Usiploti na Jirani

I watch as house number B07 and B08 share a wall thin enough that when Mary sneezes Collins says “Bless you”from his bed.It doesn’t start with roses.It starts with borrowed salt,then a Cup of Unga,then 30 bob of tokens on Sunday when KPLC has decided to test your Faith.Then the final surrender The password to your Zuku Wifi which is a heavier commitment than meeting their parents.
Two months later Kitanda ilishatingika and now we arrive at the actual reason why this rule exists.It is never about morality because Nairobi has no Moral high ground.We sold it and built apartments on it. The rule is about exits.
You can’t ghost a person you share a water tank with.

When the clean water tanker comes on Wednesdayyou will meet at the tap holding jerricans,pretending to be deeply intrested in the sky.When the caretaker knocks you will hear his voice through the same wall and know she she is also home and awake but not opening.You will begin timing your movements like a Thief.Leave at 5:40 am and return at 10:15 pm.And the watchman who is the most reliable database in this apartment more accurate than CRB.Will greet you with “Wewe siku hizi umekuwa mgeni”while smiling in a way that says he knows everything.
Even the mama mboga knows.She will count your sukuma wiki slowly and ask with tenderness “na huyo dem wa B07 ?”

Campus clasmates carry the same curse on a shorter timeline. You quarrel three weeks into the semester. 7 weeks later the lecturer the man who has never known joy announces group presentations and reads both of your names in the same group.You cannot even leave the class whatsapp group because this is where the timetable is posted so you stay muted watching your “ex”react with laughing emojis to somebody else’s memes.

Now the office.At what point are you guys doing this at work?
Let me report on where we are as a country.The boardroom has glass walls and a calendar visible to the entire company,so somebody had to title the meeting “Sync”for 45 minutes with blinds down and Finance saw it.The stair well between the second and third floor is famous for reasons the building manager has stopped investigating.

So the commandment stands.Do not fall in love anywhere you are still required to be tomorrow at 8am.Certainly not in the open plan office your ex processes payroll.