Being Too Nice Is Killing You

A spiritual guru of mine once told me that “niceties” are the real enemies of truth.

That our inclination towards keeping the peace is a slow-acting poison that strips us of authentic expression and destroys our ability to foster true intimacy.

But it goes much further than this. Being nice is not as innocuous as it may seem at the surface. The energy is rarely neutral, and is often derived from a wounded place - an inner child that still exists within us that was never allowed to express themselves fully.

“Don’t speak unless you are spoken to. Just be grateful you have a roof over your head.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”

These idioms fester inside us as proof of a cancer that still clouds our expression, our judgement and impacts every area of our life.

And yes - it is always that deep.

By the time clients arrive in my healing containers they have often suffered through decades of emotional oppression, suppression and desensitization. They have been told either implicitly or unconsciously that their emotions are not welcome or accepted.

In our first session they will often tell me they are grateful for all of the terrible experiences they have undergone, all of the graphic, unspeakable traumatic events that have immobilized them and deprived them of their emotional essence.

They use spiritual tropes like “The universe had a plan”, and “Everything happens for a reason.”

This is when I promptly stop them in their tracks. The over-explaining. The justifying of horrific acts. The fear-fueled niceties.

I’ll often say; “These events couldn’t kill you. But continuing to suppress yourself will come close.”

These healing containers can be confronting to those who feel they just need a more positive outlook to move through the weight of what they’re carrying. The medicine I prescribe is often the opposite.

Feel it all. Get pissed. Show that part of you that has been hiding that it is safe to come out. Let your inner child be free from holding all of this. Tell them they don’t have to be nice to be loved anymore.

Because the truth is, a person who has been conditioned to suppress themselves cannot fully step into their power until they are willing to feel the full spectrum of who they are.

The anger. The grief. The disappointment. The desire. The unfiltered truth.

This is the invitation of this New Moon Solar Eclipse in Leo.

Feel your raw essence. The power that exists within this. Acknowledge where you are still censoring yourself at your detriment. Where you are unconsciously managing your emotions instead of feeling them fully.

Because anger was never meant to be something we fear. It is designed to protect us.

Anger is the part of us that recognizes injustice. It is the intuitive alarm that says: “This is NOT Okay.”

Perhaps this is why so many of us were taught to fear it. Because a person who has access to their anger is much harder to control. A person who can recognize when something is wrong is much less likely to stay small to benefit others.

Healthy anger is not destructive. It is a transformative fuel. It is a powerful tool for change.

This is the bold, unapologetic fire of Leo. The invitation to stand in the fullest expression of yourself without batting an eye.

This upcoming New Moon is paired with a Solar Eclipse, offering additional insight into how to use this major event.

Solar Eclipses are a moment when light and shadows meet. During this New Moon on the 12th you are encouraged to do exactly this. Shine a light on any darkness you have been suppressing or rejecting.

You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be disappointed. You did deserve better, and you still do.

This New Moon Solar Eclipse is a call to action to reclaim the parts of yourself you were taught to silence.

The parts that are angry. The parts that are passionate. The parts that know when something is no longer aligned. The parts that refuse to shrink for the comfort of others.

The moment you stop abandoning yourself is the moment your power begins to return.

To help you integrate the energy of this New Moon Solar Eclipse, I’ve created a guided meditation for paid subscribers focused on reclaiming your power through authentic emotional expression.

This meditation is designed to help you reconnect with the parts of yourself you may have learned to suppress - your anger, your desires, your truth, and your emotional voice. Together, we’ll create safety within the body to feel fully, release the fear of being “too much,” and reconnect with the powerful inner fire that has always been within you.

You’re entering a deeper layer of this work - moving beyond awareness and into embodiment.

In this guided meditation, we will explore the emotional patterns that taught you to shrink, silence yourself, or disconnect from your truth. You’ll be guided through a process of grounding into your body, releasing suppressed emotions, reclaiming your voice, and reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have been waiting to be expressed.

Allow this meditation to be a safe space to meet yourself fully - not just the parts that are easy to love, but the parts that are powerful, passionate, angry, grieving, and alive.