How Early Life Shapes Our Present

I was recently at a conference, where I got talking to a fellow small business owner, I noticed her straight away. Mostly, because of the crisp white shirt, that was artfully tucked in and the way her body exuded confidence.

As, we got to know each other over the course of the day, and maybe as a response to my job as a counsellor, she opened up about her childhood.

Growing up, she was the youngest of three siblings and her parents were focused on their careers and rarely present emotionally. Her older siblings were already independent, and she was left to navigate much of her world on her own. In a family dynamic where attention was scarce, she quickly learned to be the quiet one—the observer, the peacekeeper.

This pattern persisted into her adult life. She became the type of person who avoided conflict, preferred to work behind the scenes, and didn’t feel comfortable expressing her own needs. At first, this suited her career. She thrived in jobs where she could work independently, keeping a low profile and getting things done without needing much recognition.

But when she launched her own business, things started to change.

Suddenly, she found herself facing challenges she had never anticipated: the need to advocate for herself, assert her worth, and put herself out there in front of clients and competitors. But the behaviour she had developed to protect herself as a child—the tendency to stay quiet and avoid drawing attention—was now impacting her progress.

She would avoid asking for what she deserved, under-pricing her services, and even procrastinating on important decisions because they required her to take up space.

What she was experiencing was a deep-rooted survival strategy, a learned behaviour she adopted as a child to manage an emotionally distant household. The “small” role she played in her family, where she was expected to be self-sufficient and not make waves, was now limiting her potential as a business owner.

The thing is, many entrepreneurs—especially women—find themselves in similar situations. Whether they grew up as the responsible child in a chaotic family, the caretaker in an emotionally absent household, or the high-achiever in a family that set high expectations, these childhood roles can shape the way they show up in business.

Many of us are working from a place of learned survival, not from a space of empowerment. Our childhood experiences, which helped us adapt to our environments, are now hindering our ability to thrive as business owners.

We’ve internalised the message that our value comes from being small, invisible, or perfect, and this makes it difficult for us to stand tall, take risks, or be seen for who we truly are.

The truth is, our childhood experiences often shape the way we approach our careers and businesses. We may not realise it, but the patterns we developed as children—whether it’s being the quiet one, the caretaker, or the overachiever—often follow us into adulthood. These learned behaviours serve as defence mechanisms, strategies to survive difficult or emotionally challenging situations.

But in adulthood, particularly in the world of entrepreneurship, these strategies can become limiting beliefs that prevent us from fully stepping into our potential.

So, how do we break free from these patterns?

For many, it begins with recognising and acknowledging the impact of those early experiences. It’s about understanding that the survival tactics that served us as children are no longer helpful in adulthood. It’s about learning to embrace vulnerability, take up space, and advocate for ourselves.

It could look like stepping into the spotlight—allowing yourself to be seen and recognised for your work, and giving yourself permission to ask for what you are worth.

For a client of mine, it meant releasing the pressure to be perfect and showing those around her that vulnerability and imperfection are powerful parts of being human.

Breaking free from these childhood roles doesn’t mean rejecting them altogether.

Rather, it’s about finding a new way of integrating them into a healthy adult life—one where we no longer let the past dictate how we show up today. It means giving ourselves permission to evolve, to take up space, and to embrace the fullness of who we are.

If you find yourself struggling to take that next step in your business or life, or if you feel stuck in old patterns that no longer serve you, take a moment to reflect on your past.

What roles did you play as a child? What behaviours did you develop to cope with difficult situations? And most importantly, how can you rewrite those roles to reflect the person you are becoming—not the person you had to be to survive?

It’s not always easy, but the first step is always awareness. By understanding the roots of your patterns, you can begin to change the story you’re telling yourself and create the future you deserve.

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