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How are you all? Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Me? Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Oh I’m fine! Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Never better in fact! Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Oh these? Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
These red, angry red spots, polka-dotting my legs? Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
Oh, well now that you mention it, yes I DO * Scratch! Scratch! Scratch! * seem to have the pleasure of being seen as an all you can eat buffet by a variety of insects!
Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
It’s WONDERFUL! Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
No, I’ve never felt more comfortable and excited to be alive… Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
The first thing I must do is thank you all SO much for your lovely comments and likes and restacks of last week’s 50th JOY PARADE newsletter! You really are all SUCH good eggs and very funny! Honestly, it’s such a joy to read your responses (I’m a little behind in replying so do please forgive me. I will catch up asap!)
How has your week been? Mine (apart from being eaten alive) has been full of trying to get jobs done but then being thwarted by other jobs and so it feels like nothing really seems to have been done at all.
Thankfully the weather has been better this week. The mornings and evenings have been really this energy:
…which is my favourite: warm enough for shorts but cool enough for a sweatshirt.
(Although I did see a man casually wandering around the other day in a jumper AND an ankle-length padded coat which seemed excessive.)
And of course all the schools here have broken up for the summer hols. I took Little Nephew (11) (dressed up VERY dapperly) to his end of year school disco one evening and laughed out loud when, just before he got out of the car, he turned to me and said, “Be honest - do I look like a drug dealer?”
I assured him he didn’t, and it was only after he’d cantered through the school gates and I’d driven off that I wondered if perhaps that WAS the look he was going for? You can never tell with him. He is A One Off…
Now, before we get to this week’s JOY PARADE we must have a little catch up about what else has been going on around here…
I walked by a man the other day and he was wearing a T-shirt with “REVENGE” written in large and sinister letters across his chest.
Was he standing in a shadowy corner rubbing his hands together like a house fly and plotting something nefarious?
No.
He was very quietly and very gently taking photographs on his phone of a Cabbage White butterfly resting peacefully on a hydrangea.
My favourite person this week was a jogger I saw. He had all the gear (expensive trainers, smart watch, iphone in an arm holster, that little waistcoat thing with a water bottle in a pocket on the bosom with a straw peekabooing out) and he was going at a terrific pace.
What intrigued me was that whilst sprinting like he was being chased by a bear, he was also vaping like mad.
You have never in your life seen anything like this person I saw attempting to play tennis in five inch, sparkling, platform strappy sandals.
Her friends/opponents were all shod appropriately, so I can only assume that she had to dash off to a Pan’s People tribute act rehearsal straight after her tournament…
On my walk in the park the other evening, two young women powered by me, talking loudly:
Woman 1: I just don’t think I can wear purple at all. It makes me look terrible!
Woman 2: Not AT ALL! You looked lovely at Kate’s wedding!
Woman 1: Clemmie, those wedding photos look like the bridal party are standing next to a giant Victoria plum.
Victoria Plum would be a good name for a someone who is a greengrocer
Also in the park, I strolled alongside some trees that had little memorial plaques at their bases. My eye was caught by quite a chunky squirrel that dashed, tail bobbing, over to one and then proceeded to stand up like a human and lean against the sign like he was about to ask me “Do you come here often?” and insist on buying me a 2-4-1 Moscow Mule.
Every time I see this I am absolutely floored by it.
Next time I’m asked to provide an author photo I’m just going to send them this.
(Did you know Joan has a range of wigs available. I’m never going to recover from the photo of her modelling “Victoria”)
In a cafe that I sometimes go to to write, there is a a barista who is a Resting musical theatre actor. She has been Resting for a very long time…
What I like about her is that she isn’t letting the fact that she isn’t currently appearing in London’s Glittering West End stop her ✨PERFORMING✨
When operating the milk frother, she practices her arpeggios in a voice loud enough to shatter the set chocolate on top of a Millionaire’s Shortbread.
When holding a tray aloft in her hand after clearing the tables she twirls like the Sugar Plum Fairy, and when it comes to sweeping up after a visit from the local parent and toddler group, she presents us with Cinderella, tattered and disappointed, in her kitchen whilst her sisters’ carriage clatters off the drive towards the palace.
I’m desperate to sneak back one evening after closing to see what she’s up to when she locks up because I’m CONVINCED that our Latte making leading lady switches off all but one of the hanging lamps that dance above the cake counter and gives the leftover Bakewell Tarts the performance of their lives.
RIGHT! We MUST get started on this week’s JOY PARADE! The troupe of performing chimps I’ve hired are getting fractious and will only be placated with bananas for so long.
SO LET’S BEGIN…
1. We start as always with some BEHOLDING! and EXCLAIMING!
I’ve been going for my walks in the evening this week and mainly in a park. It’s been glorious!
The grass is dry and yellowed like an old newspaper and it glows when the golden evening sun splashes across it.
I’ve loved the big, old trees so dark against the orange light.
I’ve also been thrilled by the sunlight flittering through heavy, midsummer leaves. It makes the foliage glow in a very cheering sort of a way.
Do you think we got the idea for stained glass windows from looking at the sun through branches and leaves?
I feel like there could be something in this theory. I’m going to think more about it and I expect I’ll write a terrifically well-regarded academic paper on the subject and be asked to give a speech in Oxford or Cambridge or Harvard or something…
2. Wouldn’t you be THRILLED to come down to breakfast one morning to find these Mexican rabbit side plates laid out ready for you? Would really jazz up your toast soldiers I think!
Avail. here!
3. Through this Substack Note I discovered the beautiful work of Cape Town based painter and illustrator, Kirsten Sims and I really love it.
So fresh and painterly and alive!
WONDERFUL!
4. Can you believe that it’s been nearly 35 YEARS since Strictly Ballroom came out? It’s such a brilliant film! I’ve always pined for a sequinned matador jacket like Scott Hastings wears to dance in in the finale…
And do you remember this bit? Where they dance in front of that sign where all the red bits are giant sequin discs that shimmer in the breeze? Swoonworthy!
To celebrate the film’s almost anniversary I thought we’d have a little snippet of it. So much to love here! Barry’s toupée! The glittering outfits! And, naturally of course, my favourite - Shirley Hastings, with her off-the-shoulder frock, dangling, chandelier drop earrings and, most importantly, her pub ashtray voice. I ADORE HER!
(Whenever anyone asks me “What do you want to do?” I have to bite my lip VERY HARD because INSTANTLY all I want to do is quote Fran later in the movie and say “I WANNA DANCE WITH YOU. I WANNA DANCE WITH YOU YOUR WAY AT THE PAN PACIFICS” in a (terrible) Australian accent. Which as you can imagine is not wonderfully helpful when the someone asking me a question is, for example, my publicist and they simply want me to help them plan something like my book tour)
5. I am DESPERATELY looking for an occasion to make this peanut butter and banana squirrel centre piece. I could, of course, just make it for myself, but really I do think it needs an audience to marvel at its majesty and glory.
More about it here.
6. I have recommended/ wanged on about this book so many times, but I’m popping it on here again because I do think these long, summer days are just perfect for getting it stuck right in your eyeballs.
Wild Strawberries by my belovéd Angela “The Thirks” Thirkell.
It’s 1934 and the Leslie family (headed up by the wonderfully mad Lady Emily) of Barsetshire ( borrowed from Trollope) are hosting a variety of house guests including some French monarchists and a Miss Mary Preston, who arrives and falls head-over-sensible-heels with one of the Leslie lads, playboy David.
What follows is a gorgeously warm, romantic comedy that begs to be read in a hammock in the garden or stretched out on the sofa with a window open bringing in a sultry July breeze.
Get a copy here.
7. I want the name and address of every single person that says smugly, “Oh I just have one small square of dark chocolate a day as a little treat!” because I’m going to send them a postcard calling them a liar. How do they not wolf down the entire bar/bag?
Anyway, this week I have been inhaling these like I have never in my life experienced the concept of food before. They do need to be fridge cold so you get the thrill of the SNAP when you chomp into them.
8. I have become increasing obsessed with the ceramics of Amelia Tuttiett. Aren’t they lovely?
Several of those platters would really cheer up a Welsh dresser!
More here
9. LOOK! AT THESE! ICE CREAMS!
Created by Cassie LaMere Events and Maison Bastien Blanc-Tailleur.
I think you’d have to wear a toga to eat them. Or at least a crown of laurels.
More here!
10. We used to call our semi regular NUN updates “NUNS Doing Things” but I’m changing that to “NUN Of Our Business™️”
So, this week in “NUN Of Our Business™️”, our sisters are on a beach admiring a seal. One appears to be offering it either an apple or a cricket ball.
PERFECTION!
11. I cannot begin to tell you how much I am coveting this Celebration Pigeon Garland!
Avail. here!
12. Let us consider some harvest mice!
So tiny and whiskery and Big-Eye-Blinky!
I have always been enamoured with tiny creatures and their tiny homes. I spent much of my childhood desperately hoping to wake up small enough to fit into a mouse’s den or a rabbit’s burrow.
Here’s an illustration I drew in my sketchbook when I was five.
I remember drawing this so clearly. It was a Sunday afternoon in autumn. It was one of the first really chilly days and the fire was on. I was stretched out on the rug in front of it wearing bottle green corduroy trousers and waiting for my parents to finish cooking dinner. To pass the time I copied the image out of a book about wildlife and their habitats and drew it all with my tongue sticking out which I always finds helps with concentration.
And of course we can’t talk about mice, and specifically Harvest Mice, without looking with awe and wonder at this image by Jill Barklem.
Isn’t that just the PERFECT country house? Ideally proportioned with a large kitchen, a cane work, peacock chair and that deeply comfortable, sink-into-for-nap bed. Also- PATCHWORK TEA COSY!
13. July by Linda Pastam
“Where the ocean drags its torn hem over the dark sand.” - OOF! Yes please - SO good!
14. Sometimes, if I’m having a difficult day and feel a bit low spirited, I look at this picture of Albert Einstein in his kicky little, peep-toe sandals and it perks me right up.
They take him from exploring rock pools to performing in a samba competition in the Blackpool Tower Ballroom effortlessly.
We always finish with a song and this week we have something fabulous!
Rita Moreno and Animal performing FEVER! on The Muppet Show…
“COOL IT.”
Thank you for reading this week’s JOY PARADE.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday. What are you all up to? I’m going to be making a birthday cake and putting soothing Witch Hazel gel all over my bug bites (not at the same time). I hope you have a less itchy sort of a day.
I’ll be back next Sunday with JOY PARADE No.52! In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed this JOY PARADE I would simply adore it if you were to prod the heart button ❤️ below and do please follow me on Instagram (I’m mralextsmith over there) and also subscribe to and share this newsletter to all your chums.
Thank you so much!
In Tearing Haste,
HEAD PIGEON.
Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!
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