into the journal: jordan koch

This interview series examines how and why people journal, because no two practices are identical. Appreciating the journal as an inner world.

If you have a journaling practice that you’d like to share about here, email me at evapberezovsky(at)gmail(dot)com.

Hey there! I’m Jordan, a Minneapolis native. You can find me on IG, or over on Substack.

My journal journey started way back in elementary school when bedazzled journals with the highly sought-after lock and key detail were a thing. Remember those? I recall listing out my celebrity crushes (Zac Efron, or Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson in Titanic), or noting random, brief thoughts — most likely written out while lying on the carpet in my childhood bedroom with my feet kicking back and forth in the air.

To me, there’s something so nostalgic about the term “diary.” My bedazzled lock-and-key writing vessel from my elementary years is what I would now view as a diary. It feels so private, dramatic almost. Which, I respect (and kind of want to bring back?). Yet, “journal” has been my go-to term these days. And “notebook,” well, that’s for jotting down thoughts from work, or things I need to do. It’s more action-oriented, rather than a dumping ground for my subconscious.

Once I grew out of my bedazzled lock-and-key journaling phase, I had a pretty long pause. It wasn’t until the fall of 2020 (Covid times) that I really picked it back up again.

I purchased a leather journal with crisp, blank, white pages and began writing every single day until my hand would give out. After I finished that journal, I would start writing entries in my notes app on my phone late into the night, or on my laptop, specifically in the Pages app that comes with most Apple computers. I’ve been eager to lean back into the analog way of life, however. So, I recently bought a lined notebook from Magers & Quinn that I fill from time to time, though my routine is not as consistent as I’d like…

I think my journaling practice is forever evolving. As a kid, it was a place to list out my celebrity crushes (as mentioned before) and write about my sister stealing my Barbie dolls and how mad that made me (lol). Now, it’s a place to sort through big feelings, such as heartbreak, excitement about life, travel experiences, goals, wishes, affirmations, etc.

I do my best journaling at night, or outside, on a bench, preferably near water with classical music playing from my headphones. But more often than not, I’m sitting on my bed or on the floor in my room (a nod to little me, perhaps?), writing away.

I journal to cope. I journal to sort through big, confusing, or jumbled-up thoughts in my head. I journal to manifest. I journal when I’m feeling stuck, emotionally. I think my journal acts as a tool for solving things, or working towards a better feeling, place… reality, even?

Sometimes it feels like a need, other times it feels like a chore that I feel I should do, but don’t always have the energy to do. I wonder if those chore-like feelings come from the pressures we receive in society, online, through wellness culture, etc. It’s quite interesting. I never want it to feel like a chore, but alas.

Surprisingly, I don’t reread. I flirt with the idea, but something usually stops me. What exactly? I’m not really sure… maybe I’m nervous about revisiting certain thoughts and ideas. Maybe I no longer resonate with the person I was when I wrote about particular things at that time. Whatever it is, I’m okay with letting things just live on the page.

While I prefer physical journals, I have a mix of physical and digital entries. My journals range from bright, bedazzled ones to leather-bound or lined Decomposition Books from Magers & Quinn (my current go-to). I also have a really beautiful, hardcover, metallic-style journal that I use specifically for my character notes in my Dungeons & Dragons campaign. It’s lovely.

I wish they had a smell, like an old bookstore, or spicy, rich leather. But, sadly, they do not. You know that scene in Grease when Marty Maraschino sprays perfume on her handwritten letter to that boy? I love that. I should do that!

As for my digital entries, they exist in a folder on my desktop with calendar dates as titles.

I’m content with whatever pen I’ve got handy! There was a period when I was using glitter pens, and that was fun.

My last journal entry was written a little over a month ago at my great aunt Yvette’s house. I wrote about my family. At the time, I was house sitting/staying with Yvette’s elderly roommate, while Yvette went to visit her sister, Rachel, on the East Coast. Yvette is almost 90, and she was accepting that her visit with Rachel would probably be the last time they’d be able to see one another in this lifetime. It broke my heart.

I cannot imagine sitting in that reality with my own sister. So, it was a heavier entry, but it helped me feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation for family that I don’t always sit and acknowledge.

This inspired me to make time to sit by a lake this weekend and journal under the sun. Thank you for letting me be a part of your series.

@evaberezovsky
evaberezovsky.com
evapberezovsky(at)gmail(dot)com
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