Hybrid Words Are Absotively Ginormous

I love hybrid words. Sometimes they are funny, and other times they are REALLY funny. Certain hybrid words are used on purpose, such as “Spanglish,” a combination of the words Spanish and English, which describes an informal street language in some communities. Other hybrid words are created by accident, such as “Misdisinformation, a combination of the words misinformation and disinformation, spoken by President Bush (when he was trying to say the word Minnesota).

Here is a list of other hybrid words. In some cases I was able to find the original source of the word, which is shown in parentheses.

Absotively (Michael Scott, TV character) – “absolutely” and “positively.” Used as follows: “I will absotively have that report ready tomorrow,” which really means, “No chance.”

Gription (Joe Scott, my brother-in-law) – “grip” and “traction.” Said to person lying on gym floor, writhing in agony after blowing out knee ligaments: “I guess your sneakers didn’t have enough gription, huh?”

Crassmas – “crass” and “Christmas.” A description of the overly commercial holiday season.

Slerk – “seasonal” and “clerk.” A person working part time in a retail store during the Crassmas season, who doesn’t like his or her job, which leads to…

Fusstomer – “fussy” and “customer.” A person who waited until the last minute, and now is trying to buy Christmas presents for the entire family and is losing his patience with a slow-motion slerk.

Manssiere (Seinfeld episode) – “man” and “brassiere.” A bra for guys who could find employment at Hooters. Also called “the Bro.”

Hollyweird (countless millions) – “Hollywood” and “weird.” A description of the bizarre values of the movie industry.

Shrillbilly – “shrill” and “hillbilly.” A country music singer with a screechy voice.

Ginormous (Rachel Ray) – “gigantic” and “enormous.” Describes something that is especially huge, such as Rachel Ray’s career (although personally, I don’t understand why).

Wikipedia – “wickedly inaccurate” and “encyclopedia.”

Insoxicated (me) – “intoxicated” and “Red Sox.” The giddy feeling that comes from winning two World Series in four years.

Faneurysm – “fan” and “aneurysm.” Having a stroke while watching a pampered millionaire ballplayer drop a potential touchdown pass in the end zone.

Ignoranus – “ignorant” and “anus.” Describes a person who is both stupid and an, um, a jerk.

Diabesity – “diabetes” and “obesity.” What a person will develop if he or she continues to eat like he’s still 16 years old.

Annoypid (Bucky Katt, comic strip character) – “annoying” and “stupid.”

Pretengineer (my daughter) – “pretend” and “engineer.” Describes a person (her father) whose job is to work with engineers, but who bailed out of the School of Engineering before getting a degree.

Monodrone – “monotone” and “drone.” Whispered frequently by audience members when Al Gore is giving a speech.

Sitbomb – “sitcom” and “bomb.” TV show that is hyped for five months and then gets cancelled after three episodes because it’s so unfunny.

Friendicitis (me) – “friend” and “appendicitis.” An overly needy friend who becomes a constant pain in your side.

Pornification (Laura Ingraham) – “porn” and “unification.” What happens to a culture when few people care that 10-year-old girls are dressing like prostitutes and 11-year-old boys are visiting X-rated websites.

Meteorologuess (me) – “meteorologist” and “guess.” A more accurate description of how TV weather professionals do their job.

If you know of any other clever hybrid words, please send me an email. I’ll list them in a future column. This brings us to the last hybrid word for today:

Freesearch – “free” and “research.” When a columnist is too lazy to do his own research and asks the readers to send in ideas.

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(The humor column “A Matter of Laugh or Death” appeared weekly for 24 years in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT.)

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