As August is a big, useless, boring, hairy perineum of a month, I think we might need an injection of high-octane capitalist junk into our veins to liven things up a bit. And who better to provide that than Temu, which is now preparing for Halloween.
Capitalism’s sole purpose these days is to delete all the seasons so that you don’t notice that the world is sliding into Climate-aggedon. They’re softening us up for 37 degrees in February, sheeple! This also creates a handy form of cognitive dissonance that makes you so confused that you’ll buy a 2D sign of a Christmas seagull in August, a pair of Love Island-themed flip flops in January, and a skeleton eating a baby in April. (Oh, and don’t forget your Easterween wreath, which can double up as a door decoration and a coffin accoutrement.)
Anyway, this week, we are glowing in the dark like a nuclear power station employee awaiting compensation from the government. So let’s flock to Temu’s mysterious light source and try not to die of radiation poisoning…
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