How to feel deeply desired

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Thigh high, patent leather boots.

That’s the first thing you see when you look at her, standing with the certainty of someone who never got “no” for an answer.

Muscled legs lead into small booty shorts and a toned valley divides the left and right side of her abs.

The same thought runs through everyone’s mind, what would it be like to have every woman want to be you and every man want to have you?

She approached the silhouette in the chair and you notice him for the first time—the lucky recipient to such a display of eroticism and femininity. Every move she did was executed with the precision and lightness of an expert totally in tune with her body.

There’s a certain allure to watching a professional dancer give a lap dance. You can’t help but want to be her. The desire to be desirable is just human nature.

But zoom in. You’ll see something you missed behind those rose colored glasses. You’ll see the man with his eyes squinted shut, protecting his cornea from the repeated hair whips right in front of his face. Go inside her head and you’ll hear 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Point your toes. Arch your back. What should I do next?

You won’t find the warmth of connection, you won’t find the electricity of intimacy, and you won’t find the swelling of pleasure.

You’ll just find the slightly delayed satisfaction of the ego.

If you felt that for a second…well…welcome to the club. Actually welcome to the club that every woman has once visited.

Every woman wants to feel sexy, worthy of attention, and empowered. We think the culmination of that comes packaged in a hot dancer giving a lap dance, but it’s really something much deeper.

It’s the desire to reconnect with our sensuality, our body, and ourself.

There’s a quiet voice in a room of chaotic personalities. When we’re young, the room is quiet and the voice is loud. It carries our desires, our joy, and our curiosities. Over the years the room gets a little louder. More voices get added to the room. More narratives, more words, more thoughts, opinions, and associations. We stop listening to that voice because it isn’t useful when we’re optimizing for achievement. And eventually we stop hearing it altogether.

That voice is your sensuality, the essence of who you are. Your sensuality is like your inner compass directing you to your greatest desires and joy. But over time, we stop navigating from our inner compass and turn to the outside world to direct us.

You see, what most people don’t understand about sensuality, is that it’s not just about pleasure. It’s about a reorientation of where we look for direction.

Listening to the outside world for what you want will make you think that perfect legs in thigh high boots and the ability to give the hottest lap dance of all time is everything you’ve ever wanted.

But what you really want is to be in love with the body you exist in. To be able to express yourself fully and authentically without feeling held back.

Listening to the outside world will cause you to mistake the comfort of having everyone happy as your own happiness. It’ll make you believe that just going with what everyone else wants is better than voicing or acting on what you want.

Listening to the outside world will cause you to mistake validation as pleasure. Like when someone gives you a compliment and it changes your whole day, or when you hear the applause from the crowd and you feel like you’re finally enough.

Listening to the outside world will teach you to think your desires into existence instead of feel them in your bones. You’ll desire what everyone else wants because you don’t know how to feel what it is that you really want.

Listening to your inner voice is like unzipping yourself so you feel down to your core what you really want—outside of any opinion or belief.

It’s when you turn your brain off and go for a walk on the first day of spring, feeling the dark, cold days fade behind you and the warmth of the sun fill your face.

It’s when you walk away from something you were struggling to write and come back to it with a flow of words that take you deep into the night.

Sensuality isn’t something that we need to earn our way to—it’s not at the end of 10 years of dance classes and a crazy diet that redefines what it means to be “full.”

Sensuality is present right now. At first that inner voice can feel impossible to hear. But if you just sit in the room of chaos and listen—really listen, you’ll start to hear it—imperceptible but present. And the more you just sit and listen, the more familiar that voice becomes and the easier it will be to pick up in all the noise.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably feel some resistance to what I just said. You’re a high achiever, perfection is your standard, you didn’t come this far to be told walk all the way back to square 1.

I get it.

But you’re not going back to square 1, bc that version of you, the one that is fully alive in her sensuality, never got to exist in the first place.

This is the version of you that doesn’t need to EARN anything. This is the version of you that doesn’t need a sexy outfit, sexy dance moves, and the body of Barbie to feel loved. This is the version of you that lives in her sensuality day and night, whether she’s feeling on top of the world or ready to sob into a pillow. This is the version of you that finds more joy in your approval than in others’.

The version of you that lives in her sensuality is the version of you that realizes there’s nothing at the end to be achieved, only the journey to be experienced.

She’s the one that is sitting in the lap of that silhouette in the chair, with her favorite worn in pajamas hanging off her shoulders. The tickle of his fingers sending vibrations up her spine. To the outside there’s not much going on. But she’s losing herself in his eyes and the heat of his breath against her lips. She can’t tell if a century or one second has gone by. She’s not the star of the show but neither is he. There is no show.

Just the pulsing deep in her chest

and the intoxicating feeling

of being alive.

💋 Mimi