7 ways to have a healthier relationship with porn

Note: This newsletter contains sponsored content with CHEEX.

While erotic content has existed in one form or another - whether printed or in sculpture – for quite literally thousands of years, society is no closer to having a healthy attitude towards porn.

In this newsletter, porn is a frequent theme: delving into the rise of AI porn, exploring the impact of the Online Safety Act on adult content, and examining a potential resurgence of IRL porn theatres.

Part of this is because porn is inextricable from our cultural and erotic reality: Ofcom data suggests that a third of adults in the UK watch online porn. There’s also near-constant discourse about the relationship between adult content and our sex lives, for better or for worse.

Porn is synonymous with tube sites, which don’t have the best reputation, but that isn’t the be-all and end-all of porn. There are also platforms like CHEEX, which bring together artful, diverse erotic films, audio porn and sex education.

While not all porn is created equal, and there are some damaging aspects of its most mainstream iterations, I don’t think it should be dismissed as a form of culture. It allows us to work out our own desires and communicate them to intimate partners, while also teaching us about the sexual script in our society.

However, there’s so much stigma and shame surrounding porn, that we often don’t have meaningful conversations about it: we don’t talk about what healthy porn use looks like, or how to be an ethical porn consumer.

Educate yourself about sex. It’s obvious, and oft-repeated, but sex education is really what we need in order to have a healthier relationship with porn. Given that what is offered in schools is insufficient, heteronormative, and constantly under attack, you need to build your own curriculum. Acknowledging that sex is not the fantasy depicted in adult content, reading about how to actually turn on a partner, and understanding that sex is a participatory, communicative back-and-forth, is essential. Read books! Follow sexfluencers! Speak to your friends! It’s worth noting that

Remember: porn is primarily entertainment. Porn is not the be-all and end-all of sex, nor is it real: it’s for stimulation, not a guide of what to do. Yes, people are actually having sex on screen, but the bodies and scenarios depicted are not reflective of the average sexual experience. Think of porn as fiction, and not a documentary.

Be a conscious consumer. One of the key aspects of having a healthier relationship with porn is focussing on the welfare of the performers. I would always advocate that we look into the conditions of how any film was made: check into the ethos of the director or production company and what sort of code of conduct they have. By and large, I would recommend paying for your porn via an ethical porn provider (see more below) or supporting performers directly.

Listen to sex positive perspectives about porn. Pleasure is not something to be ashamed of, and neither is porn. The media is filled with the narrative that the only positive way to engage with porn is to abstain completely. This attitude is what leads individuals to watch porn secretively, without interrogating their viewing habits or thinking about how to responsibly consume porn. In contrast, I recommend listening sex positive perspectives which explore porn within an ethical feminist framework, talk about viewing habits in a more open way, and don’t encourage stigma. To start, I’d recommend The Feminist Pornbook, edited by Tristan Taormino.

Check in with how porn makes you feel. A lot of people have complicated feelings around porn. It’s worth listening to how porn makes you feel: ashamed, guilty, out of control? Would you feel comfortable talking about the porn you like with friends?

Sometimes our IRL sexual interests don’t align with our porn habits and we might feel ashamed: especially if we perceive the content we drift towards as offensive or fetishising. I think it’s important to critically examine why these scenarios get you off, exploring where you can witness a similar dynamic within porn or erotic content that feels more aligned with your values.

Explore different porn types. Some individuals have mixed feelings about visual porn, but are still interested in erotic material. Consider switching more traditionally porn out for audio porn, smutty romance books or erotica.

Try ethical porn. Plenty of queer and feminist-identified individuals are hungry for adult content that lives up to the same standards they set for mainstream entertainment: diverse performers, positive gender representation, an emphasis on consent and female pleasure, and a high standard of production. Try platforms like CHEEX which combine adult films, sex education and audio porn with a progressive outlook.

*Note: This segment is sponsored by CHEEX*

CHEEX is a sex positive community which combines sex education with a range of ethically produced films and audio porn. As a company, they are extremely selective about who they partner with, and prioritise queer and feminist perspectives and an ethical approach.

Here are my three picks of what you can enjoy on the CHEEX platform.

1. How I Like It - Part 1. This collab between CHEEX and afterglow is a female-focussed film set in Soderbergh which explores the art of communication and revels in the intense chemistry between its performers. A dreamy intro to what CHEEX does best.

2. How To Be Sexually Empowered. CHEEX has commissioned so many articles and tutorials on sex and desire with experts and writers in the sexual wellness space. If you’re looking to gain the sexual education you missed out on earlier in life, this is your practical, feminist guide.

3. Hello, Plaything. Exploring BDSM and power play, this is the first episode in an audio erotica series narrated by Eva Oh, a legendary dominatrix who I was lucky enough to interview for this Substack last year. CHEEX has a range of audio porn which explores different perspectives and topics, as well as a full library of orgasm sounds and ASMR sequences.

If you want to try it yourself, head to the CHEEX website and use my code – MEGANW – for a 7-day trial to the platform when choosing CHEEX Plus. Thank me later!

FYI: I publish a free Substack essay, feature or interview every week, generally Monday 8am UK time.

I’m Megan (they/them): a Scottish writer specialising in the erotic. I’ve been running my Substack, PULP, for around a year but I’ve been writing professionally for quite a bit longer. My bylines include British GQ, CNN, British Vogue, The Guardian, etc.

If you like my work, you can tip a one-off payment of £4 here.

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