Three tactics to escape a fight scene and survive.

G’day my welcome reader.

Let’s explore the dynamics or motivating forces of making an excuse, asking for pardon and Why do we tell a lie?

Fight and flight are our two main basics whenever we’re afraid that we’re not safe. They’re our basic instincts for survival or saving our own skin.

I see flight and fight as our main survival tactics and I love to explore them.

So, let’s look at common flight dynamics in what can be called the daily fray. Fray is literally battle. The daily fray is basically a fight scene where it’s understandable that we’ll prioritise our own survival, or put our own safety first.

This is basic self-preservation.

Exits

Okay, let’s look at making an excuse. Making an excuse is a classic flight response.

It says I’m out of here because I’m really scared. I don’t want to take the risk of getting hurt and injured. I fear for my survival. I don’t want to take the risk of even getting killed.

Or I don’t want to take the risk of losing something that I highly value at this time which personally I find empowering, like my employment, or my wealth or my high social status and authority or my good name and good image that I don’t want to take the risk of losing. Or I don’t want to take the risk of losing all the love you give me that makes me feel safe and powerful and strong.

I am out of here. I don’t want to fight and lose.

I am out of here. I make an excuse. My excuse to excuse me. I’m heading for the safety of the hills to give me cover and shelter me from harm.

So, making an excuse is the instinct for survival we can recognise as flight.

Well, you may attack me anyway with fighting words. ‘Don’t think you’re getting out of this one!’ You may challenge and confront me. ‘I won’t let you run away this time.’ Oh well, I tried.

Excuses

The next common flight tactic or strategy of survival, is Excuse me or pardon me or I beg your pardon.

So, what about a polite Excuse me? Excuse me but… Excuse me can be used in courteous conversation to prepare a listener to be challenged, for what will sound like an attack.

It’s like I’m sorry but... I’m sorry but I’m about to challenge you because I disagree. Pardon me is a variation that communicates Don’t punish me for what I’m about to say.

It won’t sound good to you. I anticipate we’ll clash. I anticipate you’ll feel the urge to fight me and I’m aiming to stay safe here.

So before I say what I am planning to say I will cover myself with I’m sorry. But pardon me.

I am saving my own skin but I’m also giving you a fair warning that I’m preparing to hit you with something that you’ll likely experience as offensive or as literally a verbal assault. Here is a polite warning that I’m planning to attack you with what I’ll hit you with next.

I’m sorry but I’m planning to attack you with what I’ll hit you with next. It could be an insult that I attack you with. It could be an accusation. Or it could be a revelation of a pain-inducing fact that you won’t want to hear because it’s going to hurt.

I am warning you politely. So you may wish to prepare your defence or put your guard up before I actually say it. I know I’m putting myself at risk here.

So when you judge me wrong and you want to punish and condemn me for saying what you hear, I’m pleading for your pardon in advance as well as protecting my own hide. I’m being courteous here where the word courtesy originates in court – court where everyone in the royal court was always on their best behaviour.

Lies

So, the third flight response that’s traditional and still very popular is lying. What about lying? Lying I think is probably about lying low. Choosing very deliberately to lie low.

I’m lying low here. I’m staying out of your line of fire. I’m keeping myself well covered.

If you can see what’s underneath the lie, or underneath the cover that I fabricate to cover me, I anticipate that you’ll be triggered. Your response will be attack. You’ll probably respond instinctively with an immediate attack.

You’ll make a fight move by instinct for your own survival. You’ll take a shot at me and aim to bring me down. I’m preparing myself for that painful possibility.

But ideally though if my lie is clever and convincing my cover won’t be blown, and the facts that I’m trying to hide here, that could bring about my downfall and a huge loss of my power that’s the risk – those facts won’t ever be revealed.

Ideally if you attack me and I’m safely undercover my lie will never be exposed.

If I can stay safely undercover until this heated and inflamed situation dies down and loses heat of battle, I won’t be at risk of being hit and hurt or even virtually killed by your attack. Ideally I won’t be in your line of fire. Ideally you won’t take a shot at me or take a crack.

If I can be successful at lying low enough and stay below your radar, where I’ll feel relatively safe whenever you may be out gunning for me, I’ll stay safe. I’ll stay safe from being targeted for your attack.

I’ll wait until the storm blows over. I’ll wait until everything cools down before I re-appear.

So, there’s a brief exploration of the dynamics as I see them of making an excuse, asking to be excused or pardoned, and why we tell a lie.

I hope these explanations help you with your own self-understanding, and I hope that they will help you understand our world, where mostly fear is ever-present as a common motivator of our actions and reactions. We’re surviving with whatever tactics work for us in the normal daily fray.

So goodbye for now, my welcome listener.

I hope that you listen in again and you’ll subscribe. Would you like to leave a comment? I’d like that. Thanks again.

Farewell from me,

Michele.