Reading · Next Obvious Thing

I donated a favorite pair of jeans the other day. We were getting ready to go out one evening, and while 90% of the time you will find me in running clothes, or running clothes disguised as going out clothes, occasionally you will find me in jeans. The main reason being was that I wanted to wear one of my 100 mile belt buckles (can’t remember if it was the Yeti 100 or the Vermont 100), but you get the point. The jeans in question were “skinny jeans” and yes, I loathe that term, but did like the jeans. They were hip huggers (not sure if that is a term anymore, but that’s what they were called back in the day) and they also had sequins and rhinestones on the pockets. I was gifted these pants a few years back, when my then 16 year old niece outgrew them. She is now 24. I went to put the pants on and as I was pulling them up, I got to my “hips” and they would not go any further. I tried wiggling into them and managed to get them up over my butt, but no way was the zipper going to operate. I stood there sort of frozen on the spot and a cavalcade of thoughts rushed into my brain.

“My favorite jeans….no!”

“How did this happen, I don’t feel like I’ve put on THAT much weight?’

“This is a good thing. You are 63, not 16.”

So I stepped into the living room and showed Michael.

“I can’t zip these anymore,” sad face me said.

“Good,” he said, ever encouraging me in my quest to accept my body.

“Yeah. I guess it is. But they are my favorites. Guess now I can can donate them and they can be someone else’s favorite.”

I went back into the bedroom and put on a different pair of jeans and one of the belt buckles, and we went out for the night. And the thought of the jeans that didn’t fit left my head. When I think on that now I am so proud of how far I have come. It really is such a small thing, but in my “ED brain” it could have ruined the whole evening. But instead I was able to move on and focus on how, yes, my body was changing and that is a good thing. I would not have earned this amazing belt buckle without this changed body. I can remember “ED brain” saving clothes that were too big on me, for years thinking that “one day” they might fit me. Until finally I decided that wasn’t serving me at all. And I was certainly not going to be saving these “skinny jeans” for when I might fit into them again. That was not in the plan.

So the next morning I took the jeans and a few other random pieces of clothing we had planned to donate (nothing quite as dramatic) and brought them to my favorite thrift store in town. While I was there I figured that I might as well try on some jeans and see if anything feels right. I almost never have luck finding things that fit. I went into the changing room with a handful of jeans and a random sweater. As expected most of the jeans were not right, too short, too big, too tight, too ugly. And then I found them. The unicorn pair. They were super soft Levis, that felt like I had owned them forever. Then I slipped the sweater over my head, and wow, I had an actual outfit. That fit my NOW body. All it needed now was a belt buckle.

My Favorite Jeans

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