I am Here

A brief introduction to my new followers, thank you for choosing to be here with me. I am Meredith — a nonbinary artist, writer, and energy worker. Any paid subs go directly to my practice. I am so thankful for your time, your attention, your shares, and your general support.

I thought I’d have another transmission out to y’all sooner. The presence that’s required of me while traveling from place to place is taking the time it takes. I’m allowing myself the true amount of space it takes to move through my days and my life.

I went through a spiritual ascension alongside mercury retrograde in the city that never sleeps. As my roommate was coming in most mornings after being out for the night, I would get up and walk baby dog down to Domino Park before some of the city was up. It was the closest I could get to quiet besides sitting in the sauna during odd hours at the climbing gym or a midday screening at Metrograph.

The mirrors of where I’ve been in relation to where I am now are breathtakingly loud. I connected with folks from my past — affirming and healing residue left behind from high school. I opened myself to new connection — allowing curiosity to override overstimulation and social anxiety.

I found myself refreshingly uncool for many neighborhoods east of Williamsburg and spent a majority of my time in Manhattan as an anonymous bystander. I stopped caring about connecting with every single person about mid-trip and let the trip tell me what it needed from me. The people I was able to connect with, no matter how often we see each other, are incredible, resilient, and brave. I carry them in my heart in this next chapter.

The land was very hard to connect into and when I finally did it felt very sad. The hierarchy of building and human over anything else disrupted my mood. I learned to treat the ongoing noises, beeps, and FaceTime conversations as background ambience like the lapse of waves against the shore to quiet my mind. I never quite found the stillness I was seeking to receive the messages for the work that I continue to invest into.

This trip illuminated the fact that although creativity is electric in this place, I’ve created a routine that is steadfast to space. I’ve solidified the fact that trees and rivers take precedent over the constant buzz of human interaction for this next chapter of my time. It was all the information I needed to know that NY is not my place long term.

I’m reminded that being in another place doesn’t make me a different person. In fact, it highlights the ways in which I’ve solidified the person that I am now. The person I’m still becoming. As I continue to unpack all that I received this summer, I find myself reflective and irritable. I’m faced with an ugly past, a present that teeters on anxious achievement, and a dream rooted at the forefront of my mind’s eye.

Being back in Atlanta for a few weeks is difficult. “Opportunities” float into my inbox that are undervalued and underpaid. I say no. I cushion my time with trips to the beach and out west intermittently for my sanity. I tie up loose ends, gather my belongings in a more orderly fashion, and give myself time to apply to residencies/jobs and solidify next steps.

I chart ahead and find routine in new ways — mobile, unsure, willing. I’m beginning to understand that a huge portion of my work is how I choose to live my life. I’m finding language around this non-physical framework when people ask me what I do. I’m allowing people’s minds to wander when I tell them I am here, I am present, I am grateful.

Being an artist continues to be the most spiritual practice I’ve ever had — humbling in all of its totality. I am here, I am present, I am grateful.

Xoxo,

Meredith

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