BREAKING! Trump Blames Lincoln for Arms Shortage

The number of subscribers to this publication is growing rapidly, and I am grateful for that. I know there are many publications on Substack that are “must-reads” and most of us have limited resources. I am very much in that category. I really do need to have a much larger fraction of my growing readership become paid subscribers.

So … I request that those of you for whom it would not be a financial burden upgrade now.

“Even before … I think … Sleepy Joe Biden and illegal immigrant Barack Hussein Obama—both of whom are well-known as Never Trumpers—undermined the capacity of the United States to fight a war to close the Strait of Hormuz and make the world safe for Religious Fundamentalist Terrorist Regimes, another anti-American ‘won’ an election through a big hoax and began to end the days when America was great.

This guy — fake history pretends he was good, but all of us who have high IQs know that that’s Fake Olds — was pure evil. He must have been a Dumocrat … hardly anyone knows that there’s a ‘B’ in ‘dumb’ … and they tell me he used an unnecessary second ‘L’ in his name. Anyways, he started a totally unnecessary war … not like the totally necessary war Bibi and Lindsey got me to go into against Eye-ran … to take away the God-given right of white men to own inferior types of people … animals. really … to do the work that would make them the richest class of people on the planet … you know, what America is all about, making the rich richer and richer and richer …

They tell me that this SOB, who was ugly as shit, is even on Mount Rushmore! I want Todd Blanche to have him arrested immediately. He should be sent immediately to Alligator Alcatraz … which I am having renamed Trump Alligator Alcatraz.

Americans are dying today because this extremely WOKE guy wanted to stop inferior people from being held as property. WTF? What’s next — letting them vote? Are you KIDDING me?

I have ordered that this ‘Link-on’ guy … who is also known for logs … be removed from Mount Rushmore and replaced by your favorite president—ME! I have already stopped the penny that I have heard had a picture of him on it … I have never given a shit about who’s on a fuckin’ penny … and I’m going to be on a $250 bill, which is … uh, a billion times more than a penny …”

Mr. Trump went on for another two hours, but you really don’t want to read more of his words, do you?”

{Satire}