Let It Fall Apart

I have spent most of my life overstaying my welcome. Continually investing in relationships and jobs that I had outgrown, often ignoring the clear signals that the party was long over (or that I should have lost the invitation in the mail).

The most prominent example of this was attending my biological father’s wedding. Prior to this event I had spent 10 years with him in a karmic loop, betraying my boundaries every time he showed up with a half-hearted apology or empty explanation.

In these instances I would revert back to the little girl that desperately wanted to believe that it could be better. That HE could be better.

In this specific iteration he returned after a long period of estrangement in a particularly grandiose manner. He said he was marrying my stepmother and that he wanted me to attend as his very special guest.

I felt honoured and elated to be invited in such a way, as if this event was not just his wedding, but some symbolic re-introduction and integration into his life.

Finally! I had made it.

I got all dolled up and arrived early, expecting to be ushered around to every table while he beamed with pride.

What I actually experienced was the opposite. When I eventually found the seating chart, I learned that I was placed at a table with filler guests, shoved behind the buffet and a loud speaker. Just me and his dentist, rabbi and dry cleaner, listening to red red wine on repeat.

I received no introduction, no welcome, and no mention in any speeches. I barely even saw my father the entire evening, and spent it answering questions about who I was. As the night concluded I was relegated to indentured servitude when asked to escort my 90-year-old nana to her room (that we were uncomfortably sharing.)

I left the next morning feeling like a complete stooge. All of my assumptions and expectations weighing on me like the pounds of clown makeup I had since cried off.

I had done everything to keep this alive. Sacrificing my energy, my love, and my pride - but in the end I had to let it go.

The idea that he could change. That he would want me. Choose me.

I had done everything to make him happy but it was never going to be enough.

This is the uncomfortable truth we are asked to confront during eclipse season.

Sometimes there is nothing left for us to do.

Nothing left to fix. To prove. To resurrect.

And the longer we stay, the more we look like booboo the fool, all dressed up like a queen for the smallest of talk with a dentist and dry cleaner.

Eclipse season gives you an earlier out. Saves you from yourself. Shows you where the ego blocks the truth. Where you are invested in continuation over expansion.

Where you are clinging to an old life while a new life asks for that same energy to grow.

Eclipse season has a way of illuminating what has already expired, especially the things we have been desperately trying to keep alive, while killing ourselves in the process.

These endings might feel abrupt, disruptive, and even cruel - but they are always necessary for our highest good, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time.

We just moved through a total solar eclipse on August 12th, and we will close out the month with a partial lunar eclipse on August 28th.

During this time we might experience unexpected endings, losses, changes or disruptions within our lives.

But I have learned on my journey that an ending is rarely a failure.

An ending can be a win. A completion of karma. A confirmation that lessons have been learned. An opportunity to open new doors we can’t see just yet.

The ending is the redirection we aren’t ready for, but we could soon be.

The most difficult chapters of my life were ones that I fought to stay in. I persevered because I loved, and hoped and prayed. I convinced myself to hold on a little longer, that something would eventually change.

When the Universe intervened, pulling the rug out from underneath me - I experienced all of the stages of grief simultaneously.

It took some time to truly surrender. To accept. To mourn the person or thing I convinced myself was mine (Sike, they’re actually moving to Europe with their wife)..

But once I did, the life I was present in became more peaceful. Or perhaps the more present I became, the more peaceful I felt.

And just like that, more doors began to open. New love appeared and flourished. More money arrived and then an overflow of abundance in all forms.

Even recently I’ve had moments of reflection where I couldn’t help but giggle gratefully at the Universe while mumbling to myself, “You silly bitch. What kept you waiting there so long?”

If you can welcome in eclipse season’s endings, you might not feel immediate relief, but you are closing a door that opens up a new one.

Better relationships. Real opportunities. More peace. More alignment. More room to grow and expand without the dead weight you’ve been carrying so stubbornly.

This is the hidden blessing in the season.

It makes our comfort zone uncomfortable. It reveals what isn’t functioning. It closes doors we might have spent another five years (or a lifetime) trying to keep ajar and creates energetic space.

Room for another relationship.

Another opportunity.

Another version of you.

Another life entirely.

If this eclipse season has felt heavy so far, I am with you. If you have been rocked by endings, changes, or losses - I promise you there is something better on the other side.

You may not be able to see it yet. You may still be grieving what you thought would stay for good. But some of the greatest blessings of our lives arrive disguised as closed doors, changed plans, and endings we wouldn’t choose for ourselves.

Trust what is making room. Trust what is redirecting you. Trust that what is meant to stay will hold itself.

And for everything else? Let it fall apart.

For paid subscribers, I’ve created a guided Eclipse Season meditation to help you energetically release the people, patterns, expectations, and old chapters you know you are ready to leave behind.

This practice is designed to help you move through the discomfort of endings, surrender your attachment to what you thought should happen, and create space for the relationships, opportunities, and new beginnings trying to find you.

If you’ve been struggling to close a door you know has already closed - or you’re navigating an ending you never asked for - this meditation is for you.

Become a paid subscriber to access the full guided meditation and move through this eclipse season with greater trust, surrender, and openness to what comes next.