"I’m perpetually dissatisfied with life"

You know when your life looks good on paper, you’ve got all the things you thought you wanted, but you have inconvenient feelings that say, “Is this it? Is this all there is?” I think this is how it was for this reader:

Write to me with any problem or dilemma at AskPhilippa@yahoo.com Subject to Terms and Conditions

Dear Philippa,

I’m perpetually dissatisfied with life. I’m in my mid-30s and on paper doing quite well. I have a loving partner, great friends, many of whom live nearby, and despite dropping out of university I’ve managed to forge a pretty decent career in a sector I care about. I have a fun and full life which I’ve worked hard to build over the last 10 years, and I am grateful for it. So why am I still left wanting more? Whenever I achieve something, I find myself feeling disappointed, almost like anything I can do can’t really be worth celebrating.

I didn’t have the most stable or secure upbringing. Looking back, I think I was quite depressed for most of my teens into my early 20s when I moved abroad and (cliche alert) learned who I was and who I could be. This felt like an exciting time and life felt full of possibility. I miss that feeling.

Now I can’t help but wonder what’s next? I don’t want children. I would like more big adventures and more freedom, but I can’t see a path to achieving those things without switching careers in a direction that wouldn’t interest me or align with my values. So I guess this lack of direction is making me feel a bit stuck. Am I wrong to want more? And how can I create the life I want within the constraints of my 9 - 5? Do I simply have to accept that life will never be as exciting at 35 as it was at 25, when anything seemed possible?

Any advice would be appreciated.

My Reply