The Empty Bedroom Is the Hardest...

And then we drove away…we dropped Caroline off at college. I won’t lie, it’s been a week. We’re getting through it, though!

The hardest part was walking past her empty bedroom. (She’d left a photo of the two of us on her pillow, which just about wrecked me…it was from her 1st birthday).

I’ll admit, I’ve done some weird things– I’m smelling the clothes she left behind, even wearing them. When our sweet cleaning ladies came last week, I asked them not to touch her room.

That said, you have helped SO MUCH!

Your comments and feedback on this Substack gave great guidance for the whole process: giving yourself time and space to grieve, plus reminders that so many are walking through (or have walked through) this very thing. Sue, Amanda, Virginia, HDR, etc., – I’m giving you props in this week’s podcast episode where we talk about drop-off! LISTEN HERE

Amanda shared something that I kept hearing on repeat: essentially, the only way through is THROUGH.

She wrote:

“Give yourself space the first two weeks for those emotions to come out (the fastest way is through it). But also remember there is lots of fun to come on the other side: tailgates, when they bring their new friends home and watching them grow in unbelievable ways and hanging out with them doing adult things (just went for a drink with my 22-year-old). Also, just know that the first cut to break open the nest and let out your 1st baby bird is the hardest. But just like all the other transitions - you will make it (remember when it felt like they would never sleep through the night!?). You’ve got this!!”

When John and I said our goodbyes, I heard Virginia and HDR’s comments: “Don’t say your goodbyes in the parking lot. You’re all crying & then you drive away watching them standing there alone/crying! Get your hugs in her dorm.”

You’ve been reminding me that parenting older/adult’ish kids opens up a whole new, beautiful world. And I’m leaning hard into that. I’m also carving out a lot of time with friends and making space for new adventures to look forward to. (Golf lessons start today!)

One thing that’s been eye-opening about modern college life is not only co-ed dorms and floors, but co-ed bathrooms. I’m sharing a funny story about how John is handling that on the podcast this week and I’m curious how you feel about it.

In other news, my much-anticipated podcast series on Social Health (friendships, relationships, connections, etc) is releasing next month. I don’t think I’ve ever had as much feedback on a single topic as I have on this. My dear friend, Liz Bohannon, and I will be talking a lot about the dynamics of friendships and relationships next month, so get ready to weigh in! Liz has a book about social health releasing next year and is becoming one of the top voices and experts on the subject.

I’ll leave you with Amanda’s advice…the only way through is THROUGH. Whatever you’re facing this season, whether it’s grief, loss, whatever it may be, the only way through is through. I hope you feel a little less alone today, friends!

- Paula xo

1. How To DISCONNECT 📲

   I’ve spoken openly on my podcast and in this Substack about my desire to disconnect from my smart phone, to be more present. One of my fears about putting my smart phone out of sight is that I’ll miss an important phone call, particularly an emergency call. THIS cordless phone solves that! You pair your smart phone (it can pair up to two phone numbers) with it and when someone calls your smart phone, it automatically routes to the cordless phone. That way, I can truly disconnect from my i-phone, but not miss an important call! Let’s bring back the 90’s!

2. What to Watch

   I’m a sucker for a good rom-com! “You, Me & Tuscany” is now streaming on Peacock, about a woman who crashes an empty Italian villa and poses as the owner’s fiancé. Also, the boys and I watched “Michael” (the film about the early life of Michael Jackson) this week and it was so good. Highly recommend–my boys and I loved it! Jaafar Jackson, Michael’s nephew, stars as Michael and reportedly trained almost three years for the part. He’s phe-nom-enal.

3. My Next Three Reads! 📚

   You have spoken via this Substack–thank you for your book recommendations. Our next three reads should be: "The Correspondent, Theo of Golden and The Calamity Club. Jennifer P wrote “For what it's worth, I think everyone should read Theo. It's one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.”

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