Shoftim: Opening the Gates of the Heart

Shoftim, this week’s Torah portion, begins by shifting from detailed descriptions for collective pilgrimage festivals and religious rituals to instructions for establishing a relationship to judging that restores balance within ourselves and our societies. Torah is instructing and advocating for religious and societal systems born from and integrated with openhearted ethical and spiritual values gained from our own journeys to free ourselves from the closed and constricted hearts of enslavement.

The Meaning of All of your Gates

Shoftim opens with an instruction to appoint for ourselves fair, impartial and just judges (shoftim) “at all your gates (shaarecha)”. “All of your gates” is directing us to look deeply at the gates of our heart and to all of our senses. These inner gates create the gates we establish in our societies. Torah is calling on us to examine all the individual and collective ways we constrict, condition, open and close the gates of our eyes, ears, hearts and mind as we go through and make meaning of our life. The walls and boundaries around our hearts and ways of seeing, hearing and understanding each other and the world create the systems we call justice systems, defense systems, political systems, immigration and military systems.

Torah understands that coming into a healthy and just relationship to our internal, relational and societal gates is an ongoing process that will always continue if we are to inhabit a promised land. Today throughout the world we see examples of the ongoing challenging human journey to understand our relationship to the gates of our hearts and societies. In Judaism today one way this continues is the debate over the meaning of “never again.” Does it mean, never again will we allow a genocide of our “own people, “ or does it mean, never again will we allow the genocide of any people? In India, do we close the gates between Hindus and Moslems? In the US does it mean we establish gates to keep out “the other,” because we are locked in and us and them View and fear that "they" will “replace us,” i.e., non Christians and non “Americans,” regardless of the cost to human life and our own souls? When we discover gates within our own hearts, toward ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors, do we accept that as an inevitable condition of life, a necessity for creating safety and stability? Or do we understand this as an imperative to transform?

Restoring Balance, Not Punishing, is the Purpose of Judges and Judging

The Zohar, the foundational text of Jewish mysticism, explains that shoftim, the word Torah is using to signify the judging that establishes our gates, means restoration of balance. The very purpose of the system of judging is to restore balance between compassion and the use of power. Judges and judgment exist to restore the balance that Judaism calls mercy and harmony. The role of a judge, therefore, is to bring everyone and the society into balance and harmony. For each of us on our individual paths, judging arises in us to points us to our own core values that we want to bring into our relationships with ourselves and others. So that we can come into balance together. We want to use our judgments as they arise not to blame or push others away or to deny parts of ourselves, but rather to bring them all in to the balance.

The Torah portion emphasizes this with the instruction to pursue“Tzadek, צֶדֶק , Tzadek, צֶדֶק “. Tzedek is the fundamental ethical value that encompasses morality and righteousness. It is about doing what is right and just, not only for ourselves but also for the entire community of humans. The repetition of Tzedek signifies that we must never stop reaching for greater inclusiveness in our hearts and systems. The repetition signifies that we must work within our own hearts, as well as within our societies and any hierarchies that exist. The repetition underscores again that we are to reach for balance and transform any favoritism or “gathering” so that our hearts open more and more.

The repetition of tzedek, often translated as “justice, justice, ” also translates as “equity, equity” (Tr. Everett Fox). This awakens us to the relational context that values the relative and real time impacts of actions and solutions. We have to “get proximate” to each other, as Bryan Stevenson says. Policy and decision makers must understand the history and conditions of everyone in a system, so that we can create systems that restore balance and bring equity. These aren’t abstract principles: they are living systems that affect life itself.

Torah connects this repetition to the need to look deeply at meaning of impartiality in light of our vulnerability to corruption, bribery, violence and hatred in our world. How can we trust that sharing resources, valuing everyone’s safety, is the way to stability and prosperity when so many can barely fend for ourselves and our families? The messages that educate us and invade our thoughts and perceptions through the media and our traumas reinforce taking sides, picking and choosing and judging who is right and who is wrong. Blame and shame are the meanings baked in to how we understand survival.

Transforming Judgments of those you hold in your heart as “Other”

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a variety of processes and trainings that help us open our eyes and heart, our gates, to recognizing when we close and constrict because our survival experiences and the way our cultures make meaning of them have led us to judge others or parts of ourselves, as less valuable, less human. We call one of these processes “enemy image work” and use this to work with the judgments we carry about ourselves and others that are tragic attempts to heal our relationship with our needs, such as for safety and trust, self-care and truth. We call judgments and enemy images tragic because in the end, strategies and decisions that come from dehumanizing ourselves or others will never meet the life-giving needs for which we yearn. Instead, judgments and actions taken from enemy images lead to separation, breach of safety and trust, and, as we see in the world, often to violence and war.

The remedy offered by both Torah and NVC is to open our awareness to how our personal and collective narratives, our own life experiences, unhealed trauma, the meanings we inherit and make of our struggles, have conditioned us to blame and shame ourselves and others when we feel scared, hopeless, and disconnected. Instead, we can learn ways of sourcing ourselves in Oneness (reconnecting to God in Torah) and interdependence, (using the lens of Nonviolent Communication and Buddhism), to find ways of relating and solving problems that are grounded in universal longings and values all human beings share with all life.

Here are excerpts from an interview with NVC founder Marshall B. Rosenberg on one way we hold onto judgments he called "enemy images” that breed violence and hatred in our world. followed by some practices for you to try out:

Marshall Rosenberg: My trainings are based on an assumption that when we are clear and connected to ourselves, there’s nothing that we like better than to contribute to one another’s well-being. But there are a number of things that can happen that disconnect us from that. So for me, reconciliation is connecting people again so they enjoy contributing to each other’s well-being rather than contributing to each other’s suffering. By “connecting” I mean clearly seeing what’s alive in one another, with no enemy images (emphasis added).

Inquiring Mind: What do you mean by “enemy images”?

MR: If my child is not picking up the room and I say, “You are lazy,” lazy is an enemy image. If my life partner is not meeting my needs for intimacy and I say, “You are insensitive to my needs,” insensitive to my needs is an enemy image. When we say that some people are “terrorists,” that’s an enemy image. Enemy images turn people into things. When we see the other person as a monster, all we want to do is to punish them. This type of language disconnects us from what’s alive in one another, disconnects us from life...

IM: Does the enemy image have more to do with those who perceive it or those it is projected onto?

MR: An enemy image always has to do with the person who perceives it. It’s our thinking, not other people’s behavior, that makes us angry. Angry, judgmental and punitive thoughts are always an expression of our unmet needs. When people are out of touch with themselves they become good slaves to authority: loving women have “no needs” so they sacrifice themselves for their families; brave men have “no needs” so they’re willing to sacrifice their lives for the king or the president. If you want people to be docile and subservient, disconnect them from their needs. This shapes their brains to wonder how others are judging them instead of focusing on how to meet their unmet needs.

https://inquiringmind.com/article/2101_4w_rosenberg-interview-with-marshall-rosenberg-the-traveling-peacemaker/

Practices to Try out:

Transformation of Concepts and Judgments of Others
Letting go of “Enemy Images”

Exercise 1

Step 1: Think of someone who has let you down or did
something that you are angry or disappointed about:

Eg: They didn’t repay money; cancelled plans; or, if you want to apply this in the global situation, they ordered killing and bombing or support a government leader or candidate that you strongly oppose.

Step 2: Now imagine them asking you to make an appointment again or having a conversation to find common ground, or vote for them…..what goes thru your mind? Do you have an enemy image of them?

In pairs or journaling, talk about enemy images you have of this person or people –what are they, where do they come from ( what are the images in your mind), how does it affect you? If you are using these words when you think of them, use the words to connect more deeply with yourself in Step 3.

Step 3: Connect deeply to how you feel because of what you have experienced in relation to this other person. Use these feelings charts to embrace how you feel. Then, rather than blaming them for your feelings (don’t give your power away like that), find the needs of yours that are causing those feelings.

Needs= what you want more of in the world for yourself and to preserve life. These needs haven’t been met for you in relation to this person. In this practice, you identify the needs and fill yourself with the energy of what you are longing for, what is important to you.

Replace the focus on an enemy image of the other person by staying present and focused on your own experience, your own feelings and needs.

Either rest here or try step 4.

Step 4: What do you want to say to them , ending in a request to yourself, to them, to anyone? Use your clarity about what’s important to you as a source of empowerment to affect the world!

Continued Practice with Step 3 above:
Transforming “Non Feeling words”

These are words we habitually use to give voice to our experience. They are easily received ( and arise) as judgments.Think of a time you used these “habitual” or “nonfeeling”words, or they were used toward you- use the earlier list to connect with your feelings and needs behind the messages?

When you connect to the feelings and needs you are hearing or communicating, does anything change for you?

How would it be to encounter everyone without an enemy image? Using feelings and needs to stay present and encounter each other without limiting or judging concepts.

Keep doing the process!

Continued Practice with Step 2 above:

Observing and Connecting with Yourself

Take a few moments this week to watch what triggers you and then to look at what thoughts, ideas, concepts you have about that person or situation that fuels your reaction.

For example, maybe someone in an SUV drove behind you and you felt upset. Examine what ideas, views, and opinions you have about “people who drive SUVS.” Or maybe the person you birthed or are married to triggered some upset in you. Examine what ideas, judgments, and “shoulds” you already have about “children,” “partners” and these in particular. List all the sources for these views: media, personal experience, comments by your parents, friends, family, and teachers throughout your life.

Connect with the feelings and needs that are causing you to have these judgments.

Continued Practice with Step 4:
Making Empowered Requests (Rather than Demands)

This step is a giant leap. It means guessing and being affected by the feelings and needs of the person who does what drives your enemy image of them?

This is being “impartial.”

If you make a request that affects them while you still are operating from an enemy image of them, it is unlikely you have connected with or care about their needs. For a peaceful word where everyone’s needs matter, we want to shift to requests and solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

So you ask yourself, or with a friend to help you, what is this person’s feelings and needs? (You may be surprised to discover that they are the same as yours.)

What are some requests/solutions that address your needs and theirs?

Simple “Just Noticing with Open Gates” Practice

As you go through the week, pay attention to when you become automatically agitated. Can you identify the thoughts, ideas and concepts you already had about that person or ”people like them”?

Caution! Do not judge yourself! These are all learning exercises.

For more writings on Shoftim and inner and outer judging, with Jewish, Buddhist and NVC sources:
https://torahattheintersection.com/shoftim-inner-and-outer-judging/