The “Useless” Father

I woke up this morning sharing Happy Father’s Day greetings with my friends and found a shocking article.

Belgium footballer and world-class player, Jeremy Doku, shared that he would leave the World Cup for the birth of his first child. His wife, Shireen, is due in the second week of July, coinciding with the knockout stage of the biggest sports tournament in the world. To put it in perspective: over 1.5 billion people tuned in to the 2022 World Cup Final, more than ten times the viewership of the 2026 Super Bowl.

The shocking part of the story is the media criticism. France Peirron, a reporter from L’Equipe wrote,” You’re living out a childhood dream, yet you’re going to walk away from it all to attend the birth of your child - a disgusting moment, if you’ll pardon the expression, where the dad is completely useless.”

Read the full BBC article here.

Let that settle for a moment.

Useless. At the birth of his own child.

France Peirron is wrong, and the science proves it.

Here’s what Peirron doesn’t understand: in the delivery room moment, a newborn’s nervous system is scanning for safety signals as it takes its first breath. The infant brain is wired to detect safety in the adults around them. Heart rate variability, facial expressions, vocal tone, and micro-movements of breathing are felt during the first moments of life.

When Jeremy Doku is in that room, his presence becomes his child’s first lesson in what safety feels like. His calm breathing teaches the infant’s nervous system to breathe calmly. His steady heartbeat, felt through skin-to-skin contact, trains his child’s cardiovascular system.

This is called co-regulation, and it’s one of the most powerful forces in human development. The father isn’t just witnessing birth, he’s actively shaping his child’s neurological foundation.

Jeremy Doku, 22, understands something the reporter missed: there will be other World Cups. There won’t be another moment when his child’s nervous system is forming its first impressions of the world.

The old model would have Doku prioritizing the performance, the career achievement, and the external validation. Show up for the World Cup because that’s what “real men” do. But Doku is choosing to show up for something invisible to cameras and scoreboards, fatherhood.

The deepest gift a father can give isn’t a legacy of achievement. While achievement matters, being the father who, when everything is falling apart, drops his shoulders, takes a slow breath, and says, “I’ve got you. We are safe.”

A child who can count on that will grow and carry that capacity for regulation into every relationship, crisis, and moment of their life. That’s what Jeremy Doku is choosing over a football match.

That is not useless. That’s everything.

France Peirron called Doku’s choice “disgusting.” I call it revolutionary and necessary.

For too long, we’ve measured fathers by their achievements outside the home rather than what they anchor inside it. Doku is choosing to be biologically useful rather than socially performative. He understands the most important game he’ll ever play doesn’t have cameras or scoreboards. It’s played in moments like birth, bedtime stories, and the thousand small instances where a child learns safety.

This Father’s Day, let’s move beyond a card or fancy brunch. Ask yourself: What am I teaching my children with my presence before I speak?

Jeremy Doku knows his answer.

Happy Father’s Day. 💙

If this reflection is stirring something in you, know these are learnable skills. I’m learning every day.

I’m happy to support The Institute of Emerging Minds in helping parents. They’re hosting a FREE Parents’ Masterclass on Saturday, June 27th, from 3-5pm.

“Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a regulated nervous system they can keep returning to.”

Manjit Hansra is the founder of Rx for Renewal. Through keynote speaking, 1:1 coaching, and curated retreats, I share evidence-based tools to help professionals prevent and manage burnout. Check my offerings HERE and book a complimentary call to improve your mental fitness HERE.