How to Find His Prostate in 10 Steps

Men make glorious noises when you’re two fingers and two knuckles deep. A core part of my sexuality is the feeling of power when I make him tremble and moan. It looks and feels like magic, but it’s not really that hard. Although he will be.

Short Anatomy Lesson

The header image of this post has exaggerated how far a finger can go in to demonstrate exactly where the prostate is. It’s a round gland that looks like two orange halves, sitting just below the bladder and wrapped around the urethra, right where the internal base of the penis begins. The walnut-sized ball produces some of the fluid in semen, and its muscles help propel semen through the urethra during ejaculation.

The prostate is connected to the same pelvic nerve network involved in penile sensation, arousal, and orgasm. So stimulating it reaches the sexual response system from a deeper angle. This is why a prostate orgasm is often described as more full-bodied or intense.

Lube

This is the most important step. The ass does not naturally lubricate. You cannot seduce him into being ready. I strongly prefer a silicone-based lube during anal play, but with the caveat that you can’t use silicone-based lube with silicone toys as it degrades the material. I don’t recommend starting with toys in any case. In order to use toys, you need to know where to aim. I find that fingers are the best place to start mapping his internal anatomy.

Lube

Yes, again. You need more than you think. Put a towel down to catch the lube, and anything else. Long nails are not your friend for this experiment.

Mental Lube

Also known as foreplay. The prostate is much easier to locate when he’s turned on, because it becomes firmer and more responsive to stimulation. So before you try to find it, spend time turning each other on. I love to tease around his hole, and I turn applying lube into a part of the foreplay, using a lubed finger to tease him.

Start Slow

Especially if he or you are new to anal play. Men who are nervous about anal exploration tend to clench their muscles which can make entering him difficult or painful. The key is to start very, very slowly. You don’t put in your whole finger at once.

Start with a latex glove or condom over your pointer finger, and lubricate both the anus and your finger well. Tease the delicate skin around the anus, and wait until you can feel him relax. Kiss, talk dirty, and do whatever else turns each other on while he gets used to the sensation of your finger on his hole.

Insert just a fingertip, and let him get used to the feeling. Enjoy the sensation of being inside of him, which is one of my favorite things.

Go Deeper

Add length slowly, and explore as you do. A lot of men are very sensitive to the ‘stretch’ sensation in the anal canal, and some don’t care for it. Think of it as charting new territory. We all know we’re headed for the prostate, but are taking the scenic route to really explore.

Go in a little more, and try moving your finger slowly down, up, and to the sides to see what he reacts to. Watch his belly to see changes in his breathing, listen to the little sounds and moans, and enjoy the slow seduction together.

The prostate starts about an inch and a half in, which for me is right around the second knuckle of my pointer finger.

Hit the Spot

I think it’s easiest to find the prostate when he is on his back with his legs open. When you’re about 1.5-2 inches (4-5 cm) deep, curl your finger towards his belly button. It’s not a matter of depth so much as it is a matter of direction.

The rectal wall is soft, smooth, and yielding. The prostate is a firm, rounded bump about the size of a walnut, and the firmness feels the same as the tip of your nose. You aren't touching the gland directly, you're pressing on the thin wall of tissue covering it, which is why the difference in firmness is so obvious once you press on it.

You should be able to tell when you’ve struck gold based on his reaction, and the change in firmness and texture.

Pee Sensation

The prostate wraps around the urethra, so pressure on the gland reads to his body as pressure on his bladder. He might feel a sudden, urgent conviction that he needs to pee. This might make him clench up, or make him want to stop just as things are getting good. If he experiences this, have him pee beforehand next time so he can be more relaxed during.

Fullness, pressure, and an unfamiliar urge to pee can be normal. Sharp pain, burning, bleeding, or persistent discomfort are not. Stop if anything hurts.

Lost?

Add a little depth, not a lot. His position, how full his bladder is, and how aroused he is all shift the angle. The prostate is toward his front, and you want the pad of your finger flat against that wall.

The prostate responds well to firm pressure, so while you should be sure you’re not going too hard, a too soft touch might not really register.

Go back to foreplay if you’re struggling to find it. A prostate that isn’t engorged is flatter and harder to distinguish from the tissue around it. Remember that you’re supposed to be having fun looking for it. I bet you can find a lot of spots and sensations he enjoys without directly stimulating the prostate, which makes it even more foreplay.

Down to Business

Now that you’ve found the prostate, what’s next? The ‘come hither’ stereotypical advice works because it’s actually very effective. Start by using the top half of your finger (not just the tip) and curling forward.

I love using small circles with the pad of my finger, and a swiping motion with your finger is also effective.

When you find the spot, stay at the spot. A prostate orgasm builds by continuing to stimulate the prostate. I like to rotate through the things he reacts to, in order to find the perfect spot, depth and rhythm. Once I find it, I stay there and help him climb. Another benefit of staying mostly put is that you’ll need to reapply less often (but don’t forget to reapply when things no longer glide smoothly).

The Real Secret Trick

There isn’t one. You’ll need trial, error, and more lube than you anticipated. But like all things in life, the beauty is in the journey and not the destination. You might not hit gold on the first try, and that’s fine! Prostate play can give you long, incredible, drawn out sessions, or even short, intense ones.

The magic is in your hands, or rather in your finger.