https://eatingdisordersanonymous.org
Prompts
One member wrote: Living with integrity meant seeing myself honestly and making appropriate amends ... Write any thoughts and emotions this sentence stirs up for you.
Write about how you imagine preparing to make amends to people on your list with a “willingness to repair.”
Think about one of the people on your list and write about how you could apply this suggestion with them: Our statements were simple, sincere, and without blame.
Whenever I could, I made direct amends, by admitting my errors explicitly. To do otherwise denied all of us a chance to heal. If that strikes a chord for you, write about that idea.
https://odysee.com/@OfficialDJUK:d/MIX105INDY---07232026:a?r=76byLTy8eLwNnT413RLsdZmfY9RfvBgE
Enjoy some Christmas in July, ya lucky bastards.
Let’s address the concept of seeing myself honestly. What does that even mean? Anyway, I don’t think I do, and I’m not sure it’s possible to.
I try to see myself in a neutral light, but somehow I always slide back into self-loathing.
I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to like me, let alone love me.
What does love mean anyway?
I write about approximations of love in my stories. I’ve always written about the kind of love I wish I had in my life. When I was younger, this took the form of romantic obsession.
Looking back on my past work, what I was depicting was limerence rather than love. The heroine was invariably lonely and misunderstood by her partner. A supernatural lover, for instance a charming reluctant vampire, floated into her life, showing her what it was like to be adored. Of course he had to die at the end. Vampires aren’t allowed to live.
In retrospect, it wasn’t a very good story. However, I spent some twenty years working on it because it spoke to unaddressed needs.
Now when I write romance, it’s for a specific project, such as an annual anthology published by one of the writers’ groups I’m part of. It’s never self-insert as my past efforts were, because the last damn thing I need in my life is some dude, vampire or otherwise, that I need to take care of. I can hardly take care of my own damn self.
People who felt they were unloved and unwanted in childhood often seek love in unhealthy places from unhealthy people. Andrew the Reluctant Vampire was a better partner than most of the actual men I got involved with. He never cheated on me, hit me, or forced himself on me.
I have never learned to love myself. I have no idea what that would look like and the concept feels like a lie. I did learn to respect myself enough to realize that being trapped in a sick relationship is much worse than being alone, and I don’t do well with being alone.
Ornery Owl Has Spoken
Ornery Owl is on the outside looking in.
Patrick Teahan has an extensive catalog of videos on YouTube addressing childhood trauma.
https://www.youtube.com/@patrickteahanofficial
Patrick doesn’t only speak from an academic perspective. He addresses his own issues in these videos, including concepts such as limerence.
I can recall my own limerent behaviors as far back as childhood.
I had a severe case of limerence over a somewhat older boy for years.
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