts can decide on an emergency appeal in a lawsuit brought by the National Trust for Historic Preservation. The Washington Post reports that Roberts’ administrative stay will likely “remain in effect for a matter of days to give the court time to fully consider the appeal.” What a farce. We know precisely how this will end up. Outgoing White House spokesliar Karoline Leavitt posted today that “President Trump is Right: Judges Can’t Be Construction Foremen.”
But we sure as hell know 6 of the Supremes Can and Will Be Lickspittle Quislings.

Thanks so much for reading and stay safe and healthy everyone!!!
Remember we are not the crazy ones!!