Sunday

Hi.

This week was a toaster fire.

I got burnt to hell internally a little (not externally because I’ve been wearing my sunscreen, carrying an umbrella like a good woman), as was foretold last week.

Remember I was supposed to go see Royel Otis?

Didn’t go.

Remember I was aggravated about anticipating the hearing on Thursday?

I did go to that, but didn’t get the receipts done in time.

Which turned out to be fine because the commissioner was nice and just pushed it out further (to July), but I punished myself for it ahead of time, and didn’t sleep much at all the night before.

If you haven’t ever been to one of those things be glad, and try to avoid them in your future.

Just trust me, they suck.

I’ve had some fucken annoying back pain lately.

First of my life like this.

I’m 38.

Vintage now, apparently.

Lower back, not too awful but quite present and uncomfortable to an intensity where I haven’t been running and don’t want to walk my 75 lb dog as often, because he’s 75 lbs and the very best, but also a literal beast big boy and the last thing I need is for him to think he needs to protect me from a shadow that is actually a plastic bag, and not the eye of sauron in the grass, and wrench my entire back into an actual state of immobility.

That’s part of why I didn’t go to Royel Otis.

I hadn’t slept and knew the drive back would be excruciating. I’d pay for if on Friday in a way I didn’t want to.

Responsible? maybe.

Lame? also maybe.

It’s giving, I’m middle aged now, where’s my AARP card?

Ugh. So rude.

I’ve got plans I needed to make and need to make for our upcoming soccer trip.

Things to do that I can’t do if I wrench my back from trying to take care of myself, and am stressing myself out in logical and illogical ways about that.

And so.

I think that’s just parenting as a single parent in this economy and traveling in these times of the world. It’s all exhausting.

I’m not really going to shame myself about that but I can also just like….simmer about it more than I have been.

I got plane tickets, reserved a rental car (thanks Costco) and prayed to our moon goddess Carroll that the things I’ve been waiting for that will smooth the journey will show up before we takeoff on the journey.

Here’s the way I talk to myself about it.

If it does come through? Great, and I’ll have stress panicked this for nothing. We can order dessert. If it doesn’t come through? Great, we’ll make it till the paycheck hits in just a few days anyway, and then we can order dessert. I’ll be alive and breathing before and after the trip regardless of dessert and so will everyone else that I know, so if the middle part is a little rough for a few hours who tf cares.

Get out of your head and into your life, Marian.

We’ll see. We’ll manage. Onwards regardless.