Heads up! I’m still learning the ins-and-outs of using Substack live. The interview starts around the 15 minute mark. Everything before that is fun “pre-show” banter.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re exhausted.
We are all exhausted. Whether you’ve been striving hard to find a new role or are working in a new career, we’re all squeezed by external (and often internal) sources of pressure to do more, faster, and with less time. To regain a sense of control in this chaotic environment our instinct is to “efficiency-max” every waking second. We stack our calendars, create massive to-do lists, and obsess over productivity.
All this frantic activity isn’t saving us. It’s burning us out and preventing us from fully engaging in the experiences and relationships that matter most.
Last week I sat down with Alex Snider—a former diplomat with 15 years of public service, founder of Mindful Fed, and author of the newly released book Sometimes You Should Be Late. You should definitely check out our full conversation via the attached recording but here’s the BLUF.
Slowness isn’t a weakness; in fact it allows us to connect with the wisest versions of ourselves.
There is a severe biological toll to operating in permanent urgency mode.
When we are constantly rushing, we trap ourselves in “System 1” thinking. This is our fast, reactive brain—driven purely by the fear-based limbic system. In this state, a missed email from a former colleague feels like a disaster, prompting an aggressive, defensive response.
Alex reminded us that we have to intentionally engage “System 2”. By slowing down, we activate our prefrontal cortex, which puts us in touch with our compassion and unlocks our cognitive flexibility.
“When we are going quickly, when we are reacting fast, when we are multitasking, we do not have that same access to this cognitive flexibility.”
The Shift: You cannot out-hustle a broken system. Take a breath. Slowing down gives you the power to choose how you respond, rather than simply reacting to the chaos around you.
We place immense value on the rigid clock. But what does it cost us?
Alex shared a vulnerable story about being hyper-focused on a project deadline. When his mother called, he answered, but he was curt and distracted. He achieved time punctuality with his work, but he completely failed at emotional punctuality. He made someone he loved feel like an inconvenience.
The Shift: Prioritize the quality of your presence over the rigid mathematics of the clock. If you are driving to a networking coffee and swerving through traffic in a panicked rage just to save two minutes, you are arriving depleted. Give yourself the grace to arrive safely, with your emotional bandwidth intact.
We have all done it. You show up ten minutes late and instantly blame traffic, parking, or a broken alarm clock.
We trade our authenticity for polite distance. We tell white lies because we’ve been convinced by social pressure that being late is a mortal sin, rather than a natural byproduct of being human.
The Shift: Try radical human vulnerability. What if, instead of blaming the dog or the commute, you simply said, “I am so sorry I’m late. I over-scheduled myself today and am having a hard time managing it all”? This level of honesty doesn’t push people away; it builds stronger, more authentic relationships.
Thank you to Heather Pitorak, Emily, and many others for tuning into our live discussion last week. It’s always great to speak with members of this community and your questions and insights added a lot of depth to our conversation.
No matter what stage of this journey your on, we know it can be lonely. That said, we’re here to remind you that you’re not in this alone. Here’s a few upcoming opportunities to build more connections with folks in our community.
Watch the Replay: Missed the live session? You’ve got access to our full conversation via the attached video.
Discover Your Pace: Take Alex’s “Lateness Style Quiz“ and explore dates for his book tour to connect with him in person.
Up Next on July 22nd: Join us for our next live stream featuring diplomat-turned-author Jennifer Erie and her editor, Maria MacAndrew. They will be breaking down the exact mechanics of writing your story and getting it published.
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