Welcome to the 5.0 Club

“I finally get it… love is the answer to everything.” ~Frank Alexander Weems

This past April, I turned 50.

The 5.0 club.

And let me tell you, turning 50 will make you look over your whole life. Not just the pretty parts. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the fun, the laughter, the joy, the heartbreak, the lessons, and the parts you still don’t fully understand.

I’ve been thinking about my childhood, my teenage years, becoming a young woman, becoming a mother, being a single mother, raising my children, and now becoming an empty nester. I’ve been thinking about the woman I used to be, the woman I had to become, and the woman I’m still fighting to grow into.

And wow…

I have been on a journey.

Am I where I want to be in life?

No.

I’m not going to pretend that I am.

There are still things I want to accomplish, dreams I haven’t touched yet, and places in my life where I feel behind.

But then I have to stop and remind myself of what I have done.

For a long time, I didn’t know how to read well as an adult, but I learned. I went to college, graduated at the top of my class, and earned my degree in Television Production and Media Studies.

I raised my two amazing sons.

I wrote a memoir.

I made a feature film.

I produced short films.

I wrote screenplays.

I’m working on a novel.

So yes, I’ve accomplished some things that I should be proud of. Things that little girl in me probably never imagined would be possible.

But I’d be lying if I said the journey has been easy.

For most of my life, my self-esteem was low… really low. And even today, I have to work hard at loving myself. I mean really loving myself. I’m talking about the kind of love where you wake up and choose not to abandon yourself.

Love… where you look in the mirror and decide you’re worth caring for.

It has taken me years to learn.

A lot of that pain started in childhood. I grew up without the love I needed from my mother. I experienced verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, hunger, abandonment, and sexual abuse between the ages of 6 and 12. Then I went into foster care and was separated from my siblings.

There was bullying, shame, confusion, and loneliness.

When you grow up like that, it gets inside your spirit, and can make you believe things about yourself that were never true.

For me, it created a deep insecurity. At times, it felt like self-hatred. Not because I wanted to hate myself, but because I didn’t know how to love someone who had been made to feel so unwanted.

But today, I can say this with my whole heart:

I love myself more than I ever have.

I’m still healing, learning, and growing. But I’m also taking better care of myself. I’m trying to live healthier, pay attention to my peace, and give myself grace.

I’m proud of that.

I’m proud that after everything I’ve been through, I still laugh.

Create… Dream… Love… I have purpose… And my story matters.

I’m also grateful that I have amazing friends and an incredible community. I have people in my life who pour into me, encourage me, pray for me, support me, and remind me that I’m not walking this journey alone.

That brings me so much joy.

So maybe I’m not exactly where I want to be.

But like Miss Ceely from The Color Purple said, “I’m still here.”

And that means there’s still time.

From where I stand, turning 50 doesn’t feel like the end of anything.

It feels like a sacred pause.

A moment to look back and say, “Girl, you survived.”

Then turn around and say, “You’re still blessed.”

And to look ahead and say, “Now let’s see what God does with the next chapter.”

Welcome to the 5.0 club.

I’m still becoming.

Before I close this reflection, I want to share some good news.

The first vertical series I ever wrote, My Husband’s Escape Plan, was produced and accepted into the Atlanta Film Festival, where it was screened and presented by the Alliance of Women Directors.

I’m so honored and proud of this milestone.

And now, Story Summit will be hosting a special Q&A with me about the journey of writing My Husband’s Escape Plan, taking a vertical from idea to production, and what it means to keep going as a writer.

The Q&A will take place on May 31 at 8 PM Eastern Time, and it’s completely free to attend.

You can join me by clicking the link My Husband Escape Plan and registering for the talk.

I hope to see you there. It would mean so much to share this moment with you.