lukewarm wishes

Thanks for your patience the past few months. We moved across the state and the rental immediately sprang a leak, but all’s well that ends dry. And it did…four months later.

Birthday cards seem like they should be the easy one, right? Find a card with a cute picture of a dog and cake, scribble “Happy birthday!!!!!” and add exclamation points in inverse proportion to your admiration for the recipient.

And that is one good way to do it. But just for fun, let’s do the opposite of our usual “vague and beautiful” cards. Let’s go for specific and odd.

When you can’t write “I hope your birthday wish comes true!” without praying for their judgment to improve, here are birthday wishes you can send.

• Wishing you the happiest of birthdays.

• May you read some excellent books this year. (…Can I wish they’ll be accurate nonfiction?)

• Hope you eat so much cake you think you might puke but you don’t end up puking.

• Where you find magic, dig in.

• Wishing you a birthday full of meats and cheeses.

• Hope your birthday is fire.

• I hope you see a lot of cute dogs on your birthday.

• Treat yo’ self.

• Hope your birthday is everything. / Hope this birthday is everything you are wishing for.

All you have to write on the inside is “Happy birthday”, exclamation points optional.

(Unsolicited book rec: If these cards have you cackling at what is unsaid, you may enjoy The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner and its sequels.)

If vague and beautiful is more your thing this time, how about some cards that say only “Happy birthday!”, so you can write a lukewarm wish inside.

• Rainbow shaped

• Cuckoo clock

• Gift-wrapped

• Pop up cake with sprinkles

• Beach scene

• Grasshoppers, which apparently can be cute

• And many more

And just in case you think your recipient might be confused, it’s Oblation to the rescue:

Your guide to 2024 holiday cards is scheduled to publish this Friday, so stay tuned.