How I use fear as a map

My Dad recently complimented me on how I deal with fear in my life, and it took me by complete surprise. I never really thought of myself as someone that manages it well, so it touched me in a way that no compliment has in a very long time. Reflecting on his statement, I realized that I’ve completely changed my relationship to fear over the last few years, without necessarily intending to.

I used to think of myself as a very scared and insecure girl, but now I’m a woman that imperfectly moves forward alongside the things I’m scared of instead of letting those things hold me back. Today, I’m dropping the reframe that got me there.

For years, I had an absolutely inundating fear of flying. I’m talking full on panic attacks at 30,000 feet when everything was literally going fine. Thinking back, it’s honestly so embarrassing and my anxiety was totally out of control. I never let it stop my travels even when I was experiencing it, but now I get on airplanes without a second thought with the help of a little pill.

I used to be afraid of wearing shorts during gym in high school, and brushed off the potential of any athletic ability with a shrug and an, “I’m just not coordinated enough for that.” Meanwhile, underneath was a desire to try that I was too scared to actually face. Now, I run marathons for fun and am obsessed with finding out what else my body can do. Like running every day for a year straight in 2025 and running 30 miles for my 30th birthday.

I used to look at people that had their own business and think that I wasn’t capable enough or strong enough or smart enough to do that. I let a fear of failure hold me back from even trying. Now, I’ve been freelancing for 4 years and I recently landed my largest client retainer ever. My monthly income is the most it has ever been, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that it’s only going to get even better, on my own terms.

None of these transformations happened without fear. They happened alongside the fear, and there’s a big difference. I used to think that I had to make my fears go away in order to be successful. But that’s just not true. It’s not about not being scared. It’s about being scared and moving forward anyway.

It’s about making fear sit in the passenger seat, while your dreams take the wheel and drive. It’s about seeing and hearing the fear, but not letting it guide your decision making. It’s about just deciding to do it anyway, despite the fear.

In all three of those circumstances I outlined above, the pain of actually doing something about it started to outweigh the pain of ignoring what I knew to be true. Initially, I was forced into action because I got to the point where I knew that standing still in the fear was never going to get me anywhere. And I knew I had places to be.

The thing about fear is that it’s also usually wrapped up in a bunch of other crap: limiting beliefs about your own capabilities, judgements and assumptions, other people’s beliefs on what you should or shouldn’t do, societal norms and stereotypes about what is and isn’t acceptable. None of this BS is actually yours, we all osmosis’d it and now it’s in the way of being who we want to be.

So what do I do with it? For me, first comes awareness. You can’t change what you don’t notice. But once you do notice it, the best thing that’s worked for me is actually slowing down. I treat my fear like a caution sign, not a stop sign. Slowing down allows me to look at what I’m feeling from all sides. Examine it, simmer on where it’s coming from, if it’s valid or not and decide what I want to do with it. Sometimes I journal on it. Sometimes I take it for a walk. It doesn’t really matter what you do, it just must be looked at and acknowledged instead of ignored. From there, I’ll decide what action I need to take and make a plan to get there.

I used to treat my fears like a dead end. But really, it’s a fork in the road. The fact that you get to choose what to do with that feeling is a gift. Look at your fear through a lens of opportunity and possibility, because underneath it all could be the thing you’ve been looking for… like it was for me. It could mean traveling joyfully instead of with world-ending anxiety. It could mean deeply loving and feeling empowered to test the limits of your body. It could mean designing the portfolio career of your dreams.

More times than not, fear is actually a map towards the life I want to live. It’s a feeling to explore instead of ignore.

I appreciate you so much. Thanks for being here. If you enjoyed this post, send to a friend! New letters every Wednesday.

Until then, you can find me on Strava, Instagram, TikTok, and LinkedIn. Join my Hudson Valley RUN CLUB! Shop my favorites here and here. For collaborations, partnerships or to work together, send me a note at kristinearocho@gmail.com.

And since you made it this far, enjoy a recent Otis photo below. See you next week!