the trap of identity work

I’ve been in the spiritual and personal development world, both as a consumer and a practitioner, for nine years…and the amount of times I’ve seriously considered leaving the industry forever is more than I like to admit.

Not because I don’t believe in the importance of spirituality and personal development. There’s a lot of really great work being done here. There are practitioners, coaches, mentors, etc. who deeply care. I know some of them personally.

But there’s also so much that this industry is getting wrong.

In 2024, when I was bouncing around the world solo, I took a good long break from anything related to wellness, personal development, and spirituality. I wasn’t working with clients or consuming the endless podcasts, books, programs, and social content convincing me that I needed yet another framework, strategy, or blueprint to live my “best life.” Once I stepped away from the constant bombardment of everyone else’s opinions on who I should be and how I should live, a funny thing happened: I stopped questioning who I am and just started living how I wanted to. That year of solo travel taught me more about myself than any podcast, book, or program ever had. I’ll probably write a dedicated post about this, so stay tuned.

With all that said, I don’t want to discredit personal development work. I mean, hello I’m in the industry! Certain ideas, podcasts, and offerings have changed my life. But what happened to me and what I see happen to so many was reaching a breaking point of way too much noise. I knew that if I, as a practitioner and guide, was feeling this way then other women also had to be.

When you’re already unsure of who you are, feeling lost and confused, you’re incredibly vulnerable. You just want answers. Plenty of people know this and take advantage of it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how damaging it is to be in this place, flooded with endless voices telling you who to be instead of curiously guiding you inward so you can discover who you are in your own way.

I questioned for a long time what I wanted my role to be in this industry, or if I wanted to opt out entirely. Again and again I saw women stepping into this world, going balls to the wall on their self discovery journey, trying every modality, doing whatever they could to ‘know themselves better’. And yet somehow ending up even more confused, further from themselves than when they started—lost, stuck, and overwhelmed. Never feeling enough.

That’s when I decided, ironically perhaps, to focus my work specifically on identity work and life architecture. I had seen how quickly it could all go wrong—content convincing you that you have to constantly rebrand yourself, become someone new, or become “unrecognizable” altogether in order to be worthy of a life that feels good. I think most people in this realm creating this kind of content mean well. And let’s be honest, these topics are buzzworthy and sexy. Who doesn’t love the idea of a total identity rebrand? Becoming someone new and stepping into your dream life completely unrecognizable feels hot…at first. But this only leads you further away from yourself and a life that genuinely feels like yours.

This is the identity trap.

All the becoming, rebranding, up-leveling, erasing yourself to be someone totally new…it’s rooted in the belief that you, as you are, are not enough. You in your messiest, rawest, ever-evolving, contradictory human form aren’t capable of a beautiful existence. To have it all, you have to become unrecognizable in a fixed identity someone else deemed worthy and successful. But in reality, it’s probably just the current archetype trending on TikTok.

I call bulllllshiiiit.

After nine years of intentional self study, coaching certifications, subconscious reprogramming trainings, and 1:1 client work (combined with solo travel and devotion to crafting an authentic life despite the messy, wobbly reality of this journey, and ooo girl it has been messy) I’ve learned that true identity work is more about subtraction than addition. Stripping away the conditioned self, the parts that were never actually you, allows what I call the deep self—your truest expression—to be revealed.

This work isn’t about performing a bright, sparkly character until you manifest your dream life. It’s about learning how to sit in the in-between long enough to actually hear yourself. It’s about approaching your life and desires with curiosity and witnessing different experiences of your multi-faceted nature through intentional and transformational life experiments. It’s a lot of undoing and unlearning so you can simply be you again and trust that that is more than enough. It’s about getting clear on your value system and doing the deep, honest work of cultivating a relationship with yourself and your life that honors those values. It’s about recognizing the patterns and invisible structures keeping you stuck in a loop—and getting curious about what’s on the other side.

And perhaps one of the most important components of grounded, transformational identity work: becoming unknown in order to truly remember who you are. This is a huge reason I decided to pack my life into a backpack and travel alone for a year. I needed to shed the conditions, roles, identities, and expectations I had grown so comfortable with over the years. I longed to be anonymous and discover myself in each unfolding and unpredictable moment. My soul urged me to remember who I was when faced with total uncertainty, zero plan, in foreign lands where I had only myself to rely on.

You don’t need to travel the world solo to discover yourself—though I’ll always recommend it if you can!—but you do need lived experiences that foster expansion, contact with the Great Mystery, and an active, intimate relationship with your deep self and your world.

This is what I offer: identity work that isn’t about becoming someone new. Together, we move through six structured phases and experiential pillars of aliveness, uncovering the patterns, roles, and conditions that have kept you stuck. Through intentional experiments and guided reflection, you’re returned back to your core essence, the truest version of yourself that has always been there.

My work acts as a pathway (one of many) to the version of you who has unshakeable self-trust, clarity, a life that feels truly yours, and confidence in your ability to adapt and continue deepening into your own essence as you grow.

Your identity isn’t fixed, but you do have a core essence that is uniquely yours. Just look at who you were at six or seven years old, and notice the parts of that little cutie pie still calling for your attention. My work is about honoring those parts and helping you weave them into your present life while continuing to evolve deeper and deeper into YOU!

My intention is to be your mirror. A portal into a different way of living and being. My way isn’t your way. Instead, through structured transformation and experiential quests, we uncover your path. Or rather, you remember it.

It’s all a remembrance.

If this hit home, you can learn more about my work here.