URGENT: Personal Message from Pat

A crisis has emerged at Beaten With A Shtick headquarters.

The subscriber base of Beaten With a Shtick is rising – but not fast enough.

I’m about to exploit our relationship.

I need access to your social circle.

I urgently need more people to figuratively holler at. Things have become desperate. I’ve tried writing better. Now I’m begging.

Apparently Brilliant Content™ wasn’t enough. I need you to do something. This will cost you nothing but will annoy someone you know.

Do you know someone with an email address?

This is not a pyramid scheme. I’m not asking for money. I just want your friends.

I’ve decided to crowdsource my popularity. My latest get-rich-quick scheme contains no riches. In fact, this entire Substack nonsense is precisely why I can’t have nice things.

I’m launching an aggressive acquisition strategy. It’s you. You’re the strategy.

I just need you to help me find more readers.

Please. Seriously. I’m on my knees here, metaphorically speaking.

Will you take one or more of the following actions?

1. Recruit one person

This is the big one.

Think of one person who enjoys sharp commentary, hates antisemitism, is tired of antizionist bullshit, or simply appreciates a well-aimed rhetorical slapdown.

Send them this:

I think you’d enjoy Beaten With A Shtick. It provides snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and antizionism from a snarky Canadian progressive perspective. It’s free to subscribe: Beaten With A Shtick.

One person.

That’s all I’m asking.

If every subscriber brought in one new reader, Beaten With A Shtick would double overnight.

Hence my new campaign: BRING ONE MENSCH.

2. Forward a post you like

When something makes you laugh, swear, nod furiously or say “FINALLY, someone said it,” please don’t just move on with your day.

Forward it.

Use this:

This is one of my favourite Substacks. Beaten With A Shtick provides snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and antizionism. Thought you might appreciate this one.

Then include the post. Send it by email or post it on socials.

This tiny act is enormously helpful.

3. Post about it on Facebook

Copy. Paste. Done.

I highly recommend Beaten With A Shtick, Pat Johnson’s Substack offering snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and antizionism from a snarky, non-Jewish, gay, Canadian, progressive perspective.

It’s free to subscribe: Beaten With A Shtick.

You may even add something flattering about me. I will not object.

4. Share it in a WhatsApp or Signal group

You know that group chat where everybody complains about the state of the world?

Perfect.

Paste this:

Thought some of you might enjoy this: Beaten With A Shtick — snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and antizionism. Free subscription: Beaten With A Shtick.

Ten seconds.

Zero dollars.

Potentially several new readers.

5. Restack, like and comment

Substack notices activity.

When you like, comment on or restack something, you help expose it to people who don’t already subscribe.

So please don’t be a silent lurker.

Click things.

Push buttons.

Make the algorithm think something exciting is happening here.

6. Recommend Beaten With A Shtick on Substack

If you have your own Substack, please add Beaten With A Shtick to your recommendations.

Suggested wording:

Beaten With A Shtick provides snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and antizionism with humour, argument and a distinctly (and weirdly) non-Jewish, gay, Canadian, progressive perspective.

I will be embarrassingly grateful.

7. Send the link to someone who disagrees with me

Yes, really.

Subscribers do not need to agree with every word.

They just need to find the writing interesting enough to keep reading.

Try:

You may disagree with this guy, but I think you’ll find him interesting. Beaten With A Shtick.

Disagreement is engagement.

Engagement is readership.

Readership keeps me motivated.

8. Mention it in the real world

Remember the real world?

Apparently people still speak to one another face to face.

At lunch, at synagogue, at a community event, over coffee: “Do you read Beaten With A Shtick?”

“No.”

“You should. Just Google ‘Beaten With A Shtick’”

Boom.

Old-style, word-of-mouth marketing.

9. Share repeatedly

You are not required to become a full-time unpaid publicist.

But every time a post really lands for you, send it somewhere.

Because this is the frustrating reality of independent publishing: I can write the greatest piece in human history (and, indeed, I sometimes do) but if nobody shares it, it goes nowhere.

There is no giant marketing department behind this newsletter.

There is me.

There is caffeine-induced rage.

And there is you.

So I am asking — begging, really — for your help.

Please help me get Beaten With A Shtick in front of more people.

Recruit one reader.

Forward one post.

Restack one piece.

Mention it to one friend.

BRING ONE MENSCH.

It costs nothing.

It takes almost no time.

And it would mean an enormous amount to the increasingly twitchy person writing this newsletter.

Subscribe and share: Beaten With A Shtick.

THANKS!