Holidays 2024: and now we have to eat turkey together?

We barely survived Election Day and are bracing for all of what’s to come, now I’m telling you it’s time to think about the holidays?

Well. Yes.

This week highlighted our disconnect, and this month begins the holidays that are supposed to bring us together. It has never felt harder to connect with those who see the world differently. I can’t tell you that things will be okay, and I won’t tell you that all of your relationships are worth saving. But some are, and we cannot find a path to healing via contempt.

Cards are one small way to connect.

Sending holiday cards is at best a joy, at worst agony, and always a ton of work. For those with complicated relationships with loved ones, it can get...fraught. Especially if said loved ones don’t share or even know your beliefs, religious or political.

So! Here are inscription ideas, beautifully vague cards for sale**, and a list of winter holidays with suggested shipping dates for 2024.

**all links updated to non-Amazon options this year, because Jeff Bezos is a buffoon.

As usual, the U.S. Postal Service is besieged, so even though cards can arrive in a matter of days they often don’t. In case it’s useful, here are 2024 winter holiday dates and suggested send-by dates:

• Diwali was October 31 this year, so cards sent now will be late, though surely appreciated

• Bodhi Day is December 8 on the civil calendar or January 18 by the lunar calendar, mail by Nov. 25

• Solstice is December 21, mail by Dec. 7

• Civil/Gregorian calendar Christmas is December 25 and USPS is most swamped in the weeks leading up to it, so mail ASAP / by Dec. 10 or be prepared to remind your loved ones that the 12 Days of Christmas last til Epiphany

• Hanukkah is December 25 – January 2, so also mail by Dec 10

• Kwanzaa is December 26 to January 1, mail by Dec. 12

• New Year’s Day is January 1, mail by Dec. 18

• Julian Calendar Christmas is January 7, mail by Dec. 23

But honestly, a card is an act of love. Anything worth doing is still worth doing late.

For many people, the holidays are not a big deal. For others, it gets complicated.

Gorgeous, completely nonreligious cards: mouse / ski / definition

There’s the usual bridge vs barrier question, of needing a card for connection or for distance. And the bridges and barriers both get more significant around questions of identity: do you celebrate what your family did? Who are you, now? What do we mean to each other?

This is what Mild Regards is all about. There are more options than "lie about who you are / how you feel" and "distance yourself entirely".

You can send cards that let you be yourself, gracefully and without stress.

Sure, you could send a card you don’t mean, or choose one of the infinite “Happy holidays!” cards that are flagrantly vague.

Let’s get clever. For example, if your family is Jewish and you aren’t, send a luxe card with blue-and-white snowflakes instead of a menorah, and time its arrival for just before the first day of Hanukkah. Alternatively, if you are Jewish and your family isn’t, those same snowflakes can quietly honor your own beliefs while reaching out to them in a way that feels compatible with theirs.

There are similar ideas + possible inscriptions below for those who celebrate Christmas, Diwali, the Solstice, or nothing at all.

You can just sidestep the whole issue. We received a family photo card one year that said “Let us be the first to wish you a happy New Year!” and it was a delight. Everyone participates in the civil calendar.

Crane Co. deluxe new year card: yes please more of that

And it’s easy to explain. “We’re so swamped in December we decided our family is starting a new tradition of New Year’s cards. That lets us focus on what is really important in December.” Like your sanity, and not picking fights you don’t need to.

But if New Years cards aren’t quite right, read on. Vagueness + beauty to the rescue.

“Season’s Greetings and Happy Holidays” feels like something your dentist’s office sends in bulk. Instead, try a wish or warm statement:

• Wishing we could frost cookies and catch snowflakes together.

• Do you wanna build a snowman? 🎶

• I can just see you hanging the wreath / making your rangoli now.

• Missing you this year.

• Here’s my favorite cookie recipe / I’ll be making your latkes this year.

• May your cocoa be extra sweet.

• May all your string lights stay untangled!

Go for pop-up cards, gorgeous art, and handmade cards—anything that distracts from what you aren’t saying.

Stars and snow are great. After all, it is a time of wonder. “Warmth” is a great word for holiday love wrapped in vagueness.

You can use color and nonreligious, holiday-adjacent symbols to imply a connection to your holiday or your loved ones’ holiday. For instance, both these cards are technically secular, but the red-and-gold reads more Christmassy, where the blue could lean more Hanukkah:

Nature is secular, and also lovely. A few favorites include winter cabins, birds, trees (and trees and trees), and berries.

Skip the obvious religious symbols, of course: no Nativity scenes, Christmas trees, menorahs, dreidels, Ganesha and the lotus, etc.

Depending on how you feel, you may want to lean on nutcrackers and ornaments and small animals in Santa hats, or you may want to dodge those entirely. For some people, Santa is just another Tooth Fairy, and stockings are generic happy consumerism. For those raised in a non-Christian tradition, those can be totally Christmassy and other-ing. (For example, don’t inflict Hanukkah balls on someone, or even a present if someone’s asked you not to.)

Cards that focus on light are tailor-made for Diwali, Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. If you write something vague but significant sounding, it can be interpreted with the recipient’s lens.

Hallmark’s glowing, musical pop up card for the real overachievers among us

You might write something like,

• May you and yours enjoy all the warmth and light the season brings.

• May your home be filled with joy & light.

• Wishing you and yours all the light of the season.

If you have beliefs dear to your heart, chances are light can mean something special to you too, as you send it. Whether you’re thinking of the Light of the World or the light returning to the world at Solstice or the light at the end of the tunnel, you can send your warm wishes with honesty. Or your lukewarm wishes, as the case may be.

And, if you have any specific card inscriptions you can’t figure out, leave a comment or drop an email. I love a challenge.