People asked me why I decided to do a Vipassana.
For the past few years I have been intentonally working on finding ways to become a better human. For myself, for my family, my friends, for my clients in coaching, and for society overall.
Last year, after doing a very different seven-day silent retreat in Indonesia, I promised myself I would take time to reconnect with myself. To Gnothi seauton. Know thyself. I wanted to become more patient, calmer, and more intentional…and move from Me to We…giving back, even it its as small as a smile or a nice word to a stranger. Anything but things that begin moving the needle to be better for myself and others.
Leaving the center on the last day felt like a baby being pushed out of the womb and taking its first breath…Iit felt so good and also foreign.
Crying included, but without the slap of a doctor.
When my phone was returned, i felt so much anxiety. It was like a mini-panic attack. Getting back to the hustle of Berlin was shocking to the ears and senses. Cars sounded rude and people sounded like they were on 2.5x fast-forward.
I also left thankful…for the opportunity, for the insight and wisdom, and thankful for the volunteers who make this happen.
Also, the retreat is free. Completely.
Ten days of food and lodging, no cost. Not a single dime.
It runs under a unique non-commercial gift economy model, funded by voluntary donations from “old students” who have completed a course and want to support others. I will do my part in returning the gift.
On the last day, when silence broke, I spoke with someone and heard his troubled past. I saw how this experience had changed something in him. That made it personal…a living thing passed from person to person and seeing an actual transformation.
Now, the classic questions.
Was it hard?
Yep, so hard…like a rock
Actually, harder than a rock, because a rock at least gets to lie down
It was physically and mentally demanding in so many ways. Sitting still for an hour sounds simple until your body starts screaming from bones and muscles you didn’t even know you did not have.
Do I see the benefit?
Absolutely. As with most things, the hardest part is not the retreat. It is keeping up with the practice once you return to real life
Would I recommend it?
There is a longer response, but in general, yes. But with nuance..it is for anyone, not for everyone.
Would I do it again?
Probably not.
I cannot commit to the required time investment to keep reaping the full benefits the way the tradition intends. I am working on other angles of my life to support getting some of the same benefits.
What changed and what did I learn?
This was not a life-changing, 90-degree turn for me. I was not expecting that. I did not want that. It felt more like a three-degree move toward a better direction.
Like steering a massive ship with huge inertia. You do not notice the change immediately…but over time, the destination is different.
Here are the three learnings. I know a lot of them are so basic, but for me I was able to not only understand them at a mental and intellectual level (like I might have before), but lived them. And now have them present..
Learning 1: The issue is not outside, it is inside.
We constantly look outside ourselves to solve problems.
We want external things to fix internal discomfort. We want people to change, we want circumstances to be prefect for us, we want the stars to align. The typical, if only this person changed, or once I have this or that I’ll be happy, or I just need this to happen before I can feel this or that way..
But we don’t control external things..but we do control the internal. The real work is inside: how we receive things, interpret them, process them, and react to them.
Same event…different inner digestion..different life
Learning 2: Nothing is permanent.
Things are transitory. No joy lasts forever, no pain lasts forever. Nothing stays long enough to deserve full worship or full panic.
The reminder is not to attach too much, not to crave, not to push away.
It reminded me of a phrase my mom used to say when I was going through a hard time: “no hay mal que dure 100 años, ni cuerpo que lo aguante”
It is not elegant or poetic but accurate.
Learning 3: Faith gets real when you do the work.
Vipassana is non-sectarian, and I liked that.
It does not ask you to join anything..all it does is asks you to observe what happening inside yourself
At the same time, it reinforced my faith, with a practical kick
I am coming to realize that Jesus is the best example of the qualities I am working to live by, and really move from just the theory to the practice, trying to remind myself of his qualities on a daily basis...and do the work, daily.
In other words, you can pray, visualize, or set powerful intentions all day, but if your behavior never gets the memo, nothing will really change. This nails it…God helps those who help themselves.
Closing
If you are thinking about doing a Vipassana, what are your motivations?
And if you have already done one, I would love to hear your story. Please comment and share.
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