Not Yet

My oldest sister and her family are visiting from New Jersey this week, and this morning she showed up alone, bright and early, for a cup of coffee. She and my wife were on their way to spend the day organizing my wife's classroom before the new school year starts. I say “bright” not necessarily because it was already bright outside, but because I have yet to meet anyone who wakes up as full of energy and as perky as she does. I know this because she calls me almost every morning as she commutes to work, and I get to hear her greeting her teammates when she arrives. I joke with my wife that my sister’s coworkers must either love her for the energy she brings that early in the morning, or absolutely hate her. :)

So while we drank our coffee in my kitchen, we started reminiscing about the old times, and about some of the experiences we had growing up compared to how things are today. I do my best not to be one of those “back in my day” people, and I think I do a decent job of not constantly measuring how things used to be against how they are now — but it’s hard to avoid when I’m with my sisters. Today we found ourselves talking about what time our kids wake up during the summer, when they’re off school and have nothing scheduled.

My oldest wakes up between 8 and 9 in the morning and either does some work for her remote part-time job or invests in her well-being, going to the gym or reading or meditating outside. My middle child starts her second year of college today, and since most of her classes are online, she usually goes to bed later than everyone else and wakes up later in the day, then gets ready for class and schoolwork. My youngest shares a room with her, and since school won’t start for another two weeks, she’s been keeping the same hours — late to bed, late to rise.

My sister pointed out that her son still wakes up early every day, no matter what day of the week it is, and she sounded almost cautiously concerned about the possibility that as he gets older, he’ll shift too, and start his days a bit later.

Then we started talking about our own childhood, and our own sleeping patterns. This was back when there was no cable TV — not where we lived, anyway — no internet, nothing that could hold your attention the way things do today. There were no phones to keep us doomscrolling for hours either. I remember that I was never much of an early riser growing up, but I also never woke up past 9 a.m. on a weekend or during summer vacation. Not because there were rules about it at home, but because there was a sense that life might be passing by, that I’d be missing out on time with my friends if I stayed in bed too long. There were also chores that my siblings and I were expected to help with, things around the house that we all pitched in on.

As I got older and my social circle grew, I slowly became more of a night owl. If I didn’t have classes or other responsibilities — at some point I was helping my dad with his business, scheduling events for him, sometimes driving out to help set them up — I’d stay up late and wake up much later in the day. There was a stretch during my last two years of college when most of my time outside of studying was spent on AOL, playing Quake II, or coding in Visual Basic on my Presario.

Obviously, as time passed and I married and became a family man, my responsibilities changed, and I adapted to handle the many spinning plates and expectations that come with being a father of three, a supportive husband, and a supportive son to aging parents. So now I wake up earlier than I ever have, just so I can have some quality time with my wife before our days begin in earnest — which also means there are nights when I’m dragging myself to bed around 9 p.m. :)

So while my oldest sister worries about her son’s patterns changing, I’ve reached a stage where my thoughts aren’t really about what time my kids wake up or go to sleep. Mostly, I’m just glad they’re still home. I know it’s a cliché to talk about wanting your kids out of the house and finally having some time to yourself, but if there’s one thing I’m not prepared for, it’s waking up to an empty house.

Not yet.