Being damaged? Or surrender to the greater course?

Many of us are experiencing this in many similar or different ways: Things don’t go as they were supposed to. And this may include going through pain, economic breakdown, separation, destruction, disease. For me it meant in the last 2 weeks the following experiences:

1. When arriving at an amazing festival I had been looking forward to the whole year (Ozora - Psytrance festival in Hungary), and where most people abounded in happiness spending the time of their year, I found myself sick, unable to connect with the group I was there together with, and in a camping situation (rain, damaged air mat…) totally unfitting for healing a sickness…

2. When finally I was so far restored, the festival was nearly over. I got into beautiful connections, dove deep with them into plant medicine experiences and while in the deepest states of altered consciousness my most important belongings including warm clothes that I need for the night are stolen. 2 hours later my wallet gets stolen too. On my way my professional camera that I need for my photography work had already been stolen as well.

   

3. Three days after arriving back home, just out of a moment of stressing myself (unnecessarily) in order to not to miss an appointment I drove my eBike too fast down the steep hill where I live, a van hid my view, behind the van pedestrians made me slam on the breaks and eventually I roll’d over - as a witness reported - 6 times down the hill over a distance of 60 meters (and yes - without a helmet). I was miraculously protected from other major injuries but suffer a tibial plateau fracture.

Right now I am still in the hospital and the operation will be done tomorrow, so I have some quite time to reflect and share these thoughts. According to the prognosis I’ll have to walk on crutches for 3 months, and consequently had to cancel my Tantra retreat next week.

These are the moments where our faith is tested. Faith for me means the deepest conviction that whatever happens, it happens for a greater reason - and the reason is “good”. Trying to fight against these circumstances is childish and silly. We can only surrender. And surrendering is not easy as it is sometimes literally painful, emotionally or physically. And yet - it is the only available way.

(Sound on) In spite of the heavy stuff described before there were divinely moments in the Ozora festival that allowed me to deeply refresh my encounter with the depth of reality from which this small video resulted.

Having gone through death experiences (see e.g. my post “When I dissolved into death”) the realization gets deeply traced into our being that our life as a human is a transitory process the baseline of which is the expansion of consciousness. Seen from this angle, accidents and disruptions in our lives, even the most existential ones, cannot shake us in our core. In a way we can see them from outside - disidentified from what usually people are so completely attached to, our human body and soul and its human experiences (see my post “Misidentification from our Human Being”).

But what are these situations good for? Well sometimes we do see an immediate learning in them, an immediate education that we receive through the divine presence beyond all those circumstances. But sometimes we don’t. And we don’t have to.

Sometimes it is enough to endure and to stay entirely confident, to firmly keep our eyes fixed on the reality which we have seen and which is beyond all the things that can be shaken and that actually are. (While I am writing these words, my broken leg is aching and I try to find a better position, it is 5 am and I feel connected to the outer-world and ready to share my thoughts).

One of my friends with whom I shared what had happened to me, said that they were reminded the story of Job (DE Hiob) who had been taken away literally everything including his health - and his friends always kept telling him that God would punish him for something. But really he was only “tested”. Well that word may sound old-fashioned and not easy to grasp for us. But I would translate it in this way: It was for him solely a matter of standing firm in the faith which knows that it depends on nothing on this earth and that wants to be rooted not in success, not in visible manifestations, but in ITSELF. I love to say: My love to God wants to be greater than to anything else. Like this I can be anchoring for thousands who still depend of many things and who will be heavily shaken when all these things get insecure in the future or vanish, when wars, earthquakes or pandemics will shake and question the rootedness of our consciousness. Then it’s good if some of us have learned to be rooted more deeply than in success.

One way for us to recognize that even our misery is part of a greater cosmic order (as some would formulate: in God’s guidance) is the observation that nothing really is out of control. When I made my 6 roll-overs on the asphalt of the steep road together with my heavy e-Bike it was hard to explain but by the strong activity of some angelic entities how it was possibly that I was not more severely injured. And when I landed from the fall, eventually came to a seated position and opened my eyes, a friendly lady was sitting in front of me of whom I soon learned that she was a nurse on maternity leave. She immediately called the ambulance and gave me the first treatments.

However there are moments that may seem to be out of control - for a period. This may cause despair and it did for me. But the despair does not last forever and eventually only makes us more firm from a higher point observation how everything is indeed in control - or in other words, substantially part of an greater order to which we can only bow. And in many cases this bowing really is a praising of the cosmic love that cares for us even in the needed tribulation with eternally tender love.

May be this is the greatest realization that we can ever obtain. And sometimes the hardships, disruptions and tribulations need to contribute to our greater realization of how loved we are! I wish this to all those who read me and are going through (or have gone through) hardships. May the gratitude of our heart allow us to arrive at this surrender that is able to see in the midst of everything the love that never forsakes us and understands us deeper than any human love ever could.