follow feelings, not prestige

I had a track record of choosing endeavors that are not good for me. Perhaps that is the Asian (Vietnamese) in me who likes to please authority and loves a sense of stability.

The last few major milestones I have made based off a wrong reason: prestige. It makes sense why I repeatedly felt out of place in all of the spaces I committed myself to: high school, business school, internships, my first big girl job. Every time I chose one of these places, I realize I was at the wrong place and surrounded by the wrong people. Not to say that many of my peers were not extremely driven and intelligent, what I was more seeking yet lacking, pardon my lack of better word choice, were “vibes”. The good feelings you get from acquainting with someone trustworthy, earnest, passionate, honest and understand the value of hard work.

I was desperately searching for a community that was committed and for the right reasons. I found myself being in pools of people who chase prestige. I was one of those people. To me, big name company equaled success. A high salary equaled “you have made it”. A great school name and ranking equaled being looked at favorably. To the point, I belittled my own effort if I couldn’t make as much money, got in a “cool” company, or a high ranked college as my friends. Crazy to think I beat myself up over not getting in a consulting company that advised Purdue Pharma (who started and maintained the opioid crisis in America for more than two decades). Life is not over when you didn’t get hired by a prestigious employer.

I don’t want to beat a dead horse but a conversation with a close friend recently reignited this thought. I have also been reflecting about my current job(s) and compare them with the corporate roles that I chose to leave. My friend recently graduated from a Master’s program and is in search for a full time role. She looked at a lot of opportunities. It was extra hard due to her not being a citizen in the country and all. She got the job; pay was good but the culture quickly felt like an ill fit environment.

From personal experience, if anything in the past would tell me: no matter how prestigious or lucrative a job is, if it is a true mismatch in values and culture, I couldn’t stay there for long - this is what I chimed in the group chat.

Everything I have been able to stick with for more than a year and still like it has resulted from me genuinely liking the activity/role/people/mission of the organization vs. any kind of elusive prestige benefits.

It is convenient that I am in the pre-med process where I have to frequently reassess what I am doing and whether that justifies spending time doing.

I started volunteering at a local elementary school in 2022. I didn’t know what the organization was but I have worked with kids for ever and I do enjoy spending time with them. It quickly became highlight of my month and that makes it so easy to go back and give more time to the cause.

In contrast, I volunteered at a hospital for about a year. As much as I was glad that I could build my clinical exposure, those four hours were long and unhelpful. I didn’t learn much and didn’t find myself useful at all. The experience has a nice ring to it but had little substance. I decided to put a stop to it and didn’t regret it.

At my current job(s), we are a small team but everyone is collaborative. No frequent “escalation”, private secret meetings, politicking, passive aggressiveness between team members. I like to be direct and nothing makes me happier than not having to dance around what I want to say with a colleague or manager. Everyone wants to do good work and that makes the experience less stressful.

All these to say that ~vibes~ based hunches are surprisingly effective at selecting for sustainable and high quality experiences, environment and even people - yes people. Essentially selecting for substance vs. the shimmer of things based on how you feel when you are in the experience.

As much as I tend to be an evaluator and deliberator, many times reasoning is eclipsed by pure emotions. Are you challenged but comfortable? Are you inspired? Do you feel safe and listened to? Are your opinions and contributions taken seriously? Are you learning or becoming stagnant?

Take a step back and let your feelings guide you to the right place.

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