Going Alone Without Feeling Sad-Girl About it

Dear Curious Christie and Ms. Resilient,

There’s a local author event at an independent bookstore next week that I really want to attend. I’ve read the author’s books, I love the topic, and honestly, it sounds like exactly the kind of thing I’m always saying I wish I did more often.

The problem is that I don’t have anyone to go with.

It’s not the kind of event where I need a date or a plus-one, but the thought of walking into the bookstore alone makes me feel weirdly exposed. I keep imagining everyone arriving with a friend, chatting easily before the reading starts, while I’m standing there pretending to look very interested in a display of greeting cards or checking my phone like it contains breaking national news.

The frustrating part is that I know I would probably enjoy myself once I got there. I want to be the kind of person who does things just because I want to do them, without waiting for someone else to be available. But every time I picture myself standing there alone, I feel awkward, lonely, and honestly, a little pathetic.

How do I go to this author event by myself without feeling like everyone is noticing I’m alone?

~Solo in the Bookstore

~Dear Solo in the Bookstore,

I need you to know that going to an author event alone is not pathetic. Going somewhere because you want to go is not sad. It is self-trust, hopefully in comfortable shoes.

And yes, since I am giving away my age with the comfy shoe preference and possibly a side part, I immediately thought of a Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to a restaurant alone without her usual “armor” of a book or magazine. At first, she feels exposed, like everyone can see her solitude under the restaurant lighting. But then something shifts. Without a prop to hide behind, she starts to settle into herself. She notices the room. She notices her own thoughts. She realizes that being alone does not have to mean being lonely.

Your brain is telling you, “Everyone will notice I’m alone.” But most people are starring in their own mental TV shows. They are wondering whether they put enough money in the parking meter, whether their outfit works, whether they should have eaten dinner first, or whether they are going to ask a question during the Q&A and accidentally say the wrong thing.

And even if someone does notice? What they are probably thinking is, “Good for her.” Because it is genuinely brave to go toward something you want instead of waiting for the perfect conditions.

So make a plan, not because you need one to justify going, but because a few simple steps can help you feel steadier. Maybe arrive a little early so you are not walking into a packed room feeling like the final contestant on some reality show. Browse the shelves. Buy a tea, if they have one. Pick a seat that feels comfortable. Give yourself one small goal: listen, enjoy, maybe smile at one person, or stay for at least twenty minutes.

Also, you can bring a book. Carrie’s no-armor experiment was a lovely TV moment, but let’s not turn personal growth into a punishment. A book can be a comfort object, not a hiding place. The deeper invitation is to notice when you are using it to avoid feeling anything versus when it simply helps you feel settled.

And who knows? You may walk out with a signed book, a new thought, or the quiet thrill of realizing, “I can do this.”

With compassion and one literary cosmo,

Curious Christie

Ms. Resilient offers her perspective using Dovetail Learning’s approach:

Dear Solo in the Bookstore,

Christie’s advice beautifully reflects the mindset of Courage. Courage is not the absence of awkwardness; it is moving toward something that matters even while discomfort comes along for the ride.

You are already noticing two competing truths: part of you feels exposed at the thought of arriving alone, and another part genuinely wants this experience. Courage does not require you to silence the first part— It simply allows the part that is curious, interested, and ready for something new to to take the lead.

I especially appreciate her suggestion to make a simple plan. Arriving early, choosing a comfortable seat, bringing a book, or committing to stay for twenty minutes can make the step feel manageable. You do not have to transform into someone who never feels self-conscious.

If you feel awkward, take a breath and remind yourself: “I feel uncomfortable, and I am still allowed to be here.” Each time you follow your own interests without waiting for company, you strengthen your trust in yourself.

Go hear the author. Let courage wear comfortable shoes and carry a book. Each time you practice this resilient mindset, it becomes a little easier to choose it again.

Warmly,
Ms. Resilient

Tag in. What advice are you giving Solo in the Bookstore? Share it in the comments or at ms@dovetaillearning.org.

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