Dear Jack Black,
I was always a huge fan. I mean Tenacious D? Helloooo! Hilarious. “Fuck Me Gently” might actually be one of the greatest lyrical achievements of our time.
So when I heard you were going to be performing for charity where I
was waiting tables, I was stoked!
When you came in, you were quickly escorted to the VIP area. You were with two ladies, perhaps your mom and an aunt? Or two women who radiated strong “related but unclear how” energy. I couldn’t tell.
“Hello!” I said in a casual but friendly manner. We had tons of celebs come in and out of the club, so I was used to seeing stars and generally didn’t give an F. This was not a “please notice me” hello. This was a professional hello. But like I said, Tenacious D = huge fan.
You looked up from your menu as though you could not comprehend what I was doing there. As if I had wandered into the VIP section from another dimension. The look on your face was either one of irritation or potentially disgust. I couldn’t quite tell. It was giving “why is this human speaking to me.”
I was taken aback. My outfit was cute, and I definitely showered. Recently. Thoroughly.
“I’ll have an insert-whatever-drink, and they can order whatever they want,” you said sullenly, gesturing to the ladies with you. Chivalry, but make it hostile.
Wowza. Someone had a bug crawl up their ass. Our club had seen the likes of Paul McCartney, and he was a gem, not to mention THE BEST SONGWRITER OF ALL TIME. And shockingly, he knew how to behave like a person. So I wasn’t sure what your problem was.
Still, I continued to be friendly. And because you went on stage quickly,
I had little interaction with you. Just your guests.
Since there was no bill, I let you know after the show that you were all set, the show was great, and it was a pleasure waiting on you. You mumbled thanks.
I returned to your table immediately after you left, only to find NO TIP.
None, nada, zilch. It was then I realized you were an asshole. Having
a bad day is one thing; stiffing your waitress is another.
xoxo,
No Longer a Fan
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.