Sneaky Treats

When my 2 girls (Sylvia - 10, Natalie - 6) get home from school, they always have a snack. Usually it’s something like Cheez-its, a granola bar, or an applesauce pouch. Desserts and candy are prohibited as an after-school snack (unless special permission is granted).

Recently, they came home from school, grabbed a snack, and plopped down on the couch to watch their show.

I briefly chatted with them, unloaded the dishwasher, and began heading upstairs to my office, but then sat down on the stairs to answer a text.

That’s when I heard a kitchen cabinet open and rustling sounds.

I knew what was going on.

I timed my surprise re-entry to the family room as they were darting back to the couch.

“What are you guys getting into?” I asked.

Sylvia tried playing it cool with her acting skills.

Natalie hasn’t exactly developed her acting skills yet…

She could not have looked more guilty.

“What do you have in your pocket?” I asked her.

“Nothing.”

I approached her and she tried to squirm away. I grabbed her wrist and eventually got her hand out of her pocket. Her fist was clenched with amazing strength.

“Open up your hand.” I told her.

Somehow, she clenched even harder.

I eventually pried open her little digits.

BUSTED for fruit snack robbery.

“I don’t like when you guys lie to me,” I said. “No treats for tonight and for tomorrow.”

“OK,” Sylvia said, admitting defeat.

I briefly pondered eating the stolen treat in front of them to make some kind of statement, but fruit snacks that were smothered in clammy hands didn’t sound all that appetizing (even for me).

Before you start saying, Come on, Patrick! It’s just a pack of fruit snacks… relax! Let me just say that my kids get plenty of treats. This was strictly a case of making sure they learn how to follow the house rules and understand the repercussions for breaking them (and to not spoil their appetites for dinner).

Furthermore, this wasn’t the first time I’ve caught them trying to sneak a treat. The previous week, they attempted the same fruit snack heist and before that, I found an open box of Frosted Flakes hidden in the unfinished part of the basement (over by the HVAC system). Sylvia had stashed it there and was frequenting it to get her sugar rush on.

This led to a fun discussion about how mice can show up if you leave food out in the basement.

The thing is, I get it.

I did the same thing that they are doing when I was a kid - looking for any chance you can to sneak a little extra treat for yourself.

The problem for my kids is, I was the master at it, so I know all of the tricks and strategies.

My skills also carried over into liquid treats. Growing up, my siblings and I loved our cans of pop. There was a special fridge out in the garage where they were stored.

Of course, once word of the butter compartment hiding spot got out, it became pretty useless.

My childhood treat-sneaking skills eventually resurfaced in my adult life.

I was married, living with my wife (Anna), and keeping a hidden stash of empty calories.

It wasn’t because Anna forbid me to have junk food. It was me being personally ashamed that as a grown man, I still needed a bunch of candy and sweets to help me get by in life. Plus, if your spouse is ever trying to be good, you don’t want your goodies tempting them.

My favorite place to store treats was in a small ottoman. It was glorious.

One day, my mother-in-law was in town for a visit and we were all hanging out in the family room. I was on the floor playing with baby Sylvia and next thing I knew…

In an instant, my embarrassing secret was exposed and the greatest treat-hiding spot ever went extinct.

Such a pity.

It will be interesting to see if my daughters can come up with any new ways to try to sneak their extra treats past me…

I look forward to respectfully squashing their efforts.

Until next time,
Patrick

Have you missed any stories from Things That Happened? Check out the archive!