“Dawn” (not her real name) is an accomplished, graceful woman in her late 60s, widely appreciated for her nurturing presence and ability to listen. She is self-aware, perceptive of others, and savvy about the ups and downs of relationships. At this stage of her life, she seems calmly self-assured, and her married life is stable and fulfilling, but her story reveals times when the opposite was true. Dawn’s natal chart shows Chiron in Libra, conjunct Juno and Jupiter in the 9th house, where it makes various aspects to the Sun, Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Uranus, and the Ascendant. Chiron in Libra expresses itself as a strong desire for partnership and for equal relationship. And yet, the Child-Self of someone with Chiron in Libra often has a blind spot about how to create the very kind of relationship that it so deeply desires.
In following Chiron’s cycle through Dawn’s life, we find some consistent themes. When Dawn was six years old and Chiron had reached its first square to its natal position, her authoritarian father left for a year on Coast Guard business (natal Chiron–Saturn square). She somewhat remembers the extended absence of the man she fondly calls “the C.O.” (commanding officer) but more clearly recalls being afraid of him when he returned. In a typically Chiron in Libra way of dealing with that fear, she learned to be extra good and accommodating. In retrospect, she feels that this early experience played a major role in forming her patterns of relating to authority figures, and to men in general.
At the Chiron opposition, Dawn was 26, separated from her first husband (a Libra) and involved with the man who was to become her second husband (also a Libra). She remembers feeling excited about the “chance to live again” after the “shattered dream” that the first marriage had become. She had thought she was in a relationship of equal give-and-take. They had agreed that Dawn would work and support the family while her husband completed his PhD; when this goal was accomplished, he would go to work and Dawn would go back to school.
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As time went on, it became clear that her husband would never fulfill his half of the bargain. Still, Dawn did not talk with him about her dissatisfaction (natal Chiron–Mercury quincunx). In her self-imposed silence, she felt powerless and lost all faith in the relationship (natal Chiron–Juno–Jupiter conjunction). When asked about this lack of communication, Dawn revealed that she had never seen her parents disagree, so she didn’t even know how to begin a conversation when she felt there would be conflict. From that early example, she learned that the way to be in a relationship was either to stuff her feelings or manipulate the situation, but never to address a problem directly.
At the waning Chiron square, Dawn was 43 and temporarily separated from the man who eventually became her third (and current) husband. The separation came after the two had been together for three years, when it had become clear to Dawn that she was still creating codependent relationships. She realized that, in each of her partnerships over the years, she had played the role of parent instead of partner. She became aware that she didn’t know her own needs, let alone have a clue about how to bring her needs forward in a relationship. She took a break from the relationship and went into counseling out of the desire to “never feel this way again.”
The self-healing method I learned at my waning Chiron square has become an invaluable tool that I often recommend to clients who are experiencing a major Chiron transit.
Dawn remembers her 50th year, the year of her Chiron return, as one of “contentment and satisfaction.” She had married her third husband (a Cancer) the year before and believed she was leaving behind the old relationship patterns that had been so painful. She no longer based her well-being or identity on her significant other and felt that she finally had boundaries.
This is the ideal outcome for the Chiron cycle, of course — that by the time of the Chiron return, after Chiron has made the full circle through the chart, the fears of the Child-Self have been largely healed. But my experience as a consulting astrologer has shown me that sometimes the soul seems to save the Chiron return for a more pivotal event that will finally propel the individual beyond the pattern of wounding and fear.
On 17–18 October 2026, Brian Clark, Frank Clifford, and Melanie Reinhart will present with a dozen world-class speakers for Chiron: Returning Home.
What usually happens when the Chiron pattern is activated by transit? If the transit comes before much healing has been achieved, the Child-Self usually gets in the front seat and starts to drive, still under the control of its core fear.
Imagine a small child, barely able to see above the steering wheel, already in confusion and feeling fearful, now also in charge of navigating the very situation that is causing the emotional overwhelm. The fear grows, the grip on the steering wheel gets more urgent, the panic sets in.
At this point, the Adult-Self may be in the back seat, barely aware that it has given over control of the situation to the Child-Self. Since the fear response is an ingrained reaction, what is occurring may actually seem quite normal. In this case, the Adult-Self is basically asleep and does not even know that a pattern has taken over. Or if the Adult-Self is beginning to awaken, it may judge and condemn the Child-Self or forcibly take back control. Unfortunately, these approaches do nothing to heal the underlying wound that is causing the pain, which means it will resurface at a later date, usually when the Chiron pattern is activated again.
If healing is to begin, it is essential that this Adult-Self wake up and make a conscious effort to interrupt the pattern. This often requires a calm appraisal offered by someone outside the situation — an astrologer, perhaps — who can put words to the emotions and bring some perspective to the situation. Most people can relate to the idea that a fearful part of their personality seems to be running things. They acknowledge that something needs to be done to stop the current trajectory, but usually have few ideas on how to accomplish this task.
The self-healing method I learned at my waning Chiron square has become an invaluable tool in my life, and one that I often recommend to clients who are experiencing a major Chiron transit — whether that transit be from Chiron to its natal position, or to a natal personal planet, or from an outer planet to natal Chiron. The theory behind it is very simple: The Child-Self, like any frightened child, needs to be comforted and loved. It also needs to know that there’s a competent adult nearby that it can trust.
Each of us has our own way of comforting others, perhaps based on how we were once nurtured. But many of our old methods may not be adequate when we’re doing the work of healing the Child-Self. If we have learned that reasoning is a good tool for helping someone through fear, we should remember that a child who is afraid of a thunderstorm usually doesn’t feel better after hearing about the electromagnetic forces that create the thunder and lightning. The scared child is also unlikely to be soothed by being reminded that the last time this terrible thing happened, everything turned out okay. Or if we have learned to comfort by commiserating, it’s important to know that the Child-Self does not need to hear the Adult-Self say, “Yes, I’m scared, too.”
What the Child-Self needs, in that moment of fear and confusion, is to be held and comforted, and for the Adult-Self to lovingly say just three simple things: “I am so sorry you’re afraid. I understand. I love you.”
This technique, of course, requires that we first feel compassion for this fearful part of ourselves. To access this tender emotion, we may want to recall a situation in our childhood when we felt the core Chiron fear, or experienced wounding related to that fear. Then, we can imagine that we are holding this younger version of ourselves and speaking those three simple yet powerful statements over and over again, with gentleness and caring.
It is essential to limit our words to just those three short sentences, nothing more. If we start to elaborate by talking about what the Child-Self is afraid of, we will only build on the fear. Energetically, it’s like the difference between saying, “I forgive you” and saying, “I forgive you for all those awful things you did to me.”
Another vital part of this technique is to say the words out loud, not just to oneself. Only thinking the words is similar to only thinking about exercising — saying them out loud is like actually taking a walk or going for a run. One method has the desired healing effect; the other does not.
It may be easier to speak out loud to the Child-Self if we can cradle something in our arms, as if we were truly comforting a small child. A stuffed animal works well, especially one that reminds us of a beloved possession from childhood. Even a pillow can suffice, if you can hug that pillow and imagine it to be your Child-Self. Some people also find that hugging themselves works well.
When my therapist originally explained this technique to me, my first internal response was discomfort mingled with embarrassment: “I have to do what? Hug a stuffed animal and tell it that I love it and am sorry it’s afraid?” But my deep desire to overcome the pattern gave me the courage to try it — and the results were powerful.
This technique is an effective tool for healing personal issues that have haunted us for years. It is especially helpful for working with Chiron themes, but it can be used just as successfully to heal emotional wounds from other sources. We can also use this technique to deal with present-day issues that elicit fear or pain. If an event stirs up emotions that make it difficult to navigate the day, we can take a private moment to do a mini-session. If the need is less urgent, we can plan to do this self-care at the end of the day.
What the technique accomplishes is actually twofold: Most importantly, it comforts the Child-Self — but it also strengthens the Adult-Self. Both must happen for us to heal and move beyond the pattern of fear-based responses that commonly accompany the Chironic wound.
Astrologers are perpetual students of the craft; we gain new insights with each chart we interpret and each client we work with. We also deepen our understanding of a planet’s meaning whenever we personally experience an important transit from that planet, or have a major transit to that planet in our natal chart.
Chiron was in Taurus when it was discovered 38 years ago. Since Chiron’s zodiacal cycle takes about 50 years, we have not yet watched its transit through each of the twelve signs in real time. Our understanding about this planetary body, and how to work with its effects, will continue to grow in the years ahead.
© 2015 Pam Younghans – all rights reserved
Join us for an exclusive weekend at the LSA for the Chiron: Returning Home fundraising weekend.
Pam Younghans is a professional astrologer and writer, living in the Pacific Northwest. She offers personal and relationship readings, posts daily astrology updates on Facebook and Instagram, and writes a weekly astrology e-forecast, the NorthPoint Journal, offered free by subscription. Visit www.northpointastrology.com to subscribe and to learn more about Pam’s work. To schedule a reading, please send an email to pam@northpointastrology.com.
Pam Younghans will be joining the LSA on 17–18 October for the
Chiron: Returning Home fundraising weekend.
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“Dawn,” May 19, 1946; 12:03 a.m. EDT; Philadelphia, PA, USA (39°N57’, 75°W10’); AA: birth certificate.
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