Today, we see artificial questions being asked with increased frequency. Instead of an honest inquiry, these questions are designed to be well-crafted statements that promote a predetermined stance. Instead of seeking an honest answer, they are intended to give an answer or force the person responding into a corner. Not only are these types of questions far from helpful, but they also prevent us from listening for an authentic answer. If every question becomes a statement in disguise, how can we ever have an opportunity to listen genuinely to—and learn from—someone who might have a differing perspective? Real questions can reveal truths that might be uncomfortable to face or difficult to admit. However, to grow and progress, we need to ask and receive hard questions.
An unnamed man approached Jesus with a question—one of the most important questions ever asked. In one version of this story, the man is called a ruler. In another version, we learn that he is young and wealthy. Traditionally, we combine these descriptors and call him the “Rich Young Ruler.” His question for Jesus, which continues to echo throughout history, was:
“Teacher, what good [thing] must I do that I might have eternal life?”
~ Matthew 19:16b
This question eventually becomes a critical one for all of us. But for now, let’s focus on two aspects of the question—the words and the motivation behind it.
When I consider this question, I wonder if our young man was the first to ask this of Jesus. I am sure a lot of folks thought about it. Maybe they were too afraid to ask and were waiting for someone else to have the courage to bring it up. Regardless, the question has now been asked, and I can picture the crowd that day leaning in expectantly to hear Jesus’ response.
Notice that this young man does not ask, “How do I get eternal life?” Instead, his question is much more direct. He asks about a specific action or “good deed” that will grant him access to eternal life. He is not asking about a collection of good deeds, or a pattern of behavior, or even general good intentions. He is asking about a singular good deed. I even double-checked the original language to be certain—it’s singular.
Does he assume that there is one essential, catch-all, good deed that we can perform which gives us a fast pass to eternal life? Is he checking to make sure that he hasn’t missed something?
From the sound of his question, there might be something more going on here, so Jesus re-centers the question. Instead of focusing on the “deed,” Jesus refocuses on the “good.”
And He said to him, “Why are you asking me about what is good? There is One who is good.
~ Matthew 19:17
What is good? How do you define it?
Why do you ask me about what is good?
Do you think I am good?
Do you trust that I will give you good advice about what is good?
“Why are you asking me about what is good?” It’s a great question, especially on a practical level. Throughout our lives, we are approached by people with questions. Sometimes those questions are real and honest. “What’s for dinner?” Followed closely by, “Do you know what time our favorite restaurant closes?”
Other times, we might be asked questions that are meant to involve us in an ongoing dispute or debate. Unfortunately, and far too often in my experience, the goal of this type of question is not to see where we stand on an issue but to convince us that our stance is misguided. In these instances, the question is usually designed to justify a decision that has already been made.
In the case of this young man, I think there is a little of both in his question. As we see later in the story, he is looking for acknowledgment for all the good he has accomplished. In his opinion, he has led an exemplary religious life. But at the same time, I also believe he is covering his bases to ensure that he hasn’t missed something. Either way, he is assuming that he is in control of his eternal destiny. As long as he follows the rules and does what is good, then he is safe.
Jesus’ response is going to challenge his assumptions. Jesus’ question is not philosophical or theological; it is personal.
“Why do you ask . . . me?”
When being drawn into a debate, this should be our first question. Asking why we have been chosen to be involved in this particular line of questioning helps reframe the ground rules and refocus the conversation.
Are you asking me because you value my opinion and insight, or do you want me only to validate yours?
Do you think that my experience can be helpful to you?
Are you open to changing your mind or actions based on my response, or am I here to simply reflect your opinion?
Do you honestly care about what I think or believe?
“Why do you ask me?” becomes a question about our relationships. When asking this question, we must ask it honestly and with integrity. We should want to know why we, in particular, are being asked so that we can provide a thoughtful answer. If we play games with our conversations, we devalue our relationships. Therefore, we need to take a moment, put the questions aside, and refocus on our relationship with the person we are speaking with. In nearly every case, that relationship is ultimately far more important than the questions being asked.
We hope you will join us for our upcoming episode of The Trail: Encounters. In Episode 20 we will explore an question that was once asked by Pontius Pilate, and continues to echo throughout the centuries, “What is truth?”
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