Leaves and Wishes

When my children were little I used to play a game with them in Autumn to make walking the dogs more fun. The rules were simple. If you catch a leaf falling from a tree, you can make a wish. The execution was more tricky. Leaves do not fall where expected, so the children and I would chase and dive all over the place trying to catch them. The children are long grown up, but when it gets to Autumn I often still play the leaves and wishes game by myself. I’m quite, or if I’m being honest, I’m very superstitious and have been known to spend considerable time looking for a second magpie (one for sorrow, two for joy) and to be reluctant to go home until I find and salute it. I will go out of my way to chase good luck so it follows that I would become pretty tenacious about trying to catch leaves. I decided I had completely lost the plot and descended into obsession however when I was so determined to catch a leaf and win a bit of better luck the other day that I hurtled into a tree banged my arm and fell over. The dogs clearly agreed that I’d lost it, looking on with cool bafflement as I picked myself up and dusted myself off. They clearly had no clue why I was running around like a headless chicken chasing leaves. After all they effortlessly collected loads of them on their backs just by going about their business as they trotted through the woods. It then occurred to me (not for the first time) that perhaps dogs know a thing or two more than me and that perhaps there was also a bigger lesson going on here.

I am the queen of efforting. I was taught that if at first you don’t succeed, try, scream, swear again and run head long into trees if necessary. I was taught that giving up is for quitters, so if something’s not working, I will tend to work twice as hard at it. If the door doesn’t open, I will try to kick it in instead of finding a different or more intelligent way to move forward. When Einstein said ‘“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” he was probably watching me trying to open the kitchen drawer with the knife stuck in it. When I calm down and reflect (this is only usually when I see someone more successfully taking a less effortful, smarter approach) I realise that often with less effort there is often more gain.

More successful people than me tend, like my dogs, to be striving less hard to reach their goals. Successful people are not necessarily the hardest workers, and they certainly aren’t swearing at tents that won’t go up in the rain. Moreover I have noticed for my self that in my own life effort is disproportionate to result. In the same way that people tend to find their ideal partner or get pregnant when they stop obsessing or give up, good things tend to happen when I relax, step into the flow and stop seeking them out.

Sometimes, when we give up trying to force a particular solution that we’ve chosen, the solution is right in front of us. We can block our success in any area with a closed mind about how it needs to happen. Our minds get clogged with stress and we literally don’t see the wood (in this case the many other possibilities) for the trees. Solutions can come about in miraculous ways that could not even begin to be imagined if we can get out of the way for a bit and let the universe take over.

It’s important to have goals, but equally important to be open to unexpected ways they can come about. There are forces greater than us at work and we are not in charge of all or even a lot of the variables. A wise friend once said to me “Trust that there is a God, Mandy, and that you’re not her” The moment you surrender to a ‘let go, let God’ attitude the universe can step in and provide a way. When you try to force success and happiness it eludes you, when you open your eyes to this moment and be truly present, you have all the resources you need to succeed.

This doesn’t mean that you should sit on the sofa and do nothing. It means you just let go trying to take charge of the parts of the puzzle that are not in your circle of control, and focus your efforts instead on the parts that you can influence. For example, if you’re buying a house, you can get crystal clear about the best outcome for you - where you want to live, what kind of house you want to live in, what kind of things are important to you. And you can take the daily steps that are within your gift to find it, keeping your eyes open for the opportunities. There will be lots of things that you can’t influence: such as the market, the environment and most importantly the actions of other people. Whether Mrs Miggins decides to back out of the deal at the last minute and convert her loft for her cat grooming business is really not in your circle of control, and getting frustrated about it, or making it your life’s quest to change her mind is really a bit of a waste of energy. We need to be more like a hunting cat. Bear with me here. She has a clear goal and knows how to best position herself to get it, but then she sits still and and waits with presence. Relaxed but ready to spring into action when the opportunity comes. You can’t know all the ways in which something beneficial can come to pass - Trust the universe and keep moving forward intelligently with alertness and flexibility , allowing yourself to be delightfully surprised at unexpected routes to a benevolent outcome. If roadblocks continue to happen, it may be that the outcome is not the most beneficial for you right now If so it’s time to choose a new path. If it’s right, however, it’ll come with time and patience.

For a few days after writing this I deliberately cultivated a highhanded “I will no longer chase leaves but let them come to me” attitude. Still efforting, different way. None came. This morning I completely forgot all about it and when I got home and took my coat off there were two leaves in my hood. Perhaps one day I will learn….