The Real Reason Mums Are So Tired (And Dads Are So Confused)

Have you ever wondered why two intelligent people living in the same house experience completely different realities?

After much thought, here’s a theory I’ve never really seen written about:

Men experience completed tasks.

Women experience uninterrupted responsibility.

They’re completely different psychological experiences.

The interesting part is that most mums already know this. But does your partner?Here’s how to explain it to them so they actually get it. Here goes…

Imagine your partner is a footballer. His role is pretty simple: turn up and play to the best of his ability.

After the game, he says: ‘I played really well today’. He isn’t wrong. He did. Happy days.

Now, let’s imagine you’re the manager of the football team.

Your job is quite simple, right? Win.

But is it THAT simple? Because we all know winning doesn’t come as easy as that. Winning isn’t one task. It’s an umbrella for lots of smaller things you have sole responsibility for:

• making sure everyone turns up

• knowing who’s injured

• organising transport

• deciding team tactics

• remembering the match time

• making sure everyone’s paid subs

• bringing the equipment

• texting everyone if kick-off time changes

• checking the pitch isn’t waterlogged.

And then imagine at the end of the season there’s no title or trophy to be won. Because let’s face it, there is no winning or losing in motherhood, just more of the same.

You can see how over years this imbalance in responsibility could easily lead to resentment. Your partner experienced the match. You experienced the entire system that made the match possible. They both require effort, agreed. But they aren’t comparable.

And I wonder if that’s why “just tell me what needs doing” feels like a drop in the ocean. To him, it’s generosity. He’s offering labour. To her it sounds like: “carry on being the manager.” When what she really needs is for him to be the assistant manager.

I'd love to hear your take. I read every comment, and I genuinely enjoy the conversations that happen here.

If you know another mum who'd nod along while reading this, I'd be so grateful if you shared it with her. If you’re after more honest conversations about motherhood, please subscribe!

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