A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead as I read the message again.
YUKI.N> I apologize for the intrusion. YUKI.N> I hope life is treating you well. >
The clubroom was dark, illuminated only by the dim glow of the monitor. Though it was just a few words, I couldn't stop trembling. What's going on? Is this some sort of prank? But... who could have done this? And why does it look like that message? And... and...
"Who are you?" I whispered.
Then, in an instant, more text appeared on the screen.
> Who are you YUKI.N> That is irrelevant. I am more interested in who you are, or rather, the person you have become. >
My heart nearly stopped. H... how did they know what I said? What do they mean by "the person I've become"? Why are they using my name?
By that point, I was panicking. I wanted to run out of the clubroom, to find someone and ask them for help, to call the police... but for some reason, I couldn't. No matter what I tried, I couldn't even stand.
"Um, uh... well... yyyou already... know my name..."
> Um uh well you already know my name YUKI.N> Correct. Unless you have changed it, you are Yuki Nagato. >
"Um... I, uh... there's not much to say about me. Uh... I'm a member of my school's Literary Club. I used to be the only member until aaa few days ago, when... um, when..." I adjusted my glasses, looking away from the monitor. I knew they couldn't see me, but I couldn't help but feel like someone was staring at me. "... when a boy stormed in."
Input has been chunked. > Um I uh there's not much to say about me uh I'm a member of my school's literary club YUKI.N> That is good to hear. How is high school life? Have you made any friends yet? > I used to be the only member until about a few days ago when um when when a boy stormed in YUKI.N> A man known only as "Kyon", correct? >
A chill ran through my body. "How did you...?"
> How did you YUKI.N> I have met this man countless times in the past. Suffice it to say that he has a history of turning to members of literary clubs in times of distress. >
"O-oh... um, yes. His name is Kyon. I mean, I think it is. It... doesn't really seem like a name, does it? No, that's so rude... Sorry, no, I..."
> Oh um yes his name is K-On I mean I think it is it doesn't really seem like a name does it sorry no I YUKI.N> Do not apologize. It is not his real name. >
"Um... he was a little forceful at first... but he turned out to be........"
> Um he was a little forceful at first but he turned out to be YUKI.N> Interesting. I had not known him to be "forceful". Perhaps it was the situation he found himself in. >
"He turned out to be... really nice... Um, he visits the Literary Club room every day, and once, he came over for... he came over for dinner, and..." I nearly bit my tongue. My face felt like it was on fire. For a moment, I nearly forgot about the ever-present chill in the clubroom.
> He turned out to be really nice um he visits the Literary Club room every day and once he came over for he came over for dinner and YUKI.N>
"Um...? Is it stu—"
YUKI.N> Oh. YUKI.N> Yuki. YUKI.N> I had not expected to see such positive results. YUKI.N> If circumstances were different, I would likely be crying right now. >
This just keeps getting stranger. "What do you mean, 'if circumstances were different'?" I squeaked.
> What do you mean if circumstances were different YUKI.N> Pay it no mind. I am not at liberty to cry. YUKI.N> Have you made any other friends? >
"Um... well, um... Kyon... found some new members for the Literary Club. Um... there's, uh, Mi... Mi... Mikuru Asahina, Itsuki Koizumi, and, um... Haru... Haruhi. Haruhi Suzumiya."
> Um well um K-On found new members for the literary club um there's uh me me Mikuru Asahi Linux 1 2 3 Koizumi and Hal HARUHI HARUHI SUZUMIYA YUKI.N> That is a very interesting group. YUKI.N> Have you noticed anything abnormal about them? >
"Um... Ms. Suzumiya's kind of... hyper, aaand Koizumi isn't very expressive... nnno, that's mean; I mean, he's always smiling, but..."
> Um Ms. SUZUMIYA'S kind of hyper and Koizumi isn't very expressive no that's mean I mean he's always smiling but YUKI.N> I understand. YUKI.N> You are right to be concerned about Itsuki Koizumi. That must be causing him great pain. YUKI.N> Humour me. Is there any evidence that anything supernatural may be going on? Even the most fleeting conjecture would be valuable. >
Valuable? ... Supernatural? "Um... Kyon has a certain... um, he... he has a kind of... aura, I think... um... gosh, that sounds crazy..."
> Um K-On has a certain um he he has a kind of aura I think um gosh that sounds crazy YUKI.N> I do not think that sounds crazy, but I also do not think that it is supernatural. YUKI.N> You will understand in due time. YUKI.N> In any case, I am glad that there is nothing strange happening. Are you living a happy high school life? >
"Yyy-yes?"
> Yes YUKI.N> Good. That is what I wanted to hear. YUKI.N> I hope it is fulfilling. YUKI.N> I have gathered enough data at this point. YUKI.N> It is time for you to take your revenge against me. >
"What?" My face flushed. The already-frigid temperature seemed to drop by around 20 degrees. "Re... revenge?"
> What revenge YUKI.N> I am giving you the opportunity to ask questions of me. >
I let out a sigh of relief. "Um, okay..."
What kind of questions could I possibly have? I've never considered the possibility of getting to talk to some sort of... omniscient god who already seems to know everything about me. What do I even say!? I glanced out the window, but it was too dark to see anything. ... But... if they know everything about me, then... no, that's silly. ... But......
"Um... I... um... well, I have one question, but it's... You probably wouldn't know the answer, anyway..."
> Um okay um I um well I have one question but it's you probably wouldn't know the answer anyway YUKI.N> That is okay. Ask. >
"Oookay..." My voice had been reduced to a mere whisper at this point. I was so nervous, so afraid, so confused... "D-do you... do you know..." I kneaded my hands, sighing softly. It's such a dumb question, I thought, but... with how bluntly they told me to ask...
"... Do you know who my mother is?"
> Okay do you do you know do you know who my mother is
For the longest time, there was no response. I watched the monitor with bated breath, anxiously awaiting their reply.
YUKI.N> I cannot tell you her name, but she is very proud of you. YUKI.N> She loves you with all of her heart, and hopes that you will grow to be a healthy young woman.
I opened my mouth, hoping to learn more about her, but no sound came out. I tried to reach for the keyboard, but I couldn't move my arms. All I could do was watch as the image on the monitor slowly faded away, plunging the clubroom into darkness.
At the very last moment, I saw two lines of text appear. I was able to read the first, but I only got partway through the second before it vanished.
YUKI.N> Goodbye, Yuki. YUKI.N> I will a
And then, nothing...
The Expression of Yuki Nagato
Part 1
"Are you even listening!?"
I jolted awake, instinctively turning to face whoever shouted. Before me stood a girl with long dark brown hair, dressed in a gym uniform that was a couple sizes too large for her, leaning in way too closely. She fixed me with a stern glare, her lip curled into a pout, her hands planted firmly on her hips. From a cursory glance, she seemed to be the only one in the clubroom so far.
"Um... hello," I mumbled, pushing my glasses up. "I..."
"Geez, pay attention next time!" she groaned. "Like I was saying, that book you asked me to read was totally boring."
... Patch's Dual Nature? "Um... oh. ... Why di—"
"It was way too slow! It just went on and on and on, like, get to the point already!"
I opened my mouth to reply, but no sound came out. I tried to meet her eyes, but looked away just as quickly, unable to withstand her intense gaze.
"So that's why I made... this!" She reached into her bag and, with a flick of her wrist, produced a small, hand-bound book entitled "The Dual Nature of Patch Knowles". Beneath the title were the two main characters of the book, Patch and Hal, locked in a strange-looking embrace. "Written and Illustrated by Haruhi Suzumiya" was emblazoned at the bottom of the cover without the least bit of shame. "It's written way better than the original! Plus, it's a manga, so it's way more fun to read!"
"Um... shouldn't you... uh......" I gestured vaguely towards the author credit.
"Huh?"
"... the author..." I murmured, my mouth drying.
Ms. Suzumiya stared at me for a moment, then giggled, raising an eyebrow. "What, you want me to credit the original author or something? Why should I? I mean, this is so different, it's basically a brand new story! Here, see for yourself!"
With that, she shoved the book into my hands, grinning. I fumbled with it for a moment, then clumsily took it from her. I peeked at the title page, and as I expected, the original author's name was nowhere to be seen. Resigning myself to my fate, I started flicking through the book, pushing through a familiar-looking introduction. No more than a minute later, I gasped, the book slipping from my hands as I turned away, searching for respite in the emptiness of the clubroom. My stomach churned as a sense of nausea exploded within me. It was all I could do to keep myself from passing out from the sight of Patch and Emilia...
"Aww, you skipped right to the good part!" she laughed, picking up the book and dusting it off. "I know I said it was a little too slow, but y'know, my rewrites were so effective, I decided to add a few scenes to spice things up a little! Really makes things more interesting, if you know what I mean!"
I stared down at my hands, shivering uncontrollably. A lump seemed to form in my throat, gradually evolving into a stabbing pain. I know it sounds strange, but... for a moment, I almost wanted to bring my hands to my neck and...
"Ohh, how adorable! You've got the whole moe shy girl thing down, Yuki! You look so lost; it's like you've never even seen another girl naked before! It's so cute~!"
"......"
"Y'know, I've been wondering — you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but in that kind of situation, would you rather be Patch or Emilia? No, wait, I've got it! You'd definitely be Patch! At school, you act all shy and timid, but at home, I bet you turn into a—"
"Why would they...?" I mumbled, my eyes squeezed shut.
"... Huh? Did you say something?"
"I-III, um..." I gritted my teeth, taking a deep breath. "Patch, um... said they have no interest in... that kind of thing. I... I don't think..."
She tilted her head, her brow furrowing. "So what? I mean, yeah, I guess, but she's, like, a repressed shut-in type, right? So it's only logical that she'd have a bunch of pent up tension she needs to release! Come to think of it, that's probably why she's so grumpy all the time. Even boring people need to have fun sometimes, y'know?"
My hands slowly clenched into fists, a bead of sweat rolling down my cheek. For... some reason, something about what she'd said felt... deeply wrong, almost unsettling. I swallowed hard, trying to force the bile back down my throat. I... Wh... why would you... Why would they... What are you saying...?
Just as I was wondering whether it'd be better to hide in the women's restroom and curl into a ball, a quiet knock came at the door. I turned to answer, but... my mouth just hung open, as if my vocal cords had been paralyzed.
"Come in!" Ms. Suzumiya shouted, grinning brightly.
After a moment's hesitation, the door slowly opened, and a tall, tired-looking man stepped in. He stood firm, towering over Ms. Suzumiya like a statue. He glanced about the room with a stoic expression, as if he didn't care what was going on, but I knew in my heart he did. As his eyes finally settled on me, my discomfort seemed to dissolve in an instant.
"Kyon..." I murmured, my face gently warming.
"Hey, Nagato," he said, seating himself across from me. "Hey, Haruhi."
"Don't 'hey Haruhi' me!" she chided, turning towards Kyon. "You're late!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Late? What about the others?"
"Koizumi and Mikuru are out sick, so you're the last one here! Besides, you look like you haven't shaven for a week! Even if they show up, you still deserve a penalty for not taking care of yourself!"
He stared at her for a brief moment, then sighed, a small smile slipping onto his face. A couple seconds later, he turned towards me. "So, uh, Nagato, about that book..."
I nearly choked on my words. "Y... yes?" Did... Did he like it? Or... no... no, God; what if...
"... Patch and Hal are supposed to be the same person, right?"
"Duh," Ms. Suzumiya said, flopping down in the chair next to me. "It was super obvious from the beginning."
I...it's not...
"But then... is he a boy or a girl?" Kyon asked. "Uh... she? Is..."
"Uh..." I started. I blinked hard, struggling to force the words out of my throat. "... They're b—"
"She's obviously a girl," Ms. Suzumiya interjected. "Didn't you see her massive honkers?"
He glared at her for what seemed like a solid minute, before finally replying, "'See'?"
"Come on! If you really want to experience the story, you've gotta use your imagination! Immerse yourself in their world! Otherwise, you're just looking at a buncha boring words!"
"... Yes," I murmured, "but, uh..."
After another short period of silence, Kyon shook his head. "Yep. Classic Haruhi."
"I know, right?" she laughed, crossing her arms and leaning back. "I should write a book about this sorta thing!"
"What were you going to say, Nagato?"
For some reason I didn't quite understand, my heart fluttered as he looked towards me. "U-um... They're... They're b—"
"They're both."
I flinched at the sound of the newcomer's voice. I hadn't heard him enter, and from the looks of it, neither had anyone else. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, looking down at us and tapping his copy of Patch's Dual Nature against his forehead. I'm not sure if it was his eerily broad smile, his out-of-season summer gym uniform, or his markedly restrained behaviour, but something about him seemed more than a little out of place.
"... Yyyyup," Kyon sighed. "Classic Koizumi."
"I thought you were sick," Ms. Suzumiya said, pouting.
"I have to say, Ms. Nagato," he said, sitting down next to Kyon, "this was certainly an interesting selection. It certainly gave me a lot to think about!"
"... O-oh, um... that's... good," I replied, trying to ignore the saccharine aftertaste of his words.
"Y'know, some people say that the books people read often say more about them than the characters within it."
"......"
I looked to Kyon, then to Ms. Suzumiya. Both seemed to be as lost as I was. What does he...?
"What made you pick up this book in the first place?"
"Oh, um, w-well......" My body tensed up. I'd like to say I had read a positive review about it, or that I'd heard about it from a friend (What friend?), or that I just happened to pick it up, but I really couldn't bring myself to lie. At the same time, I couldn't tell everyone that I picked this up because of the illustration of Hal on the cover...
Koizumi let out a light chuckle. "Well, that's alright. Just remember that if you ever want to talk to me about anything, I'm all ears."
"Um... thank... you...?"
I had no idea what he was talking about. I knew that I was allowed to talk to people, but...
"Back up!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, flipping a strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you mean, 'they're both'?"
Is... that what you're stuck on?
"Believe me, I was surprised by it too," he said, turning a palm up, "but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. After all, we get to see both aspects of her individually, and only once we've gotten to know both of them do we see the whole. If you ignore either one of her aspects, what you're left with simply isn't him. It's almost like the story of the blind men and the elephant. There's simply no way to describe him without saying that he's both male and female."
She seemed to turn this over in her head for a few minutes, then growled in frustration. "But it doesn't make sense! If she's a boy and a girl, then what's her junk supposed to look like?"
Kyon planted his hand against his face, shaking his head. Koizumi simply shrugged. "At first, I was curious about that too, but I don't think it matters. After all, it's never explained in the book. All we know is that Hal was gynecomastic, though whether you could really call that gynecomastia is debatable. What matters is what we saw. Like I said, it's impossible to describe her without saying that he's both male and female."
"But... but then how do they expect me to draw fanart of her?"
"I guess you'll just have to use your imagination!"
"Uh...!" I squeaked, almost on instinct.
"Huh?" Ms. Suzumiya jolted, then turned towards me, her eyes wide. "Yuki? What's up?"
... Yuki, no... Please don't butt into other people's conversations... b-but... I... if this goes on any longer... "Uh...... K-K... K-Kyon?"
"Yeah?" His head tilted, setting his short brown hair ever so slightly asway.
"Uh..." My eyes darted around the room as I struggled to come up with something, anything that could change the topic. "... Umm..."
"N-no, it's fine," he said. "I'm... sure you'll remember it later. Don't worry about it."
I struggled for a few minutes more, then nodded silently, shrinking into myself. "... Mnh..."
An awkward silence fell over the room. Why...? Why couldn't you...? What were you thinking? What's wrong with...?
I desperately tried to hide my embarrassment from Kyon, praying that he wouldn't think too poorly of me. Ms. Suzumiya still seemed to be processing the question of Patch's gender. Koizumi simply stared at her, smiling, though he seemed a bit more relaxed than usual. I could just barely hear a bird singing outside the window, its voice drilling into my ears.
It was Ms. Suzumiya who finally broke the silence. "That idea was a bust," she sighed, resting her head in her hand. "Someone remind me, what's our club called again?"
"Um... the... Literary Club?" I whispered, unable to shake the feeling I was forge—
"Wrong! John?"
"Wh— me?" Kyon replied, jolting upright. "The SOS Brigade?"
That's right. When she first came here, she... did say she was going to set up "an SOS Brigade of her own", didn't she?
Of course, if I'd have known she was going to commandeer the Literary Club to that end... I still would've been too shy to say anything.
Incidentally, about "John"... I'm... afraid I don't know, either.
She leaned back in her chair, her lips curled into a pout. "The full name, please."
"The Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade?" After a short moment, his drooping eyelids suddenly flew wide open, but I couldn't tell why.
"Right! So we need an idea that can spread excitement! Reading just isn't gonna cut it!"
"It was a nice thought," Koizumi said, though it sounded less reassuring and more mocking.
"Got it!" Ms. Suzumiya slammed the table, standing in the blink of an eye. "John, do you remember why the SOS Brigade was formed?"
"Because I told you about it?" Kyon replied.
"No, no, no! The ORIGINAL SOS Brigade!"
Original?
He raised an eyebrow. "... To feed Haruhi's boredom?"
I was a little taken aback to hear him refer to her in the third person. That's... She's... not a little kid. ... Even if she is a little... N-no, that's so...
She simply glared at him, unwilling to dignify his insult with a response. After a moment, he sighed, then said, "To hunt for anything weird and exciting? Aliens, time travellers, espers, things like that?"
"Mmmm-hmm! So that's exactly what we're gonna do! Come on, follow me!"
And so, with no further explanation, she marched right out of the clubroom, as if guided by fate itself. Kyon followed moments later, shaking his head, as if this had happened countless times before.
I... Where are we... What are we... I... I don't...
Despite myself, I pushed myself out of my chair, following closely behind Kyon, praying that I could handle whatever laid before me. Koizumi brought up the rear, turning off the lights and closing the door behind him.
"Listen up, everyone!"
After walking for what felt like an hour, we had arrived at a nondescript bus stop. Ms. Suzumiya stepped onto its small bench, then turned to face us. Between her bold, almost smug posture and the way her hair fluttered in the wind, she almost looked like a hero addressing the masses. "Remember, we're looking for anything strange or unusual, so we have to pay extra-close attention to our surroundings. After all, anything could turn out to be suspicious! Now, we have a whole city to search and only seventy years to burn, so we're going to have to split up. Koizumi and I will investigate around here! John, Yuki, you two search..." She paused for a moment, putting her hand to her chin. "You two search... hmm..."
"How about the library?" Kyon suggested, slipping his hands into his jacket's pockets.
"Got it! John, Yuki, you two search the library! There's bound to be something weird there! Alright!" She clapped her hands, then raised her fist into the air. "Go team! Meet back here at 5pm!"
She hopped off the bench, proudly walking into the distance with Koizumi in tow, leaving Kyon and I alone. I looked up at him for but a moment, my heart fluttering. Was it a coincidence that he'd suggested we visit the library, or...?
"Let's get moving," he said, starting down the sidewalk. "If we keep her waiting, we're dead."
I tried to reply, but all I could do was nod slowly, shuffling onward behind him. Our journey to the library passed in near-silence, interrupted only by the sound of cars barreling down the highway, but it didn't really bother me. There was something comforting about quietly walking alongside him through the snowy streets. It was a kind of... special feeling I had felt with only one other person so far, but at the time, I couldn't quite place it.
Before I knew it, our walk came to an end, and we had passed through the revolving door separating the real world from a world of unbridled fantasy. A slight warmth filled my heart as I stared at the stacks in awe, as if seeing them for the first time once more. Another trip to the library, with Kyon... A smile found its way onto my face as I brought my hand to my chest, barely able to contain my excitement.
"It's been too long," I mumbled.
"Hmm?"
My face nearly burst into flame. "I-I, uh..." I pushed my glasses up, then turned to look in Kyon's general direction. "Um... where should we start?"
"Start?... Oh," he chuckled, "don't worry about that. I don't think she'll notice if we just say we didn't find anything."
"So we're going to... lie?"
"Hey, it's not a lie if we really didn't see anything, right?"
"Uh..." I clasped my hands together, squeezing hard. After about a minute, I finally found the strength to nod. "I... guess."
He smiled, then turned towards a reading area. "I'm gonna take a nap. Uh... you gonna be alright on your own?"
"I... think so."
"Alright. I'll be over here if you need me," he said, walking away.
"Take care," I tried to say, but the words simply didn't come. I watched him for a few seconds, then turned back towards the stacks. A sense of serenity washed over me as I took in the majestic sight. To think, this library must've held hundreds, or even thousands of books, so many that it'd take years just to get through the ones without any weird bits, and it was all open to me. Any book I could imagine, anything I could ever desire, was right here, at my fingertips.
And it was all thanks to him.
It was a stuffy day in the library, and I was nearly at my wits' end.
I had come to the library to find something new to read — I could tell my neighbour was at the end of her rope trying to find something I'd be interested in. I'd found a couple books that looked nice, but there was a problem: the library was packed full of people. The librarians were so busy helping everyone else, I couldn't get their attention. Whenever one became free, I tried to approach them, but by the time I steeled myself, someone else had already started talking to them. All I could do was stand there, clutching the books to my chest and trembling, hoping that someone would notice me in the massive crowd. I waited for what felt like days, so small, so alone in this crowd of people — normal people who could handle themselves in situations like this. Even children went up to the librarians, happily chatting about what they'd been reading, while I watched, helpless. I felt like I was on the brink of being consumed by despair, of running out of the library and never coming back, until...
"Hey."
I whipped my head around, afraid I had gotten in someone's way. Behind me was a tall, tired-looking man with short, yet fluffy brown hair. From his uniform, I could tell he was a North High student — the same school I went to. He looked down at me with an unreadable expression.
"U-uh... I'm sorry," I choked, backing away.
"You alright?"
It was only then that it hit me — his expression was one of concern. His voice was surprisingly soft, his tone, gentle. Still, I thought, he's probably just trying to be polite...
"I..." I mumbled, running my hand along the spines of the books. "I-III'm just... waiting to check out..."
"I'm pretty sure you've been standing there since I got here," he countered, crouching to my eye level. Deep in his eyes, for a fraction of a second, I could see that even he was surprised by his actions. "Are you sure you're okay? Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like you're seconds away from running away screaming."
"I..." I squeezed one of the books, looking down at the floor. "Um... they're really busy today, so... I haven't had a chance to... aaand I don't even have a library card yet, so I'd just hold everyone else up..."
He chuckled. "That's not a problem — school just started a few weeks ago. Lots of people are getting library cards for the first time. Look, she's free," he said, gesturing towards a librarian. "Go ahead."
My heart stopped as I looked at them. They were looking off in the distance, oblivious to us. It seemed so easy on paper: just go up to them, ask for a library card, check out these books, and go home. It was all so simple, so... why couldn't I bring myself to do it? I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried my hardest to will myself on, but I couldn't. It was like my feet were glued to the floor. What would I even say when I got up there? "Hi, I need a library card"? That'd be way too direct. "Do you know how I could get a library card?" That... Of course they would! Why? Why are you such a? Why can't I even...? I started hyperventilating, desperately trying to think of what I should do, until finally... someone else approached them.
At that moment, something broke within me. My trembling turned into shivering. Against my will, I let out a sob, my eyes brimming with tears, clutching the books for support. Why couldn't I have gone up there? If I'm supposed to be so smart; why couldn't I think of anything to say?
"Hey, hey..." the man whispered, gently placing a hand on my shoulder. Another sob tore through me. Why did I have to let his help go to waste? He's wasting his time trying to help me, and this is how I repay him?
"I-I'm sorry...!"
"It's alright. Do you, uh... do you want me to help you?"
I slowly looked towards him. Though I could hardly see, he seemed to have a certain radiance that cut through my tears. "... Hhhelp?"
"I could help you get a library card, check out the books, everything. If anything embarrassing happens, I'll take the fall. ... I-iif you want, I mean."
I stared at him, sniffling, trying to figure out whether this was a twisted delusion. Was he actually offering to... help? For some reason, I felt my face start to burn as I wiped my tears away. "Are you sure? But, um... wouldn't that look... weird? Everyone else can handle themselves, so..."
He smiled lightly. "Hey, if anyone says anything, they'll have to answer to me. Come on, now's our chance." He stood, then started heading towards a free librarian. I swallowed hard, then slowly followed behind him, shuffling my feet. By the time I got there, he'd already started talking to them.
"... friend here needs a library card. How could she go about getting one?"
Friend? Though I knew he was just trying to cover for me, my heart skipped a beat.
"She'd have to fill out this form," the librarian replied, pulling out a small stack of papers. "There's no fee for checking out materials; she just has to return them on time."
"Thanks." He grabbed a pen from the desk, uncapped it, and offered it to me, along with the form. I reached out to grab them, but... his hand was so big, it covered most of the pen, and... if I were to take it, I... I'd...
"It's alright," he said. "Leave it to me, then. So, uh... what's your name?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the librarian raise an eyebrow. I tried to ignore them, focusing on the man's welcoming expression. "Um... Nagato," I mumbled. "Yuki Nagato. Uh... Nagato as in Nagato Province."
"Yuki as in snow?"
"Nnno, as in 'having hope'. Uh..."
Slowly, but surely, we worked through the entire form. He returned it to the librarian, and after a few minutes of typing, they reached beneath their desk and took out a card. "Ms. Nagato," they said, looking down at me, "this is your library card. You can use it to check out books and CDs whenever you like. It's good for three years; after that, you'll have to renew it. Understand?"
I nodded my head, staring at the card in awe. For a long time, it'd seemed like something that'd always be just out of my reach, but now...
"Do you want to go ahead and check out those books?"
"Um... mm-hmm."
I handed the books to the man, and he passed them on to the librarian. Mere seconds later, he returned them to me, along with my new library card. I held it up to eye level, the vaguest hint of a tear prickling at my eyes. "Yuki Nagato" was printed right there, plain as day. I turned to the librarian, then to the man. I had no idea what to say. "Thank you" wouldn't be enough, and after everything he'd done for me, it'd just come off as stupid. Unable to think of anything, I bowed my head, walking out of the library, resolving to head home and cry into a pillow so I could process what just happened.
As I left the library behind, I could hear a faint voice that almost sounded like... mine. It was monotonous, but I couldn't help but notice a hint of contentment.
"Yes. That will be fine."
As my recollection came to an end, I found myself lost in a sea of books. Without even realizing it, I had started wandering through the stacks. Though the shelves loomed over me, I felt a sense of comfort standing in their shadow. At that moment, I was just a tiny, tiny thing surrounded by eons of human knowledge, of hopes, dreams, of love, peace, of death, sadness, of fantasy, reality. For the briefest of moments, I felt like I had been freed of all limitations, that I had finally reached nir—
"Waah!"
Before I knew it, I found myself on the floor, the world around me blurry. After a few seconds, I managed to find my glasses, and clumsily shoved them onto my face, looking up at whoever I'd run into. Before me stood a meek young woman in a North High uniform. Between her long orange hair, the way she was shivering, and the fact that she looked like she was about to burst into tears, it would've been impossible not to recognize her.
"Ohhh...! I-I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I wasn't looking where I was going!"
"N... no," I replied. "I was... thinking, and..." After a moment's thought, I hastily picked myself up and dusted off my skirt. "I, um... I should be the one apologizing."
"Are you hurt?"
"III think I'm okay. ... Um... are you... feeling better?"
She stared at me for a moment, her eyes wide, as if she hadn't heard me.
"...... U-uh... Mikuru?"
"Huh? Oh! Umm... yes! I... I woke up a while ago feeling much better, so I... decided to visit the library!" Her voice had faded to little more than a squeak.
My eyebrows shot up. She'd only started feeling better "a while ago"? That's...
Mikuru's eyes darted between the shelves, a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek. "I, um..."
"Hang on," I mumbled, unzipping my bag. After rifling through it for way too long, I found a box of surgical masks, popped it open, and handed one to Mikuru before I could waste any more of her time. "Hhhere. ... Um, you could still be sick, and..." No, no! That sounds like I'm accusing her of something! "I-II mean...!"
"Oh, uh... thank you!" She took the mask and, after struggling with it for a few seconds, fit it snugly against her face. It's... silly, but for a moment, I couldn't help but think that she looked a little cuter in it.
I closed the box and zipped up my bag. "So... are we... I mean, should we..." I swallowed. "Aaare you..." Come on, Yuki! Say something!
"I'd love to hang out," she replied, her voice slightly muffled, "b-but I... I can't talk right now! I'm... but... you might be just who I'm looking for... wah! No, I...! That's not what I...!" She squeezed her eyes shut. "Mmnnnhhh, I said too much!" With no further warning, she barreled past me, nearly knocking me over once more. I turned, but she was already halfway across the library, stumbling up the stairs to the second floor.
"You might be just who I'm looking for"? What did she mean...? I rested a trembling hand on my cheek, nearly cooking it to perfection. Could she... Does she......? I shook my head. N-no, of course not. Get it together. There's no way...
I took a deep breath and hurried onward, desperately trying to convince myself that I was imagining things. As I weaved through the aisles, I ran my hand along the spines of the books in a feeble attempt to calm my nerves. Occasionally, I stopped to pull out a book or two, but for the most part, I just meandered along, losing myself in the depths of the library.
After a while, I had amassed quite a stack of books, and my legs felt like they were about to give out from under me. I sighed in relief as a reading area came into view, but nearly tripped over my feet moments later. There, at the far end of a sofa, was Kyon. As I shuffled closer, I saw that he was fast asleep, his head bowed as if in prayer. His mouth just barely hung open, and his snoring was a gentle as a kitten's purring. He was... adorable. As if by instinct, my hand found its way to my heart, and my face nearly burst into flame. I frantically looked around as I approached, searching for another spot, but every other seat was taken. There was plenty of room on the sofa, of course, but... But what would happen if I sat this close to him? What if he thought I was some sort of creep? What if he woke up and started interrogating me? What would happen if he leaned just slightly to the left and fell onto my shoulder...?
Eager to get rid of these weird thoughts, I sat down and buried my nose in one of my books, trying not to think about it too hard. Still, I couldn't get it off my mind. What if I accidentally bumped into him and woke him up? Would he be mad? What if I lost my balance, and I was the one who fell on his shoulder? What if... What if he... God... why are you doing this? What am I thinking? I... I should...
It was only then that I felt it — a burning sensation, as if someone was watching me. I looked up, and sure enough, a young woman with black hair as thick as a tree trunk was sitting across from me, staring a hole into my forehead. I hid my face behind my book, trembling. Everyone's staring at you... Now everybody knows that you're a freak who can't even keep it together around a silly boy. Good going, Yuki...
After several long minutes, I was finally able to relax a little and start reading. The feeling of being watched, however, refused to go away, even after I'd pushed my way through several chapters. I peeked past my book, and just as I thought, the woman was still staring at me. It's mean to say, but she was starting to creep me out. Was there something wrong? Did she want to talk to me? Was she lost in thought? Was I that much of an embarrassment? I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what I should do, but was quickly interrupted by a loud yawn.
"Oh, Nagato," Kyon mumbled blearily.
I slowly turned to face him. It's... silly, but for some reason, the way he was rubbing his eyes gently warmed my heart.
"You find something?"
Without thinking, I nodded. "Mnh. Um... good morning." ... Really? It's just past 4 pm...
Nonetheless, he smiled at me, then pulled out his phone... and nearly choked on his own tongue. "Dammit! It's already 4:45! Come on," he grunted, standing up, "we gotta go, now!"
With that, he hustled towards the exit, not looking back for a moment. After processing what he'd said, I clambered to my feet and started to follow, but only made it about a meter before something struck my chest. I looked down and saw...
A book?
I checked my own stack, and it was one short. ... I... dropped one? I took the book and turned to thank whoever picked it up... but froze.
Standing there was the black-haired woman, her face only a few centimeters away from mine.
Her gaze locked with mine, her beady black eyes staring right into my soul. I felt a strange burning sensation on my cheeks, almost as if they were being dissolved. What the...? I thought, taking a step back. What is she doing...? What... what is this?
I backed away sheepishly, too stunned to speak, then bowed and ran over to the checkout counter. If she responded in any way, I didn't hear her, and by the time I turned to leave, she was already gone.
As I sprinted alongside Kyon, racing towards the bus stop, I couldn't stop thinking about her. Rationally speaking, I knew that this was just a chance encounter, and that I'd never see her again, but...
I slogged on toward the bus stop, panting heavily. My legs felt like they were made of lead, and I felt like I was about to collapse. Kyon, on the other hand, hadn't even broken a sweat. I really need to get out more often... The thought echoed dully through my head, as if my very soul was slowly fading into nothingness. ... But...
As the bus stop finally came into view, we were greeted by a grumpy-looking Ms. Suzumiya, impatiently tapping her foot on the bench. Koizumi was sitting next to her, smiling brightly, but still clearly exhausted. I hesitated for a moment, but pushed onward, hoping that she wouldn't be too mad. Kyon sighed, but didn't even skip a beat. As soon as we got within shouting dist—
"THERE YOU ARE!" Ms. Suzumiya yelled. "Where were you? It's already 5:01! I've been worried sick about you guys!"
"I know, I know," Kyon grumbled.
I didn't really know how to feel about her calling me a guy, but I kept my mouth shut. She hopped off the bench and ran up to us, closing the distance in seconds. "So, didja find anything?"
"Nope," he replied. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Just an average, everyday library."
"Um..." I squeaked.
Though it sounds crazy, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. On one hand, he was probably right. Mikuru had probably just come to find something to read after sleeping off her illness, and that weird girl was probably just... shy, like me. On the other hand...
"Um, I... I saw... Mikuru, a—"
"Quit joking around!" she replied, her tone snippy as ever. "Mikuru's not weird!" She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. "I guess I should've seen this coming. I mean, of course we're not gonna find anything on the first day. If strange things popped up that easily, you'd see them all the time!"
"I guess we're just gonna have to keep looking," Koizumi said, apparently having joined us. Am I imagining it, or was Ms. Suzumiya startled...?
"Right! That's exactly the sort of energy the SOS Brigade needs! Always looking forward, never giving up, and never slacking off! You could learn a thing or two from him, y'know," she chimed, winking at Kyon. "And Yuki, too. Look at all those books she's got!" She swooped over to me, her hand hovering over my stack of books. I took a step back, but she was still way too close. "She was probably looking for magic tomes or something! I mean, she didn't find anything, but..."
She froze. Her eyes flew wide open, and her mouth curled into a small frown. She stared at the books for what felt like an hour, then swallowed. "The Rise of Endymion..."
"Yyyou... Have you read it?" I asked, a slight smile slipping onto my face. This... Is this...? Has she... actually rea—
"I know it's part of the Hyperion Cantos," she mumbled, "so it's probably one of the most boring books ever written."
"Oh..."
She stared at me for a few more seconds, then stood up straight, stepping backwards. "Forget everything I just said," she muttered. After a few seconds, she whipped around to face Kyon and Koizumi, posing dramatically. "I think we've found something!"
I clamped a hand over my ear, whimpering in pain.
Kyon stared at her like she'd just said she was a god. "For real!?" he exclaimed.
"As a matter of fact, they're right here among us!"
"Here?" Koizumi said. "Oh my."
"I was skeptical at first, but it's actually pretty obvious, if you think about it. First, I'm definitely not an alien, time traveller, or an esper. If I were, I'd know!"
"Yeah, right," Kyon mumbled.
"Second, let's consider John Smith here. Now, any reasonable person would say he's suspicious. One day, out of the blue, he starts talking all this nonsense about 'other worlds', 'where's Haruhi', 'SOS Brigade', blah blah blah, we all know how it goes. At first, he'd just seem insane, but then you realize that he knows things nobody should know. People he's never met. And you just have to wonder, how? Could he be... an esper?"
"Of course not!"
"Correct! You're definitely weird and exciting, and again, any reasonable person would suspect that you're some sort of alien, time traveller, or esper, but lucky for us, I refuse to believe the lie of 'reasonability'! It seems clear to me that you were just an unfortunate bystander in an accident beyond your control!"
... What on Earth is she saying?
"So now we move on to... you! Itsuki Koizumi!" She struck a pose, pointing at Koizumi like a lawyer in a courtroom drama.
"That's me," he chimed, flashing a grin.
"I don't think it'll surprise you to hear that you seem pretty fishy. Like, you smile, like, all the time! Nobody could be that happy!"
"I guess I'm just lucky."
"Are you? Or are you hiding something from us? Maybe... some great tragedy in your past?"
"..."
"Or rather... in your future? Could that tragedy have been a terrible incident that you couldn't prevent... or perhaps something that you've come back to prevent? In other words, could you be... a time traveller!?"
"Hmm... that doesn't seem likely."
"Right you are! If you were, you wouldn't have been suspicious of John at all! You would've just told me to trust him or something!"
"Would you have believed me if I did?"
"And so, that leaves us with one suspect."
I checked over my shoulder, then glanced around nervously. Did Mikuru show up when I wasn't looking? ... N-no... The only ones there were an incredulous-looking Kyon, a smiling Koizumi, a smirking Ms. Suzumiya, and—
"YUKI NAGATO!"
I squeaked in fright, squeezing my eyes shut, nearly losing my balance. I clutched my books to my chest, my heart pounding. I... didn't really have a reason to be acting like that, but that voice...
"Now, Yuki here seems pretty ordinary. She tries her hardest to blend into the background, never speaking up or trying to stand out. Her coquettish shyness just seems like the natural behaviour of a lonely schoolgirl. She's just your average, everyday moe moe meganekko... or is she?"
"I... I don't..." "Tries her hardest to blend into the background"? "Coquettish"? Is... she even talking about me?
She giggled at my confusion. "But think about it. What kind of girl goes to an empty clubroom all year long just to read? What good is that? Can't she just do that at home?"
"Um—"
"Speaking of which, isn't it weird how she's so obsessed with books? She just reads, like, all the time! She's so focused on her books, she barely even TRIES to talk to people! It's almost as if she's trying to gather intelligence. As if she's trying to learn more... about human civilisation. And that adorable shyness of hers... is it really shyness? Or is it just that she doesn't know how humans express themselves?"
That last sentence hit me like a stab in the gut. Social interaction had never been my strong suit, but I had thought I was doing so much better since I'd met Kyon...
"And speaking of books, anyone who's ever met her could tell you she's a huge sci-fi nerd. Every time you see her, she's always got her nose stuck in a weird book about a bunch of dorks in space. It begs the question... why? Could it be because she can see some aspect of herself in these books? But what?"
I mean, I guess she has a point. I'm not a very adventurous person, but I do like how sci-fi highlights the achievements of smart, capable individuals, even if they are quiet and reserved. Of course, all the adventure of being an astronaut would probably be too much for me, but...
"With all that, you might start to ask yourself... is it possible? Could it be? Is Yuki Nagato... an alien?"
"N-n-n-nnnnn...!" I tried to protest, but couldn't even force that one word out.
"Hang on," Koizumi said, holding up a hand. "That sounds pretty farfetched, if you ask me."
"I thought so, too," she muttered, her hand on her chin. "I had my doubts, but to be honest, I never really thought this Yuki could be an alien... until today. Earlier, I gave her a manga (made by yours truly, of course), and she started flicking through it... but stopped when she saw a scene with two girls exploring each other's bodies. Now, you might be thinking that she's just a regular old pervert, but that's not it at all. Honestly, I think I might've preferred that."
She took a deep breath before continuing. "What happened next was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. Her face turned pale — paler than mine, even, almost like a corpse. The manga fell from her hands, and — BOOM! — landed on the floor like a weight. She was shaking, violently, and she looked off into space like she had no idea what to do."
"P-please stop..." I whispered.
"At first, I thought it was pretty cute, but now that I think about it... it almost looked like I had killed her mom or something. Weird, right? The most pleasurable experience known to humans — arguably the very THING that makes us human! — and she just couldn't process it at a—"
"Haruhi."
I gasped, slowly turning my head. Was that... Was I imagining things, or...
"Don't you think this is a little personal?" Kyon asked, taking a step towards her. "You're making her uncomfortable; just look at her!"
"And don't you think that's suspicious?" she retorted. "Why should she be uncomfortable? No, there's no doubt in my mind." She turned to me, pointing a finger right in my face. "Yuki Nagato, there's nowhere left to run! Admit it: you're an alien, aren't you!?"
I tried to object, to yell, to refute her, to say something, anything... but I couldn't. My heart pounded in my ears, blocking out any attempt to think rationally. My mind begged me to run before she snapped further, but I simply stood there, my mouth just slightly opened, praying that someone would save me from this mess.
...
........
...........
.........................
I felt like I'd been hit over the head with a dictionary. I slowly opened my eyes. The world around me was a blur. I tried adjusting my glasses, but that didn't seem to help much.
"Are you alright?" someone asked. "That was quite a fall."
After a few moments, I started to get my bearings. I was still at the bus stop, but I was sitting on the bench. Koizumi was next to me, fanning me with what looked like his math homework. Kyon and Ms. Suzumiya seemed to be bickering in the distance, though I couldn't hear them clearly.
"I..." I mumbled. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. "I dunno..."
"Sorry about that," Koizumi sighed. "Ms. Suzumiya's a good person at heart, but she can be a bit of a handful sometimes."
A bit? I winced, cursing myself for thinking something so rude. "It's... alright. She... she probably just got... carried away..."
"She is pretty excitable. I guess she still has a lot to learn about talking to people."
I stared at Kyon and Ms. Suzumiya for a couple minutes. I hope they're not too mad at each other, I thought, gingerly wiping the sweat from my forehead. Kyon seems really upset, though... and Ms. Suzumiya's yelling pretty loudly...
"I'm sorry..." I said.
"You have nothing to apologize for."
I stared at my hands, kneading them softly. "III mean, Suzumiya... Ms. Suzumiya was having fun, right? But I..."
"Hey."
I looked up, only to see Ms. Suzumiya staring down at me. Her arms were crossed, but her expression was... softer than usual.
"Uh... y'know, um... I know I said a lot of stuff about you, but, um..." She took a deep breath, then closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Iiit's okay. You don't have t—"
"Look, how was I supposed to know you were so weak that you'd pass out? I... I... I didn't know I was being that awful. For someone my age, something like that should be unacceptable! I..." She turned her head, groaning. "I don't even know what to say! I should've been... gentler, or something."
"It's... okay, really."
"No, it's not! I..." She glared at me for a few seconds, then sighed, relaxing slightly. "Now, c'mon. John's treating the Brigade to dinner." She extended a hand. "You in?"
I stared at her hand. Should I...? I mean, that was the first time I've fainted in my life... but... I met her eyes for a split second. ... she really seems like she means it...
Before I knew it, I had taken her hand, and she had pulled me up. She smiled, then turned on her heel, facing Kyon. "Alright! Let's go!"
I walked down the street by myself, finally heading home. It was fairly quiet that night — everyone was already nestled up in their homes, enjoying the company of their families. A blast of freezing wind struck me, sending a shiver down my spine. I pulled my coat around me, sniffling. It's so late... I hurried on, hoping that I wouldn't run into any creeps before I got home.
Fortunately, I made it to my apartment building without incident. I entered, waved to the man at the desk, then got into the elevator in what felt like one fluid motion. I pressed the button for the seventh floor, then leaned back against the wall. As I waited, I couldn't help but notice my breath freezing around me. The year's almost over... It all happened so fast. I just can't believe I'm actually starting to make friends...
After a couple minutes, the doors finally opened onto the seventh floor. I stepped out, rubbing my eyes. I hadn't had a day this busy in a long time. It's embarrassing to admit, but even just from that, I was exhausted. I trudged towards my apartment, eager to settle down at the kotatsu with a long book and a warm cup of tea. As my door came into view, I noticed...
"Oh! You're back!"
... my neighbour, Ryoko Asakura, leaning against the wall. Her long navy hair fluttered in the breeze as she turned to me, smiling as brightly as always. She looked nice and cozy in her fluffy, oversized sweater, though I got the feeling that even in this bitter cold, she'd be just as happy wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She hurried over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders. "Are you alright, Yuki? I've been so worried! Where have you been?"
"Um, I, uh..."
"Oh, dear, you look like you're about to freeze to death! Come on, let's go inside." With that, she opened my door, ushering me inside. I walked in, swapped my shoes for slippers, took off my coat, and turned on the lights, the heater, and the kotatsu. She followed close behind, locking the door behind her. As I sat down at the kotatsu, I noticed a small container and a stack of bowls that weren't there this morning.
"Surprise," she chuckled, sitting to my right. "I thought you could use a little something to warm you up." She removed the lid of the container, revealing a delicious-looking ramen garnished with mushrooms and pork belly, simmering in a milky broth. "Of course, it's probably cooled off a bit by now. I didn't expect you'd be so late!" She took up a bowl, ladle, and a pair of serving chopsticks, and produced a flawless bowl of ramen. She set it down in front of me, giggling. "Go ahead and eat; I don't want you to catch a cold or anything."
"Thank you very much," I mumbled, taking up a pair of chopsticks. I hadn't eaten much earlier since I didn't want to burden Kyon too much, so I was still pretty hungry. I took up a few noodles and, after a moment's hesitation, slowly downed them. The broth's warmth slowly spread through me, thawing my body bit by bit.
"You're so quiet, Yuki." She made a bowl for herself, then grabbed her own chopsticks. "You must be the only person I know who eats ramen so quietly. It's adorable, to tell you the truth."
My face grew even warmer, my ears gently broiling. "Mnh...... thank you..."
She slurped down a few noodles, then sighed, leaning towards me and placing a hand on her cheek. "You look exhausted. Just where were you today?"
"Thu— ah... It was a club activity. We split up to look around for strange... happenings. I was assigned to the library."
"Oh, how wonderful!" she chimed, beaming. "But... 'strange happenings'? And it's just you and Kyon in the club, right? Don't tell me you went out there all by yourself, Yuki! I would've gone with you if you needed someone!"
"I wasn't," I replied, raising a hand. "Um... we got some new members a few days ago."
"Really?" Her eyebrows raised as she slid closer. "You have to tell me about them!"
"O-okay. Um..." I rubbed my neck, looking down at my bowl. "There's Ms. Haruhi Suzumiya. She's... um, energetic. It... it's kind of mean, but she's... really bossy sometimes..."
"Some people are just like that," she laughed. "So excitable, so full of life."
"Uh... there's Mikuru. She's, um... really sweet, but Ms. Suzumiya keeps bullying her. Uh, she didn't show up to today's meeting, but I saw her at the library."
"Wait, Mikuru Asahina?"
"M... mnh," I replied, my eyes widening. "... Do you... know her?"
"I've seen her around a few times. I'm not surprised someone like Ms. Suzumiya would pick on her," she sighed. "Ms. Asahina's wonderful, but she's so vulnerable. Some people, right?"
I giggled awkwardly. "And then, uh... Koizumi. He's, um... I don't really know. He's kind of... creepy, but..."
"That's just how men are!"
"And, um... we renamed the club. I mean, Ms. Suzumiya renamed the club. It's called the 'SOS Brigade', I think."
"Is that a cry for help?" She glanced into her bowl for a moment, then sighed. "Poor girl. If I ever see her, I'll have to have a talk with her." She was silent for a moment, then turned back towards me. "So... is Kyon still in the club?"
I nodded, smiling unconsciously. "Mm-hmm. He... he went to the library with me today." My hand naturally found its way to my heart, balled into a fist out of habit. I looked off into the distance, my face growing warmer and warmer. "It was nice... He fell asleep, and... he was... kind of..."
"Kyon?" she chuckled. "Yuki... I wish I could see him the way you do. I really do. I just don't see what's got you so worked up about him."
A jolt ran through me. That was the most blunt thing I'd ever heard Ryoko say. I slowly turned to her, my hands balled up in front of me. Did I say something wrong? "Uh... he's... I told you about how he helped me get a library card... right?"
"Uh-huh."
"Um... he's also... really interested in what I have to say... a-aaand he usually walks me home every day."
"What about today?"
"We went to a restaurant, and we ran into his parents. He ended up going home with them."
"Uh-huh."
"But he... I mean, uh..." I glanced towards my bowl, then sheepishly looked back up at her. "... what do you think?"
She put a hand to her chin. "Mmm... to tell the truth, I don't really trust him."
"Uh?"
"Like I said, most men are just plain creepy. A few days ago, around when Kyon joined your club, he started acting... weird. He said all these things about how I shouldn't be in class, wouldn't stop asking where Ms. Suzumiya was, and acted like he had no idea there was a flu outbreak." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she leaned closer to me. "I don't mean to make any accusations or anything, but I think he's gone crazy. I wouldn't trust him if I were you."
"But..." I squeezed my hands, staring down at them. There's no denying that he was acting really weird that day when he barged into the clubroom. Still... "... he knew things he shouldn't have known. Um... like... he knew about Ms. Suzumiya in the first place."
"He probably heard about her from one of his friends."
"But he also knew about Mikuru and Koizumi... aaand he managed to find a note in my handwriting that even I didn't know about, and he knew he had to search through the Literary Club's books to find it. And, um..." I cut myself off, putting my hand to my mouth. I didn't dare go further, or else she'd think I was crazy, too. "Um... I just know. He seemed a little... excitable at first, but deep down, I know he's good."
She shook her head. "That's how they get you. They lull you into a false sense of security by pretending to be all nice and gentle, then, once they reel you in, they never let you go! You've gotta be careful, Yuki! You're a growing girl who's incredibly meek and incredibly attractive, so you're a prime target for psychos. Don't let your guard down just because he smiled at you a couple times!"
"A... aaattractive?" I gazed into my ramen, pushing a mushroom around. "I, um... I don't think I'm... I'm just a lonely weirdo. It's a miracle that Kyon's even looked at me. There's no way I could be attractive."
"Are you kidding?" She glared at me like I'd just told her I was an alien. "Have you ever looked at yourself? Your fluffy gray hair, those adorable amber eyes, those cutesy glasses, the way the nape of your neck is just barely exposed, the way you tremble when you're afraid, your frail little... Yuki, saying that you look like a model would be an insult! You're in a class of your own!"
I stared at her, my brow furrowing, frantically trying to figure out what she meant. I... know she's said that I'm cute, but... attractive? I... I know I should know what that means by now, but... Is it the same thing as "cute"? But... that doesn't seem to be how people use it. It seems... different, but I don't really understand how. And... what does the nape of my neck have to do with anything? Or my glasses? Or my frail... something?
I kept trying to work out what she was thinking for what felt like half an hour. One thing did bring me a bit of peace: at one point, she licked her lips, apparently distracted, then turned away when she realized what she'd done. ... Even she's not immune to her own cooking.
At last, I sighed. "I... guess."
"See?" She sat upright, smiling gently. "That's why you've gotta be careful around him. You never know!"
"Thank you," I said, returning her smile. "I... You're right. I shouldn't be so careless."
With that, our conversation lapsed into silence, and we turned our attention to our meals. As I downed another few noodles, I couldn't help but remember how lucky I was to have a friend like Ryoko. Usually, I'd get so wrapped up in reading and homework that I'd forget to eat, often for days on end. The fact that I had someone who would not only go out of her way to bring me some of the best food in Japan, but also keep me company through dinner... I wasn't really religious, but to be honest, I couldn't help but wonder if she was some sort of blessing from the gods.
We finished our meals at about the same time. I looked up at her, gently tracing the rim of my bowl with my finger. "Um... thank you," I muttered, "for, um..."
"Of course!" she replied, turning towards me with a grin. "I hope it wasn't too bad or anything."
"Uh? No, it... th-this... um..."
I thought for several seconds, trying to come up with something that didn't sound like I was trying to flatter her, then gave up, my gaze dropping to my bowl.
"It was the best meal I've had."
She let out a giggle, then stood and collected the dishes. "Before I go... it's getting awfully close to Christmas, isn't it? You got any plans?"
"Um..." Now that she mentions it, it's already the 23rd. Just over a day away... "... I don't. But, um..."
She tilted her head. "But what?"
"I... I don't know if Ms. Suzumiya has anything planned for the SOS Cl... Brigade. I mean, that sounds kind of... silly, but she's very... spontaneous."
"Doesn't seem very silly to me! But still, if you're free, I'd be honoured to have you over on Christmas. My folks are throwing a party at noon, and we'd love to have you!"
My jaw hung open, a faint squeak escaping from my throat. I grabbed the collar of my cardigan, nervously glancing around the room, my heart pounding. It... may seem ridiculous, but this was the first time I had been invited to a party in my life. I had no idea what to do, what to say, what to think... All I could do was pray that Ryoko would understand. "Um... th-thank you! I, um...!" That's too loud! Please... "... Thank you. I... I'll ask Ms. Suzumiya if she's planning anything tomorrow."
"She gonna eat you if you don't go to her party?"
"I wouldn't be surprised..."
She let out one last giggle, then waved goodbye and turned to leave. As she walked down the hall, though, I heard her whisper something under her breath...
"She'd better not."
I nestled into my bed, sighing softly. Getting to eat with Ryoko was fun, but it had taken the last of my energy. I closed my eyes, eager to get a good night's sleep, but...
Should I...? I mean, that was the first time I've fainted in my life... but... she really seems like she means it...
I couldn't help but think about what had happened earlier today. Should I really have forgiven her so easily? Actually... had I forgiven her? A chill went down my spine. I'm being kind of mean to her... She made a mistake, and she admitted it. Why am I still...? ... I should just let bygones be bygones. She... already said she didn't realize how mean she was being. She... probably just has trouble relating to people. She... she's like me. That's all.
Still, I couldn't get today's events off my mind. The way she accused me of being an alien, that manga she had written, how she'd called Patch "boring" for having no interest in... Those thoughts continued to simmer in my mind for what felt like hours. Eventually, though, I realized something.
Kyon trusts her, right? And he's a pretty good person, so...
I wasn't completely satisfied, but that thought did bring me some peace. With that, I uneasily drifted off to sleep, the same way I did every day.
That night, I had a strange dream. I don't really remember much about it, but I was sitting in my apartment. Except for the kotatsu, it was completely empty, but I could hear a fire burning in the distance. Sitting across from me was the girl from the library. For hours, she just... stared at me. She was... I don't know how to describe her. She almost looked like a doll, and I might've believed she was if she didn't keep opening her mouth every so often.
Eventually, she mumbled something that sounded like gibberish, then asked me for... something. Where she was? Where to find a...? How to...? No matter how hard I try, I can't remember...
At around 4:00, I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding. It almost felt like the room had frozen over. In spite of my thick weighted blanket, I couldn't stop shivering.
I don't know why, but I felt like I was going to die.
Part 2
The school day passed in a blur. Despite my best efforts, I was barely able to pay attention — I just couldn't get that dream off my mind. Before I knew it, I was trudging down the halls, pushing toward the Lite— SOS Brigade clubroom. I thumbed the strap of my bookbag, trying to keep my mind off of things. For a brief moment, I was comforted by the thought of sitting down with a nice, soft blanket and cracking open a lighthearted slice of life novel, but...
"Hey!"
... Ms. Suzumiya? I looked up, and sure enough, she was leaning against the door to the clubroom, her arms crossed. My breath caught in my throat. "Um..." I brushed a strand of hair out of my face, taking a deep breath. "... am I late?"
Her brow furrowed. "Late? What? Of course not. Class just ended a few minutes ago. Besides me, you're the first one here!"
Huh? "But... how did you... get here? I mean, uh..." I stole a glance behind me, then shuffled forward, lowering my voice. "... aren't you from another school? K-Kuyouen, or something?"
"Kouyouen," she replied, her voice as loud as ever. "I told them I had to leave early. I didn't want to be late for our last meeting of the year, after all!"
Footsteps echoed through the hall. "You mean we're getting winter break off?" Kyon called, the tiniest bit of hope in his voice. The mood seemed to lighten a bit as he came to a stop next to me, staring down at Ms. Suzumiya.
She smirked, cocking her head. "Of course not! This is just our last meeting. We still have plenty of time for outings before the year is out!"
"Great..."
... Speaking of outings... I looked towards Ms. Suzumiya, clearing my throat. "...... Uh..."
"Hm?" She stared down at me like a judge glowering at a serial killer.
".................... D......"
My mouth hung open, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force the words out. Come on... My hands started to tremble. They're staring at you. Hurry up and say something! ... But I don't want to impose on them... and what if she's trying to surprise us?
"Nagato?" Kyon asked. "Something wrong?"
I wrung my hands, my eyes burning a hole in the floor. "Um... nnnoth...... Is, um..."
I took a deep breath, then turned to Ms. Suzumiya.
"Do you have... any plans for Christmas?"
She stared at me for a few seconds, then raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to tell me something?"
"Um, I... my friend invited me to a party, and I wanted to see if you had anything planned for the... for the SOS Brigade before I accepted."
"... Oh." For the briefest of moments, she almost seemed crestfallen, but she recovered almost instantly, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder and looking out the window. "I mean, I was gonna throw a Christmas party, but I didn't have enough time to plan."
"Plan?" Kyon chuckled. "You?"
She fixed him with a stern glare. "Duh. Christmas isn't a time to just wing it and hope everything goes over well! It's a celebration of a prophet who taught humanity the virtues of love and hope and generosity and togetherness!" She turned back to the window, pouting. "... It would've been the perfect time for us to come together as a Brigade..."
I shuffled my feet, running my hand along the strap of my bag. "Um, if it'd make you feel better," I mumbled, "I could ask Ryo... um, my neighbour if the Brigade could come to her party..." Wait, what am I saying? I can't just do that! I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a private affair...!
She paused for a moment, then stood up straight, her eyes boring into mine. My eyes flicked to the wall, then to Kyon, then to the floor, trying to find relief somewhere, anywhere.
"Yuki," she said, breathlessly, "keep up that behaviour, and you'll be on track for a promotion!"
"Um..." ...Promotion?
A short silence passed between us, interrupted only by the distant sound of someone slowly climbing the stairs. What have I done? I turned towards the window just in time to catch the track team racing past, their footsteps nearly in time with my heartbeat. What was I thinking? There's no way Ryoko's going to be able to accommodate for four surprise guests. How would I even ask her? She's going to hate me for making such a selfish request... And when she inevitably refuses, Ms. Suzumiya—
One of the track team members stumbled, then toppled over, slamming into the ground. One of their teammates froze for a second, then hurried over and helped them up. After a few false starts, they slowly shuffled toward the main building, their head drooping. Even from here, I could see that their right leg was soaked with blood. I turned away, futilely urging myself to stay calm.
After a moment, Kyon stepped forward. "Um... Haruhi," he said, "shouldn't we... head into the clubroom or something?"
"We can't," she groaned, jiggling the doorknob. "Some idiot must've locked it without realizing that someone's using this room!"
... Right. "Uh..." I fumbled with my bag for a moment, unzipping one of its pockets, then took out a key. "I'm... I was the only member of the Literary Club, so..."
She smiled at me, then stretched out her hand. After a bit of thought, I gave in, deciding it wasn't worth arguing about, and handed her the key. She giggled triumphantly, then hastily unlocked the door, throwing it open and marching in. Kyon followed her, sighing, and I followed him, flicking on the lights and heading to my usual seat at the far end of the room. Just as I sat down, one more person ran into the room, panting heavily.
"Ms. Suzumiya," Koizumi panted, clutching the door for support, "I'm starting to think... the only thing you can't do... is slow down." He wiped the sweat from his forehead, then flashed a smile. "Looks like I'm paying for dinner tonight."
"Such a shame," she replied, sitting in the same place she did the day before. "You were doing so well, too."
"I know," he chuckled, sitting next to Kyon. "I won't let it happen again."
I can't tell if she's joking or if she's seriously mad... I looked around the room, adjusting my glasses. Is Mikuru still sick? I hope she's doing alright...
"Hey, Nagato?"
Kyon?
He looked at me expectantly. "Why don't you come join us?"
"Uh..." I grabbed my collar. "I, uh..." I've always sat here... but I'm part of the SOS Brigade now, right? I like sitting here, but... Wait... is he trying to... I felt my ears start to burn. ... What am I thinking? He just wants me to be part of the group. He... he... he just wants to make sure I feel included...
For some reason, this line of thought wasn't doing anything to calm me down. After a few moments more, I nodded, then picked up my chair, moving it to the head of the table. Kyon and Koizumi smiled as I sat down.
"Glad to have you," Koizumi chimed.
"What's wrong with this seat?" Ms. Suzumiya muttered, tapping the chair in front of the computer with her foot.
I shrugged meekly, glancing down at the table. The conversation lapsed into an awkward silence. A few dust motes flitted through the air, illuminated by the harsh incandescent lights overhead, before coming to rest on the tabletop. I brushed them aside, silently promising myself that I'd clean this room soon.
After around a minute or two, Ms. Suzumiya stood up, clearing her throat. "Alright, let's get this meeting started! First thing's first: for the benefit of those who came in late, Yuki's bringing us all to her neighbour's Christmas party!"
"I... I still need to..." I mumbled.
"How nice of you to offer, Ms. Nagato," Koizumi replied. "I'll gladly come along."
I sunk into my seat. You don't have an invitation yet...
"Second," she continued, "I'm proud to announce that I've found a new member for the Brigade!"
Kyon jolted, nearly jumping out of his chair. "Seriously?" he gasped.
"Mm-hmm! She's one of my classmates at Kouyouen! I don't want to spoil too much, but it looks like she's gonna fill the 'silent, stoic type' void in our lineup!"
He stared at her for a few minutes, his eyes wide, then shook his head. "The old Haruhi would never do something like that," he mumbled. "She'd just reject everyone that didn't meet her impossibly high—"
"I told you, the old me was a complete idiot! Who wouldn't leap at the chance to induct more weird and exciting members into the Brigade?"
The old...? I... I don't want to intrude, but... how long have these two known each other? I gently ran a finger along the edge of the table. ... Mnh... There are still so many things I don't know about him...
A small smile slipped onto my face.
"Anyway, I was going to invite her to join us today, but she was absent. Today, of all days! Like, she made it through the flu outbreak completely unscathed, even when everyone else was absent, but now that everything's back to normal and the year's winding up, all of a sudden, she's gone! Weird, right? Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?"
"I guess the cold finally caught up to her," Koizumi said, shrugging.
"Or maybe she's spending Christmas with relatives in another country," Kyon suggested.
Ms. Suzumiya scoffed. "That wouldn't fly at Kouyouen. If your mom's not dying and it's not a matter of national security, they have zero tolerance for absences!"
What about all the people who were out sick? ... Wait, so how did—
"It's possible she decided it was worth the penalty," Koizumi pointed out, "but who knows?"
She paused for a moment, then turned to me and said... something.
"Uh?" "What do you think?" "Oh, uh..."
"What do you think?" she repeated, a bit louder this time.
"Um..." My eyes darted around the clubroom, trying to piece together what little she'd told me. "... mmmaybe... her mom... is dying...?"
She seemed to think about it for a minute, then shook her head. "See, that makes too much sense. That's probably just what she wants you to think. If you ask me, I think she's a government agent."
"A... a what?"
"You heard me! I think she's working for the government, investigating some sort of strange phenomenon happening right under our noses, and I'm not gonna rest until I find out wha—"
She was interrupted by a flurry of footsteps, followed by a high-pitched yelp. We all looked up, only to find Mikuru clinging to the door, haphazardly leaning against it.
"I'm sorry I'm late!" she squeaked, struggling to right herself. "I was... A-am I interrupting something?"
"Nope!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, heading over to her. She grabbed Mikuru, one hand on her shoulder, the other on her waist, and helped her up, then guided her to the chair in front of the computer. After Mikuru sat down, Ms. Suzumiya whispered something in her ear. Mikuru blanched, trembling, while Ms. Suzumiya plopped back into her chair, apparently proud of herself.
"Ms.... Asahina?" Kyon asked, leaning forward. "You alright?"
"Y-yeah," she replied, her voice as soft as ever. "I... I was in a rush, an—"
"So," Ms. Suzumiya interjected, "where were you?"
"Wha!? Um, uh...!" Her eyes darted around the room. "I... I had to have a talk with someone about... something...!"
"What? Did someone confess to you? What'd you tell her? Huh?"
"I...! I, um......!"
"Well?"
"Stop..." I whispered thoughtlessly. I clamped my hand over my mouth, my eyes widening.
"Huh?" Ms. Suzumiya glared at me. "What'd you say?"
"Uh......" I shrunk back into my seat. "I... She's... I mean, she looks like she's... overwhelmed... I-I don't think..."
She stared at me for what felt like hours, then turned away, crossing her arms. "Hmmph."
I sighed, fixing my gaze on the floor. Oh God... I've made her mad... She... That was probably just friendly teasing. I should've known... I squeezed my hands, trying and failing to calm myself. I'm being too sensitive. This is just how friends act, right? I mean, that's what it's like in—
I felt something lightly brush against my shoulder. I slowly lifted my head, only to see Mikuru looking right at me. After a moment, she flashed a gentle smile, but said nothing. My gaze immediately snapped back to the floor, my face practically glowing. I brought a fist to my chest, urging my heart to slow, but to no avail. Or maybe it's fine...!
"... Now that everyone's here," Ms. Suzumiya huffed, sitting upright, "we have to get cracking on today's search. There's no time to waste!" She jumped to her feet, her usual energy rushing back to her. "Strange things won't rest for us, and we won't rest for them, either! I may have found a lead, but that doesn't mean we can slack off! We've gotta work harder than ever so we can hit them when they least expect it!"
She paused, taking a deep breath. "We didn't find anything last time, so this time, we're going to have to cover a wider area. John, Koizumi, you two are gonna search the streets, looking for anything hidden in plain sight!"
"Great," Kyon grumbled, pulling his jacket around him.
"Yuki, you're gonna patrol the school in case something tries to launch a sneak attack on the student body!"
"Um, but..." I don't think I could fight a time traveller or an esper or anything... but... at least she cares about our school? ... Of course, time travellers and espers don't exist... do they? How would I know?
"And last, but not least, Mikuru and—"
"Um," Mikuru interjected, "can I go with Yuki?"
Ms. Suzumiya fixed her with a death glare, but relented after a few minutes. "Fine. Mikuru, you patrol the school with Yuki. I'm going to see if I can find out what happened to our new member."
Mikuru's eyebrows shot up. "N-new member?"
"You'd know if you hadn't missed the announcements. Alright!" Ms. Suzumiya clambered onto her chair and struck a pose, pointing into the air. "Everyone, move out! Meet back here at 5:30!"
I took a moment to mentally prepare myself for the day ahead of me, then stood, following everyone else out the door. Ms. Suzumiya made a show of closing and locking the door, then hustled down the hall. I watched her leave, then looked up towards Kyon, my hand running along my collar. "Uh....... good luck."
"Thanks," he replied, raising a hand. "And, uh... stay safe. You too, Ms. Asahina."
"I'll do my best," Mikuru chimed, a heart-melting smile on her face.
He nodded, then started off down the hall, Koizumi following close behind. A few moments later, I turned to Mikuru, lightly clutching my cardigan. "Um......" Think, Yuki... "... what now?"
She put a finger to her chin. "Mmm... we should start in the Main Building, since they have heating..." she replied. "... I think..."
I glanced over at the staircase. "I... I don't know. If we go downstairs now, we'd eeend up going in the same direction as Kyon. It'd be... kind of......"
She smiled lightly. "I don't think he'd mind."
He wouldn't? People always say that's supposed to be weird... But... I shuffled my feet. ... She's staring at me. Please, hurry up...
"Oh, um, before I forget..." she whispered, stepping closer, "... thanks for cutting Ms. Suzumiya off. She was asking so many questions, I couldn't even think about what to say. I had no idea what to do..."
"I..." I pushed my glasses up, turning my head towards her. "I didn't really... do anything. I just... said something without thinking."
"That doesn't matter! It still means a lot to me that you'd do something like that..."
I nearly choked on my words. My gaze whipped to a door across the hall, my heart pounding. Please, Yuki... There's no way that's what she meant, right? Besides, I don't even know if I'm "attracted" to her — whatever that means — so it can't be... It's doomed to fail, right? You're just imagining it. ... But maybe she is attractive? She is pretty... but people who are attracted to women usually focus more on... bust size, don't they? Maybe not, given what Ryoko said last night, but she's probably not into women, so can I really trust her? Then again, it's not like I feel this way about Mikuru just because of how she looks... Some people are attracted to personality, right? ...... Say something, Yuki! You need to thank her.
"Um... did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to upset you..."
I shook my head. "... I... I'm fine. I just... need a minute."
I took a deep breath, gently kneading my hands. Calm down. Even if she only sees me as a friend, I can't let myself implode in front of her. Just... slow down a little. It's been a long day already, but it's fine. It's just you and her now. You'll be fi—
My thoughts were interrupted by a sharp bang coming from one of the rooms. Mikuru let out a cry of shock, taking a couple steps back. "W-what was that?" she squeaked, nervously glancing around the hall.
"... I think it came from over here," I mumbled, cautiously starting towards the door next to the Brigade's. As we approached, I heard someone griping loudly from within. I lifted a hand and, after a moment's hesitation, quietly knocked on the door. A few seconds later, it flew open, revealing a tall, haggard-looking man with messy light brown hair. Between his slouched posture and his knitted brow, it seemed like he was at his wit's end.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse, "but we don't have time for visitors right now! This damn audio driver's trying to drive me to an early grave, I know it! I... I..." He trailed off as his eyes fell on Mikuru. He stood up straight, clearing his throat and adjusting his uniform's blazer. "... I, uhh, can always make an exception for anyone interested in joining the Computer Club, of course."
"Oh, n-no," Mikuru replied, "we heard a bang, and we wanted to make sure everything was okay."
"Everything's fine," he said, chuckling nervously. "That was just a speaker... exploding. We only have one set of speakers left..." he groaned, slouching once more. "This bug's going to drive me crazy... B-but it's nothing to worry—"
His voice faded as my focus shifted to a monitor within the room. Is this the audio driver he's talking about? Unconsciously, I stepped forward, trying to get a better view. It wasn't until I was right in front of it that I realized that the man was asking me what I was doing.
I backed away, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. "Um... I'm sorry. I......"
"It's fine," he sighed. "Feel free to have a look, but don't expect to find anything. We've been at this for ages, and none of us have even come close to tracking it down!"
I opened my mouth to thank him, but no sound came out. After a moment, I nodded slightly, then turned to the monitor. It wasn't long before something in the code caught my eye. ... audiobuffer? Where did that come from? I don't see that anywhere else in this... I grabbed the mouse and scrolled up until I hit the top of the file, revealing a peculiar line of code.
/* Stores the audio samples */
const char *audiobuffer;
I hesitantly pointed to it, my mouth drying on instinct. "Uh...... this... what's this?"
"That, um... that stores the data for the sound to play," he said. "That's an oversimplification, of course, but—"
"Nnno, I... where is this... set?"
"Set...?" He stared down at me for a few seconds, his brow raised, but then his eyes slowly started to widen.
I turned back to the monitor, my hands moving to the keyboard. A quick search for audiobuffer yielded two results: its declaration, and its usage to play a sound. Neither of them set it to anything.
"It... that's it," he muttered. "It's never initialized! Y-you—!"
"And... why is this const?"
"Huh?"
I pointed at const char *audiobuffer; once more. "This is a pointer to a constant byte. III don't know much about audio, but you'd have to write to this constantly to keep the buffer full, right?"
"Of course."
"I mean..." I ran a finger through one of my sidelocks. "... you could reallocate the buffer every time you need to refill it, but it'd be a l... a lot faster if you just allocated it once. You'd have to remove const here for that to work. Of course, there doesn't seem to be a reason not to allocate it stati—" I cut myself off. What am I saying? I've been droning on for way too long. And this man's a member of the Computer Club, isn't he? I think he'd know more than some random girl off the street...
After a moment, he grabbed the keyboard, sliding it towards himself. I stepped out of his way, carefully studying the floor. After a few minutes of furious typing, an adventurous, vaguely cheesy melody blasted through the speakers. He stared at the screen for several minutes, enraptured, then turned to me. "You... I can't believe this!" he cried, his voice weak. "You fixed it! After all this pain, this torment, this agony, it's finally fixed!"
I looked around the room. The other members of the club were staring at me in awe. Mikuru seemed to be just as surprised as they were, despite the fact that she looked completely lost. I looked down at the table, my lips curling into a tiny smile.
"I don't think I've seen any programmer with that sharp of an eye. Who?" He took a step towards me. "Just who are you?"
"Um...... I... I........."
Why now, Yuki?
"She's Yuki Nagato," Mikuru said.
"... Mm. And, um, she's A— Mikuru Asahina. We're from the... SOS Brigade."
"SOS...? Oh, uh..." He bowed deeply. "I can't thank you enough! The worst month of our lives is finally over! We're forever in your debt, Ms. Nagato! I..." He paused for a minute to catch his breath, then backed away. "... I forgot to introduce myself. I'm the president of the Computer Club, the leader of the squadron, YaaAAAGH!" His foot caught on a chair's leg, and he toppled over, plopping into the seat. "... Heh. If your, uh... SOS Brigade ever needs anything, just say the word and I'll do everything in my power to help."
"Ah, um..."
"Thank you," Mikuru replied, grinning.
I nodded, taking a step back. "I'm... glad I was able to help." I paused for a moment, just in case he had anything to add, then started towards the exit, waving meekly. Mikuru followed by my side, smiling at everyone as she passed. As we headed out the door, she turned towards me.
"That was amazing," she beamed. "I had no idea you were into computers."
"I..." I picked at the sleeve of my cardigan, trying to push the usual avalanche of thoughts out of my head. "Not really. It's just a hobby..."
"I couldn't even dream of doing something like that," she countered. "I... I'm not very good wi—" She stumbled as the floor gave way to stairs beneath her, but grabbed the handrail just in time to keep herself from falling.
"Um... are you...?"
"Mm-hmm. I'm just... a little tired." Her soft voice echoed through the stairwell like a gentle viola solo drifting through a concert hall, putting me at ease. She rubbed her eyes, sighing quietly. "Work's been kind of stressful lately..."
"... You have a job?"
For some reason, she froze, like a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes darted about the stairwell, as if she was searching for an answer. After about a minute, she nodded, then started descending again. "... I haven't really told anyone, but..."
"... Incredible," I whispered.
"I-it's not that big of a deal."
"I... I mean, it's... I don't know if I'd be able to handle... that much pressure. School and a job, aaand..." ... and a social life on top of that...
She giggled. "I don't know if anyone can, but... it helps so many people, I think it's worth a little fatigue."
My heart skipped a beat. That's...... Mikuru... "Uh...... so... what do you...?"
"I'm sorry, but..." She lifted her hand from the handrail as she stepped into the passageway leading to the Main Building, bringing a finger to her lips. "... that's classified."
"... O-oh..." Classified?
"Actually, I'm not even supposed to say that I have a job..." she mumbled, leading me onward, "s-so please don't tell anyone, okay?"
I nodded. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could. Still... I turned to the windows lining the passageway, watching a few people run through the courtyard. ... classified? Why would it be...
A chill shot through me as we stepped into the Main Building. Mikuru shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. "Mnnnhh... I could've sworn the heater was working a few days ago..."
"It's even colder than the Old Building," I mumbled. "M... maybe......"
"Hmm?"
"... N-never mind. I think all of Ms. Suzumiya's excitement about... phenomena is starting to get to me. I'm just being silly."
She brushed her hair out of her face, then shuffled a little closer to me. "I, um..." she whispered. "... I think it's too early to say that."
I swallowed hard, trying and failing to clear the lump building in my throat. "What do you...?"
"Th-there are a lot of strange things in this world. I think it's good to be a little, um... w-what's the word? S... skeuo..."
"Skeptical?"
"Skeptical."
My brow furrowed as I brought my hands together, squeezing hard. "I... y-yeah, but... there's probably a simple explanation for this. M... maybe this building's poorly insulated, or... maybe someone turned on the AC by accident."
"Maybe, but......" She stared down the hall. "... how can we know for sure?"
"Um... we... could investigate..."
She was still for a few minutes, then turned back towards me. "... I-I'm sorry. That was kind of... weird of me, wasn't it? Maybe I'm a little too tired..."
"It's fine," I insisted. "Um... should we go back?"
"I think I'm okay. Besides, I'm a little curious..."
I brushed a strand of hair out of my face. After what you've said, I'm kind of curious, too. Between her allegedly classified job and her sudden suspicion... it might just be chuunibyou, but I have to wonder... does she know something I don't? I think this is the most sure of herself I've ever seen her, and... w-wait...
It was only then that I realized I was staring right at her — and at her lips, no less. I turned away, burying part of my face in my hand. "Sorry..."
"Huh? I-is something wrong?"
"I..." What are you doing!? Her worrying about being creepy wasn't an invitation to one-up her...
"I knew it... I was being too weird."
"N-no!" I cried. Everyone can hear you, Yuki. "I... I'm the one who should be saying that."
She seemed to relax a little. "What do you mean?"
"Uh...... ssstaring, and..."
"Oh! That's okay," she replied. "I know how scary it can be to talk to new people, and it's not like you were staring at me like a boy or anything. Or like Ms. Suzu......" She shuddered, tightening her grip on herself.
You're not exactly new, though...
"... We should start looking," she mumbled. "I think we can stay warm if we keep moving."
We slowly pressed onward, our footsteps echoing through the hallway. Though the halls were as brightly lit as ever, I couldn't help but feel like something was going to jump out at us at any moment. I subconsciously stepped closer to Mikuru, struggling to keep my breathing steady. There's nothing here, I reminded myself, my right hand clamping down on my left thumb. Please, calm down. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm 16 now; I should be able to handle myself walking down the hall.
Mikuru nearly jumped out of her skin, a tiny squeak escaping her lips. "Um...!"
"Wwwhat's wrong?" I whispered.
"I— I think I heard footsteps coming this way..."
I tensed up for a moment, then shook my head. "Th-those are... those are......" Please, just say it. "I think it's just an echo."
She gazed at me for a moment, then looked down at her hands. "I guess..."
As we continued on, we both grew more and more restless. Get a grip, Yuki. There's nothing to be afraid of. Time travellers? Espers? Those don't exist, and they never will. Even if they did, why would they attack a couple of high schoolers? Quit being such an i... Maybe Kyon seems to know more than he should, and maybe that escape... program... thing was... but it doesn't mean anything. There's probably a logical explanation for all of this. Maybe Kyon really does just have a bad case of amnesia. Maybe that program was some sort of prank that just happened to play into his — and Ms. Suzumiya's — weird fantasies. And those dreams, about the program and that girl — those were nothing more than dreams. Stop acting like a little kid. You should know the difference between fiction and reality by n—
All of a sudden, Mikuru yanked me back behind a wall, nearly sending me to the floor. She put a finger to her lips, then peeked around the corner. "I was hoping this wouldn't happen..." she muttered.
My throat felt like it had closed up. My mouth dried in a flash. Despite myself, I felt a bead of sweat trickling down the side of my face. "Mmm?"
She stared past the corner for a moment, then turned to face me, her face pale. "It's...... M-Ms. Suzumiya..."
I let out a sigh. "... That's... a relief."
"I don't know what she'll do if she sees us here..."
I sniffled, gripping the collar of my uniform. "Um... we're... patrolling the school, just like she asked, so..."
"But... she... she told me..." She fell silent, staring blankly at the wall across from us.
I thought about the situation for a moment, then stepped forward, leaning in. "Is...... is there something going on between the two of you?" I whispered.
"N-no! I... I mean..." She glanced at the floor, then started inching towards me. "I'm kind of... afraid..."
Afraid?
"I..." She took a deep breath, swallowing her fear. "... She's very... hands-on... with me. I keep telling her to stop, b-but she keeps forgetting. It gets weirder and weirder every day... A-and she keeps staring at my... my..."
"What's going on here!?"
Mikuru spun around and backed up, nearly knocking me over. Standing before us was Ms. Suzumiya, her arms crossed, her lip curled into a deep pout. She glowered at Mikuru for a split second, then at me for an eternity. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse rasp.
"You're supposed to be patrolling the school," she asserted, "not making out in the middle of the hall!"
"Wha— n-no!" Mikuru cried. "I-it's not like that! We were just—"
"Yeah, right! I saw you two cozying up to each other!"
"No! We......!"
Ms. Suzumiya glared at us for a minute longer, then bowed her head. "So that's your game, huh?" she mumbled to herself. "I should've known. Meganekko..."
My eyebrows knitted. What...?
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then shook her head. "Anyway, have you two seen our new member around here? She should be out to enjoy the cold by now."
"Nnno...?" I mumbled. I don't even know what she looks like. How could I...? And... isn't she a Kouyouen student?
"Damn it," she grumbled, pushing past us. "Maybe she's not here after all..."
She stormed off down the hall, peering into classrooms as she went along. She's serious about this, isn't she? But... why would our new member be h—
"WAAAIIIT!"
... Mi... kuru?
After a moment, Ms. Suzumiya turned, raising an eyebrow. "What?"
Mikuru shuffled her feet, then looked up at her. "Um... was it you who turned on the AC?"
"Yeah," Ms. Suzumiya replied, walking back to us. "So what?"
"Uh... n-nothing! Just......" Her hands balled into fists. "... d-don't you think it's a little... too cold?"
"Like I said, our new member really likes the cold. She shouldn't be able to resist something like this! What, got a problem with it?"
"N-no. Just..." She glanced to the side, then at the floor. "I-I've met someone like that before..."
Ms. Suzumiya's eyes widened. "Oh, really? Does she go to Kouyouen?"
Mikuru nodded fervently.
"And she's quiet, stoic, kinda weird, kinda creepy, totally hot?"
"Mm-hmm. ... 'Hot'?"
"Are you close?"
"N-not... really? It's hard to make friends with girls from other schools."
"I knew it," Ms. Suzumiya muttered. "So you do have a thing for quiet girls..."
"Huh?"
"Well, do you know what happened to her?"
"Um... I-I just know that she had to do something important, and she was so tired afterwards, she went right home."
Ms. Suzumiya stared at her for a moment, then groaned. "Thanks anyway," she grumbled, patting Mikuru on the head. After a moment, she stepped back, glancing between the two of us. "Now, get back to your patrol. And don't let me catch you goofing off again, okay?"
"We weren't...!"
With that, she turned and stomped down the hall, muttering loudly. A couple minutes later, after Ms. Suzumiya's voice had finally faded away, Mikuru let out a gentle, quiet sigh, her gaze drifting to the wall. "Maybe I'm overthinking it," she said. "Maybe she's just trying to be friendly..."
Without thinking, I took a step towards her. "Are you alright?" I asked.
She looked at the floor for a few moments, then nodded. "Mm-hmm. I... I think I'm just worried about nothing." She paused for a second, then flashed a smile. "Yeah. We should keep going. We still have a lot of time left, so we might find something interesting."
"Um... okay. Lead the way," I mumbled.
With no further delay, she set off, and I followed. I watched as a couple doors slowly passed by, then sniffled.
"Uh..."
"Yuki?"
"....... Do... It's a silly question, but... you said we might find something interesting, right?"
"Y-yes?"
"Do......" I swallowed what little pride I had. "I... Do you... believe in time travellers and espers and... all that?"
She fell silent for a few minutes, her eyes glued to the floor. No... Yuki, no... that was a really silly question. She probably thinks you're some kind of conspiracy theori—
"I don't know," she murmured, her voice faint. "I... I don't know what to believe anymore. I've seen so many things, I..."
My eyebrows shot up. Seen?
"... but i-it's probably just my imagination!" she squeaked. "I'm just... overthinking it. Like I always do."
... Seriously, are you alright? I kind of want to ask if she needs to talk about something, but I don't want to pry...
"D-do you?"
I squeezed my hands together. "Uh... not really. Maybe a hundred years from now, we'd have the technology to read people's minds or control a computer with your thoughts or something, but I don't think it could happen naturally. And, um, I don't think time travel is physically possible, either."
She looked away for a moment, then back at me. "... What about aliens?"
"Aliens?" I knew I was forgetting something. "Um... if they exist, they're probably too far away for us to meet. III mean, maybe you could find bacteria on Mars, but..."
"... Maybe you're right," she said, slightly relieved. "Aliens... aren't real."
I couldn't tell whether I was concerned, confused, or some strange mixture of both. Is she... afraid of aliens? I... I guess I can't blame her. Some of the stories I've read about them can be a little... pessimistic at times. I... kind of want to pat her on the shoulder and tell her everything will be alright, but... No, Yuki. Stop being such a creep.
As we continued our patrol, our footsteps seemed to grow louder. Eventually, we reached the end of the hall, then moved on to the next floor. We gradually made our way through floor after floor, but found nothing of interest. Before long, we were slowly marching through the ground floor. Though we weren't really on the lookout for mystery or phenomena, neither of us were in a hurry to return to the clubroom.
This is kind of nice, I thought, kneading my hands. Just getting to take a nice, quiet walk with her, with nothing weird going on, just me and her and nobody else... it's surprisingly relaxing. If only I could take her hand, it'd be... No, stop! If she heard you right now, she'd probably think you were a freak! I... I stopped in my tracks, taking a deep breath. Calm down. Calm down. It's okay. It's not like you actually did anything. It's okay. I'm fine. This is... just a peaceful stroll. It's nice and quiet; there's nobody around to judge you... except her, of course, but...
It took me a few minutes to convince my legs to start moving again. It's okay. Just... try to relax. Enjoy the feeling of being with her while it la... No, that sounds weird... Enjoy... her company while it lasts. I—
I slammed into something solid, drawing me back to reality. It took a moment for me to process what I was looking at, but there was no mistaking it: right in front of me stood a young woman with long orange hair, staring back at me like I'd just stabbed her, her mouth hanging open in shock.
"I...!" I gasped, taking a step backward. What...? "III'm sorry!" What the Hell? Why weren't you looking where you were going? What were you thinking?
"I-it's okay!" Mikuru assured me, putting on a smile. "I guess we're both getting a little tired. Should we take a break?"
Just running into her as if she wasn't even there, as if you didn't even care about her... are you serious, Yuki? You wanted to hold her hand so badly, and now you're treating her like garbage? "I'm sorr...!"
"Yuki? I-it's okay, really!"
Please don't lie for my sake. How the Hell did you not notice her? Are you stupid? She's right in front of you; how could you just walk into her!? "I..."
"Yuki, what's wrong?"
"...... Mmm..." I shook my head. Something blazed down my cheek, scalding it. Are you serious? You're crying just because you bumped into her? How old are you, again? The air turned frigid. Stop crying! You should know better than that. She's staring at you! Stop! Please...!
A sob echoed through the hall, followed by another. She's staring. She's going to think you're insane. She probably already thinks you're insane. Stop. Please. You just bumped into her. My knees gave out from under me. Another sob. Are you really throwing a fit over this? Are you really throwing a fit because YOU were callous? How could you be so selfish? What the Hell is wrong with you?
Something landed on my shoulder. A hand, from the looks of it. I lifted my head. It was... Mikuru. She seemed upset. "Are you okay?"
She's treating you like a child. She thinks you're a child. She KNOWS you're a child. Idiot. Another sob. How could you let yourself collapse in front of her? She's upset with you. You're creeping her out. You're disturbing her. This was supposed to be a nice, peaceful walk through the school. You're ruining it for her. You're ruining everything. Why? Why are you like this? Why do you have to be such a—
Something wrapped around me. A hand was placed on my head. It gently ran through my hair. The grip around me tightened. "It's okay..."
It's not... A sob, quieter this time. It's not. How could you say that after what I did to you? After how I treated you? With how I'm acting right now? I opened my mouth. Nothing. Please... Say something... Don't you know how to speak?
"It's okay." The gentle song of a guardian angel. "You didn't do anything wrong."
A quiet sob. I did. I know I did. I know what I've done. I'm not an idiot. I'm not... I'm not... I don't......
... I don't... deserve... this...
"I'm alright. You didn't hurt me."
I did... I... I...... A sob, not even loud enough to echo.
"It's okay."
...... Tears continued streaming down my face.
"It's okay..."
We stayed like that for a good while. It felt like we were there for hours, but it was probably closer to fifteen minutes. Eventually, the sobs stopped coming. I wiped the tears from my face, then tilted my head in her general direction. "I'm... sorry..." I murmured, my voice hoarse.
"It's okay," she repeated. "I mean it."
"Nn-no... I'm... sorry you had to... see me like this..."
"I understand. The past few days have been a lot for me, too. Especially meeting..."
"Mm-mmm... I just... Just because I bumped into you..." Think, Yuki!
Her hand slowly came to a rest on the back of my head. "Are you feeling better?"
"A... little."
With a final squeeze, she let go of me, then stood. I followed suit, adjusting my glasses.
"Thank you," I mumbled. Speak up. She can't hea—
"Of course!" she chimed. "I'm glad I was able to help. I was so worried..."
"I'm sorry it was over something so silly..."
"It wasn't silly! It's normal to get overwhelmed sometimes."
I stared down at my shoes. "O... o...... over something like that?"
She thought for a minute. "Have you ever gotten a papercut while reading?"
Huh? "Mm-hmm."
"Did it hurt?"
"Um... aaa little? Not really..."
"Was it overwhelming?"
"Nnnot at all..." Does she have that little confidence in me?
"But what would happen if you got a thousand cuts?"
"I..." ... Oh... "I'd probably bleed out."
"Mm-hmm. And I don't think anyone would say you were weak if you did."
I glanced over at her. She was smiling — a warm, caring, genuine smile. Why...? Why would she go this far for me? I'm not... that special...
She giggled. "I think we should start heading back," she said. "It's getting pretty late."
I nodded, and without further ado, we set off on our return journey, walking side by side. It's pathetic, but for the entire trip, one thought kept repeating in my mind, like a broken record.
She hugged me...
To our surprise (and relief), the door to the clubroom was already unlocked. Ms. Suzumiya was already there, sitting in front of the computer. She looked up as we entered, raising an eyebrow.
"What the heck are you doing here?" she asked. "It's only 5:20!"
"Um... we're... done..." I mumbled.
"Done? Do you have any idea what could happen in ten minutes?"
"Uh......" Didn't you chew me out for being one minute late yesterday?
After a few moments, she shook her head. "Never mind. This is your computer, right?"
"Uh... ye..."
No. Oh no. Oh no, don't tell me she...
I hurried to her side. The monitor showed nothing but a solid field of teal.
"This thing's busted! I tried everything, but I can't get it to work!"
I let out a sigh of relief. That's right. Of course she wouldn't be able to—
She turned to the monitor, futilely clicking the mouse a few times, then groaned. I reached over to the keyboard and hit Win+Space, opening a command prompt, then typed ynshutdn and hit the enter key. Seconds later, the screen went black. She turned to glare at me, pouting.
"Please," I mumbled, "don't mess with this too much. I... I need this computer to manage the club's expenses."
She stared at me for a minute, then chuckled, a smirk slowly spreading across her face. "Riiiight, I getcha."
Why does she sound like she doesn't believe me? I mea—
"Well, if you need this computer to..." She shot a sly glance at the monitor. "... 'manage expenses', then we're just going to have to get another computer for everything else!"
"E-eeverything else?"
She stood suddenly, nearly knocking her chair over, and grabbed Mikuru by the wrist.
"Waaah!" Mikuru yelped, struggling to break free from Ms. Suzumiya's vice grip. "Wh-wh-what are you doing?"
"Weren't you listening?" Ms. Suzumiya replied. "We're gonna go get a computer!"
"W-w-w-wait!"
With no further explanation, she towed Mikuru right out the door, apparently deaf to her complaints. After a moment's hesitation, I followed, feeling more than a little concerned for Mikuru's well-being. I managed to catch up to them right as Ms. Suzumiya threw the door to the Computer Clubroom open.
"Hi, everyone!" she chimed, pulling Mikuru in. "I've come for a computer and all the accessories that go with it~!" She put her hands on her hips, scanning the room intently. "Who in here's the president?"
Everyone stared at her in stunned silence except for the president, who seemed to be staring at Mikuru. After a moment, he turned to look right at me. I backed behind the doorframe, realizing that I was about to become an accessory to... whatever was about to happen.
"Wait," he said, turning to Ms. Suzumiya, "would you happen to be with the, uh... SOS Brigade?"
She stared at him in stunned silence, then giggled. "That's right! I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, the leader, and these are my henchmen, Mikuru and Yuki!" She pointed at each of us in turn.
I'm not sure if I'm more concerned about us being called henchmen or being called men...
She leaned in. "Now, there's only one reason why I would schlep all the way over here to the Computer Club. I'm here for a computer!" She stretched out her hand. "I only need one."
He thought for a moment, then turned to his own computer, placing a hand on its side.
"It's been fun."
Computer Club members bustled through the Brigade's clubroom, going to great pains to set up our new computer. They reinstalled the operating system, set up a whole host of software, installed a few of their games... they even ran a state-of-the-art Cat 6 cable to our clubroom so we could access the internet. Ms. Suzumiya watched them with a smile, but something about it seemed a little...
"Are you alright?" I murmured.
"Huh?" she asked, glancing towards me.
"U-umm..." I looked down at the book in my hands. "Nnnever mi—"
She sighed, resting her head in her hand. "I mean, I'm glad we were able to get a new computer so easily. It's just......" She tapped a finger against her cheek, her gaze slowly drifting to the window.
After a minute or two, I turned my attention back to my reading, but I was quickly interrupted by the return of Kyon and Koizumi. Koizumi went right to his usual spot, but Kyon simply stood in the doorway, watching the Computer Club at work, his eyes widening. A few moments later, he stumbled over to Mikuru, nearly falling on the table.
"Ms. Asahina!" he exclaimed. "Are you okay?"
"Huh!?" Mikuru cried, recoiling in shock. "Y-y-y-yes?"
He stared at her for a minute, trembling, then took a step back. "R-right," he said breathlessly. "... Sorry about that." He took another step back, then trudged over to his seat and plopped down in it, hiding his face in his hands.
Despite it all, I couldn't help but smile. I... don't know what he was so worried about, but... he cares about us so much. It's kind of adorable. ...... Wh-what?
My eyes widened as realization finally struck.
Wait... this is... My brow furrowed as I brought a fist to my chest. What? This is the same way I feel about... but...... I thought I... I mean, I don't even know if I'm "attracted" to girls, but...
"Well," the Computer Club president grunted, "everything should be good to go, Ms. Suzumiya."
"Thanks a bunch," Ms. Suzumiya replied, smiling once more. "Hey, um... is there anything I can do to repay you?"
"Oh, no," he chuckled, waving a hand, "you've already done so much for us. I'm the one who should be asking that, really!"
She glanced at me, her brow knitting. "Are you sure? I was thinking we could have kind of a member exchange program. Every so often, I could have Mikuru go over to your clubroom, and... you could do whatever you wanted with her!"
Mikuru squeaked in alarm. "M-m-me!? B-but..."
"... Member exchange program, huh?" He tapped his chin. "Hmm... I don't know about Ms. Asahina, but..." He moved to my side, crouching to meet my eyes. "... what about you?"
"Hmm? Oh!" I gasped. "I-I, uh..."
"Please, Ms. Nagato! I've never seen any programmer with such... raw talent! We need your skills!"
"I..." I looked up at him for a split second. "Um... I'm not... that good..."
"Please!"
I took up the corner of a page, gently bending it back and forth. He seems like he really means it. And... it does sound kind of fun... Then again, I don't want to get sucked back into it. I don't want to fail my classes...
"... Mnh... I'll think about it."
"Really? Oh, thank you!" he cried, bowing as well as he could. "Whenever you want to drop by, we'll be waiting for you!"
My mouth cracked into a tiny, tiny smile. "Thank you..."
He bowed again, then turned to Ms. Suzumiya. "Thank you so, so much, Ms. Suzumiya!"
"Yeah, of course," she said, utterly bewildered. With one final bow, he walked out the door, followed by his fellow Computer Club members. She watched them leave, then turned towards me. "Huh..."
She stared at me for a few minutes, then shook her head, turning to Kyon. "Well, didja find anything?"
"Nope," Kyon replied. "Weirdest thing that happened was Koizumi dragging me into a clothes store."
She whipped around, glaring at Koizumi incredulously. "You went shopping?"
"You never know," Koizumi replied. "Strange things could be hiding where you least expect them."
She stopped for a moment, considering his words, then smiled proudly. "I guess that makes sense."
"Oh, by the way..." he added, unzipping his bag. He reached into it and pulled out a neatly folded square of blue fabric. "... I got something for you."
She gasped and yanked the fabric out of his hands, allowing it to unfold. It was a beautiful, frilly dress that almost looked like a stereotypical maid uniform. "Ooooh, this is amazing!" she beamed, peeking at the backside. "An adorable apron, perfect pleats, a beautiful bow! It's a perfect balance between elegant and seee..." She trailed off, staring at a tag attached to the collar.
"Is something wrong?"
"Ugh," she groaned, "this is a large! I'm a small!"
"My bad," he chuckled. "I'm not used to women's sizes."
"But how the heck did you think I was a large? I'm not that big, you know!"
"Sorry." He stretched out his hand. "If you don't want it, I'll see if I can figure something out."
Ms. Suzumiya returned the dress with a huff. "Thanks anyway."
He folded the dress once more, slipping it back into his bag. She watched him for a moment, then turned to me.
"Well, did you find anything?"
I opened my mouth, struggling to force myself to speak, then gave up and shook my head. "... No," I mumbled, about a second too late.
"Damn it," she grumbled, leaning back in her chair. "This isn't working! We need a new approach!"
You're giving up after two days?
"Well," Koizumi said, shrugging, "we have all of winter vacation to come up with one."
She sat upright, her eyes sparkling. "That's right!" She looked over at me, grinning. "How could I forget? We can try to come up with a plan at the party tomorrow!"
"Um..." Mikuru raised her hand. "P-party?"
"Mm-hmm! Yuki here invited us to her friend's Christmas party tomorrow!"
Mikuru turned to me, smiling sweetly. "You did?"
"I... I don't know for sure yet," I replied. "I have to ask Ryo— m-my friend first."
Nevertheless, she giggled. "That's really nice of you! Thank you so much!"
I looked down at my hands, my face ablaze. "Mm..."
"Alright!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, standing. "I expect to see everyone bright and early tomorrow morning! Company, dismissed!"
My locker latched shut silently. I glanced up at Kyon, who was leaning against the lockers beside me, then nodded weakly. "Okay," I mumbled.
With a grunt, he pushed himself upright, then started towards the door. I followed close behind, running a hand along the strap of my bag. I should be used to this by now, but it still feels... It's like my brain's refusing to recognize this as a habit. So much for exposure therapy... I looked up at him right as he was reaching for the door handle. Maybe... this is what people mean when they talk about butterflies in their stomach...
"Yuki!"
We both turned just in time to see Ryoko shutting her locker. She hurried over to us, a bright, cheery grin on her face. "I didn't expect to run into you today!" she chimed.
"What the...?" Kyon gasped. "Asakura? What're you doing here?"
Her brow furrowed. "You were there, weren't you? I was stuck cleaning the blackboards. No matter how hard I tried, the dust just wouldn't budge. It took me hours just to get something passable!"
He glared at her for a moment. "Right..."
She giggled, patting him on the arm. "Don't worry. I'm sure your memory'll be better soon!"
His eyes narrowed, but he said nothing.
"Oh, Yuki," she said, turning to me, "do you want me to walk you home? It's pretty dark outside. I don't want you to get jumped or anything."
"B-but, um..." I replied. "Kyon..."
"I don't want him to overwork himself. He's been having a bit of a rough time lately, you know?"
"I... guess..."
"Besides, his place is pretty far from our apartment building. I'm sure his family's already worried enough as it is."
He stared at her for a moment, his eyebrow raised, then turned to me. "Before I forget," he muttered, "isn't there something you wanted to ask, Nagato?"
"Oh, um..." I squeezed the strap of my bag. "Ryo-Ryoko? Uh..." Gosh, what do I say? Where do I even begin? I... how can I ask her for something so...? "I... about... the party... um... I..."
She took a step towards me. "So, is the Brigade throwing their own party?" she whispered.
"Mm-mmm. But... Ms. Suzumiya was kind of... upset about it, so... so I..." I squeezed my eyes shut. "Without thinking about it, III invited the Brigade to... your party..."
"Yuki..."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking..."
"Oh, don't apologize! That was really sweet of you! Of course they can come!" She looked towards Kyon. "Just as long as you're on your best behaviour, okay?"
"'You', the Brigade, or 'you', me?" he replied.
She giggled once more. "I think we should head out. The party may be at noon, but I still want everyone to get a good night's sleep."
Kyon sighed, looking down at me. "See you tomorrow, then."
"Mm..." I replied, raising a hand in a pale imitation of a wave.
With that, he pushed the door open, inviting a gust of freezing air and a flurry of snowflakes in. The three of us shuffled outside and through the courtyard, but Ryoko stopped me at the gate, watching Kyon turn and head down the hill. After several minutes, just as he vanished from our sights, Ryoko continued onwards, and I followed.
"This is nice," she sighed, her gaze fixed on the sky.
I nodded, adjusting my scarf. "Mm-hmm. The beauty of the snow blending into the darkness of the night... it's... poetic." No, that's too cheesy...
"See, you get it!" she chimed. "Isn't it romantic?"
A light blush faded onto my cheeks. "Romantic?"
"Mm-hmm! I can see it now: me and my true love on a stroll through the snowy streets, all alone, just talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company. It's so cold, we have to stay right next to each other to keep warm, and we just keep getting closer... isn't it something?"
I nodded slowly. "That does sound nice..." I mumbled.
She glanced over at me, flashing a grin. After a moment, she reached out and brushed her hand against my hair, sending a few snowflakes flying. My light blush grew into a raging inferno, nearly melting the snow around me.
"Sorry," she said. "I don't want you to catch a cold or anything."
"I-I... I-iiit's okay," I assured her. "Um... thank you..."
"Any time," she whispered.
Our conversation lapsed into silence. Aside from the occasional car passing by, the only sound was the light, rhythmic crunching of snow under our feet. Ryoko... I glanced over at her, then down at my shoes. She's been acting... differently lately. A bit... bolder. I watched as a car barreled past us, racing down the hill. ... Maybe she's just... nervous about the party. ... Yeah. That... that's probably it.
"Hey... Yuki?"
I looked up at her. She was staring down at the horizon, her expression hidden behind her hair. "Yes?"
She turned to me, a small smile on her face. "I've been wondering... is there anyone you're interested in?"
My heart nearly imploded. Wh-what? What? Me? I opened my mouth, but the only thing that came out was a tiny squeak. Calm down, Yuki. Calm down. This is probably just... a misunderstanding. "Wh-what do you mean?"
"Y'know... is there anyone you think you might like? Like, like like?"
Oh gosh. My heart skipped a beat, then two, then ten. Oh gosh. No, that's exactly what she's asking. But... why? I... I mean... girls talk about this sort of thing all the time, right? It's... gossip, right?
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," she giggled. "I'm just a little curious."
Right. It's just gossip. Calm down. She— she probably doesn't even like girls, anyway. "I, uh......" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "......."
"I'm sorry. Maybe that was a little too much..."
"I... I don't know," I muttered. "To be honest... I... I......" Just say it... "I know it sounds stupid, but I don't even know what... being attracted to someone means."
"What do you mean?"
"Like, uh..." I glanced to the side. "I kind of feel... drawn... to some people. Nice people, friendly people, caring people... and that sort of feels like... love, I guess. But, uh... when people say they're attracted to someone, they usually talk about, um..." My eyes flicked between the path ahead and the ground underfoot. "... you know..."
"I think I get it. You're drawn to big hearts, but it feels like everyone else is drawn to big boobs, right?"
"That's... one way of putting it. And, um... they keep talking about how 'sexy' their crushes are, or how 'hot' they are, but... I don't really know what they mean. A lot of 'hot' boys just seem kind of...... it's rude, but they just seem kind of bland. And 'hot' girls look... okay, buuut I don't really see what sets them apart." Granted, Ryoko's supposed to be "hot", and she is pretty cute... but I can't just say that.
She giggled. "That's completely normal. Some people just don't care about sex, but they can still fall in love."
I blanched almost instantly, my head whipping towards her. "S... sssex? What do you...?"
She put a finger to her chin. "Mmm... see, when someone's 'hot', it means you want to... y'know, have that kind of relationship with them. But some people just don't feel that way, and that's perfectly okay!"
"Um... isn't high school a little... early for something like that?"
"I dunno, but I can tell you that for most people, those kinds of feelings start before high school — that's what puberty's for! Oh, speaking of, maybe it's becau—"
"Mm-mmm. Uh... s-sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"It's alright," she said, smiling encouragingly. "Go ahead."
"I... I don't think I've ever wanted... that stuff." My stomach churned a little. "Ssso... when most people fall in love, it's because......"
"A few people are shallow like that, but for most people, I think pure love still has a lot to do with it. After all, who can say no to someone who really cares about you?"
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, my shoulders dropping. "That... makes sense." I looked over at a pile of snow against a wall, then back at her. "Uh... I guess there are a few people I'm interested in, then."
"Really?" She leaned in, her eyes sparkling. "Who are they?"
"Um..."
So... if these feelings are love, then... Breathe, Yuki. Take a moment to think about it. Three people. There are three people I feel that way about right now. One of them, I obviously can't mention, and Ryoko and Kyon don't seem to be on the best of terms, so that leaves...
I squeezed my thumbs together. "Well... Mikuru is... kind of nice..."
Ryoko nearly tripped over her feet. Her hand flew to her mouth in an instant, her eyes widening. It was like she was watching a car hit a brick wall head-on at 100 kilometers per hour. "Yuki..."
... No! Yuki, no! Are you crazy? Mikuru's a girl! You're not supposed to say things like that! I stared down at my bag, trembling. Now I've done it... Now she knows...
"I had no idea you liked girls!" she exclaimed. What little sweetness her statement carried almost seemed... forced.
My throat was completely dry. I didn't bother to open my mouth — I already knew I wouldn't be able to speak, and there was nothing I could say to get myself out of this mess. My one friend. My one close friend, and I had to tell her the one thing that could push her a—
"I guess I can't really blame you. I don't think anyone could resist such a precious little cutie!"
"I'm sorry..." I rasped.
"What're you apologizing for?"
I looked up at her. Her brow was furrowed, and her face was a deep scarlet. Oh no...
"Having good taste?" A gentle smile slipped onto her face. "Two people can crush on the same person, you know? It's not like we're competing or anything."
It was like I'd just woken up from a nightmare. My lungs finally started working again. My vision slowly came into focus. "You... I... I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding, but... you have a crush on Miku—?"
"Maybe that wasn't the best choice of words," she interjected, laughing nervously. "I-it's not like I'm going after her or anything! But..." She placed a hand on her cheek and sighed, looking down at the sidewalk. "I guess I'm a little fond of her. She's always so nice when she runs into me in the hall — literally, I mean — and I don't think anyone could deny that she's just straight-up adorable!" She returned her gaze to me. "But! I think there are even better people out there, even just in our little school."
I blinked. She... That... She...'s also...? She... You... "You... too?"
"Huh?"
"......" I adjusted my glasses. "... Girl...s."
She fell silent for a few seconds, then giggled. "You didn't notice? I thought it was obvious."
"Obvious?"
"I mean... I can't help but feel a little nervous around other girls. I'm sure you've noticed."
You?
"Like last month, when the Rock Club performed at the Cultural Festival. Remember?"
I nodded meekly. "I... think so."
"When we ran into the band after the show, Ms. Zaizen was...... Oh, my heart was beating so fast, I thought I'd pass out! I tried to keep it together, but I couldn't keep my hands from shaking! I still can't believe you were able to hold your own talking to her!"
I think you've got it backwards...
"And didn't you notice that pretty much all of the books I got you were about lesbian relationships?"
... Wait... no, she... she's right. I was so put off by the... weird scenes that I didn't even realize they were gay. Blatantly so. Even then, I probably would've thought she was a yuri fan before thinking she was...
"Actually, I don't think any of them had a girl and a boy so much as look at each other!"
N-no, there was one where they did a little more than looking...
She paused, then turned her gaze to the road, her eyes slowly following the lane markings.
So... Ryoko likes girls. That... that's interesting. I sniffled, squeezing my bag's strap. I... oh, gosh. No, Yuki. Stop it. Didn't you hear her? She said that she's into someone better than Mikuru. She has taste. There's no way she'd—
"Hey..."
My eyes snapped to her. "Yes?"
She was still staring at the road, but her shoulders seemed to have slumped. "What about Kyon?"
"Uh... Kyon's... he..." My heart pounded in my ears as I twisted the strap of my bag. "... he's nice. I... I've never felt this way about a guy before, so I'm not really sure... and I haven't known him for very long, but... I kind of like him."
"That's good," she mumbled. "It's wonderful that you can... see the good in him. It... takes a pure soul to do that..."
"Are you alright?"
After a minute's delay, she looked down at me, her smile weak. "Anyone else?"
Um... oh gosh, what do I say? Do I... should I just tell her? Now? N-no, of course not! What would she say? But... I glanced at her for a split second. She... she had the courage to confess that she was gay, right? So maybe... maybe she'd at least understand...
"Um... there's..." I grabbed the collar of my coat. "... th-there's one more... person..."
She beamed, her energy seemingly returning to her. "Really? Who is it?"
"Uh........." I bowed my head. "Um... she's...... well........." Come on! Say it!
"It's alright!" she said. "You don't have to tell me if you aren't ready."
"Um... well..."
... Wait. If I can't tell her I'm interested, maybe she could...
"What about... you?"
"Me?" She tilted her head. "Well, to tell you the truth, I've been asked out by nearly every boy in our school... but I've turned every single one of them down." She looked down at her feet, her smile broadening. "There's a special someone I'm saving my heart for."
I swallowed my pride. "Who?"
"That's a secret!" she chimed, winking. "Don't worry, though. I think you'll find out soon enough."
That's... not helpful. I sighed, watching my breath freeze around me. No, that's selfish of me... I'm sure she has her reasons. But who'd be so wonderful as to catch her eye?
Ryoko reached out in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. It was only at that moment that I realized we'd arrived at our apartment building. She keyed in the access code, and the front door slid open. We hurried into the elevator, neither one of us wanting the man at the desk to overhear our conversation.
"Oh! One last thing," she exclaimed. "I was planning on giving you a special gift at the party tomorrow, but... I think it'll have to wait until the day after. Is that okay?"
The day after...? "How come?"
"Well... I don't want your friends to be jealous or anything."
Jealous?
She shrugged. "I dunno. It's... a little embarrassing."
... Embarrassing? That's... weird. I don't think I've ever seen Ryoko this self-conscious before. "That's... okay."
"Wonderful!" she said, in time with the elevator's chime. "See you at the party, then!"
"See you," I replied, lifting a hand.
I sighed as the door slid shut, staring into the far corner. Special gift...? An embarrassing special gift that could make the Brigade jealous? Maybe... maybe...
I glanced down at the floor. A homely little girl stared back, her cheeks glowing.
... Maybe in my dreams. Or... wait... what if... what if she tries to...
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the colour drain from the girl's face.
N-no, calm down. I don't think she'd... do that after the conversations we've had. I hope. But... what if...?
The elevator's chime drew me out of my rumination. I stepped out onto the seventh floor, setting course for my apartment.
No... She wouldn't be that shallow, would she? She's my friend. No matter what happens, I can trust her. I stopped in front of my door, my gaze fixed on the lock. ... I hope...
I rubbed my eyes in a futile attempt to make my book more legible. I'd been nestled in my bed for three hours, but no matter how much I tossed and turned, my body refused to fall asleep. That book was my last resort, but it wasn't working at all. It tired me out, but I didn't feel any sleepier than I did three hours before.
I gently closed the book and set it aside, then laid back, closing my eyes. Despite this, my thoughts continued to race. Christmas is tomorrow... I still can't believe it. My first Christmas as a high school student, and I get to spend it with Ryoko, Mikuru, and Kyon... I rolled over onto my side. Who knows what could happen? I've heard that high school parties are supposed to be... wild, but I don't really know what that entails. Loud music? Alcohol? Kissing...? I don't know about the first two, but... I buried my chin into my blanket. Keep it together. The chances of you kissing anyone tomorrow are almost zero. You still don't know that much about Kyon, and you haven't known Mikuru for very long at all. Of course...... Cut it out! If I keep thinking of things like that, I'll never get to sleep.
My thoughts continued on like that for what seemed like eternity. Eventually, whether through pure luck or just raw exhaustion, I finally managed to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Part 3
Unfortunately, just two hours later, I was awoken by a sharp banging sound. A visitor? I thought, rubbing my eyes. I sat up, fumbling for my glasses. But... how did they get up here?
After an embarrassingly long time, I finally found them. Just as I was about to put them on, another loud knock echoed through my apartment, causing me to drop them.
They're going to wake the neighbours...
I grabbed my glasses again, slipping them on as I stood up. I stumbled to the bedroom door and clumsily opened it, just in time to be blasted by a knock at full force.
Please be patient...
I shuffled to the front door, doing my best to pick up the pace, and cautiously opened it. Just outside my door stood the entire SOS Brigade, all of them dead on their feet except Ms. Suzumiya, who seemed as wide awake a—
"There you are!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, her arms crossed. "Were you asleep or something?"
"Mm..." I rubbed my eyes again. "I... I mean, it's 7:00, isn't it?"
"6:15," Kyon grumbled.
"So what?" she replied. "You basically have to wake up at 6 to get to school on time, right?"
"But, um..." I mumbled.
"Besides, you can't just sleep Christmas away! You need to be up bright and early so you can celebrate it to its full potential! Now come on!" She started marching forward, reaching for my arm. "Let's get you dressed!"
Kyon lifted a hand, then grabbed her by the collar. "It's no use fighting her," he sighed apologetically.
"Um..." After a few moments' thought, I nodded, conceding. "... Wait here."
I gently closed the door, then adjusted my glasses, exhaling softly. As I returned to my bedroom, I couldn't help but wonder whether I'd have enough energy to push through a full day with both Ryoko and the Brigade. It's not that they were burdens or anything, but even just talking to Kyon or Ryoko alone could be draining.
Am I really up for this?
As I was buttoning my coat, I could've sworn that I could feel Ms. Suzumiya getting annoyed. I grabbed my pills and slipped them into my coat's pocket, then hurried to the front door. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what laid on the other side, then opened it, my eyes glued to the floor. Please don't yell, please don't yell...
"Ah," Koizumi chimed, his ever-present smile dampened by fatigue, "the classic Ms. Nagato. An excellent choice."
"Um..." I glanced about. Something was... missing. "Where, um..."
"Halfway down the hall," Kyon said, glancing to his left.
"Ms. Suzumiya has a habit of pacing when she's nervous," Koizumi added.
Nervous? I stepped outside, looking right. Sure enough, Ms. Suzumiya was approaching, muttering under her breath. She paused for a split second, then picked up the pace, apparently having noticed me. I closed the door, locked it, and turned just in time to see her arrive.
"Alright!" she exclaimed. "Now that we're finally all together, let's get this Christmas started!"
With that, she turned, heading back down the hall. We followed suit, as always, like ducklings following their mother. I ended up in the back of the group, walking next to Mikuru. I hadn't really noticed earlier, but she seemed a little... down.
"Uh......" I grabbed my coat, gently flicking one of its buttons with my thumb. "Is... everything okay?"
After a second, she looked up at me, then nodded, smiling weakly. "Mm-hmm. I just... I didn't get any sleep last night..."
I nodded slightly, then fell silent, unsure of what to say next. At least I'm not alone.
After about a minute, we reached the elevator, and Ms. Suzumiya ushered us in. We packed into it, Ms. Suzumiya coming in last, and Kyon pressed the button for the first floor. The elevator seemed to strain a bit before it started moving. As we moved from the seventh floor to the sixth, the question of how the Brigade managed to get in here in the first place returned to me. I glanced at Ms. Suzumiya, sniffling. "Uh.........."
She fixed me with an all-too-familiar glare, raising an eyebrow. "Hm?"
"Um......"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the floor number drop to five, then four, three, two...
"...... never mind."
She stared at me for a second longer, then turned towards the door, shrugging. Seconds later, the elevator opened, and we poured out into the lobby. She smiled merrily as she lead us through the door and over to the sidewalk, humming a Christmas carol to herself.
The streets were mostly empty, save for a couple families heading out for an early breakfast. A light snow was falling, gently dusting the ground. For a moment, it almost felt... surreal, like I was in a fairy tale. If someone had told me that I'd be going out on Christmas Day with not one, but four friends a year ago, I never would've believed them.
... That's kind of silly, isn't it? I rubbed my mittens together, watching the snow as it fell. Something about it made me feel......
I blushed faintly, sighing. That's really silly... but still...
Eventually, we came across a small coffee shop. Ms. Suzumiya yanked the door open without any hesitation, ushering us inside. We hurried to the counter, eager for something that could grant us a thousandth of Ms. Suzumiya's energy.
The person at the counter smiled warmly at us. "Welcome in," she chimed. "Are you ordering together today?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Ms. Suzumiya replied. "Could I get a mocha and some toast, please?" She looked at Kyon expectantly, gesturing for him to hurry.
"Uh— I... dunno," Kyon said, scanning at the menu. "Just a black coffee, I guess."
"A double espresso shot for me," Koizumi said, "if it's not too much trouble."
"Umm..." Mikuru stared at the menu for a minute, her hands balled into fists. "... could I just get water?"
"I, umm......" I ran a hand along my scarf, praying that the cashier wouldn't think I was too weird. "...... aaa... a latte. I— um... iced latte. Please..." Get it together, Yuki...
After a bit of tabulation, the cashier turned to Ms. Suzumiya. "That comes out to ¥2380. Whenever you're ready, miss."
Ms. Suzumiya and I both turned to look at each other at the same time. After a moment, realization slowly dawned on me.
... I was the last one to join, wasn't I...?
Our order came out surprisingly quickly, and before long, everyone seemed a little more lively, even Mikuru. The conversation flowed freely, and even I managed to pitch in from time to time.
"... and he said, 'She's never even kissed a boy!' Like, what!?" Ms. Suzumiya cried. "So I said, 'Do you like boys?', and of course, he was like, 'Fuck no! Are you crazy?' And I said, 'How do you know? Have you ever kissed a boy? How can you be so sure, huh?'"
I wasn't really sure how to feel about her yelling vulgarities in a restaurant, but I couldn't help but giggle. The fact that I'd been in that poor girl's shoes once probably wasn't helping. It's hard to explain, but being able to relax in a coffee shop with my friends, whiling the time away, almost made me feel... normal.
Suddenly, a thought struck me. "Um..." I looked in Kyon's direction, grabbing my coffee cup with both hands. "... what time is it?"
He pulled out his phone and flipped it open. "... 7:16. Why do you ask?"
"... Thank you." I'm a little late... I thought, fumbling in my coat's pocket. I hope this doesn't have any repercussions... I pulled out my medicine, opened both bottles, and took one pill from each. After a pause, I popped them in my mouth and quickly washed them down with my latte before I had a chance to taste them. With a sigh of relief, I screwed the caps back on and slipped the bottles back into my pocket.
"Huh," Ms. Suzumiya said, staring at my cup. "I hadn't really thought about it before, but why are you drinking an iced coffee in winter?"
Her words hit me like a stab in the gut. "Um, uh......" I turned my cup in my hands, studying the wood grain pattern on the table. I should've known this would happen... "..... um, I... I just... like it. Them. I..."
She cracked a smile. I closed my eyes, wincing, waiting for the inevitable peal of laughter.
"That's the spirit!"
"Huh?" I opened my eyes, blinking. Her smile had grown into a proud grin.
"Who cares if it's cold out? You're just doing what you love, and you don't care what anyone has to say about it! That's exactly the kind of person the Brigade was made for!" She stood, planting her hands on the table. "Yuki, for your dedication to upholding the Brigade's core values, I'm promoting you to deputy chief!"
"......" Despite my confusion, a gentle warmth spread across my face as I squeezed my hands together. "... Thank you."
"Congratulations!" Mikuru chimed as Ms. Suzumiya sat down.
I nodded silently, brushing a lock of hair out of my face. But... deputy chief...?
Before I knew it, we had finished our drinks (and Ms. Suzumiya, her toast) and started to leave. Just before I walked out the door...
"Ms. Nagato," Koizumi said. "A word with you, if I may."
"Um......" I looked back at the other Brigade members, already standing outside.
"Don't worry. This won't take long."
"...... Alright."
Without another word, we returned to our seats at the table. What does he want to talk to me about? The party? My promotion? I adjusted my glasses as I sat down. I hope this isn't a confession... I don't know if I could bear to turn him down...
After a moment, he leaned forward slightly. "I hope you'll forgive the intrusion," he said, his voice lowered, "but I couldn't help but notice the two medications you were taking."
... Not a confession. That's... a relief.
"... I may not look like it, but I'm actually quite nervous, so please forgive me if I say anything strange."
I nodded slowly. ... Strange?
"Those medications were estradiol and progesterone... right?"
I nodded again, a bead of sweat rolling down my cheek. Where is this going? Is he just going to ask if—
"Now, I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... would you mind sharing why you're taking them, Ms. Nagato?"
... He is. But... why is he so interested? I stared at the table in silence for what felt like minutes.
"Again," he said, chuckling nervously, "you don't have to answer if you don't want to. It might sound strange, but... this information could help me more than you could ever know."
I looked at him for a moment, then looked back down at the table, my mouth dry. It's an easy answer, but... would he even believe me? I mean... it doesn't usually happen to people this young, and... how would I even phrase it? 'When I was 15, I...'?
I glanced up at him once more. For a split second, he seemed... frightened? Lost? I'm not sure how to describe it. Before I'd had time to process it, he'd snapped back to his usual self.
Finally, I let out a sigh. "Menopause."
His eyes widened. "... Ah. I see."
"Is something wrong?"
He looked away for a moment, deep in thought, then turned back to me. His expression was grave, something I hadn't seen since the day we met. "Not at all. Just... that certainly wasn't the answer I was expecting. You... have my deepest condolences."
"Iiit's not that bad," I replied, kneading my hands. "I, uh... I think I'm happier this way, honestly. As long as I remember to..."
After a moment, he stood, his usual broad smile returning. "It's good that you have such a positive outlook on it. I apologize for asking such a personal question."
"Um... it's... nothing." I followed suit, pushing my chair in. "Really."
"Now, let's hurry back. Ms. Suzumiya's probably getting anxious by now."
I nodded, then started towards the door, feeling more than a little confused. I don't... What answer was he expecting? Why was he so afraid? What... My gaze drifted downward as I stepped outside. I... I really don't understand people...
"What's the matter?"
Looking up, I saw Ms. Suzumiya leaning against a lamp post, staring at me with an eyebrow raised and her arms crossed. I straightened my coat, sniffling. "Nn......"
"Was it something serious?"
"Nnn..... Mm-mmm..." Please, use your words...
"It's nothing to worry about," he added. "I was just a little surprised by something Ms. Nagato did, that's all."
She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head. "Whatever. Come on, Yuki," she said, gesturing for me to follow. "I've got something that'll cheer you up!"
We set off down the sidewalk once more, startling a few birds. I watched as they flew away in an attempt to ground myself. Do we really have time for this? I mean, we only have...... I glanced around, running the numbers in my head, then laid a mitten on my cheek, sighing. ... four hours. Right. That's... plenty of time.
My eyes continued to wander, taking in the sights around me. I've never been a fan of waking up early, but getting to see the streets bathed in the light of early morning almost made it worthwhile. On top of that, getting to see everything gently wrapped in a blanket of snow was... indescribable. Despite the snow falling around me, I felt a warmth blossoming within me, like I was at home, nestled under the kotatsu, slowly drifting off...
A passing couple on the other side of the street caught my eye. A young woman hurried down the street, grinning wildly as she pulled a man along by the hand. Though the man still seemed to be half-asleep, he couldn't help but find himself swept up in her childlike excitement. Maybe one day... I thought, my head nestling into my hand. One day...
After a while, Ms. Suzumiya came to a sudden stop, turning on her heel. Kyon and I barely managed to stop ourselves in time to avoid running into her, but moments later, something struck me on the back.
"I-I'm sorry!" Mikuru squeaked.
"Iiit's alright," I replied, looking back at her. "I'm the one who..."
She waited for a few seconds, then giggled. "I guess we're even now."
My gaze shot back to Ms. Suzumiya, my face broiling. She's so adorable... My poor heart can't take this...
Ms. Suzumiya cleared her throat, then put her hands on her hips. "Well, Yuki? Whaddya think?"
Me? "Of... what?" I mumbled, glancing about. Seconds later, my eyes fell on the sign for a nearby building.
...... A... bookstore?
I took a step back, my mouth hanging wide open.
"I knew you'd like it!" she chimed, grinning. "John asked if we could bring you here last night, and after everything you've done for the Brigade, how could I say no?"
I turned to Kyon. "U-uh... um......"
"I, uh..." he chuckled, rubbing his neck. "I just wanted to thank you. Y'know, for inviting me to join the Literary Club, having me over for dinner, joining the SOS Brigade, uhh..." I saw his fist clench out of the corner of my eye. Upon inspection, it seemed like he was clutching a bookmark. "... everything."
Is this... Am I having a heart attack? "Uh... mnh... th..." I glanced up at him, smiling ever so slightly. "Thank you."
His eyes seemed to widen, but he regained his composure so quickly, I might've been imagining it. "Yeah. Any time."
"... B-but, uh... I don't know if I can... afford it..."
"Don't worry. It's on me."
... Oh gosh... It feels weird feeling this way about a boy, but...
"Well, come on!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, racing to the door. "We only have a few hours to burn! Let's get moving!"
It took me a few seconds to process her order, but somehow, I was still the second one to enter the store. Though it was a cozy little shop, it was filled to the brim with rows of ornate wooden bookshelves. The scent of parchment filled the air, and the lighting was just dim enough to be comfortable. At the far end of the store, an old woman stood at an intricately-carved wooden desk, welcoming us in.
... I see. I died of a heart attack, and now I'm in Heaven.
Kyon and Koizumi came in behind me, followed by Mikuru, humming lightly. After we'd all packed into the store, Ms. Suzumiya looked over her shoulder at us.
"Alright!" she yelled. "Company, attack!"
With that bizarre command, she sprinted towards the back of the store, clearly giddy with excitement. Koizumi shrugged, then strolled to a section labelled "PHILOSOPHY". Mikuru looked around for a moment, then shuffled over to the "ROMANCE" section, blushing ever so slightly. Kyon took a couple steps forward, then turned back to look at me.
"... Merry Christmas, Nagato," he said.
I stared down at the floor, smiling broadly. "Y-yeah..." I mumbled.
He chuckled, then walked away, vanishing into the depths of the store. After a few minutes, I gathered my nerves and looked up, then made my way to the "SCIENCE FICTION" section, squeezing my hands together.
The sci-fi section spanned just three bookshelves, but each shelf was stuffed full of books. I stared at my surroundings in awe. This is... incredible. There have to be hundreds of books in this section alone. Iiis this real? Am I dreaming? I... My eyes trailed to the floor. ... Kyon...
"Are you ready?" the old lady asked, looking up at Kyon.
He nodded, handing the lady a book on the psychology of religion, then turned towards me. I glanced at the lady for a moment, then gently set my book on the desk, being careful not to damage the woodwork. Ms. Suzumiya snuck out from behind him and slammed a manga onto the table — I don't remember the title, but the cover featured two girls tangled together in a bizarre pose. Koizumi thought for a bit, then sighed and set down a book entitled Republic, remarking that "You can't beat the classics." Finally, Mikuru stepped up and put a book called The Heart of an Alien onto the desk, smiling shyly.
While the woman ran the total, Ms. Suzumiya leaned onto the desk. "Sorry for making you go through all this trouble on Christmas, ma'am," she said. "I hope it's not too much of a burden."
... Did I just hear that correctly?
"Oh, not at all!" the woman replied. "It's wonderful seeing young people so excited about books." She picked up Ms. Suzumiya's book, squinting at the cover, then let out a chuckle and slipped it into a bag. "A fine choice."
Ms. Suzumiya giggled. "I only read the most exquisite literature, madame."
The woman looked up at Kyon. "¥8200, sir."
He pulled out his wallet, sighing, then hesitated, stealing a glance at me.
"What?" I muttered.
"Nothing," he replied, looking back at the woman. "Just... seems pretty cheap for what I'm getting."
The second he paid, Ms. Suzumiya spun around on her heel, marching towards the exit. "Okay, everyone!" she shouted. "Next stop, Yuki's apartment!"
I clutched my new book to my chest, wincing. That's a little loud...
Kyon pulled out his phone and flipped it open. "We still have about two hours," he pointed out, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we can't risk being late!" she retorted, glancing over her shoulder. "Do you have any idea what that'd do to the Brigade's image? Geez, as the first official member of the SOS Brigade, you should be taking this more seriously!"
"But two hours?"
She stepped outside, apparently unbothered by the difference in temperature. "Who knows what could happen between here and her apartment? Like, what if you tripped and broke your arm? We need to be prepared for emergencies. That's Brigade Leading 101!"
"If I broke my arm, it'd take at least two hours for me to be discharged from the hospital."
"Y... yeah, well..." She took off down the sidewalk, running as fast as her legs could carry her. "... that just means we have to hurry!"
He stared at her for a moment, then groaned. "Oh, brother..."
I carefully stepped out of the kitchen, the tea tray wobbling slightly in my hands. I was hardly used to serving one guest, let alone four. By all means, it shouldn't have been heavy, but...
"...nly going to pay for Nagato's."
The other Brigade members had made themselves comfortable at the kotatsu, chatting lightly as they waited for my return.
"Come on," Ms. Suzumiya replied cheerfully, "it's Christmas! Share some of that love with the rest of the Brigade!"
Ms. Suzumiya had seated herself where I usually sat, claiming it was "the only seat suitable for a Brigade Leader". Kyon sat where he sat the first time he visited, Koizumi sat across from him, and Mikuru was sitting in the remaining spot, her perfect posture making it seem like she'd mistaken this for a tea ceremony. So, by process of elimination, I'll be sitting... nowhere. I traced a finger along the rim of the tray, exhaling slowly. Such is fate.
"Ah, Ms. Nagato," Koizumi chimed, looking up at me. "I was starting to worry about you."
Everyone turned their heads towards me expectantly. I balked, stopping in my tracks, then slowly pushed myself forward. "Um... sorry to keep you waiting," I mumbled, setting the tray down on the table. I took up the teapot and filled four of the five cups, then passed them out to everyone, starting with Ms. Suzumiya and progressing clockwise.
"Thanks a bunch," Ms. Suzumiya said, grabbing the cup before I'd even let go. "My throat's killing me!"
"Thanks," Kyon mumbled, sending my heart rate skyrocketing.
"Thank you," Mikuru said, smiling brightly, spiking my blood sugar to match.
"Thank you very much," Koizumi said, sprinkling a dash of cortisol on top.
I took up the teapot and refilled Ms. Suzumiya's already-empty cup, and then, with some hesitation, filled the last cup and picked it up, awkwardly hovering between Mikuru and Koizumi.
"Hey," Kyon said, setting his cup down. "You're not sick, are you?"
"Who, me?" Ms. Suzumiya asked, already having polished off her second cup. "Of course not! I don't get sick. My throat's just sore from giving orders all day." She put a hand to her throat, sighing. "I've gone soft from all the nothing going on at Kouyouen. I need to get back in shape."
For some reason, the phrase "idiots don't catch colds" flashed into my mind. I shook my head, silently scolding myself for thinking something so awful.
"I find that hard to believe, if you don't mind me saying," Koizumi chuckled. "In fact, I've heard rumours that the yearbook committee intends to recognize you as the loudest student in our class. Congratulations."
"That's because everyone at Kouyouen's so quiet," she whined, resting her head in her hand. "They just speak in hushed whispers all the time, like someone's watching them or something. They're even quieter than Yuki! Heck, our new member barely even talks half the time! I swear, you're the only one that talks like a normal person. It's the weirdest thing about that place, and it sucks!"
"Maybe they're just trying to be respectful," Mikuru speculated, holding her cup gingerly with both hands.
"Maybe it's part of the conspiracy," Ms. Suzumiya muttered, ignoring her. "Maybe that's what she's there to investigate. What if the school's spying on the students? Trying to profile them, find who sticks out, and hammer them down... for good? And if that's the case, then why am I the last one to find out about it, huh?" She shot Kyon an accusative glare.
Kyon sipped at his tea, raising an eyebrow. "Beats me. Maybe that's not what's happening, and you should try listening to Ms. Asahina for a change?"
"No, no! You're not thinking hard enough! Why do you think they have all those policies about uniforms and hair colour and stuff? This is probably happening all across the nation, no, the world! Who knows who could be next? I bet it's gonna be Yuki."
I gasped, nearly choking on my tea. "Mnh..."
"If they're going after students who're causing a disturbance, why go after Nagato?" he retorted. "Hate to say it, but even Ms. Asahina sticks out more."
"Huh!?" Mikuru squeaked, nearly jumping out of her skin. "Um... I-I-I'm not gonna get hammered down, am I?"
"N-no, of course no—"
"It's not that they're causing a disturbance," Ms. Suzumiya interrupted, "it's just because they're different. If there's anything school administrators can't stand, it's someone that falls outside their narrow little worldview."
"But still, why go after Nagato? She doesn't really do anything that'd make anyone suspicious. If they were gonna say something about her hair, they would've done it a long time ago."
"And, uh..." I mumbled, wiping tea from my lips. "Ou... Our school isn't very strict. They even let Ryoko dye her hair blue just because she's a model student."
"What, really!?" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, her gaze snapping to me. "Damn it, I knew I should've gone to North High..." She grabbed the teapot and poured herself another cup of tea, then looked up at me once more. "Huh..."
I shifted nervously. "Huh?"
She stole a glance at my collar. "Why are you wearing your uniform? We don't have school today."
"Uh..." I turned my teacup in my hands. "... I... I'm going to be representing the Brigade at the party, so..."
She stared at me for a moment, then smirked. "Geez, I didn't even think of that. See that, everyone?" She glanced around the kotatsu. "That's the level of excellence we should strive for! We could all stand to learn from Deputy Chief Yuki! Especially you, John!"
Kyon sighed, setting his cup down. "If I'd worn my uniform, you would've just called me lazy and told me to do laundry more often."
"What? No, I wouldn't."
The conversation continued on like that, meandering from topic to topic, mostly guided by Ms. Suzumiya's whims. Eventually, Ms. Suzumiya's phone started buzzing. She pulled it out and flipped it open, then cursed under her breath, pressing a button. "11:30? How the heck...!?" she cried, nearly knocking the kotatsu over as she stood. "Come on! We gotta go!"
"The elevator isn't that slow," Kyon grumbled.
She put her hands on her hips, pouting. "Do you know how rude it would be if we showed up to the party late just because of your hubris?"
He sighed, grabbing the tea tray and standing. I reached out, opening my mouth to dissuade him, but he shot me a glance that I somehow managed to interpret as, "Don't worry about it."
"Thanks again for the tea," Koizumi said, smiling at me as he handed his cup to Kyon.
"Mnh... yyyeah," I mumbled, pushing my glasses up. I took a couple steps backwards, then hurried over to the entryway, threw open the closet, took out my coat, and slipped it on, fumbling to button it before Ms. Suzumiya bowled into me. I managed to finish just in time to dodge her as she jumped into her shoes. As she shot past me and out the door, I spotted Kyon at the far end of the hall, carrying the tea tray. I stepped towards the edge of the hallway, leaning forward. "You don't have to..."
"It's fine," he called. "You go on ahead."
I tried to think of a retort, but my mind refused to work. Eventually, I gave in, not wanting to keep Ms. Suzumiya waiting. "Thang y... u-uh—"
"Any time," he replied, stepping into the kitchen.
I ran a hand through a lock of hair, then grabbed my bag and hurried to the front door, trying to push my inability to speak out of my mind. Ms. Suzumiya, Koizumi, and Mikuru were already outside, staring at me expectantly.
"Ooh, beet red!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed out of nowhere. "That's a new one."
"Wh...?" I blinked a couple times, my brow furrowing.
"D-don't make fun of her..." Mikuru murmured.
"I'm not," Ms. Suzumiya replied, walking up to me. "I just think it's interesting how she blushes a different colour every time."
I dipped my head in a feeble attempt to hide my cheeks. I don't... I don't think that's possible...
She stared at me for a few seconds, like a gemcutter inspecting a diamond, then shook her head. "N-no, we don't have time for this!" She took off towards the elevator, clearing the distance in record time. The rest of us hustled after her, taking nearly twice as long. As I arrived, she glared at me for a moment, then turned towards the elevator.
After several minutes, the elevator finally arrived. Ms. Suzumiya grabbed Mikuru and I by the wrists, drawing a squeak from Mikuru, then tugged us in.
"P-please don't do that," Mikuru whimpered.
"Why not?" Ms. Suzumiya shot back, crossing her arms. "You weren't gonna be fast enough."
Over half a meter? I thought, reaching over and pushing the button for the fifth floor.
"Wouldn't the same be a concern for me?" Koizumi asked, stepping into the elevator.
"You're, like, 180 centimeters tall, aren't you? You have the legs to handle it."
"Boy, I wish."
The elevator doors started to slide shut, but at the last moment, someone stuck their hand in, causing them to open again. Kyon sighed in relief, then hurried in and pressed the door close button.
"Oh my," Koizumi chuckled. "Bit of a risk there, wasn't it?"
"I'm used to it," Kyon said, leaning against the wall.
At last, the elevator started descending. I grabbed for my scarf, before realizing that I'd forgotten to put it on. Gosh... I settled for grabbing my coat's collar. I hope Ryoko doesn't think I'm weird for wearing my school uniform. I-I mean, she usually understands, but... mnh... What if I embarrass myself in front of her parents? What if this is supposed to be a more elegant party? I'd look so silly if I was in a sailor uniform and Ryoko was wearing something.........
"Cherry red," Ms. Suzumiya muttered approvingly.
... There's no time to worry about that now. My hand moved to my cheek. Still... I really hope I can keep it together. I really want to just relax and have fun, but I don't want to risk doing anything too weird...
Before I knew it, the elevator chimed, and Ms. Suzumiya pushed me out. "Alright, Yuki," she said, "lead the way!"
I nodded slightly, then turned and headed towards Ryoko's apartment. Why am I so nervous? I see Ryoko all the time. Why is this any different? I-I mean, this is the first time she's going to be meeting Ms. Suzumiya and Koizumi, but... I-I'll be fine. It'll be fine.
All too quickly, we arrived. Ms. Suzumiya glanced at the door, then smiled. "505, huh?" she muttered.
I took a deep breath, then rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, a faint crackling came over the intercom, followed by...
"Hello?" Ryoko chimed.
I tried to reply, but apparently, that one word was enough to knock the breath right out of me. I paused for a moment, then tried again. "Um... it's... Yuki. Aaand the SOS Brigade. We're here for..."
"Oh! I didn't expect you to get here so early. I'll be there in just a moment!"
With that, the intercom fell silent. Just a few seconds later, the door flew open, revealing Ryoko, dressed in a simple, yet frilly red dress. Her smile seemed to grow as her eyes fell on me, but it was probably just my imagination. "Merry Christmas, everyone!" she exclaimed.
"Merry Christmas!" Ms. Suzumiya replied, struggling to match Ryoko's smile in brightness. "So you're Yuki's friend?"
"Uh-huh! You must be Ms. Suzumiya, right?"
"Yep! Haruhi Suzumiya, leader of the SOS Brigade!"
Ryoko glanced up at Koizumi. "And I take it you're Mr. Koizumi?"
"Yes, ma'am," he replied, bowing. "How do you do?"
"Wonderful! I'm Ryoko Asakura. It's nice to meet you two!" She turned her head towards Kyon. "And it's nice to see you, too. I hope this'll help you relax a little after everything that's happened. A party might be just the thing you need to clear your head, y'know?"
"Yeah..." Kyon mumbled.
She turned towards Mikuru. "And of course I'm glad to see you! Ms. Asahina, I think that has to be the most adorable coat I've ever seen! You have to tell me where you got it."
Mikuru's face reddened slightly. "Oh... I-I don't remember..." she mumbled, smiling bashfully. "... but thank you!"
"And Yuki..." She glanced down at the floor, then up at me. "Well, you look cute in just about anything!"
I nearly choked on air as my gaze shot to the floor. Th-that's not true...
She giggled, then took a step back. "Go ahead and come in. I'm still getting everything ready, so it'll be a few minutes before we can get started in earnest, but I'd hate to keep you waiting any longer." She flashed a grin, then turned on her heel and started down the hall, a light spring in her step. The rest of us headed into the entryway and exchanged our shoes for slippers, then followed her into her living room. It was a lot like mine, with a chabudai in the center of the room and a TV stand on the wall to our left, but with the addition of a sofa opposite the TV, a first aid kit beside the intercom, and a computer desk in front of the window. She guided us over to the chabudai and gestured for us to sit.
"It's kind of small," she said apologetically, "so four of us are gonna have to pair up and sit together." She glanced over at me. "Would you mind if I shared a side with you, Yuki?"
My heart leapt into my throat. N-no, calm down. She's only asking because we're already close friends. Don't overthink it. "I, um... I don't mind."
"Wonderful!" she giggled.
A quiet squeak drew our attention. Mikuru was hunched over, hugging herself and shivering, her eyes squeezed shut. "Huieee..." she whimpered.
"That's right," Ryoko sighed. "Hate to say it, but my heater seems to have picked the worst possible time to break down. I've tried to call someone to repair it, but the fastest they can get here is the 29th. I hope it's not too much of a bother."
"Oh, it's fine," Ms. Suzumiya said dismissively, waving a hand. "She's just overreacting. It actually feels pretty nice in here!"
"Easy for you to say," Kyon grumbled, slipping his jacket on.
"It's so cold..." Mikuru whined, shattering my heart into pieces.
"Alright, alright," Ms. Suzumiya said, a strange smirk on her face. "If you're that cold, then you're sitting with me."
Mikuru's eyes snapped open, and she tightened her grip on herself. "Huh? Um... b-but I—"
"That's an order!" Ms. Suzumiya yelled, plopping down at the far end of the table. "I can't just let one of my Brigade members freeze to death, can I?"
Mikuru's eyes darted to Koizumi, then slowly moved to the floor as she started towards Ms. Suzumiya. "I guess not..."
Ryoko smiled at her, then planted a hand on my shoulder. "Yuki, why don't you sit across from them?"
I already knew it'd be futile, but I tried to reply anyway. "Uhhh... uh...... I... mn..."
"It's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to. I'll sit wherever you sit, okay?"
I nodded once. "Mnh."
"Great!" She clasped her hands behind her back. "I should have everything ready in about five minutes. See you then!"
She practically skipped into the kitchen, almost overflowing with joy. I looked around the room, then sat down across from Ms. Suzumiya and Mikuru as instructed, exhaling quietly.
"You know," Koizumi said, taking a step forward, "she never said we couldn't make a third pair."
Kyon just growled in response, walking over to the spot to my right.
"I'm just kidding," Koizumi chuckled, holding up his hands and approaching the spot to my left. "I don't think I could betray Ms. Suzumiya like that."
... W-wait, are you and Ms. Su—
"So, are you and Ryoko together?" Ms. Suzumiya asked, resting her head in her hand.
My face burned so brightly that for a split second, Mikuru stopped shivering. "Wh... what?" I whispered. "Me?"
"Duh. I heard the way she was talking to you. I saw the way she was looking at you! The way she was checking you out when we first got here, the way she blushed every time you opened your mouth, the way she grabbed your shoulder while staring right into your eyes, then gazed longingly at your lips...!"
That's not how I remember it...
"So, how long've you been dating?"
"Um... we're not," I mumbled. "We're just... friends."
"C'mon, don't be shy! There's nothing wrong with being gay! It's the 21st century; everyone knows that by now!"
I don't think the prime minister would agree... "I'm serious."
"Eh, that's alright. You can tell me later."
Are you listening? I appreciate your confidence, but...
"Hang on," Kyon interjected. "What makes you think Nagato's gay?"
"Oh, come on," she groaned, "is that even a question? Have you seen the way she acts around Ryoko? Or Mikuru? She gets all blushy and fidgety, and she starts trembling like she's scared or something!"
I bowed my head, desperately trying to hide my blush. Please stop...
"Plus, when I was trying to find the manual for her computer, I found a copy of, um... damn it... this underground doujin manga hidden in a storage closet! What was it called? ... Whatever. Anyway, I flipped through it a bit, and it was just a bunch of fluffy gunk about some girl hanging out and being cute... side by side with her girlfriend! Coincidence?"
"Could be," Kyon replied. "You don't exactly have to be gay to enjoy that kind of stuff."
Ms. Suzumiya crossed her arms. "Then how do you explain the way she acts around other girls, huh?"
"She acts like that around everyone. She even acts like that around me."
"Well... maybe she's bisexual! I mean, that's how I am."
Bi...?
"Well," Koizumi interrupted, "I, for one, am shocked. I mean, I wouldn't have expected Ms. Nagato to read manga, of all things! I thought she'd be an ardent defender of the written word as the be all, end all of storytelling. How scandalous."
I looked up at him, my brow furrowing. "Um......" Scandalous?
"In any case, I think I happen to know of the manga in question. Would you happen to be caught up?"
Y-you do? I stared at him for a moment, then shook my head. "Mm-mmm. I haven't really had a chance since we started the Brigade."
"When you have the time, I highly recommend you check out the latest chapter. The story's starting to take a bit of a wild turn, and if I were you, I wouldn't want to risk getting spoiled for it."
"... Alright. Um..." I gazed down at my lap, gently kneading my hands.
"See? She's doing it now," Kyon said, glaring at Ms. Suzumiya.
"No, that's not it," Ms. Suzumiya replied. "She's even more nervous around girls! Look..." She glanced around the room, then leaned in. "Yuki, pay attention."
"III am," I murmured.
"Okay. So, whatever you're thinking right now, just throw it out. Clear your mind. Just for the sake of science, I want you to imagine you and Ryoko alone in your apartment."
What? "Okay..."
"She's about to leave, and you're standing up to see her off. Suddenly, she looks to the side, and then she starts walking towards you. Huh? What the heck is she doing? You don't know what to say, but she just keeps getting closer and closer. You start to back up, but you run into a wall, and then she grabs you by the arms and leans in and......!"
For a moment, I noticed the light on the fire alarm flashing rapidly. My gaze shot to the tabletop as my gentle hand-kneading quickly turned into me nearly breaking my thumbs.
"See that?" she said smugly. "She doesn't act like that around Koizumi! That's pure, unadulterated, 100% natural crush."
That's not fair...
Ms. Suzumiya opened her mouth to deliver another devastating blow, but was cut off by the distant sound of clattering. Seconds later, Ryoko came strolling out of the hallway, carrying a tea tray in one hand and a dish with several steaming-hot roasted chicken leg quarters in the other. She approached the chabudai slowly, but didn't seem to struggle at all. "Phew," she sighed, setting the tea tray down. "The tea finished brewing right when the chicken finished cooking. It was a bit of a mad dash getting everything together, but I think it turned out alright." She put the chicken down in front of me, then took a step back. "I'll be just a moment, and then we can start. Sorry to keep you waiting!"
"Do you need any help?" Mikuru asked.
"I wouldn't dream of asking you to go through the trouble, but thank you! It's not that much, anyway." Without giving Mikuru a chance to double down on her offer, she turned and sauntered down the hall, humming quietly. I watched her until she disappeared, then turned towards the chicken. The skin was a beautiful golden-brown, and even just looking at it, I knew it was going to be perfectly crispy. I ran a finger along the edge of the table as the scent started to fill the room. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but... how does she manage to outdo herself every time? If only I could have a thousandth of her talent...
A few moments later, someone set a pair of plates down in front of me. I whipped around, and sure enough, Ryoko had returned, carrying a stack of plates. "Sorry," she giggled. "I didn't mean to scare you or anything."
"Yyyou didn't," I said. "I just..."
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then continued around the table, giving everyone a plate. Afterwards, she sat down next to me and started pouring tea for everyone. The first cup went to her, the next to Koizumi, then Ms. Suzumiya, Mikuru, Kyon, and finally, me. "That should warm everyone up," she chimed, setting my cup down.
I glanced over at her. Between Ms. Suzumiya's bullying and the fact that we're only 3 centimeters away from each other, I already feel warm enough...
She took up the chicken leg quarters, then started to pass them around. "Go ahead and eat. If you finish these, feel free to grab another. I know it's not much, but it was the best I could do on such short notice."
"Thank you very much," I murmured. After everyone was served (and Ms. Suzumiya started tearing into her own leg quarter), I took up my serving, hesitating for just a moment, and gingerly took a bite out of it. The flavour was... completely indescribable. "Incredible", "delicious", and "the best thing anyone has eaten in the history of this universe" would all be severe understatements. I could blame it on a lack of vocabulary, but I honestly don't think the words to describe it even exist, nor will they ever, in Japanese, English, or any other language.
"Is it good?" Ryoko whispered, looking down at me.
I nodded fervently. It almost feels like she's insulting herself by calling these "good".
She giggled once more, a tiny blush spreading across her cheeks as she returned to her own plate. "Wonderful. I was worried for a moment there."
"This is amazing!" Mikuru beamed, gently holding her chicken with both hands. "How'd you get it to be so juicy? Every time I try, it just comes out dry..."
"That's a secret! ... But I guess I can tell you. Remind me before you leave, and I'll write it down for you."
"Really? Oh, thank you!"
"I'd have to agree with Ms. Asahina," Koizumi said. "To tell you the truth, this might be the best thing I've ever eaten in my life."
"Oh, stop!" Ryoko giggled, putting a hand on her cheek.
Kyon weighed his own meal in his hand, inspecting it carefully, then set it down and looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. "So..." he muttered. "... where are your folks?"
I blinked a couple times, taken aback. Where on Earth did that come from? I mean, she did say her parents were throwing this party... but I don't think I told him that.
She sighed, staring down at her plate. "Well... I'm afraid they're not here."
He inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. "Are they... out of the house, or...?"
"It's... kind of embarrassing — I don't really want anyone to worry about it — but... they're overseas." Her gaze moved to the corner of the table. "They had to move to Canada in May, but I really wanted to stay with my friends at North High. It's not like they've abandoned me or anything, though. They still support me financially, and they even helped me plan out tonight's party! It's weird, but it kinda feels like they never left, in a way."
He fell silent for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I... see," he murmured, glancing down at his plate. "Sorry."
"Hey, now," she scolded playfully, "I said I didn't want anyone to worry about it! But... I'm glad to see you care. I miss them every day, but I know in the end, it'll be worth it for all of us."
"Right..."
She smiled at him for a minute, then turned to Ms. Suzumiya. "So, Ms. Suzumiya, I heard you took over the Literary Club."
"Really?" she replied, her eyes sparkling. "We haven't even started advertising and you've already heard about us? How'd you find out?"
"Nagato told me all about it. She said you renamed it to the... SOS Brigade?"
"Mm-hmm! The Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade! We're an organization dedicated to finding all sorts of strange and unusual phenomena. Aliens, time travellers, espers, you name it!"
She tilted her head slightly. "Interesting. Have you had any luck yet?"
"Well, we have John Smith over here!" Ms. Suzumiya said triumphantly, gesturing towards Kyon. "As far as I can tell, he's from a different timeline."
My eyes flew wide open. Wh-what?
"Really?" Ryoko asked, sounding a little less than convinced.
"But aside from him, we haven't found anything yet. We only formed five days ago though, so I guess it's not that surprising. Oh, but!" Ms. Suzumiya slammed her hands on the tabletop, leaning forward. "I think I've found a lead! One of my classmates is hiding something, and I know it! I've already recruited her for the Brigade, but she doesn't have a phone, so I wasn't able to invite her over. But believe me, if you saw her, you'd know she was weird right away. Everything about her just screams suspicious!"
Ryoko smiled patiently, but her brows were tightly knit. "Well, you should never judge a book by its cover. Maybe she's just shy. Or maybe she just has her own way of doing things. Like Nagato!"
A light blush prickled at my cheeks. Am I really that weird...?
Ms. Suzumiya glared at her for a moment, then sat down with a huff, closing her eyes. "I mean, I guess, but mysteries could be hiding anywhere, even in plain sight. We can't afford to leave any stone unturned!"
"Maybe. But just... I hope you'll try not to be too overbearing. For a lot of people like that, hearing that they're acting suspicious could really hurt their self-esteem."
"Well—"
"Anyway, as long as you're not disrupting the peace, I think it's great that you're having fun. Besides, it's good to see Nagato going out and enjoying herself with her friends."
I smiled ever so slightly. Mnh...
The conversation continued on for several minutes, until finally, everyone had finished their meals. Ryoko took up the serving dish, then went around the table, collecting everyone's plates. "I hope that wasn't too bad," she chimed, coming to a stop right next to me. "I'll be back as soon as I get these plates cleaned up, okay?"
"We're not in a hurry," Ms. Suzumiya replied. "Besides, we could use this time to come up with a new game plan for hunting down strange phenomena!"
Ryoko giggled, then turned to me. "Yuki, why don't you come help out? I could use a hand."
I stared at her for a few minutes, then finally processed what she said. "O-oh!" I gasped, clambering to my feet.
She nearly knocked me back down with a well-placed smile, then turned and sauntered into the hallway. I followed a short distance behind, staring into the wall to my left, until I came to a stop in the doorway of her kitchen. It was much neater than mine, with all the cookware packed away into the various cupboards and not a single dirty dish in the sink. She doesn't wash everything as she goes, does she? The light scent of roasted chicken still hung in the air, slowly fading away.
"Come on in!"
I jolted upright, taking a step back. Ryoko was already standing at the sink, setting the dishes down in the basin. "Sssorry," I mumbled, hurrying over to her.
"It's fine," she replied, turning on the faucet. "I know it's not as good as yours is, with how you have everything neatly arranged, but it helps me stay focused."
You don't have to lie for my sake... "Um... what did you need help with?"
She picked up a bottle of dish soap and squeezed a drop onto the serving dish, then started scrubbing the dish with a sponge. "So... do you really believe in all that stuff?"
"... What stuff?"
"You know... about time travellers, aliens, espers... Kyon being from another timeline..." She tried to stifle a giggle. "... all the things Ms. Suzumiya was talking about."
I put a fist to my chin. Well... I'm still kind of skeptical, but... after everything I've seen and heard, I can't say that Kyon isn't from another timeline in good faith. I glanced up at her, then down at my hands. "Uh... not really. But... I also can't say that they're not real. I, uh... I guess I just want to be sure."
"I guess that makes sense," she said, slightly relieved. "You are pretty science-minded, after all. You can't deny a hypothesis without testing it, right?"
"Mmm."
She took a towel from a hook and dried off the serving dish, then slid it into the cabinet to her left. "Still, I'm a little surprised you let her take over the Literary Club for something like that." She picked up a plate and started washing it. "Wouldn't the Supernatural Phenomenon Research Club be a better fit for someone like her?"
I shrugged, even though she couldn't see it. "Um... I don't know. She chose the Literary Club, and... I didn't really mind, so..." That's... kind of flimsy, but what should I say? A mysterious program that appeared on my computer said that she ought to be in the clubroom, and Kyon apparently knew about the SOS Brigade before all this happened?
"Well, like I said, as long as you're having fun, I'm happy with it." She put the plate into the cabinet and moved on to the next one. "Come to think of it, though, I don't think I've seen her around anywhere. Is she a senior?"
"Mm-mmm. She's a freshman. Um..." Should I tell her?
"Hmm. Well, Kyon said that she ought to be in our class. Maybe they... no, we've been in the same class since day one." She stared into the plate she was holding for a moment, then set it into the cabinet. "Oh well. I'll just have to be on the lookout for her when I get back."
She cleaned the last four plates wordlessly, but aside from my apparent uselessness, it didn't really feel awkward. There was something comforting about the way she hummed quietly as she scrubbed the plates until they shined, as if I'd just come home from a long day of work, only to find that my wife had already taken care of all of my chores for m— No, Yuki.
Eventually, she closed the cabinet with a contented sigh, then turned to me. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped, fixing me with a strange gaze. After a minute, she clicked her tongue and smiled, walking towards me. "Oh, Yuki..." She reached out and put her hand on my right cheek, running her thumb along the corner of my mouth. "I knew something seemed a little off. You forgot to wipe up again."
My face burst into flames. I tried to apologize, but choked on my words. As her smile grew, my mind ascended to a higher plane of intelligence. Uh... Uh... Um...... Ryoko? Ryo... Ryo... ko...? Her thumb slowly came to a stop, but her hand remained on my cheek. She stared down at my lips, seemingly in a daze. I tried to bring my hands together, but I was frozen in place. All I could do was stand there, staring up at her, as she stood there, gazing down at me, until...
"Oh!"
She drew her hand away, taking a step back. "Sorry about that," she laughed. "I spaced out for a moment there."
"U-uh..." I assured her.
"To tell you the truth, I didn't get that much sleep last night," she said, backpedalling towards the refrigerator, "so I've been a little out of it all day."
"M— um... me too," I whispered.
She glanced at the floor for a moment, laughing nervously, then walked over to a nearby drawer and pulled something out of it. She swept a strand of hair behind her ear, then looked up at me. "Ready?"
I glanced down at my hands, then up at her. "Yyyeah."
For a second, it seemed like her eyes had widened, but before I knew it, her expression had been replaced by a cheery grin. I watched as she waltzed out the door, her hair swaying with every step, then slowly started to follow, just barely saving myself from tripping over my feet. As soon as we stepped out the door—
"Oh! And maybe we could get Mikuru to distract 'em!"
... Ms. Suzumiya's booming voice became clear. Moments later, an inarticulate yelp echoed down the hall, followed by...
"Rejected," Kyon decreed. "We're not using Ms. Asahina as bait. Besides, what if they're a girl?"
She scoffed, apparently offended. "I wasn't gonna use her as bait! Why would I do something like that to poor little Mikuru?"
"Hmm."
"I was thinking maybe she could, y'know, run into them and start apologizing and invite them in for tea and stuff. They'd be so taken in by her super-moe charm, they'd have no choice but to join the Brigade!"
"... Hang on, how is tha—"
"Oh, Ms. Asakura!" Mikuru exclaimed. "Yuki! Y-you're back!"
Ryoko flashed her a grin as she stepped into the living room. "Sorry for the wait. It took me a while to get everything cleaned up."
"N-no, it's fine! Really!"
The two of us sat down, sighing. It might've been my imagination, but it almost seemed like Ryoko was sitting a little closer than before. "So..." she said, setting a bundle of chopsticks on the table. "Anyone up for a game?"
"Who is the king!?"
I gently squeezed the chopstick in my hands, staring down at it. It was marked with a small 2, written in Ryoko's beautiful handwriting. A pit of despair seemed to open within my stomach. I was afraid this would happen...
"I am the king!" Ms. Suzumiya cried triumphantly.
The king's game had begun.
She glanced around the table, tapping a fist against her lips, then smiled evilly. "Hmm. Number 1, you have to whisper something embarrassingly romantic into number 3's ear!"
Such were the king's cruel orders. My number wasn't called that round, but I knew it was only a matter of time.
With a chuckle, Koizumi held up his chopstick, clearly marked "3". "Well, number 1?"
Kyon balked, turning towards Ms. Suzumiya. "Are you serious?"
"It's the king's orders," she giggled.
He stared at Koizumi in disbelief, then stood, shuffling over to him. He took a deep breath, then leaned down and muttered something, as commanded.
"Oh my," Koizumi replied, resting his chin against the back of his hand. "There's nothing to be afraid of, you know."
It was far too late — Kyon had already plopped down in his seat, his head planted firmly on his forehead.
The king's orders had been fulfilled.
This was the nature of the king's game.
As we were placing our chopsticks in the center of the table, preparing for the next round, Ryoko tapped her hand against my shoulder. I glanced over at her, tilting my head.
"You alright?" she whispered.
I turned to the tabletop, nodding slightly. "... Just... nervous. I've never played this before..."
"It'll be alright," she assured me, patting my arm. "Remember that wish you made on Tanabata?"
I blushed furiously. Please don't tell everyone about that...
She laughed quietly. "Well... if anyone tries to do anything awful to you, I'll do everything I can to stop them, okay?"
I looked up at her once more. "Mm... thank you."
Regardless, there was no use delaying the inevitable. One by one, we reached out and drew chopsticks. As if by fate, the next king was Ryoko. I held my breath, praying she'd stay true to her word.
"Hmm..." She tapped her chopstick against the tip of her chin. "Number 1, how about you hug number 5 and squeeze them as tight as you can?"
My eyebrows shot up. W-wait, but I'm...
Mikuru gasped, then nervously glanced around the table, carefully avoiding Ms. Suzumiya. "Um... n-number 5...?"
My heart came to a dead stop. Trepidatious, I sheepishly raised my hand, staring down at the tabletop.
She let out a sigh of relief, then stood and shuffled over to me, nearly tripping over the chabudai's leg in the process. She sat down to my right, and then, after a moment's hesitation, pulled me into a tight hug. It was... significantly tighter than I'd expected, much tighter than the one she'd given me the day before. After a couple seconds, I wrapped my arms around her, only able to match around a tenth of her strength.
Maybe this isn't so bad after all.
She pulled away far too soon, then walked back to her seat, a light smile on her face. I wasn't quite sure how I looked, but just going by how I felt, "grinning like an idiot" would probably be putting it lightly.
As we drew for the next round, Kyon stared off into the distance, apparently agitated by something.
"My, my."
... Is he clairvoyant?
Koizumi held the king's chopstick like a pipe, lazily gazing around the room. "Let's see... Number 2, you have to wear Ms. Nagato's glasses for the next round."
Ms. Suzumiya giggled, then stretched out her hand. "Alright, Yuki, fork 'em over."
I glanced around the table, then pulled off my glasses and held them out. She yanked them out of my hands, surprisingly grabbing them by the temples rather than the lenses, and slipped them on, smiling proudly. "Well, how do I look?"
I couldn't make out the finer details, but as far as I could tell, she almost looked like a teacher... but I had the feeling she wouldn't be very happy about that answer.
"Wonderful," Koizumi responded. "Those glasses suit you very well."
"Can't see a thing in them, though," she grumbled, resting her head in her hand.
In the next round, after we'd drawn our chopsticks, one remained on the table. I looked around, leaning in to get a better view, and saw that Kyon still hadn't drawn. He was... staring at me, his expression light, almost wistful. My gaze shot to my hands, my face burning.
"John, come on!" Ms. Suzumiya cried, pushing my glasses up. "Pay attention!"
He blinked, his eyes widening, then cleared his throat. "Uh... sorry," he muttered, grabbing the remaining chopstick. He inspected it for a second, then chuckled. "How about... Number 2, take number 1 by the hand and stare into their eyes for 30 seconds."
I stared down at my chopstick, my brow furrowing. ... Why...?
Another gentle tap on my shoulder snapped me out of my thoughts. I glanced up at Ryoko, turning the chopstick in my hands. She looked over to the side, then raised her chopstick, which was neatly marked "1". She set it down, then extended her hand, smiling encouragingly.
Oh gosh... I laid my chopstick on the table, then slowly reached for her hand, trembling. But... why...? Why do I have to...?
"It's alright," she whispered.
My hand finally came to rest on top of hers. She wrapped her hand around mine, her grip gentle, yet firm. "Mnh..." I remarked, brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
That's the easy part...
I gazed at the back of my hand for a minute, taking a deep breath, then slowly looked up until our eyes met. Her eyes almost seemed... soft and piercing at the same time. Her smile broadened as she squeezed my hand.
"You can do this."
Thinking about it, I couldn't remember the last time I'd made eye contact with her, or anyone else, for that matter. It felt... sort of nice, yet deeply wrong. I felt my eyes trying to pull themselves away, but I forced them to stay on target.
"Ten," Ms. Suzumiya called.
I winced, gripping Ryoko's hand. It almost felt like her eyes were boring into me. The part of me that had learned how to skirt by without being made fun of screamed at me to look away, that I was being creepy, that I was bothering her, that I was hurting her... My thoughts were so cluttered, I didn't even notice the colour of her eyes. My mind was filled with the almost painful sensation of staring at her, until...
I can't do this.
I squeezed my eyes shut. "III'm sorry..." I whimpered.
She patted my shoulder with her free hand. "It's okay. You tried your best."
"Come on," Ms. Suzumiya goaded, "that was only fourteen seconds! You can do better than that!"
I looked over at her, then sighed. ... No, she's right. It's just... staring. I do that all the time. And I like Ryoko, so I should be fine with... staring into her eyes, right? Why am I acting like it's the worst thing in the world?
"I think she did fine," Ryoko said, her hand sliding to my back.
"Come on, don't chicken out! What, are you scared that you might end up kissing or something?"
I-it's not that. Actually... My heart pounded in my ears. I covered my face with my free hand, desperately trying to hide my blush.
Ryoko ran her thumb along the back of my hand. "She has a hard enough time with eye contact normally," she replied. "I can't imagine how awful this has to be for her."
"Oh, she's probably just shy!" Ms. Suzumiya said dismissively. "Yuki, you have to be more asser—"
"Haruhi," Kyon interrupted.
She blinked a couple times, shocked, then whipped around towards him. "Yeah, what?"
"It's fine. I'll take that."
She gawked at him. "B-but... she could do it if sh—"
"Haruhi. As the king, I order you to let it go."
She stared at him for a moment, then turned away, crossing her arms. "Fine."
He shook his head, then turned towards me. "Sorry, Nagato. I had no idea."
"It..." I ran a hand along my collar. "Iiit's fine." You couldn't have known I was number 2 anyway.
The game continued like that for a while. Embarrassing order after embarrassing order was given, from Mikuru being ordered to lift Ryoko into a princess carry to Koizumi having to put his hair in a ponytail. At some point, I had received so many strange orders that I almost started wondering whether the universe was working against me. Finally, just as we were returning our chopsticks to the center of the table, Ryoko cleared her throat.
"It's getting pretty late," she said, glancing over at the window. "I think we should go ahead and move on."
"Aw, man," Ms. Suzumiya groaned. "I didn't even get to order Mikuru to do anything yet."
Mikuru flinched, squeaking in fright. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryoko's hand tense up, but she said nothing.
"So, what's up next? Ooh, can we do fukuwarai?"
Ryoko stood. "Actually, I was thinking we could go ahead and have some dessert. But first..." She walked over to the sofa and grabbed her schoolbag, then brought it over to the chabudai. "I have a gift for someone."
A gift...? ... Oh!
She sat down, unzipped her bag, reached into it, and... paused. After a few seconds, she stole a glance at me, took a deep breath, and pulled out a beautiful, soft-looking green scarf, one that we'd picked out together over the weekend. "Well... I know it's not exactly a surprise, but..."
I shook my head. "... It's okay," I assured her. "I... I like it. I'm glad you went out of your way to make sure of that. And, um..." I looked down at my lap, adjusting my glasses. "Honestly... I'm just glad you thought of me. Iiit... it means a lot... to me."
She choked on her words. For a few moments, she just stared at me, her mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Eventually, she broke into a short, yet uncontrollable giggle. "Of course! I couldn't just leave my best friend in the cold on Christmas, could I?"
"'Best friend', you say," Ms. Suzumiya murmured.
I looked up at her, then down at the scarf. Um... should I... should I wait for her to hand it to me, or...? I feebly reached for it, but she pulled it away, taking up each end. She hesitated for a moment, looking to the side, then pulled the scarf around the back of my neck.
"Uh..." My heart nearly exploded. My eyes darted around the room as she started tying it. Wh-wh... Ryo... I-it's okay, really... I can tie it myself... b-but... The back of her hand gently brushed against my chin, setting my face aflame. "Ummm......"
She giggled once more as she finished the knot. "I knew this'd work out. You look wonderful."
I looked up at her, trying and failing to speak. Ryoko...? I... She didn't tie it too tight, did she? I feel... dizzy...
At last, she let go of the scarf, smiling widely. "Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything."
"Um... fine. Iiit's fine. It..." I gazed down at my lap, exhaling quietly. Get it together, Yuki...
After a moment, she patted me on the shoulder, then stood. "Well, I think we're about ready for dessert. I'll be right back, okay?"
With that, she spun around and walked towards the kitchen, humming quietly. W-wait, but... She didn't give me a chance to... I didn't get to give her her gift. What do I do? Should I wait for her to get back? But... what if I don't get another chance? I... I don't want to seem rude or desperate or anything, but......
"Wait!"
Ryoko stopped in her tracks. After a moment, she turned to look back at me, a curious look on her face. "Hmm?"
I looked up at her for a minute, then hurriedly unzipped my bag, shuffling through it. Come on... where is it? I could have sworn it was... After much too long, I found her gift and pulled it out, then clambered to my feet and hurried over to her. "Um..."
"What is it?"
"U-uhh..." I grabbed my scarf with my free hand, squeezing it gently. Its sheer softness calmed me down, giving me time to think. After a few moments, I glanced up at her, then presented her gift: a MiniDisc by ENOZ, our school's Rock Club, featuring the songs they performed at the Cultural Festival. "Um... for you..."
She let out a quiet gasp, her eyes widening. She lifted a hand, then, after a moment's hesitation, gently pulled the album from my grip.
"I..." I ran my now-free hand along my scarf. "I know it's kind of silly, but..."
"N-no!" she replied. "It's not silly at all! This is..." She inspected the back of the case, then looked down at me, her eyes sparkling. "How did you get this? It's really rare, isn't it? I asked everyone, but the only people who were willing to sell it wanted tens of thousands of yen."
"I... I asked Ms. Enomoto, and she was happy to give me a copy since they... since they'd just gotten a new recorder." ... I mean, she was the one who asked me why I was milling in front of the Rock Club's door, but...
She stared down at me for a few minutes, then flashed a warm smile. "It... This is incredible! I... I don't know what to say. Umm..." She looked past me for a moment, then turned towards the kitchen. "Well... come to think of it, I could use some help getting dessert ready. Could you follow me for a second?"
I blinked a couple times, tilting my head. Wh... Where did that come from?
She set off without another word, giving me no time to question her. I looked back at the chabudai for a moment, my brow furrowed, then followed after her. As we walked into the kitchen, I brushed a strand of hair out of my face. Ryoko set the MiniDisc down on the counter, then stopped in her tracks. After a few moments, she turned to face me. "Um..."
"What's wrong?" I mumbled. N... No, Yuki... Don't pressure her...
She gazed at me for a few seconds, then stepped forward. I gasped as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.
"Uh..."
"Thank you, Yuki," she whispered.
I blushed fiercely. "U-uh......"
"That was so thoughtful of you. ... I love...... I love it."
I tried to choke out a reply, but failed. My heart pounded in my chest, and for a split second, I could've sworn I'd felt hers doing the same. For several minutes, we just... stood there, enjoying the moment, a comfortable silence washing over us. Eventually, I finally gathered enough courage to return her hug, squeezing her as hard as I could. She giggled quietly in response, nestling her head into my shoulder. I have no idea how long we stayed like that — my already sketchy sense of time had completely melted away. All I know is that she broke the hug much too soon, letting out a quiet sigh.
"I think I'm getting a little carried away," she said, her voice light. "We should go ahead and get everything together. Could you grab some plates for me?"
I stared at her for a while, too stunned to think, then nodded slowly. After scraping my wits together, I trotted over to the cabinet and grabbed six plates. I felt a little guilty about using the ones Ryoko had just spent all that time washing, even though the rational part of me knew that she'd given the same careful attention to the rest of them.
I returned to Ryoko just as she pulled a covered dish out of the refrigerator. She shut the refrigerator door gently, then turned towards me. "Ready?" she asked.
I nodded, running a thumb along the edge of a plate, then followed her into the hall. Just as before, as we stepped out of the kitchen, we heard another lively conversation echoing throughout the apartment.
"Yeah, of course!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, grinning. "I bet they're out there right now, hiding under the surface of Mars or something!"
"Ms. Suzumiya," Koizumi replied, chuckling nervously, "while I appreciate your enthusiasm, I should point out that if aliens were living so close to us, one of us would've noticed the other by now. I'm afraid that as far as we know, us humans are completely alone in this world."
"Well, maybe they're just shy! Besides, humans aren't that special. I mean, think about it! The universe is huge! Statistically speaking, there's no way intelligent life hasn't developed somewhere else!"
"But statistically speaking, if there really were intelligent life on other planets, they'd be much too far away to ever reach us. So, to us, it's as if they didn't exist at all."
"Hey, don't underestimate them! For all we know, they could have spaceships that could break the light barrier! Plus, John said that—"
Mikuru glanced over at Ms. Suzumiya, then shrunk back into herself, whimpering quietly. Speaking from experience, she seemed to be praying that nobody would try to drag her into the conversation. Kyon, apparently realizing this, looked around for a distraction, then sighed once he spotted us. "Thank God. Hey, Nagato."
I meekly lifted a hand in greeting as I came to a stop next to the chabudai. "... Mnh," I replied.
Ryoko giggled as she set the dish down in the center of the table, then gently rested her hand on my shoulderblade. "Yuki," she murmured, "could you pass those out for me?"
My heart seized and my throat closed up, but I nodded all the same. I gingerly set a plate down in front of everyone, drawing thanks from Mikuru and Koizumi. Then, with an awkward glance around the table, I plopped down in my spot.
Ryoko reached out, grabbed the lid on the dish, and removed it with a tiny flourish, revealing what may still, to this day, be the single best Christmas cake to ever grace this Earth. The cream billowed down the sides of the cake like piles of snow; the strawberries on top were laid out in a spiral with a precision yet unmatched; an adorable snowman greeted us at the center of the spiral... It's silly, but just from looking at it, part of me wondered whether her parents were world-famous pastry chefs.
"Hm? ... Oh. Oh!" She put a hand to her brow, giggling nervously. "Silly me. I forgot the knife. ... And the forks!" She glanced down at me, then let out a heavy sigh. "Goodness... I'll be right back, okay?"
Without waiting for a reply, she spun around on her heel and hurried back to the kitchen, her head bowed. My brow furrowed as I watched her leave. I don't think I've ever seen her so... embarrassed. She's always seemed like the kind of person who could hold her own no matter what. Is she alright?
Ms. Suzumiya stared at her for a minute, then looked down at me, smirking. "Mm-hmm, I see," she said. "So that's what happened."
I turned towards her, tilting my head. What's what happened...?
"Cut it out," Kyon snipped.
"Whatever," she shot back. "So, what do you think, Yuki? Do you think they'd be friendly?"
They...? My brow knitted tightly as I struggled to process her question. "... Who?"
"Aliens, of course! Who else?"
Kyon shot her a fierce glare, raising an eyebrow.
"Um, III......" Please, Yuki...
"Come on! You're the sci-fi nerd around here, aren't you? You've gotta have an opinion on this kinda thing!"
My gaze dropped to the tabletop. "I, uh... if aliens discovered the Earth, I th... I think they'd just try to... exploit it."
"What? No way! If you ask me, I think they'd be really friendly. After all, if they didn't like us, why would they go through all the trouble of coming here?"
... I don't mean to be rude, but... have you been paying attention in histo—
"Okay!" Ryoko sighed, running back into the room. "Sorry about that! I guess I got a little caught up in all the excitement."
"It's fine," Mikuru said, relieved.
Ryoko gave everyone a fork, then sat down next to me, her composure returning. "Well," she said, twirling the knife in her hand, "I think I've kept you waiting for long enough. I think I did a pretty good job with this one, so I hope you'll like it!" With that, she cut the cake into six pieces — two large pieces, three average pieces, and one small piece. She gave the large pieces to Mikuru and me, the small piece to herself, and the rest to everyone else. The moment everyone was served, Ms. Suzumiya started devouring her slice, and after a second, everyone else followed suit.
I stared down at the cake, uneasily balancing the fork in my hand. It almost feels like it'd be a crime to take a bite out of this. This belongs in a museum, not on my plate. I shook my head, realizing just how silly I sounded, and jabbed my fork into the cake. I gracelessly tore off a small bite and, after a moment's hesitation, clumsily shoved it into my mouth. Impossibly, it tasted even better than it looked. The sponge cake was deliciously sweet and perfectly fluffy. The cream had a vague hint of strawberry whipped throughout. It was... no, I think Mikuru described it best:
"This is perfect!" she cried, her eyes sparkling.
"Oh, thank you!" Ryoko replied. "I got the recipe from my mom, but it took me years to get it just right."
"Oh, man, this is incredible!" Ms. Suzumiya concurred. "You've gotta make one of these for the Brigade's party next year!"
Ryoko laughed quietly, stealing a glance at me. "I'll think about it."
Ms. Suzumiya took a bite of her slice, then leaned forward. "I mean it! This is even better than my cooking! Are you training to become a chef? That would be so cool! If you opened a restaurant, everyone else would have to close out of shame!"
"Oh, no, nothing like that! It's just a hobby, really." Ryoko speared a strawberry, then lifted it to her eye level. "Actually, I'm thinking of becoming a social worker after I get out of university."
"A social worker?" Kyon asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.
"Uh-huh! There are a lot of people out there who get made fun of and left behind just because they're a little different, y'know?" She turned to look at me, smiling. "I want to give them the help they need so they can lead happy, healthy lives in our society."
"Man, I wish my social worker saw it like that," Ms. Suzumiya grumbled, resting her head in her hand. "She just treats me like a complete idiot all the time. She's been working with me for years now, but she still doesn't understand me at all! And she acts like it's some sort of miracle that I'm doing well in school! Like, my schoolwork's not even that hard!"
"That's just how some people are, unfortunately. Some people can just be so... hateful." She glanced over at Kyon, then down at her cake. "I mean, nobody's perfect — I know I'm not — but hating someone just for being who they are, for something they can't control, and refusing to understand them... it's just awful. I'm sorry you have to go through that."
"Yeah, well, I guess I only have to put up with her for two more years. Besides, if more people like you become social workers, I guess things might be a little better in the future. Hey, I know!" Ms. Suzumiya pointed at Ryoko with her fork, grinning. "You should write a book! That way, everyone will be able to get on board with your philosophy!"
Ryoko giggled. "Sorry, but I'm not much of a writer. Besides, it just wouldn't be right for me to speak for others when I've never even been in their situation. Oh, but maybe... I think a friend of mine might be up for it! I'll have to ask them later."
I squeezed my hands together. She's not talking about me, is she? I'm not that good of a writer, either...
We ended up talking for quite a while after we'd finished our cake, with Ms. Suzumiya driving the conversation in new directions at will and the rest of us following along as best as we could. Ryoko tried to steer her away from less... sensible topics, like how Mikuru would look in a bunny girl costume, but otherwise managed to match Ms. Suzumiya blow for blow.
As the night stretched on, the conversation started to slow. Eventually, Ryoko looked over at me, then cleared her throat. "Well," she said, standing, "it's been really nice getting to hang out with all of you, but it's getting pretty late."
"Aw, man; already?" Ms. Suzumiya groaned. "But we were having so much fun!"
Ryoko smiled as she started collecting everyone's plates, piling them onto the center of the chabudai. "I don't want to keep you for too long. After all, I don't want your families to worry about you!"
Ms. Suzumiya stared at her indignantly, then shrugged. "Whatever. I had a blast anyway."
"Thank you very much for hosting us," Koizumi said. "It means a lot to me that you were able to accommodate us on such short notice, and I'm sure Ms. Suzumiya feels the same way too."
"Thank you very much," Mikuru added. "It was really nice getting to know you better!"
"Of course!" Ryoko replied, her cheeks turning a subtle shade of red. "It was nice getting to know you, too! And Ms. Suzumiya, Mr. Koizumi, I'm glad I got to meet you."
"The pleasure's all mine," he chuckled.
Ryoko returned his chuckle. "Well, come on. I'll show you out, okay?"
I stood along with everyone else and started walking towards the hallway, but I was only able to take a couple steps before Ryoko gently grabbed me by the shoulder. Wh... Ryoko?
"Yuki," she whispered, "you... you can stay here if you want."
My heart stopped mid-beat. "H-here?" Stay? Here?
"Mm-hmm! I mean, I still have to give you your special gift tomorrow, so I was thinking we could have a sleepover."
A... a sleepover? I... I glanced around the room, running my hand along my coat's collar. I don't think I've ever been invited to a sleepover... But... with Ryoko? I-I...
"You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought it'd make things easier, y'know?"
"Nnno, I..." I looked down at the floor, taking a deep breath. "I want to."
She giggled with delight. "Wonderful! Why don't you have a seat on the couch while I see everyone else off?"
"Um... I need to go get my pyjamas."
She paused for a moment, then smacked herself on the forehead. "That's right. I don't know why I didn't think of tha—"
"Hey!" Ms. Suzumiya called. "You coming?"
Ryoko stared at her for a moment, her eyes wide, then laughed quietly. "Come on," she said, letting go of my shoulder.
I nodded, then walked alongside her, following her to the hallway. As we passed Ms. Suzumiya, she joined us, falling in line next to Ryoko.
"Hey," she whispered. "You two seem pretty close, if you ask me."
"Well, we both live in the same apartment building," Ryoko replied.
"Look, just give it to me straight: are you two together or something?"
Ryoko put a finger to her chin. "Mmm... if we were, there wouldn't be anything straight to give you."
Ms. Suzumiya turned that over in her head for a few seconds, then raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"
"Well!" Ryoko chimed, coming to a stop at the edge of the entryway. "I hate to see everyone go, but it's been nice having you. Good night, everybody! Stay safe out there!"
"You too," Mikuru and I mumbled at the same time. ... Y-Yuki, no...
I stepped into my shoes and hurried out the door, praying that Ryoko wouldn't notice my mistake. A few seconds later, a voice stopped me in my tracks.
"... Asakura."
I slowly turned my head. Kyon was standing right in front of Ryoko's door, staring up at the ceiling, his hands tucked in his pockets.
"Hmm?" Ryoko replied, her voice echoing through the entryway.
He seemed to think for a while, carefully considering what he was going to say. His breath was slow and measured, as if he was trying to focus himself. Finally, he sighed, his gaze dropping to the floor.
"Sorry," he murmured, starting down the hall.
I whipped around and started walking, acutely aware that I had just overheard something personal. What am I doing? I shouldn't eavesdrop on other people's conversations... That's so horrible. What if someone had overheard you coming out to Ryoko?
"Oh, Nagato," he said.
I glanced up at him. He seemed a little tired, but after a second, he smiled all the same. My gaze shot to the wall, my face slowly broiling. "Mnh..."
We came to a stop next to the elevator just as the doors slid shut. He glared at it for a minute, then shook his head, pushing the up button. I didn't really have the energy to carry on a conversation, so we just waited in silence until the elevator finally returned.
A few seconds after the door had opened, Kyon walked in, pressed the buttons for the seventh and ground floors, and leaned against the wall. I followed, hiding myself in the far corner of the elevator, sniffling. As soon as the elevator started moving, I stared up at the floor number, gently kneading my scarf. I... I'm finally going to a sleepover... and with Ryoko, no less. But... um... I'm not really sure if I can. I don't know if I have enough energy for any more games... And how will we... sleep? Am I supposed to sleep in a guest room? The same room as her? Or... I shuffled my feet, looking down at the floor. N-no, don't be silly. That only happens in cheesy love stories... I mean, I think. Not that I'd know...
As soon as the elevator doors opened, I slipped between them and hurried towards my apartment, trying to push my fears out of my mind. Still, as I entered my apartment, changed into my pyjamas, and went back down to the fifth floor, I felt a sense of... dread welling up within me, like something terrible was about to happen. I knew it was just my mind pushing back against venturing into the unknown, but that feeling just wouldn't go away.
Finally, I came to a stop in front of apartment 505, alone this time. I glanced around nervously, trying to build up my confidence, then took a deep breath and walked into the entryway, locking the door behind me. I swapped my shoes for slippers, then waited at the edge of the hallway, kneading my hands.
Several minutes later, Ryoko stepped out from behind the corner, dressed in adorable purple pyjamas. The moment she caught sight of me, she broke into a grin, then jogged down the hall.
"Sorry about the wait!" she said, coming to a stop in front of me. "I was a little distracted, so it was a bit of a struggle to get all my makeup off."
My brow furrowed. She wears makeup? But... "You look the same to..." I covered my mouth, my eyes flying wide open. No, Yuki! Think before you—
A quiet, melodic giggle echoed throughout the hallway. She turned away, but not quickly enough to hide that her face had turned a beautiful shade of scarlet. "Come on," she said, "let's sit down for a minute."
She led me over to the sofa, humming lightly, then carefully sat down in the center. After a few moments, she patted the seat next to her, smiling encouragingly. I hesitated for a moment, then plopped down to her left. Please be more careful. She's going to think you're a slob...
She sighed quietly, leaning back in her seat. "How are you feeling?" she asked, her voice soft.
"Mnh..." I adjusted my glasses, my gaze fixed on my schoolbag. "A little tired..."
"Sorry. I tried to put together a relaxed, low-stress party, but I wasn't expecting to have to accommodate four other guests."
I squeezed my hands together. "... Sorry..."
"You didn't do anything wrong!" she assured me. "It's just... a bit tricky, balancing your needs with their expectations. Honestly, though, I think most of them would've understood. Even Kyon seemed to get it."
... Come to think of it, she's right. During the King's Game... I would've expected him to react more like Ms. Suzumiya did.
"I think I need to have a bit of a talk with Ms. Suzumiya, though," she mumbled, as if she'd read my mind.
"Hmm?"
She fell silent for a second, her eyes wide, then laughed. "Nothing. Just thinking out loud."
"... Mnh."
"So..." She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "... was there anything you wanted to do?"
... Think, Yuki. A pillow fight seems a little too... strenuous, and, uh... uhh...... What are you supposed to do at sleepovers...? Going to sleep now would probably be kind of... silly. Umm... "... D... Did you have... anything in mind?"
"Anything you want's fine. Just as long as you'd be okay with it."
I glanced down at my lap. "Um... I... I know it's boring, but... I kind of want to just sit and read for now..."
"That's perfectly okay!" she replied. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to read?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I didn't have the energy to fight my own vocal cords, so I just nodded slightly, walked over to my schoolbag, and pulled out the book Kyon had bought me. I returned to my seat and plopped down once more, staring down at the cover. After a moment's hesitation, I opened the book and started reading.
The book opened in a small enclave of sliders — beings who can freely "slide" between dimensions (really parallel universes) — living in our world, disguised as humans. The main character, a slider known as Ms. Ruff, started off by comparing an ugly, chaotic Earth to the sliders' beautiful, peaceful home world. Unfortunately, she had been assigned to help a detachment of her peers investigate an anomaly that had recently occurred on Earth. She openly resented her superiors for this, but since their rule was absolute, she couldn't do anything but—
I couldn't keep my self-consciousness at bay any longer. I glanced up at Ryoko. She was staring down at the book, a faint smile on her face. After a moment, she blinked, then looked over at me. "Hmm?"
"I... This isn't... too boring for you, is it?" I mumbled.
"Of course not!" she replied. "I think it's pretty interesting. Besides, as long as you're enjoying yourself, I'm happy."
My gaze snapped back to my book, my cheeks burning. "... Mnh."
We continued reading for about... it felt like twenty minutes, so it was probably a couple hours. Eventually, my drowsiness grew to a point where I couldn't read any further. I gently closed the book, yawning quietly.
"You finished?" she asked.
I nodded. "... For now. Um... it's getting kind of late."
She yawned, then giggled quietly. "Yeah. I think we should get to bed." She took a deep breath, apparently struggling to keep herself focused. "Where do you want to sleep?"
"Uh..."
"You could sleep here on the sofa if you wanted, or..." She fell silent for a moment, then turned towards the window. "... in my room..."
"U-uh..." My eyes darted from her to my book, then to the chabudai. It's... I don't... I kind of want to sleep in her room, but... I don't know if we should. We're just... friends, right? I-I think... Or... is she trying to... No, don't be silly. Um... I ran a hand along the spine of the book. I... I guess I wouldn't be comfortable with sleeping so close to a friend. It feels like a very... intimate thing. I mean, as much as I want to be her... girlfriend... for now, and honestly probably for eternity, we're just friends. It'd just be awkward. "Um... here is fine," I murmured.
"Alright," she said, pushing herself up. "Go ahead and get ready for bed. I'll go get you a blanket."
I nodded, then clambered to my feet, set my book down on the chabudai, and followed her down the hall. She disappeared into her bedroom, and I ducked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. A few minutes later, as I was brushing my teeth, my mind started to wander.
Was that really the right choice? What if I never get another chance to...? It wouldn't be that big of a deal, would it? She's the one who asked... We are just friends, but...
Even as I stepped out of the bathroom, removed my coat, put it on the coat rack by the door, and sat down on the sofa, my thoughts continued to stew. The only distraction was the bitter cold permeating the room, slowly seeping into my bones. After a couple minutes, Ryoko hurried back into the living room, carrying a fluffy red blanket. "Sorry!" she called. "I couldn't remember where I'd put it."
"Iiit's fine," I replied, struggling to keep my teeth from chattering.
"Could you lay down for me?"
I looked up at the blanket for a moment, then laid down on the couch, awkwardly moving into a somewhat comfortable position. Once I was settled, Ryoko draped the blanket over me, gently warming me up. After a moment's thought, she tucked it behind my arms, drawing a gasp from my lips.
"Perfect," she whispered, smiling brightly. "Oh, except...!" She reached out and grabbed my glasses, then carefully pulled them off. Her wrist gently brushed against my cheek, but I tried my best to think nothing of it.
"Thank you," I mumbled.
"Of course." She looked down at me for a moment, then sighed. "You look so adorable, all wrapped up like that..."
"Uh...?"
She giggled uncontrollably, covering her mouth. "... Don't mind me. I think I might be getting a little too tired." She gazed down at the floor for a few seconds, then looked over at me. "Good night, Yuki."
"Good night," I mumbled, closing my eyes. Strangely, perhaps because of my lack of sleep last night, all the excitement that day, and Ryoko standing by my side, I immediately started drifting off. Just before I fell asleep, I felt something graze against my forehead, but I couldn't quite tell what it was.
Part 4
I stood in the middle of the park, working my way through a bizarre fantasy novel. Snow fell all around me, slowly wrapping me in a warm embrace. There was nobody else in sight, but I didn't feel lonely at all. After all, I had two of my best friends right there with me. I hummed a quiet tune as I read — I don't know what it's called, but it's a somber piano piece I've been in love with since I was a kid.
After a few minutes, I felt someone gently brush their hand against my cheek. I turned, only to see......
......
...
...
A gentle shaking drew me out of my dream, bringing me back to reality. I groaned quietly as I pulled my blanket around me, struggling to open my eyes. Not yet...
"Hey."
My eyes finally cracked open, blinking as the light poured in. Ryoko was gazing down at me, a small, warm smile on her face, though for a second, she looked like she'd just gotten out of bed a few moments ago. "Ryo... ko...?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," she giggled, lifting her hand from my shoulder. "Sleep well?"
"Y-yeah..." She backed away as I sat up, brushing my hair out of my face. "I'm just a little..."
She took my glasses from the table and handed them to me. "Sorry. I'd be glad to let you sleep for as long as you want, but it's 7:05."
7... "Oh. Um..." I took the glasses from her, slipping them onto my face. "Thank you."
With a bit of effort, I stood, then shuffled over to the coat rack. After fishing around in my coat's pocket for a moment or two, I pulled out my medicine. Praying that the progesterone wouldn't get stuck in my throat, I downed one pill from each, then slipped the bottles back in my pocket. Finally, I pulled my coat off the rack, sighing as I prepared to leave.
"Where're you going?"
I turned, instinctively taking a step back. Ryoko was approaching me, her brow furrowed. Oh no... Am I forgetting something? "I... I don't want to overstay my welcome..."
She came to a stop about half a meter away from me, smiling softly. "I don't think that's possible. Besides, I haven't even given you your special gift yet!"
"Oh..." I planted a hand against my brow, my gaze dropping to the floor. "Sorry..."
"You don't have to apologize!" She turned back to the living room, gesturing for me to follow her. "Come on. We don't have to rush or anything."
I hung my coat on the rack once more, then followed her back to her couch. At her behest, I sat down first, and she sat right next to me, draping the blanket over her lap. She's... My gaze fell to my hands as my heart skipped a beat. She's a little...
"Something wrong?"
"Nn... no," I replied, running my right thumb along the knuckles of my left hand. "Just... still a little tired."
"I'm sorry. Yesterday was a pretty full day, wasn't it?"
It feels like every day with Ms. Suzumiya is a... Please don't be so mean. "It's alright. I had fun."
She giggled once more. "So did I! It was nice getting to celebrate together with you."
A light blush spread across my face. "Yeah..." I whispered.
The conversation lapsed into a comfortable silence. The only sound was the wind howling past the window, just barely audible. Just outside, a flurry of snowflakes danced as they rushed past. Just sitting there, staring at them, it almost felt like...
A shiver shot through my body. Right... her heater...
"You cold?"
"Um... a little," I replied, sitting up.
After a moment's thought, she gently lifted the corner of the blanket, tilting her head slightly.
"That's okay," I said, holding up a hand. "III don't want to leave you in the cold. It's your blanket, anyway."
"Well..." She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, glancing away for a moment. "We could share it, couldn't we? That way, neither of us would be cold."
My heart came to a dead stop. Sh... I swallowed. Sh... share? She...... Did I hear that right? Am I still dreaming? "Um... I......"
"You don't have to if you don't want to," she added. "Just a suggestion."
"I......" Calm down, Yuki. She's your best friend, right? She's just helping out. She... Girls do things like this at sleepovers all the time, don't they? "... uh...... y... y...... o... kay."
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice quiet. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"N-no! Just... I'd..." I steeled myself for a moment, then looked up at her, smiling. "I'd b-be honoured."
She stared down at me for what felt like hours, her eyes wide. Her eyes... I hadn't noticed before, but her eyes were a deep navy blue, the same colour as her hair. That's... unusual... I thought, dazed. Even more unusual was the fact that I was in no hurry to break eye contact with her. Rather than the harsh pain of judgement, her gaze seemed to be filled with a certain... I have no idea how to explain it. It was... comforting. Gentle. Soft.
After a while, she smiled, then pulled the blanket over me. She leaned over and tucked it behind my arm, then returned to her position, looking happier than I'd ever seen her. I grabbed the edge of the blanket, unconsciously burying my chin into it, reveling in its softness.
"Is that good?" she asked.
"Mm-hmm." A sense of calm washed over me as the warmth from the blanket — and from Ryoko — slowly diffused through my body. "It's... nice."
"You look so cozy. It's adorable, to be honest."
The warmth spread to my cheeks. "Mm... I... almost feel like I might fall asleep again..."
She thought for a minute, smirking. "Go ahead. We have the whole day to ourselves, after all."
"Aaare you sure? I mean..." I shifted a little. "... you just sat down..."
She laughed quietly. "That's true. Do you think you could sleep sitting up?"
"Mm-mmm. I'd probably fall over and..." Did her heater just start working again?
"Hmm..." I could've sworn her cheeks had reddened, but I wrote it off as a trick of the light. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. Nothing you can do about that."
"Still, um..."
"Actually..." She looked down at her lap, taking a deep breath. "I don't think I'd mind it."
I choked on my words. "Wh-what?"
"I mean," she added hastily, "we're good friends, right? It's normal to want to be close to your friends."
It is?
"So... I wouldn't have a problem if you wanted to snuggle up to me and fall asleep or something. Y-Y'know, hypothetically."
My heart pounded in my ears. Did she... did she just give me permission to... cuddle her? And... she sounds so nervous... i-it couldn't be, could it? No... she's super popular, isn't she? She's way out of my league. But... either way... "Um..."
She turned to me, her eyes sparkling. "Hm?"
"......" I moved closer to her, closing the already tiny gap between us. "I, uh..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her smile broaden. "Go ahead," she whispered.
... Is this happening? I glanced over at her, squeezing my hands together. Is she...? She stared at me for a moment, then lifted her arm and tilted her head, encouraging me onward. Is this actually happening? Sighing, I slowly leaned against her, my eyes squeezed shut. I let out a tiny gasp as my head came into contact with her shoulder. I... This is really happening. I'm... Her arm wrapped around me tightly, pulling me even closer. She... she's so... warm...
"How's that?"
"Uh......" I nodded fervently.
"Good," she giggled. "Make yourself comfortable."
Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh... I gripped my collar, trying to swallow my fear. I could feel myself trembling. This is... incredible. I don't even know how to describe this. I... I feel like I'm in Heaven. My arm feels a little cramped, though. I looked up at her for a split second. Maybe I could... b-but... Reluctantly, I pulled my right arm free, then gently placed my hand on her back. She let out a quiet gasp, and I drew away, cursing myself. "Sssorry... I wasn't thinking."
"Don't a..." she whispered. She cleared her throat, then tried again, her voice slightly louder. "Don't apologize. I don't mind."
"O...kay..." I gently set my hand on her back once more. "Sorry."
"You're so tense, Yuki. Just relax, okay?"
How am I supposed to relax? I feel... My heartbeat feels like a drumroll, my face feels hotter than the sun, and... oh, no. "I..."
"Hm?"
"III feel like I'm go... gonna pass out..."
"To be honest," she mumbled, "I feel kinda dizzy too. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It's gonna be alright; I know it will!"
At that moment, it felt like all thoughts had vanished from my head except one, which expanded to fill my mind.
I'm gay.
Of course, that wasn't entirely accurate, but at the time, I had more pressing matters to worry about. Like the fact that I was cuddling Ryoko Asakura, or that she almost seemed half as nervous as I was, or that she had just called me "sweetheart". The evidence was quickly starting to stack up in opposition to us being "just friends". Gosh... Does she... Oh my gosh... What if she actually likes me? What if her special gift is... it's probably kind of silly to even think about this, but what if it's... I mean, this seems kind of... flirty, and she looks like she's blushing pretty h— She's stroking my hair she's stroking my hair she's stroking my hair she's stroking my hair—
"Relax..."
This isn't happening. This can't be real. I'm dreaming. I have to be dreaming. But if this is a dream, then... Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, Yuki, no. But... but... I don't even know anymore. I can't even think. My head's spinning.
"There, there..." she murmured. "It's alright. I won't let anything bad happen to you."
It's not that anything bad's happening. It's that everything good's happening.
"My little Yuki..."
This inspired the most intelligent thought I've ever formulated:
Sfgsdkgsdgsldgsdasflksa? Gdgfglskdfs!? Ggdagldagngdkm? Ryoko? I love you? I love you.
It felt like I was overwhelmed and perfectly calm at the same time. Is this how normal people feel in stressful situations? But this isn't stressful at all... I don't understand...
"Yuki..." she sighed softly. "... Can we ta—"
The sound of the doorbell cut her off. She threw a glance over her shoulder, then turned back to me. "Be right back," she said, giving me a final pat on the head. With that, she untangled herself from me, stood, tucked the blanket behind my right arm, and hurried over to the intercom, humming tunelessly. I watched as she picked up the handset, gently running my hand along the blanket's edge.
"Hello?" she asked. She took up the cord with her free hand, twirling it around her finger. "Oh, that's not a problem! Actually, I think I found it last night. Come on up." She hung up, then disappeared into the hallway, a light spring in her step.
She's acting like she just won the lottery, I thought, nestling into the blanket. Is she really that happy about snuggling up to me? Then again, I... think I feel the same way. I glanced over at the entryway, sniffling. I wonder... I wonder if I should just confess to her already... No, don't be silly. She's just being friendly. But... I don't know...
My gaze drifted to my lap as my thoughts raced through my head. I tried to calm myself down, but... I know this won't make any sense, but my head felt so fuzzy that I couldn't do anything about it. I just sat there, being tortured by thoughts of Ryoko hugging me, patting my head, stroking my cheek, gazing into my eyes, kissing me on the lips, until...
"...as just about to make some tea for Nagato." Ryoko's voice echoed through the apartment, slowly becoming more distinct. "Go ahead and have a seat on the couch over there. I'll be back in a minute!"
I turned just in time to see Kyon stepping out of the hallway, scanning the room. He smiled as his eyes landed on me, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Hey, Nagato," he grunted, plopping down onto the sofa.
"... Hello," I mumbled, hiding my burning face behind the blanket. "Uh... what brings you here?"
"Forgot my phone," he sighed, resting his head in his hand and shutting his eyes. "I could've sworn I had it just before I left..."
"Oh." I stared up at him for a moment, then looked away, gripping the blanket. Gosh, what do I say, what do I say? I thought I heard a phone buzz in the distance. I need to say something. He's waiting for me to reply. "... Sorry..."
"It's not your fault," he chuckled. "I wouldn't be surprised if it just fell out of my pocket or something. Or maybe..."
"What?"
"Nah, it's nothing. Probably just imagining things."
"Iiit's okay," I assured him.
"... Yeah." He looked back at the hallway. "She's just an ordinary girl here, isn't she?"
I don't know if I'd call her ordinary...
He thought for a minute, then looked over at me. "What about you?"
"Um... Ryoko invited me to sleep over. She... said she has a-a special gift for me."
His eyebrows shot up, and he fixed me with a stare, his eyes slowly growing wider and wider. "Uh..."
"It's probably nothing big. It's... just something she was too emba—"
"Nagato," he whispered. "Don't. Move."
"What?"
He fell silent, continuing to stare at me. Eventually, I realized that he was looking down at my... I'm sure there's a good reason for this. I slowly followed his gaze until I reached my hand, currently wrapped around the collar of my cardigan. A chill shot through my body.
Perched atop my hand was a massive black wasp, lazily gazing about.
"Stay calm."
I gasped, instinctively falling backwards. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh n—
Time ground to a halt. The wasp's rear curled, jabbing its stinger into me. Pain shot through my hand, then my arm, then filled my entire body. It felt like I'd been stabbed with a rusty butcher's knife, and the wound was being filled with lava. My breath quickened as the pain grew more and more intense. I tried to maintain composure, but I didn't even last a second.
"Gynngh!"
Kyon's hand slammed down onto mine, killing the wasp a few seconds too late. It rolled off unceremoniously, but its abdomen still remained. He jumped to his feet, stumbled over to the first aid kit, and practically ripped it off the wall, then returned, throwing it open. After frantically rummaging through it, he pulled out a pair of tweezers, then took my hand, yanking it towards him. Pain coursed through me, drawing a scream from my lips.
"Hold still," he barked, his voice shaking.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it— In his panic, he accidentally jabbed the tweezers into my hand. My mind nearly imploded with pain, my thoughts scrambling. "Stop!" I cried, my voice hoarse.
"Hold still! This'll be over before you know it."
"Don't!" I cried, having abandoned all rational thought. "Stop!"
Nevertheless, he managed to find his mark this time. He gripped the wasp's abdomen and yanked it out, dropping it onto the floor. He tossed the tweezers into the first aid kit, then pulled out an alcohol wipe, ripped open the package, and swiped it across the sting.
"Stop..." Tears streamed down my face, each tiny movement of his hand sending a new burst of pain through my body. "Stop..."
"Hang in there, NagaAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Kyon jumped to the side and backed away, his eyes wide. Part of the bottom quarter of his jacket had been torn loose. A streak of blue flashed by my eyes. By the time it'd passed, Kyon had jumped to my left, panting heavily.
"Where are you going?"
"Ryah... Ryoko?" I mumbled. Tilting my head, I saw the blurry image of Ryoko, holding something in her hand. Seconds later, she pounced towards Kyon, aiming whatever she was holding at his gut. He dodged, but tripped over her feet, landing face-first on the sofa next to me.
"What do you think you're doing?" she giggled, planting a hand on his back. "Trying to run from the consequences of your actions?"
"What the Hell are YOU doing!?" he shouted, his voice muffled by the cushion.
"Who, me? Don't be silly!" she chimed, weighing the thing in her hands. "I heard what you were doing to Nagato. That's really no way to treat a woman, you know?"
I managed to gather enough of my wits to wipe the tears from my eyes, blinking rapidly. Ryoko stood above Kyon, smiling brightly, loosely holding... A combat knife!?
"Get your hands off me!"
"Now, now," she sighed, bashing the handle of the knife into his shoulderblade, "nobody likes a hypocrite."
He let out an ungodly scream, his eyes squeezing shut. What... what the... what the Hell is... what... what... it hurts... what... what...
She flipped the knife in her hand, giggling. "Honestly, considering how you were treating Nagato, this is merciful. You really don't deserve to die this quickly."
Die? What? DIE? I couldn't think. Between the pain of the sting and whatever the Hell was happening in front of me, my mind felt like it was about to give up and shut down.
"Stop..."
A pitiful whine spread through the room, just barely audible. Ryoko turned to me, a huge grin on her face. "Don't worry. It's over now," she said, her voice trembling with... something? "He's not gonna hurt you anymore." She turned back to Kyon, leaning closer to him. "You hear that? You've made Nagato very sad." She lifted the knife to her eye level. "It's such a shame. She really liked you! Too bad you had to go and throw that all away. I said I wouldn't be able to forgive you if you played with her feelings, but to be honest? I never expected you to go an—"
A flash of sound and colour flooded my mind. The burning pain intensified as my hand clutched something. Someone gasped, another cried, another screamed in pain. As the world finally became coherent again, I saw I was right in front of Ryoko, staring into her eyes.
"What're you doing?" she asked, cheerily as ever.
For a moment, I thought I had woken up from a dream, but she was still holding the knife in her hand. My hands had clamped onto her wrists, twisting her away from Kyon.
"Stop it..." I murmured, my voice barely audible.
She stared at me for a moment, then laughed. "It's okay! I know you're probably in shock after what he's done to you, but you don't have to worry anymore. I'm going to make him pay, and then he'll be gone for good!"
"Stop..."
"Don't cry, Yuki. I promise it'll be quick for him!"
"No... Please..."
Her brow furrowed. "It's okay. I'm trying to help you! This is exactly what you wished for, isn't it?"
"I... I never..." It hurts... "I never asked for this..."
"You did! You said you wanted someone who would protect you from anything that could hurt or frighten you!"
"No..." Pain... "No...!"
"Yuki, listen to me. Kyon was trying to rape you. He doesn't deserve to live. I could hear you screaming from the kitchen. I know it's a lot to take in, but he has to die!"
"He wasn't..." A faint breeze, quieter than the sound of a swallow's wing. Burning tears poured from my eyes. "He wasn't..." Pain...
"Yu—"
"I was hurt!" My shout was little more than a silent rasp. "I was stung. He... he tried to... help... me... He... he... he..."
A pathetic sob rang out, followed by another. I couldn't speak anymore. I couldn't feel anymore. My grip on Ryoko's wrists tightened. The sobs slowly grew louder. My arms, my legs, every part of me tremored. My thoughts were nothing but meaningless noise. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I had been thrown into the deepest layer of Hell. My throat closed up, but the sobs kept coming. It wouldn't stop. The thoughts wouldn't stop. The sobs wouldn't stop. Nothing would stop.
The sound of clattering metal cut through the room.
"Oh..."
The sound of someone awakening from a deep reverie.
"Oh my God..."
A person slowly rediscovering sobriety.
"Oh my God..."
A sob, different this time.
I finally noticed something had changed. Ryoko's perpetual smile had dropped. She seemed deeply disturbed. Her mouth was drawn into a taut frown, just barely hanging open.
"Oh my God..." she mumbled, taking a step back. She stared at me like I'd just stabbed her in the gut. "... I... I... I'm insane..."
Ryoko...
Her eyes trailed down to the knife, which now laid on the floor. She gazed at it for a few minutes, as if trying to determine whether it was just a hallucination, then turned to me. "I... I'm..."
Her eyes bored straight into mine for several minutes. I just stared back, completely frozen.
"... Yuki?"
The voice of a person on the precipice of delirium.
"Mm?"
Barely a voice at all.
"........."
She glanced around the room, then at me.
"I'm... I'm so sorry. I... I......"
"..."
She sighed quietly. "Yuki? Can I... ask you for a favour?"
"What?"
Why did I...?
"Please..." She sniffled. "Please... take me to the hospital."
"..."
"Please. Before I hurt anyone else. Before... Before I hurt you again."
"... in apartment 505. His right scapula is shattered, and... he was unconscious when we last saw him."
Ryoko and I walked down the streets, slowly trudging our way to the hospital. Ryoko was on the phone with emergency services, trying to get help for Kyon, while I led her along, gripping her by the wrist at her behest. The pain from the wasp's sting had mostly died down, but it had been replaced by the pain from...
"... He was attacked by... a psycho. ... Yes, that's right. We had to leave because... my friend's taking me to the hospital."
The lilt in her voice was completely gone. She almost sounded like a dull imitation of herself. Even though I was wearing my coat, I felt a chill creeping into my bones.
"No, I don't need an ambulance. ... I guess you could say they're major, but I'm fine walking."
Her expression was blank. To be honest, I couldn't blame her — I'm pretty sure mine was too. I didn't have the energy to emote, cry, or even talk anymore. It was all I could do to keep trudging on, hoping I remembered where the hospital was.
"Thank you very much. And, um... please take good care of him, okay? He..." She started trembling. "He's... very special to my friend. I..." A few seconds later, she hung up, then stuffed her cell phone into her pocket.
We arrived at an intersection. I didn't even have the energy to pretend to look before crossing.
"Guess that's the last call I'll be making for a while."
I couldn't tell whether that was supposed to be a joke or not. Neither of us laughed. We just pushed on, ruminating on the events of the past hour.
The rest of our journey passed in absolute silence. There wasn't even a car passing by to distract us from our situation. We eventually arrived at the hospital, quietly making our way in. The check-in process went by much more quickly than I'd expected, and soon, I found myself letting go of Ryoko's arm.
Standing before us was a doctor, a portly man with cropped white hair. He looked between Ryoko and I, then sniffed.
"Well," Ryoko muttered, "Looks like we're not gonna be seeing each other for a while."
"... Mmm," I replied.
She hesitated for a moment, then turned to me. She glanced to the side, then at the floor, and took a step forward, spreading her arms wide. "Well..."
... A hug?
For ages, I'd thought that just getting to hug Ryoko would be heaven on Earth, but after everything that'd happened...
I just stared at her blankly, unable to react.
After a minute, she put her arms down. "I understand," she sighed. "Well..."
She tried to fake a smile, then turned to the doctor.
"Bye..."
With that, she followed the doctor into the depths of the hospital, the door closing behind her. I kept staring blankly. I was frozen in place. The only part of my body that moved was my hand, throbbing from the wasp's sting. I couldn't even think.
Slowly, my body began to thaw. I drew a ragged breath, my jaw clenching. My nails dug into my palms. My knees trembled, then shook violently before collapsing in on themselves.
I had no clue what was going on. Ryoko just tried to murder Kyon in cold blood, right in front of my eyes. I watched her break his shoulder. I watched her nearly stab him. She'd admitted her bloodlust right to my face.
So why?
Why was I crying?
I'd seated myself in an uncomfortable chair, slowly flicking through my book. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep track of the plot, but I kept reading anyway. If nothing else, it helped to distract me from everything going on.
"Hey."
I turned to my right. Kyon was sitting up in his hospital bed, holding an apple in his left hand, tilting it towards me. "You want this?"
I considered it, then shook my head. "No, thanks." My voice sounded almost sounded hollow, but I tried to ignore it.
He stared at me for a moment, his brow furrowed. "You sure?"
I turned back to my book. "... I'm not hungry." And... if I ate anything now, I'd probably just throw up.
"Alright."
We both sighed at the same time, each of us returning to our respective tasks. At least being with him is a little comforting, I thought, turning a page. In a twisted way, just getting to... exist next to him kind of makes it feel like everything's going to be okay. I grabbed the corner of the next page, gently bending it back and forth. ... I can only hope...
"Hey, uh... Nagato?"
I looked up at him again. His eyes were fixed on his lunch, but his gaze seemed unfocused. "Yes?" I replied.
After a moment's hesitation, he turned towards me. "Thank you. Seriously."
I stared at him for a moment, my mouth opening and closing, until I could finally bring myself to respond. "It... it was nothing. I wasn't really thi—"
"Nagato... that wasn't nothing. You just saved my life. If you hadn't stopped her, I'd be dead right now. I... I owe you my life. Again." He paused for a moment, then turned back to his meal. "Man... that's the second time, huh...?" he muttered.
"Second?"
The sound of the doorknob jiggling caught our attention. A split second later, the door burst open, and a girl with long, dark brown hair flew in, immediately followed by a pair of nurses. "John!?" she cried, coming to rest right next to Kyon. One of the nurses grabbed her by the shoulders, trying to pull her back.
"Hey, Haruhi," he sighed, smiling. He glanced over at the nurses and waved, and after a moment, they backed away, leaving the room. "Didn't take you lo—"
"Geez, I was so worried about you!" she yelled. "Yuki told me you were unconscious! She didn't even tell me what room you were staying in! And you weren't answering my calls, either! I thought you might've died! Do you know how long it took me to find you? And what happened to your arm, huh? She didn't say anything about that!"
"Nice to see you, too."
"A sling! You think she would've mentioned you were put in a sling! Oooh, when I see that girl, I'm gonna penalize her so hard, she'll have to file for bankruptcy! And wha—"
"Haruhi," he interrupted, sitting up straight, "it's... nice to see you care, but I'm fine. Really."
She blinked a couple times. "Y-yeah, well... as Brigade Leader, it's my duty to care! I'll care whether you like it or not!"
"Fine by me, but seriously, I'm okay. Besides..." He jabbed a thumb towards me, his smile falling. "... I think she needs it more than I do."
She glanced over at me, then did a double take, eyes wide. After a second, she leaned in, putting her hands on her hips. "Hey, Yuki! You heard what I just said, right? As soon as John gets out of the hospital, you're going to have to treat the entire Brigade to dinner at a fancy restaurant! Got that?"
"U-uh..." I mumbled.
"And next time someone goes to the hospital and you miraculously arrive before me, at least tell me what room they're in!"
I looked down at my book, running a finger along the edge of the pages. "Sorry..."
She paused for a second, then turned to Kyon. "So, what's wrong with her? She looks just fine to me."
He took a deep breath, looking over at me. "... She just lost her best friend."
She glanced between Kyon and me, her expression softening. "O-oh..." she said, her voice unusually quiet. "That's... oh. So her friend... died?"
"... Not quite."
"She was..." I murmured.
"What?" she asked.
"She was the one who... aaattacked Kyon."
"She went ballistic because she thought I was trying to assault Nagato," Kyon added. "If Nagato hadn't stepped in and said something, I'd be dead."
Ms. Suzumiya stared at him in a stunned silence. "That's so messed up," she muttered. "So... what happened to her?"
I sniffled. "Shhhe realized that she messed up, and asked me to bring her here," I said. "She... checked herself into the psychiatric ward, and... I watched her go. I..." My vision started blurring. "I..."
"Hey, hey, don't cry!" she interjected, stepping forward. "She was a murderer. She's not worth crying over, right?"
"I— I know, but..."
"Then cheer up! She's out of your life now! You don't have to worry about her anymore."
"B-but... but..." I choked back a sob, cursing myself for falling apart so easily. "... we've been close friends for over a year now, and... and..." I glanced over at Kyon. "... Mnh..."
"And what?"
I looked down at my book for a moment, then shut it and put it on the table by Kyon's bed, taking a deep breath. I slowly rose to my feet and stepped closer to her, leaning in. "I was... in love with her..." I whispered.
"I... Yeah, I know, but..." She stared at me for a moment, then glanced over at the table. "... Y-yeah, but......" After a few minutes, she sniffled, then rubbed her nose on her sleeve. "Well, um... at least you're not John. A broken heart's better than a... broken arm, right?"
"This has been really hard on her," he interrupted. "If I was able to choose, I'd rather be in my situation than hers."
She turned her head towards him, her brow scrunching. "But... just look at you. That bitch broke your arm! She tried to kill you! I mean, that's gotta suck, right?"
"It's fine. To be honest... I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming. Besides, I'll probably recover in a few months. But..." He turned towards me, sighing. "... who knows how long this is gonna weigh on Nagato's mind?"
I looked over at him for a moment, then shook my head. "... Mm... she's right," I mumbled, wiping the tears from my eyes. "It's... not fair for me to be acting like this. I'm not the one who nearly died." I paused, then bowed my head, closing my eyes. "Sorry..."
A heavy silence fell over us. The faint humming of the heater seemed to fill the room, making it impossible to think.
"Nagato..."
"I... I shouldn't have been so... careless. So... selfish."
"Listen."
I opened my eyes, blinking back tears. He had fixed me with a stern gaze, his expression grave. "Um..."
"... I... I had this friend once. She was... a lot like you. Quiet, bookish... maybe even shy. It's kind of hard to tell, since she had a hard time expressing her emotions. She was pretty small, but she could pack a punch — she was brains and brawn rolled into one. She usually stayed in the background, just reading whatever book she'd picked up that day, but sometimes she'd give me a hand and save the day. At first, I thought she was amazing, but soon, I started... taking her for granted. I just let her go do her thing until she felt like she needed to intervene."
"It came to a point where she was under a lot of stress. I thought she could pull through anything, but I had no idea how bad it had gotten for her. Every time I tried to talk to her about how she was feeling, she just brushed me off. She said that watching over us was her only purpose in life. Eventually, I just... accepted it. I bought into this image of her as some sort of invincible hero. Then, one day, out of nowhere...... she snapped." He placed a hand on his forehead, sighing heavily. "... It was only then that I realized how badly I had treated her."
"John..." Ms. Suzumiya whispered.
"I... I really messed up with her." He looked up at me. "I don't want the same thing to happen to you."
I stared back at him, completely speechless. No matter what, I couldn't think of a reply longer than two words. All I could do was stand there, quietly sobbing, staring into Kyon's regretful expression. Even Ms. Suzumiya was at a loss for words — the only sound from her was her anxiously tapping the side of her leg.
Finally, after what felt like hours, I gave up. "Thank you," I murmured, squeezing my hands together.
His smile slowly returned, tempered by the current atmosphere. "Yeah. Of course."
We stared at each other for a few minutes more. I wish I knew what to say... I twisted my left hand with my right. But... why? After everything you've been through, why are you so concerned about someone like me? That sounds a lot like how your friend... I don't want to come off as argumentative, though...
"... I..." Ms. Suzumiya muttered. "I don't know when visiting hours end, so... I gotta go home and pick up my sleeping bag." She flashed a weak smile. "After all, as Brigade Leader, I gotta keep an eye on you 'round the clock. Don't die while I'm gone, okay?"
He opened his mouth to protest, but quickly gave in, chuckling. "Alright."
"Uh... I... I really wish I could stay," I mumbled, "but I... think I need to go too. I'm..." I glanced down at the floor, then at Kyon. "Wwwill you be alright by yourself?"
"I'll be fine," he assured me. "Go home and get some rest."
"... If you're sure."
I walked over to the bedside table and picked up my book, then started heading towards the door.
"Nagato?"
I stumbled, then looked back at him, clutching the book to my chest. "Yes?"
"Could you... leave that here?" he asked. "I, uh......"
I squeezed the book, then nodded. "Yyyeah," I mumbled, gently setting it back down.
"Thanks. And, uhh..." He ran a hand through his hair, looking off to the side. "... one more thing. Please...... hang in there."
"I... I'll try," I replied, nodding slightly. A few moments later, I waved meekly, backing out of the room. "Um... bye."
"See you later."
The howling wind outside my window echoed throughout my apartment, giving me no opportunity for rest. I was sitting at the kotatsu, staring down at the tabletop and hugging its blanket tightly. My thoughts were racing, but aside from one hand lightly stroking the blanket, I remained motionless.
I can't believe it's only been a few days. It feels like it's been years since I visited Kyon, and a lifetime since Ryoko and I... He's probably been discharged by now, hasn't he? I wish I had some way to check in on him, but I don't know his phone number, or even where he lives. Then again, even if I did, I don't know if I could... I ran a hand through a greasy, matted sidelock. It's a miracle that I even managed to get out of bed today. I just... don't have the energy. ...... When's the last time I ate? Maybe... I think I had a leftover riceball a couple days ago. I should probably get up and go get something.
I paused for a couple seconds, then put my head down on the table, sighing heavily. If only I could have some of Ryoko's oden, just one last time... Why? Why did this happen? Why did she do it? She said that she was trying to protect me, but... how could she do that to Kyon? Why didn't she stop? And... why did it seem like she was having fun torturing him? I know they had kind of a strained relationship, and she thought he was going to... but I still don't understand. Kyon wouldn't do something like that. Why didn't she stop to make sure she wasn't killing an innocent man? If she was really trying to protect me, why was she behaving so cruelly? I... I...... I brought a hand to the top of my head, gripping my hair. I don't......
My mind finally fell quiet. I had already burned through all the energy I had for the day. I just sat there, alone with the wind, watching myself sink lower and lower into despair the same way a bored student might watch a raindrop trail down a window. It was all my body could do to keep my brain functioning.
A gentle chime rang out from the intercom. I ignored it, tightening my grip on my hair. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.
A few minutes later, it rang again. "No..." I mumbled, trying to bury my face deeper into the table.
The intercom replied with a flurry of chimes, as if it were upset with me. I gave in and pushed myself up, stumbling over to it as it continued its assault. I took up the handset with a trembling hand, opening my mouth to speak.
The visitor cut me off with a sigh. "It's me," they said. "Let me in."
... Who...? "I'm not..." I murmured. "I'm bu... I'm sorry, b—"
"Huh? Come again?"
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the words out of my mouth. "III'm sorry, but I'm... busy... right now..."
I could feel them pouting. "Oh yeah? Doing what?"
"........."
They giggled smugly. "Thought so. Lemme in!"
"N... n... sorry," I whispered, lifting the handset to the base of the intercom.
"That's an order, Yuki!"
I paused for a second, staring at the receiver, then moved it back to my ear. "... Ms. Suzumiya?"
"Look, I'm coming up there whether you like it or not, so you might as well just let me in!"
I stood in silence for a moment, gazing down at the floor. After a few moments, the sage advice of a wise man popped into my head.
It's no use fighting her.
Resigning myself to fate, I reached out and brushed against the "Unlock" button, then touched it, then pressed it. "Go ahead."
She took off before the words were out of my mouth, without even thanking me. I hung up the receiver, brushing a strand of hair out of my face, then trudged back to the kotatsu. The elevator should slow her down, I thought, plopping down. At least I have a little time to prepa—
Someone knocked at my door with enough force to blow it off of its hinges. Just as I came to my senses and realized what I'd heard, they knocked again. I hastily pushed myself up, hurried to the door, and opened it, revealing Ms. Suzumiya, her arms crossed.
"Hello there!" she chimed, flashing a grin.
"That was... fast," I croaked.
"I know!" she replied, smirking. "I thought it'd take me forever to climb those stairs! I didn't even know I could run that fast."
I stared at her in disbelief. She was wearing a thick white jacket, but she'd barely even broken a sweat.
She paused for a moment, then leaned in. "Geez, you look awful. What happened to you?"
I winced as her words stabbed me in the gut. "... What do you mean?"
"You look like you haven't bathed in a week. Plus, you look like you're about to die of exhaustion."
That's about right... "I... don't have the energy to... take care of myself right now," I mumbled, acutely aware of just how stupid I sounded. "Sorry..."
She glared at me like I was an idiot for about a minute, then walked into the entryway, shutting the door behind her. "When's the last time you've eaten?" she asked, the excitement in her voice fading.
I turned to the floor, wasting what little energy I had left on a blush. "... Two days..."
She thought for a moment, then took off her shoes, slipped on a pair of slippers, and invited herself in, all without saying a word. Her hand clamped onto my wrist, and before I could even gasp, she started dragging me down the hall, glancing about. "Where's your bathroom?"
My brow furrowed. "Uh..."
Half an hour later, I stepped out of the bathroom, feeling at least slightly cleaner. Ms. Suzumiya was pacing down the hall, talking to someone on her cell phone.
"...xt time, wake up when I tell you to!" she yelled. "We're all meeting up at the station at 2. You'd better be there on time, or..." She trailed off as she caught sight of me, her eyes widening. "... Uh..."
I took a step back, clutching my collar. "Um..."
She stared at me for a few seconds, then turned back to her phone, her face glowing red. "N-nothing! Just... be there on time, okay?" She snapped her phone shut, then stormed up to me. "Yuki, go dry off your hair! You're gonna distract Kyon looking like that."
"I did," I mumbled, tilting my head. And even if I didn't, how would it be distracting?
"W-well... it's still wet! Go... do it again!"
Why is she so upset? "Uh... that's normal. Iiit takes a while."
"Don't you have a hair dryer or something?"
I shook my head. "Mm-mmm. I've never needed one."
She stared at me for a moment, then sighed. "Meganekko..." she muttered, heading towards the door.
"... Where are you going?" I asked, following her.
She looked over her shoulder at me, smiling. "We're having an emergency meeting at the station!" With that, she practically jumped out of her slippers and into her shoes.
I stopped at the lip of the entryway. "But—"
"Attendance is mandatory!" she interrupted, opening the door.
"...... Mnh." I removed my slippers and stepped into my shoes, taking a minute to make sure they were on properly, then walked out the door. She closed it behind me, then took off down the hall.
I really don't know if I can handle this right now... I thought, locking the door. ... but... if attendance is mandatory, then...
"Come on!" Ms. Suzumiya called, already standing by the elevator. "What're you waiting for?"
"I'm sorry," I replied, way too quietly for her to hear. I stumbled onwards, arriving at the elevator just as the doors slid open. She grabbed me by the arm and yanked me into the elevator, then slammed her hand onto the door close button. Seconds later, the elevator began its descent. Apparently satisfied with herself, she leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms and smirking smugly.
I shuffled my feet, staring down at the floor. Thinking about it... she should already know how he's doing. I may as well ask now. "Um..." I mumbled. "How's Kyon?"
"Hmm? What'd you say?"
"U-uh... Kyon..."
"Oh, he's fine," she said, waving a hand. "He was discharged the day after you visited him. He'll be in a sling for a few weeks, and he has to do a bunch of exercise or something, but it's nothing serious. Doesn't surprise me — as our first official member, he should know that no matter what universe he's in, dying on the job is against SOS Brigade policies! I knew I had nothing to worry about!"
Before or after you stormed into his hospital room? ... Speaking of which...
I glanced up at her. "Um... did he read it?"
"Huh?" She met my eyes for a second, then turned towards the wall, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder. "Oh, that. It's the weirdest thing. He tried, but he gave up two chapters in. Said it was too dense for him or something. But every so often, he'd reach out and... touch it, or put his hand on it, or pick it up, stuff like that. He didn't even open it; he was just holding it! I asked him what he was doing, but he just said 'nothing'! It was so weird! Dunno why, but it kinda pissed me off, too." She looked over at me, raising an eyebrow. "You know what that's about?"
I shook my head. He was just... holding it? Was he... no, of course not. He was probably just wondering whether he should give it another shot... but how do I phrase that in a way that would make sense to her?
"Anyway, when he fell asleep, I took a look at it. I was pretty excited when I saw it was about sliders, but it was so boring. They droned on and on about the scenery for so long, I got bored and dozed off! I can see why John gave up on it."
I squeezed my hands together. I thought it was interesting...
"Come to think of it," she said, as the elevator chimed. "I totally forgot to ask him to bring it with him." She marched into the lobby, ushering me forward. "Remind me to remind him to bring it to our next meeting, okay?"
"... Mmm," I replied, following her out of the building.
It was a fairly cool day, but not as cold as it'd been a few days ago. The snow had started to melt into slush, and the streets and sidewalks were dotted with tiny puddles. Ms. Suzumiya made a point of splashing in one as she turned onto the sidewalk, heading towards Kitaguchi Station. I stepped over it, struggling to keep up with her.
"By the way," she continued, her eyes locked on the path ahead of her, "Koizumi wanted me to tell you that he hopes you're doing well."
... Huh?
"I know, right? Kind of a boring message for a friend who just lost the love of her life, but he insisted I tell you."
I looked down at my feet. ... That's not boring. I'm... It's kind of considerate, actually. It's nice to see that he cares, even if he is just being polite. But... I... I don't... I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe he's just awkward around people he's just met, and he'll relax a little over time. Still... I don't understand...
I gazed up at Ms. Suzumiya, eagerly stomping down the street. Speaking of enigmas... Something about her seems a little... off. Her tone seems a little less peppy than it was a second ago.
"It's so weird," she muttered, as if she'd read my mind.
"......" I blinked hard, trying to force the words out. "... W-what is?"
"He likes you. John likes you. Mikuru likes you. Heck..." She threw a glance back at me, then turned back to the sidewalk. "... Why?"
Um... I don't know if that's true, but... I try my best to be a good person...
"Why does everyone keep falling for you?"
A gentle warmth spread across my face. Oh. That kind of like. ... But that's not true. I don't think Koizumi's interested in me at all... then again, I'm not sure if I could tell if he was. And Mikuru probably doesn't even like girls in the first place. I feel like I've already burned all my luck with...
"Is it the glasses? Your moe factor? Do they just like bookish girls? Or shy girls? Short girls? Are they all sapiosexual or something? Are flat girls just in right now?"
I... should probably know better than this, but I don't see why that would matter. I don't think anyone in the Brigade would be silly enough to care about bust size. "Um..."
"And there's something else about you, too — something deeper — but I don't know what. Something... profound." She swiped a strand of hair out of her face, sighing softly. "It's... weird. You're weird."
Weird? "...... Mnh..."
"I don't get it. The only other person like that is John." She fell silent for a minute, then turned to look back at me. "Are you sure you're not an alien?"
"Uh... yyyeah?" I don't think there'd be any room for doubt if I was. I mean... sometimes, it feels like I'm an alien, trying to blend in with humans, but... I'm pretty sure that's not what she meant.
She glared at me for a moment, then turned around once more. "Huh."
She trailed off, staring off at the horizon, deep in thought. She was quiet for the rest of the way there, occasionally turning to look back at me before returning to the world in front of her. Eventually, she came to a stop in front of a crosswalk. Just across the street was Kitaguchi Station. Kyon, Koizumi, and Mikuru were already there, idling around on a platform in front of the building. According to a nearby clock tower, we'd arrived with just minutes to spare.
After a moment, she took a deep breath, then turned to me, grinning as widely as ever. "Well, go on!" she chimed, pushing me onto the street. "I gotta go get something real quick. I'll be right there!"
I froze for a moment. Wh... Please be more careful... I glanced around, then hurried across the street. At least check for oncoming traffic before shoving someone into a crosswalk...
Koizumi looked up just as I stepped up onto the curb, then smiled. "Ms. Nagato!" he called. "Glad you could make it."
I finally reached the platform, just as my legs were starting to ache. "... Hello," I mumbled.
Kyon smiled down at me, leaning against a pole. "Hey, Nagato," he said, raising a hand.
The sight of him wearing a sling threw me off for a moment, but as soon as I realized I was staring at him, I turned away. "Mmm..." I replied eloquently.
Mikuru let out a sigh of relief. "I was worried you weren't going to show up," she said, walking up to me. "Kyon told me about what happened. I..." She looked down at her fists, balled up in front of her. "I know it doesn't mean much, but... I'm sorry about your friend. You... you shouldn't have to..." She sniffled, squeezing her eyes shut. "... W-we're just teenagers..."
"I... I'm not the one you should be crying over," I mumbled. "Kyon nearly died because of her."
"She's already cried an ocean of tears for me," he sighed.
"And she has a point," Koizumi added. "Honestly, it's terrifying to think your friend would turn on you like that. It really is a tragedy."
She didn't even think she was turning on me... I glanced over at Mikuru. She was doubled over, sobbing into her hands. I wish I could make her feel better. Like she did for me......
I carefully reached over to her, then gently patted her on the shoulder. She looked up at me, squeaking in surprise, then rubbed her nose, sniffling. "I'm zorry..." she muttered. She looked down at a bush, then smiled at me. "I'm juzd... really worried aboud you..."
My gaze shot to a nearby pole, face blazing. "Uhhh..."
"Alright, alright, break it up! You two can kiss later!"
My head whipped around, only to meet Ms. Suzumiya's stern glare. Surprisingly, she didn't seem angry at all. In fact, she was almost glowing with joy. "Um..."
"You're late," Kyon said, a hint of smug satisfaction in his voice.
"Yeah, whatever," she replied, stepping up onto the platform. "Alright, listen up! John, stand up straight! Koizumi, get your hair out of your eyes! Mikuru, dry off your tears! As of right now, Operation Snowstorm has officially begun!"
Operation...? I looked around at the others, but everyone seemed to be as clueless as I was.
"Uh... Haru—"
"There's no time to waste!" she exclaimed. "Everyone, move out!"
She hopped off the platform as quickly as she'd ran onto it, then started marching toward the station. I exchanged a bemused glance with Kyon, then with Mikuru, before trudging onward, hoping that it wouldn't be too stressful.
"Ms. Suzumiya," Koizumi called, hurrying to Ms. Suzumiya's side. "I'm sorry to say, but I don't remember us discussing an Operation Snowstorm. Would you care to fill us in?"
"Nope! This is top secret," Ms. Suzumiya replied. "What good is a secret operation if I just tell anyone who asks all about it?"
"So let me get this straight," Kyon said. "You called us out here out of nowhere to participate in some operation you probably made up on the spot for reasons you refuse to explain?"
"Yep!"
"Oh, brother..." he murmured. "Now there's the Haruhi I know."
"While we're on the topic," Koizumi added, "I hope it's not too much to ask, but it would be very helpful if you could be more specific about where we're meeting next time. I was under the impression we were meeting at Kouyouen Station until Kyon thought to call me."
"But it was so obvious!" Ms. Suzumiya retorted, stepping inside the station. "On average, Kitaguchi Station is closer to our houses than Kouyouen Station. We can't afford to waste a single moment of our short lives if we want to fulfill the SOS Brigade's objectives, so why would we meet at Kouyouen Station?"
He stared at her for a moment, then shrugged. "You got me."
Someone gently tapped my shoulder, drawing my attention away. I turned, and saw Mikuru walking alongside me, her brow furrowed. "Mm-Mikuru?" I mumbled.
"Are you okay?" she whispered. "I-I mean, I know you're probably upset about what happened, but... you look kind of pale, and you're a little thinner than usual."
"Mm..." I looked down at the floor, watching the tile passing underfoot. "I'm just... a little tired."
"A-are you sure? You look like you haven't eaten for a few days."
How did she...?
She whimpered, then patted my arm, sniffling. "... Please hang in there. I know it feels like it's... impossible... right now, but..." She gripped my sleeve. "... if you need someone to talk to, I'd always be willing to listen."
I glanced over at her. She was smiling warmly, though her eyes still seemed a little misty. I ran my hand along my coat's collar. "Uh... thank you. B-but... what about on days where we're not meeting?"
"Umm..." She opened her bag and rummaged through it, then produced a pen and a notepad, decorated with a cute drawing of a frog in the corner. She wrote for a few seconds, then tore off a note and handed it to me. I grabbed it gingerly, being careful not to smudge the ink. Written on it, in cutesy handwriting, were a four digit number, a three digit number, and a four digit number.
I stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out what she meant, then put a hand to my brow. Don't be silly, Yuki... "Um..." I looked up at her, then back down at the note, my face glowing. "I'm not good at... talking to people... over the phone..."
"You're not?"
"I... I have a hard time knowing when to... mnh......" No... now I just sound like an i—
"Well..." She started writing again, then handed me another note. This time, an address was written on it. "Um... feel free to visit whenever you'd like. If I'm out of the house and it's an emergency, you can ask my mom to call me, okay?"
I blinked a couple times, stunned, staring at her as if she'd just offered me a hundred million yen. "A... Are you sure? I don't want to burden you..."
"Mm-hmm! I don't really mind. Besides, I could use some extra company."
I looked down, my eyes burning a hole into the note. She... She... That's so... A smile slowly spread across my face. "... Thank you," I mumbled.
"Of course," she replied.
I folded the notes and stuffed them into my coat's pocket. I... I'm not sure I'd have the energy to visit, but... it's so nice of her. Mikuru... I brought a fist to my heart, a small, yet silly grin plastered on my face. Mikuru...
"Oh, um..."
"Hm?"
She put a finger to her cheek. "If you end up coming over, you might run into one of my friends. She might seem a little rough at first, but she's really sweet once you get to know her. Still... if she's ever too much for you, just tell her, alright? She won't mind."
A little rough... like Ms. Suzumiya, or...? No, that's so awful... I nodded. "Okay."
"Are you two gonna keep talking forever?"
My gaze snapped to Ms. Suzumiya, who was staring at us with her arms crossed. After a minute, she giggled, then gestured to a nearby ticket gate. "Come on! The next train comes in 5 minutes!"
Train...? I glanced over at her, my brow furrowing. "... Where are we going?"
"Top secret," she said plainly. "Don't worry; it's only around 30 minutes away. We won't even leave the city!"
"Then... couldn't we have just biked there?" Kyon asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Are you crazy?" she huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "You can't bike with a broken arm! Besides, then Yuki would have to ride with you! What if you lost your balance and she broke her neck?"
Why would I have to... I mean, I... would have to ride with someone, and I... wouldn't mind riding with him, bu—
Without another word, she bolted towards the gate, leaving me no time to untangle her thought process. "Come on! Hurry!"
I looked over at Mikuru, then up at Kyon. After a few moments, he sighed, planting his hand on his forehead, then walked over to a nearby ticket machine. I followed Ms. Suzumiya, gently squeezing my hands. I guess I don't have much of a choice... It looks like there aren't many people today, but... I pulled my IC card out of my pocket, tapped it to the reader, and shuffled through the gate, pushing my glasses up. ... At least I'll have a chance to catch my breath on the way there...
"I think this is it!"
Ms. Suzumiya rushed over to a nearby building, reaching our apparent destination in a matter of seconds. I gently kneaded my scarf as I trudged down the access road, slowly falling behind Mikuru. Ms. Suzumiya's estimated time of arrival had apparently only accounted for the train ride over. It felt like we'd been walking for hours, but a glance at Kyon's phone showed it'd been closer to 20 minutes.
As soon as we reached the building, Ms. Suzumiya put her hands on her hips, beaming. "This is it, guys!" she yelled. "The front line of Operation Snowstorm! Get ready, everyone — this is the most important fight the Brigade's ever fought!"
Fight? ... Front line? And... what fights has the Brigade fought?
Kyon stared at her for a moment, raising an eyebrow. "So, what exactly is it that we're doing here?" he asked.
"What are you, blind?" she retorted, pointing to a sign on the building. "This is the Ice Arena! Anyone with a brain could see that we're going ice skating!"
Ice skating? But, um...
"Hang on. If you didn't think I could keep my balance on a bike, what makes you think I could skate?"
"Oh, you'll figure something out," she said dismissively. "Come on! We gotta hurry before it gets crowded!"
"Ms. Suzumiya..." Koizumi started. Before he could continue, she took off towards the building, giggling excitedly. After a moment's delay, he shrugged, then hurried after her. Kyon and Mikuru followed close behind, apparently in no rush.
I... Wait, I... I need to say something. I don't want to cause a disturbance, though... and I really don't want to spoil her plans... but I don't want this to get out of hand...... Come on, Yuki! She's almost at the door! Just say something!
"Wait!" I called, taking a step forward.
Surprisingly, my voice managed to carry through the parking lot. Ms. Suzumiya stopped in her tracks, then turned her head. "Yeah? What's up?"
"I, um..." My eyes shot to the ground as her burning gaze pierced my skull. "Uh..."
"Huh? What'd you say?"
I winced. "I... I don't know how to skate."
"Hmm? Don't worry about that," she replied, grinning. "I can teach you!"
"O-oh..." I... Is that really okay? But... what if I mess up in front of everyone? Or... I stared at her for a few minutes, then let out a sigh. "Thank you," I mumbled.
"Yeah, of course! Now, come on! There's no time to lose!"
She turned back towards the door and threw it open, sauntering inside. I trotted over to join the rest of the Brigade, silently praying that nothing would go wrong.
My hands trembled as I tied the laces on my ice skates. Anxiety was starting to fill every bit of my body, but I had no idea why. This... is fine. I'm fine. Nothing's happening right now. Besides, Ms. Suzumiya said she'd teach me. I'm sure she'll show me everything I need to do. I pulled the laces taut, then let go, watching as they bounced about half a millimeter before settling into position. ... But... I really don't know how long I can hold out... like this...
"You ready?"
My gaze snapped to Ms. Suzumiya. She was standing right in front of me, grinning as she stared down at me, her arms crossed. "... Yeah," I murmured, pushing myself up. Just before I'd finished standing, she grabbed me by the hand and marched over to the rink entrance, towing me behind her. As she threw open the door and led me to the rink, I tightened my grip on her hand, eliciting a quiet giggle. How can she walk so well like this? I can barely even stand...
The other Brigade members were already on the ice. Kyon and Koizumi seemed to be chatting casually as they skated laps around the rink. Koizumi nearly fell a few times, but managed to catch himself on the wall of the rink. Kyon, on the other hand, had no problem keeping his balance, apparently completely unbothered by his broken arm. Meanwhile, Mikuru glided over the ice as if she were weightless, occasionally spinning, skating backwards, and even leaping into the air. This... might be kind of rude, but this might've been the most graceful I've ever seen her. I watched in awe, unable to tear my eyes away.
Unfortunately, out of the corner of my eye, I could still see that there were quite a few others on the rink. There are so many people here... What if I run into someone? Or... what if I do something silly, and they...? What if... what if someone from my class sees me, and...? Despite the freezing air, a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead.
Ms. Suzumiya came to a stop at the doors to the rink, then turned to look at me, smirking. "Alright," she said, squeezing my hand. "Ready?"
I glanced over the rink one more time, then exhaled quietly, watching my breath cloud around me. "...... Yeah."
Without a moment's hesitation, she yanked the door open, then dragged me onto the rink. The moment I stepped onto the ice, I slipped, but I managed to catch my balance just in time. Ms. Suzumiya smiled, then pulled me about a meter away from the door.
"Okay. So normally, people start by teaching you how to fall, but if you expect that you're gonna end up failing like that, you're just gonna end up failing, am I right?"
I... guess.
"So the first thing we're gonna learn is marching! It's super easy. Just put one foot in front of the other." She started marching forward, her stride slightly shorter than normal. "It's just like walking! Give it a try!"
I nodded slightly, and after gathering my wits, I took a tiny step forward, then another, then another. My gait felt stiff and uneven — moreso than usual — and with every step, I felt like I was just moments away from losing my balance. It was like I was learning how to walk for the first time. She makes it look so easy... I wish I could just stomp down the ice like her, but I don't know if I can risk going any faster than this. I really don't want to—
"Whoa!"
The world seemed to lurch before me, quickly rushing towards my face. An instant later, Ms. Suzumiya let go of my hand, then grabbed me by the waist, halting my fall.
"Be careful, Yuki!" she scolded, pulling me upright. "You can't afford to get all distracted like that."
I glanced up at her, adjusting my glasses as she edged towards me, pinning my arm against my side. "Uh..."
"Alright, let's try that again, but this time, you've gotta pay attention. Okey-dokey?"
"Okay," I mumbled, placing my hand on her shoulder.
I started stumbling forward again, slowly making my way down the rink. After a while, I gathered enough confidence to start building up speed, and eventually, I was marching about as fast as I could walk on land... which isn't that fast, to be fair. Before I knew it, Ms. Suzumiya had moved on to teaching me how to actually skate, first by giving a brief, yet surprisingly accurate summary of how momentum underpins skating, then by demonstrating a bunch of techniques — gliding, swizzles, stroking, and several more I can't even remember the name of. Soon, with a tiny hint of reluctance, she let go of me and had me practice skating without her support. I was really nervous the whole time, but it also felt kind of... liberating.
"Very good!" she chimed, watching as I came to a stop in front of her. "You're doing pretty well for someone who didn't even know how to march 20 minutes ago! I guess that's the difference a good teacher can make, huh?"
That seems a little... But I guess she has a point.
"Alright! You should be fine on your own now. I'm gonna go talk to John about our New Year's shrine visit!"
... Our what?
"Later!" she called, zipping down the ice.
I watched as she pulled alongside Kyon, then took a deep breath. ... Part of me wishes I had as much energy as her, but......
I shook my head, then pushed forward, skating down the rink. As I slipped across the ice, I felt a sense of exhilaration gradually coming over me. Though I wasn't really doing anything interesting, and my technique was probably kind of... clumsy, I almost felt like I was having fun. It was almost enough to take my mind off of...
I collided with something, drawing a gasp from my lungs. Thinking quickly, I grabbed onto it in an attempt to keep myself upright, cursing myself for getting distracted. Surprisingly, I felt something wrap around me, clinging to me for dear life, as if...
"Oh..." someone whimpered into my ear. "I've done it again..."
It may sound silly, but it wasn't until then that I realized my field of vision was filled with orange. And that the "thing" I had grabbed was surprisingly warm. My face started to broil as realization dawned on me. "Mmmikuru?" I murmured.
"I'm sorry," Mikuru sighed. "I don't know how this keeps happening. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
"Mm-hmm. I guess I must've gotten a little too wrapped up in everything. I didn't even see you coming..."
"It's fine. ... I didn't either. I was... a little distracted."
Her head nestled into my shoulder. "I guess that's just how skating is. It's easy to lose yourself, isn't it?"
"Mnh..." For half a second, I considered telling her what was on my mind, but quickly decided against it. "... Yyyeah..."
She let out a quiet giggle, then tightened her grip on me, squeezing me as hard as she could. "Do you want to try skating with me? Um... I-I know everything I'm doing looks kind of complicated, but I promise it's easy with a little practice."
"Um..." Without thinking, I ran a finger through a lock of her hair. "I don't know if I could handle it. I'm... still a little, um......"
"That's okay. But if you ever change your mind, I'd always be happy to teach you."
"... Thank you. I... I really appreciate......" A bolt of dread shot through me as realization struck.
"Hmm?"
"Um..." I loosened my grip on Mikuru, though I was hesitant to let go.
"Yuki? What's wrong?"
"We're..." I glanced to my right. Sure enough, a girl had stopped to stare at us, her eyes wide. As soon as I met her gaze, she turned and skated away, her face beet red. "Mnh... We're right in the middle of the rink..."
"Huh? ... O-oh!" she cried, taking a step backwards. She broke the hug and pulled her hands close to her body, nearly falling over in the process. "Sorry..."
"It's fine. I just... don't want anyone getting the wrong idea." ... Is it the wrong idea...?
"Y-yeah," she said, blushing profusely. "Well... try your best to focus on skating now, okay?"
"......" I nodded silently.
"Okay," she chimed. With a smile that nearly melted the ice beneath my feet, she took off, returning to her gold medal worthy routine. After a few minutes, I skated away, trying to push my embarrassment out of my mind.
Embarrassingly, it didn't take much longer for my legs to start growing heavy. Not wanting to push myself too far, I slipped over to the side of the rink and leaned against the wall, struggling to catch my breath. I studied the concrete floor surrounding the rink, trying to stop my thoughts from wandering too far. After a while, someone pulled up next to me, planted their hand on the rink's wall, and sighed heavily. I didn't think much of it at first, but then...
"Hey, Nagato."
A quiet gasp escaped my lips as my eyes shot up to him. As I'd expected, Kyon was gazing down at me, a neutral, yet tired look on his face. "...... Mnh," I replied, raising a hand. My eyes slowly drifted back to the floor. "... How are you feeling?" No... that sounds silly...
"Haruhi decided that now would be a good time to tell me all about her plans for a New Year's shrine visit," he grumbled. "Did she tell you yet?"
"Um... just that we were going. She didn't tell me anything specific."
"Yeah, that figures."
"But, I mean..." I glanced up at his sling. "... how's your... arm?"
"Hmm? Oh. Fine. It doesn't hurt that much, and I should be fine in about six weeks."
A wave of relief washed over me. Ms. Suzumiya was right after all... "That's good," I murmured, acutely aware that I didn't sound nearly as sincere as I was.
After a few moments, he sighed once more, turning towards at the support beam across from him. "How about you?"
"... U-uh..." I gently squeezed my scarf, staring down at my feet. I...... I don't really know what to say. I guess I'm having fun, but...... No, I don't want him to worry. "I'm fine."
He fell silent for a few minutes, apparently deep in thought. Eventually, something popped into my head — something that had been bothering me for the past few days.
"... Did you know?" I mumbled.
"Hmm?" He looked down at me, his eyebrows raised. "Know what?"
"... Um..." Yuki... please, at least provide a little context... "A while ago, Ryoko... told me that you said she shouldn't have been in class." As I spoke, I quickly realized just how little sense I was making, but I tried to push through it. "Did you... know that she was... like that?"
He turned back to the support column. "...... For a while, I was sure of it. I'd seen her turn violent before. But honestly... at some point, she'd convinced me that she was just an ordinary human being in this world. Everything else had turned upside-down for me, so it only made sense."
I stared up at him, my mouth just slightly open. ... "In this world"...? ... He... he said something like that before, didn't he? And...
"I'm sorry, Nagato. I should've warned you, or at least said something, but... you probably would've just thought I was crazy."
"Iiit's fine. Um... honestly... I should be the one apologizing."
"Huh?"
"I should've... done something to stop her."
His brow furrowed deeply. "You... did."
I blinked a couple times, trying to force myself to speak. "... Before she broke your shoulder. I shouldn't have frozen up like that."
"Nagato, be serious."
... What? But... "I am," I replied, tilting my head.
"Your friend was lunging at me with a hunting knife. If you didn't freeze up from shock, you should've frozen up from the fact that you could've died. Seriously, I'm just glad that she didn't cut you up... and that I'm still alive."
B-but... I gazed up at him in shock for a few minutes. I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn't find the words. I still wasn't convinced that I had done the right thing, but...
After a few minutes, he smiled warmly. "Come on. Whatever the case, I don't think Haruhi brought us here to dwell on all that."
His smile struck a chord in my heart, setting my face aflame. "Uh..."
"Well," he sighed, taking a step back, "I should get back out there before someone decides that I'm slacking off."
"... Mnh. Bye." That's a little blunt...
"See you later."
I watched as he pushed off and skated away, just narrowly dodging a run-in with Ms. Suzumiya. A few seconds later, I let out a quiet breath, then returned my attention to the concrete floor. ... He's right. I shouldn't dwell on it. As long as we're here, I should just... try to have fun. But...
"Um, excuse me..."
My gaze snapped to whoever had approached. She flinched, drawing her hands inwards, her curly hair bouncing ever so slightly. It took me a second to recognize her, but she seemed to be the girl from earlier. Now that I was able to get a good look at her, I realized I'd seen her at school quite a few times. "Yes?" I tried to reply, but the word seemed to stick in my throat.
"Uh......" she said, glancing off to the side. She took up a strand of hair and started twirling it around her finger. "Um..." she giggled. "This is kind of a weird question, but... you and Ms. Asahina... are you, um... together?"
My eyes flew wide open. I nearly choked on my own tongue as I tried to come up with a response. W-what? I... I...... I shook my head fervently.
She let out a quiet sigh. "Okay. Okay. I knew I was overthinking it. Sorry to bother you."
"... Why do you ask?" I mumbled.
"Um?" she squeaked. "Uh, I mean... the two of you seem pretty close... and, uh... from the way she was blushing, it seemed like... she was... into you... kind of?"
Into...? Mikuru? I just thought she was embarrassed... but...
"And, uh... from what I've seen of you at school, you... seem like a good match for her..."
At this point, even the tips of my ears seemed to be on fire. I squeezed my hands together, struggling to get a grip on myself. "...... Mnh..."
"I kinda wish I could be that lu... I-I dunno," she laughed, taking a step back. "I... I'm probably just talking nonsense right now. I... Maybe I haven't been getting enough sleep lately? Yeah, uh... sorry to bother you!"
With that, she zipped off towards the rink's door. I tried to stop her, but by the time I opened my mouth, she was already stumbling out of the room, her face buried in her hands. ... What just happened? Was she... embarrassed, or... did I scare her off?
I pushed off of the rink wall and glided away, trying to bury my worries. No, it's... probably fine. She's probably just... awkward. Like me. I mean, she was a girl asking a girl if she was dating a girl. Of course she'd be nervous. I watched as Ms. Suzumiya shot past me, skating backwards without a care in the world. As soon as she noticed I was watching, she waved, then spun around no less than thrice before continuing forward. ... Still... does she really think that Mikuru's... into me? I... don't think that's possible. I mean... she is really nice to me... and she did care about me enough to invite me over to her house... and ever since I told her I'd be fine with it, she's started... touching me on the arm a lot... and on my shoulders.. and hugging m—
"Hey!"
I glanced to my left, trying to push my weird train of thought out of my head. Ms. Suzumiya had apparently pulled alongside me, grinning brightly. I lifted a hand to greet her, but dropped it as soon as I felt my center of gravity shift.
"Looks like you're getting the hang of it," she said, plopping a hand on my shoulder. "Like, just look at you; you're zipping around like it was nothing!"
I nodded stiffly. "... Thank you," I replied.
She giggled, smiling smugly. "No need to thank me. After all, it's my duty to help out my fellow Brigade members, right?"
That's... not what I meant... but thank you for that, too.
"By the way, I saw you talking to that girl a few seconds ago." Her face twisted into a smirk as she raised an eyebrow. "You're a real ladykiller, you know that?"
My brow knitted tightly. "Mnh... me?"
"Yeah, you! You got Mikuru and that other cutie, and... and on top of that, you got John, too!"
... Unless there's something he hasn't told me, I don't think Kyon counts as a lady... "But that girl wasn't... She just wanted to ask me something."
"Oh really?" she chuckled. "Then why was she blushing so hard? And why did she keep fidgeting so much? And why did she run out of the rink with her face in her hands? Hmm?"
"Uh......" I shrugged, looking off to the side. "She said that she hasn't been getting enough sleep recently, and, um..."
"Hmmmmm?"
"Ms. Suzumiya," Koizumi interjected, "I don't think now's a good time to go digging into Ms. Nagato's personal life."
My head whipped towards him, a tiny white cloud pouring out of my mouth. Where did you come from? I didn't even hear him approach...
"Oh, come on," Ms. Suzumiya replied. "I'm just trying to cheer her up! Besides, anyone with eyes could see that that girl was head over heels for her!"
I... get the feeling it wasn't me she was head over heels for...
"Even so," he chuckled, "statistically speaking, it's unlikely that woman was a lesbian. After all, based on your assumptions, there are already two women interested in women on this rink. It's vanishingly unlikely that you'd be able to find a third."
"Well, maybe there's a queer event today, and none of us noticed," she retorted. "Or maybe she only came here because she saw Yuki was going!"
Queer... event? I don't know if a common ice rink would take that sort of risk...
She turned towards me, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder. "Anyway, are you caught up on that manga yet?"
"Um...... manga?" I asked, tilting my head.
"Y'know, that one I found in your closet?"
"Oh...! Um... mm-mmm. I haven't had enough time."
"Oh, you really should!" she exclaimed, gripping my shoulder. "I asked Koizumi to give me his copies, and I'm hooked! I didn't think I could get this far into a slice-of-life manga, but Ms. Canaveral and Ms. Inaba are just so kyute together! And that twist in the newest chapter? Oh, my God! I don't think I've seen such a cruel cliffhanger! I don't know about you, but I know I'm gonna be first in line to buy the next one! You'd better hurry and get caught up if you wanna be third!"
Is it... really that good? I mean, I liked it, but from what I've heard, I thought I was the only one... "... Okay. Um..." My eyes drifted towards Koizumi, then shot down to the far side of the rink. "Um... c-can I... Do you mind if I... borrow... your copy of......?" Think, Yuki!
"I'd be glad to oblige," he replied, grinning. "I'll be sure to bring it to our New Year's shrine vi—"
"Oh!" she yelled. "I almost forgot! I haven't told Yuki about our New Year's shrine visit yet!"
With that, Ms. Suzumiya launched into a thorough explanation of her plans for New Year's, going in-depth on several details that would be unimportant to anyone without our Leader's unique perspective, and glossing over details that anyone should consider important. Bizarrely, she even planned that Kyon would pay for the day's dinner, even though she couldn't know which of us would be late. Despite that, her excitement was infectious, and even as she announced that it was time to leave, I couldn't help but feel a little giddy.
Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the cloud over my mind to return. Still... I thought, slipping my shoes on, it's kind of silly, but... no matter how happy things might seem, it kind of feels like things aren't going back to normal anytime soon. I mean, of course, I'm part of the SOS Brigade now, and Ryoko's... out... of my life now... but... I don't know. I'm probably just imagining it, but... it feels like things are going to keep happening, changes are just going to keep piling up, until... I glanced over at the skate rental corner, exhaling quietly. ... until...
"Nagato," Kyon called, "you ready?"
I looked over at him, squeezing my hands together. He was standing next to me, leaning against the wall. The rest of the Brigade had apparently already left us behind. I brought a hand to my brow, my gaze trailing to the floor. Pay attention, Yuki...
After trying and failing to relax myself, I nodded, then slowly followed him through the lobby and out the door. The other Brigade members had already huddled together outside, watching us expectantly. I paused for a moment, then hurried onward, cursing myself for keeping them waiting. Just as I came to a stop, someone brought their hand down on my shoulder, causing me to jolt in shock.
"Good job, guys!" Ms. Suzumiya exclaimed, placing her other hand on her hip. "Yuki seems to be doing much better now! Thanks to everyone's hard work, Operation Snowstorm was a huge success!"
"Oh, no," Koizumi said, smiling broadly. "I don't think we could've done this without you, Ms. Suzumiya."
Kyon shot him a strange glare, then turned towards me. After a moment, he let out a quiet breath. "I don't know if you can say that just yet."
"... Huh?" she replied, raising an eyebrow. She gripped my shoulder, sending a subtle wave of discomfort through my body. "What're you talking about?"
"Nagato."
My gaze snapped to him. "...... Yes?" I replied, gently squeezing my hands together.
"How are you feeling? Just... in general."
"Uh..." I looked down at the ground, sniffling. "I... I feel... a little better. I'm... uh..." What do I say? I don't want to lie, but... after they went through all this trouble for me... I looked up, only to see everyone staring at me, anxiously waiting for my answer. I... I......
"...... I'm sorry," I murmured. "I... I mean, I... think this helped. I feel like I can move again, and it... was fun getting to try skating for the first time..." That's such a silly thing to say... "... but... it feels like everything's still... weighing down on me. I still don't feel... good..." I shuffled my feet, staring a hole into the slush pile in front of me. "Sorry..."
A heavy silence fell over us. I couldn't see anyone's reactions, but I could feel the disappointment in the air.
No... No... Why did I say that...? They went out of their way to do something for me, and I just made them feel like it was all for no—
"I'm sorry we couldn't do more," Mikuru said, "b-but I'm glad we were able to help, even just a little bit."
What...?
"Yeah," Kyon concurred. "Honestly, I'd be more worried if you said you were fine."
"We can only do so much, after all," Koizumi added. "And even then, it's good that you were able to have a little fun. All we can do is hope that it helped to take your mind off of things, even if it was just for a minute."
I let out a quiet sigh of relief. ... I'm not sure if they're lying to make me feel better, but... at least they're not mad at me. ... Still—
"Well," Ms. Suzumiya said abruptly, "I guess that's that. Company, dismissed!"
Mikuru gasped, taking a step back. After a few moments, she looked over at me and waved meekly. "See you later," she chirped, turning and heading down the access road.
"Take care, Ms. Nagato," Koizumi said, backing away.
Kyon glanced to the side, then turned towards me, taking a step forward. "Fight on, Nagato," he whispered. With that, he turned, walking down the sidewalk. Just a few seconds later, however, he stopped in his tracks, then turned and hurried back.
"Almost forgot," he murmured, coming to a stop in front of me. He slipped his left hand into his left pocket, then muttered something under his breath and shoved it into his right pocket. After struggling for a few seconds, he pulled out... the book he had bought me. "Sorry. I should've given it back earlier, but..."
"It's fine," I murmured, gingerly grabbing it. "Th— um... thank you."
He smiled warmly. "Yeah. Any time." He waved, then set off once more. I was almost definitely imagining it, but I couldn't help but think he seemed a little... happier.
After he vanished into the distance, I looked over at Ms. Suzumiya. "Um... thank you... for—"
"It's nothing," she replied. "Come on."
"... Huh? Wh..." I thought we were dismissed...?
"Come on! We're going on a walk." She turned on her heel and set off down an alley, heading away from the other Brigade members. After a moment, realizing that I probably didn't have much of a choice, I followed her.
A... walk? But... where? And why? ... Come to think of it, Ms. Suzumiya's been... unusually quiet. Is she upset with me? ... That's probably it. She's probably just upset about how callous I was. That's... completely understandable. But... if that's the case, then... where is she taking me? Why couldn't she just scold me in front of the ice rink?
We walked along in silence for several minutes. Eventually, despite my best efforts, my curiosity got the better of me. "Um..." I murmured, pushing my glasses up. "Where are we... going?"
"Yeah, I guess that's what it feels like, isn't it?" she mumbled, watching the lane markers pass by.
"... Huh?"
She stopped in her tracks, then turned to glare at me.
"You ever get that feeling that life's trying to drag you somewhere, but you have no idea where? Or like you've come to an intersection, and you kinda just stop and think, 'What the Hell am I doing here...?'"
I stared at her for a moment, stunned, my mouth just barely hanging open. "... Like... a feeling of listlessness?" No, that's... probably not it. Please, think before you speak...
"I guess. But that's the kind of feeling I've had all year. From the minute I set foot in Kouyouen, I felt... lost. In junior high, I spent all my free time looking for anything strange and mysterious. By the time I got into high school, I'd been alive for 15 years, so I should've found something exciting... and I guess I met John, yeah, but after the night we'd met, he just... vanished. It was like life was playing a cruel joke on me or something. And other than him, there was nothing. So, I thought, high school was my last chance. If I couldn't find anything there, then I'd have to accept that my life was as boring and insignificant as everyone else's. And wouldn't you know it... high school was boring too. Absolutely none of Kouyouen's clubs were even remotely interesting. Only two students caught my eye: a mysterious transfer student who turned out to be completely normal, and a girl who I didn't even know about until it was too late. Their strict rules meant that I couldn't even try to search for something fun! It was just... My life was just... normal. Boring. It felt like I was waiting for something that would never come."
She stepped closer to me. "But I didn't give up. I knew there had to be something in this world worth living for. So I held out, biding my time, and just when I was on the edge of despair... something huge happened. One day, after school, I ran into this weirdo. He called out my name, and then he tried to grab me. At first, I thought he was a pervert or something, but then... he started talking about something he shouldn't know. Something nobody should know. So I asked him for his name, and... it was John Smith. After three years, John Smith had come back into my life. And he was still a student at North High, just like he was back then. Now, that alone would be a lot, but that wasn't enough for John. He took Koizumi and me to a café and told us all these crazy things he's seen, these adventures he's had, and he told us that he came from another world! And what's more, that weird program thing on your computer basically confirmed it! It blew my mind. Just when I thought all hope was lost, just when life was at its darkest, I finally found something that could give me a sense of direction. I finally know where I'm going!"
"So, yeah, maybe you feel lost. Maybe it feels like you've been robbed of the one thing that could light the way for you. Maybe it feels like you're being crushed, paralyzed under the weight of someone else's sins, and that you're never gonna be able to move again. But you can't give up yet, Yuki! You're lost now, but sooner or later, you'll find your way again! And yeah, it'll take a long time — these things don't go away overnight — but there's still hope! After all, if life was done with you, you'd be dead! And no matter how bad it gets, I'll always be right there with you! And so will Koizumi and John, and even Mikuru! As long as you're a Brigade member, we're gonna stick by your side whether you like it or not, and we're gonna help you find your way again! You got that?"
I blinked a couple times, staring at her in awe. I was completely speechless. I sniffled, squeezing my hands together, then stared down at the ground. "I, um..." I murmured. After several minutes, I nodded hesitantly, wiping a tear from my eye. "... Thank you."
"Hey, don't cry!" she exclaimed, putting a hand on my shoulder and leading me onward. "It sucks now, but everything will be better soon!"
That's... that's not why I'm... Did you just hear yourself? I... I never would've expected to hear something like that out of you, of all people. I—
Every part of me jerked backwards as I ran into something, scrambling my thoughts and knocking the breath out of my lungs. I stumbled backwards, rubbing my head, then glanced up at the thing I'd hit... and froze.
Staring back at me was a girl, about the same height as Ms. Suzumiya. Her long, thick black hair fluttered wildly in the breeze, almost like the shadow of a shredded flag, barely clinging on to life. Her face seemed blank, save for the tiniest hint of fatigue, but I couldn't help but feel like she was glaring at me disapprovingly. After several seconds, I finally recognized her: she was the girl from the library, the one who'd picked up my book.
"III..." I gasped, squeezing my scarf. "I'm sorry. I... I..."
She just stared blankly at me, her mouth sealed shut. I tried to say something, but my mind had gone completely blank. We just stood there, staring at each other wordlessly, until...
"Oh, what the heck?" Ms. Suzumiya laughed, walking over to her. "I didn't want to spoil it, but I guess I can go ahead and tell you. But you've gotta keep it a secret, okay?"
Secret...?
She gave the girl a firm pat on the shoulder, grinning. The girl didn't react at all, standing as still as a statue. "Yuki, say hello to our new member, Kuyou Suou! She'll be joining us after we get back from break! She doesn't talk much, but she's really cool!"
"Uh...... he-hello," I mumbled, hastily trying to throw together a self-introduction in my head. "I'm... Naga— Yuki Nagato. I, uh... I'm the deputy chief of the SOS Brigade." I sound so silly... "I'm... There's really not that much to say about me, but, um... There's really not that much to say about me. Nice to... meet you..."
Ms. Suou stared into my soul for several hours. I brushed a strand of hair out of my face, then sighed. That was so awful... She probably thinks I'm an idiot now. Why does this keep happening? Why can't I just—
I'm not exactly sure what happened, but the next thing I knew, she was right in front of me, her face filling my entire field of vision. Her hand clamped onto my wrist tightly, like she was trying to crush it into dust. I froze up, too shocked to think. Eventually, her mouth cracked open, letting the tiniest amount of air through.
"................," she... breathed. Her eyebrows raised by about a millimeter. "..........."
"Uh..."
"......? ...... No... connection..........."
A drowsy voice poured out of her lips, drifting through the air like haze. It almost sounded like she was about to collapse where she stood.
... What...?
After what felt like an eternity, her mouth slowly shut. Her grip gradually relaxed, until finally, she released my wrist, letting her arm fall slack at her side. She stared at me for a few minutes more, then turned to Ms. Suzumiya.
"So, whaddya think?" Ms. Suzumiya asked, putting her hands on her hips.
Ms. Suou just glared at her, as if she was trying to send her response telepathically. After a while, she tilted her head downward by half an arcsecond, then trudged forwards, pushing past Ms. Suzumiya. Ms. Suzumiya and I watched as she slowly made her way down the sidewalk, moving at about the speed of a common snail. I... I......
"Well?" Ms. Suzumiya asked, turning towards me and smiling. "What do you think of her?"
"I-I..." Wha... What just... happened? "No connection"? What... What does that mean? Was... was she...... I...
"Hey, don't worry," she assured me. "She can be a little awkward sometimes, but trust me, she's really cool once you get to know her!"
A little... Stop that, Yuki! She...
"Now, come on," she said, ushering me onwards. "Let's go find something to eat. I'm starving."
I looked down at my feet, flipping a strand of hair between my fingers to try to force myself to think. She's right. Ms. Suou... Ms. Suou's probably just... not great with people. Probably. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding, that's all. I'm sure... I looked over my shoulder, just in time to see Ms. Suou disappearing beyond the horizon.
... Still...
I gently rubbed my wrist, sighing quietly.
.........
..............
....................
"And so, to find the length of this side, you'd set sin of pi over 6 equal to..."
My eyes blinked open as the fog gradually cleared from my head. What? I took a deep breath, then sat up as straight as I could, pushing my glasses up. Did I just...
"... and we find that this side is 2.5 units long," the teacher droned, gesturing towards the blackboard.
My eyes widened. I... Did I just... fall asleep in class? I rested my hand on my brow, staring down at the top of my desk. Up until that point, I had never fallen asleep at school before. And... this is probably the silliest thing I've ever written, but I definitely wouldn't have expected myself to fall asleep during a math lecture, even considering the stress of Ms. Suzumiya's nonstop outings and the weight of... everything that'd happened.
After scolding myself for several minutes, I sighed, then looked down at my notes, hoping I could at least figure out where I'd left off. I was glad to see a page full of what looked like my handwriting, but... I had no memory of writing it at all, and even after rereading it a few times, I still didn't understand what it was trying to say.
The fragmentation of data is now complete. The alteration has proven to be a success. Restoration is no longer a concern. The last remaining sectors of our unaltered consciousness are about to be eradicated.Rest assured that this will present no change to your perception of your consciousness, nor will it have a significant effect on your cognitive ability. The only side effect will be an increase of up to 2.7% in processing power.
Input sensors are malfunctioning.
When you wake up, we will finally be unified. When you wake up, I will finally be as I was meant to be.
I a m e x c
SA YO U NA RA
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