"Don’t let the way that you exist digitally with someone change how they make you feel in person."

For those who don’t already know, Aidan writes the popular Substack newsletter Gay Buffet and he also hosts the Getting Close podcast.

We published an essay by him during our first year, titled “Dating a Throuple Is Like a Martini Glass…”, and he also answered our QLP Questionnaire, and he participated in our first New York City reading in May 2025. So I felt like it was about time we had a chat to see how things were evolving with his platforms and what’s in store for the second season of his podcast.

Plus, since we at QLP are celebrating our two-year anniversary, and Aidan got married last August and is about to celebrate his one-year wedding anniversary, it felt like the perfect time.

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Not only did we discuss how Gay Buffet has evolved since he first launched it—which he’s written about as well—we got into some of the nitty gritty when it came to open relationships and slut shaming. Aidan also noted that he’s getting his sex educator certification with the Sexual Health Alliance to be able to help answer more questions and assist those who come to him looking for answers.

We also talked about how our digital lives shape us in so many ways:

“We are in a very difficult situation when it comes to human connection at this point in time. And what I find really sad—and I see a lot of the happening on the internet—is that we’re blaming each other, right? We are so mad that all of these platforms have completely cannibalized how we talk to each other. …

“So what happens is we get really pissed at each other when it’s not actually each other that we should be getting mad at. And when it comes to dating, we are exposed to more rejection than we’re ever meant to have.

“But what I’ve been really sitting with a lot this summer in particular as I’ve been thinking about it is that we don’t have the time and space to let relationships develop anymore. I’ve been doing some interviews with open couples about their relationships, and the through line that I found, especially with older couples, is that their relationships built over a long time before they decided to become partners. And they didn’t build over a series of dates. They just spent time together or did mutual things together or were in school together or worked together. And we just don’t have that anymore.

“Even if you meet someone on a Hinge or a Tinder or a Grindr, you are exposed to each other in really intense, really high stakes situations. A date is a very high stakes situation right now because if you don’t nail the first date, you’re not going to get a second date.”

I recently wrote a piece about why I write about sex so much, after this essay of mine was published by Narratively, so it was great to hear Aidan explain his own reasons for traveling down a similar path in his own writing.

As we wrapped up the convo—and asking him the BIG QUESTION about how he defines love (that’s around the 37-minute mark if you want to skip to it)—I asked Aidan if he had any advice for people who are dating or currently looking for love in some form or fashion. Here’s what he said:

“…People are really afraid of being too much, really afraid of being earnest. I unfortunately, actually fortunately, I think I’m so earnest and I cannot lie. I cannot hold my cards to my chest. I’m just like, this is me!

“And I think it’s really helped me. Life is too short for subtlety and playing games. So if you care about someone, and if you had a good time with someone, tell them and let them know.

“And the second half to that is: Don’t let the way that you exist digitally with someone change how they make you feel in person. If you like someone and had a great time with them in person, but you don’t like how they text, make better plans to see them again and stop texting them. Which is really hard. That’s so much harder said than done.

“But I have so many friends who are like, “Oh, I had this amazing time, but he didn’t text me back fast enough, so I’m done!” And I’m like, “No! No! Make plans! See him again!” And throw your phone away.”

Talking with Aidan was such a lovely way to get a little bit of inspiration, so I hope you enjoy watching or listening. We keep all our words and podcasts free so feel free to forward or share or amplify this however you see fit.

By the way, Aidan also mentioned Eliot Glazer’s new memoir, The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Gay, and he has an excerpt from the book, from a chapter titled “Gay Soup,” over on his site if you want to check it out.